Gil-kun and the Diner

"What the hell is this?!"

"A diner, Galter."

"You moron! I know it's a diner! I meant why is there a diner in the middle of the woods?"

"You'll see. Let's go inside."

"Yes, let's go! I'm starving, umu!"

"If you're starving then stop running, foolish mongrel. And that's 10. You can no longer say... that word."

"Ok, Goldie. A deal is a deal. But tomorrow we start back to 0."

"Unfortunately, I did limit you to 10 times a day, so I must adhere to my promise."

"Yes indeed! A promise is a promise."

"Stop pointing out obvious things..."

"Don't you guys have an off-switch?"

"No way! I'm always in the mood for fun!"

"I could never turn off my regal presence and attitude, since it's instilled in my nature as the king of everything!"

"Yeah sure, it's not like I wanted peace and some silence anyway... stupid alternative timelines... but as much as I'm holding back my pride and ego as the greatest king to have ever lived, there is one thing I can never accept."

Salter stopped ominously right in front of the entrance to the diner.

"Do. Not. Disturb. Me. When. I'm. Eating. Is that clear?"

"Yes, of course."

"Since you've been serving me well, that's a request I can grant."

"Good, good. Just know that during my rule, there was a cemetery dedicated to all messengers who tried doing their job at the wrong time."

"O-Ok... that's not concerning at all..."

"Hmph, my Saber would never do something so cruel."

"What was that?"

"Nothing, let's dine now, it's already late."

Salter pushed the door and they went inside.

The interior, identical to the stereotypical appearance in movies of a family-owned American diner, hosted no one apart from them. It was completely empty and there were no lights.

"What's going on, Pendra-chan? I don't see anyon-"

"Hi, I'm Nancy, what can I get you?"

"AAAAAHHHH!"

"AAAAAHHH!"

"*screams in penguinese*"

The three unsuspecting travelers huddled together in collective fear as a teenage girl with two blonde ponytails, green eyes and round metal glasses appeared out of nowhere in a waitress outfit.

"S-sorry, did I scare you? Please don't leave a bad review!"

"It's a ghost, it's a ghost!"

"Calm down, you two scream queens."

"Who the hell are you, mongrel?!"

"I'm Nancy."

"Nancy who?"

"Nancy... your waitress?"

"When did you arrive here? You appeared out of nowhere!"

"Sorry, it's just something I can do. I'm terribly upset if that scared you. It's a habit I need to fix, the other I ended up scaring that lady too."

"We're here to have food, Nancy, not to chat."

"Oh, sorry, Miss. I'll take your order right now. Please have a seat!"

The three Heroic Spirits sat down in some red soft chairs that faced the counter. Mr. Pop Pea just wandered around a bit.

"H-hey Goldie."

"What is it, mongrel?"

"So are we just going to stop acknowledging the insanity of this situation?"

"We have been reincarnated against our will in a different world by the collective unconscious of mankind, giant creatures roam this land, possibly all Heroic Spirits coexist with us in this world, I have shown you the most powerful Noble Phantasm that will ever be, multiple timelines are a thing, and we are traveling with a penguin... and a diner is what surprises you?"

"Well, yeah..."

"... can't say I disagree with you, mongrel."

"Maybe we should put a limit on your usage of the word."

"Absurd, you can't limit a king's freedom!"

"It does get kind of annoying, Galter."

"I could say the same thing about you complaining, Salter."

"At least I have a good reason to complain!"

"And I have a good reason to call others mongrels, mongrel!"

"What did you just call me?"

"Yes, I called you mongrel, what are you going to do about it?"

"You bast-"

"Here I am, guys. Can I ask you two to please remove your armour in here?"

"Hmph, ok, Nancy." Salter said, calming down suddenly and making her armour disappear, leaving her in an all-black casual dress that gave her a very goth appearance.

Gilgamesh did the same, revealing a golden suit with a tie of the same colour accompanied by a white shirt and black trousers.

"Is everything about you gold?"

"A king must always show his brightness to his followers, emperor."

"Of course, but this looks almost like you're trying to compensate for something that you're missing."

"What?"

"Charisma! Charisma is the greatest tool to guide people with!"

"I literally have Charisma as a personal skill."

"Oh, really? Then I guess it's just your preference."

"You think I would wear this out of sheer preference? Well, if you do think that, then you're absolutely correct!"

"There's really no fixing you, Goldie."

"No need to fix what's already perfect."

"Exactly my point..."

"Thanks for waiting, guys! Here is the hamburger with fries for the miss in black, the hot dog with all sauces for the other lady, and... mister in the golden suit?"

"What's the problem, mongrel?"

"I apologise for the inconvenience, but of the 30 items you wrote down, we don't have anything."

"Are you serious, mongrel?"

"Unfortunately. That's why I suggested you look at our menu for your order."

"What a pain... ... what's this conglomeration of unappetising dishes?"

"You couldn't find anything of your liking?"

"I couldn't find anything worthy of a dog's dinner."

"That's unfortunate, but if I may, our mac and cheese is truly spectacular, the best in the whole, count-"

"Enough! Since you failed to provide something worthy, I shall use my vault to have something more suitable."

And in a flash, he placed on the counter a bowl that contained some kind of yellow creamy substance with pieces on something inside.

"Sir, I'm afraid you can't eat what you haven't purchased here, so if you could kindly remove this bowl, I would appr-"

"How dare you order me around, mongrel? You think you're above your king?"

"N-no, no, it's just that... the manager will get angry at me and I don't want to get scolded..."

"Are you saying you fear more the wrath of your manager than the wrath of your king, mongrel?"

But before Gilgamesh's shenanigans could go any further, he suddenly got hit hard in the head.

It was Salter, who looked furiously at him.

"I told you to not interrupt me while I'm eating! Now order something and be quiet!"

"Damn you, you gluttonous King of Knights... j-just bring that stuff you were talking about before, mongrel."

"The mac and cheese?"

"Yes, yes, whatever."

"Of course, sir, it shall be done! I'll be right back."

"Finally, some peace." Salter concluded as she sat down again. "And now it's just you and me my beloved burger..." She said as she was visibly salivating while looking at the hamburger with a desire that almost bordered lust.

"Great so she's not normal either." Nero thought in her head as she tried her food.

She looked perplexed for a moment, but then she let out a cry of happiness and appreciation.

"Wow, this is so delicious, umu!... hummus! Yeah, the hummus really complements the meat in an unexpected but tasty way!"

"What the hell are you saying? That's not hummus. That's ketchup, mayonnaise and mustard." Salter pointed out as she was stuffing her face with a big bite of burger, sauce drooling down her mouth, cheeks puffed and pickle hanging out. Not a very kingly sight.

"Really? I could have sworn it was hummus. That's good to know, umu... hummus! Humus! Did I already tell you how much I love hummus!"

"I might need to try hummus in a burger someday..."

"Right? Hummus is so good!"

Gilgamesh watched that little comedy act unfold without saying anything. Although he would never admit it, he was feeling tired. It had been a long day, and he couldn't accomplish any of his goals, instead, he now had more things to worry about than before. Worry about... why would he worry about anything? And what was he worried about? Those two? Their safety?

"Ridiculous." He ended that thought right then and there. 

"Ehm, Sir..."

"Huh?"

"Your mac and cheese."

"Thank you... I admit that... perhaps... I was a bit too harsh with you, little girl... it's only natural for a child to follow the orders of adults."

"Oh, don't worry about it, sir."

"But... why are you lying?"

"Huh?"

"There's no one here apart from you. I can tell that with my eyes. And I can also tell that you are yourself a Heroic Spirit. So what is happening?"

"What? You're a Servant too, Nancy?"

"I guess it makes sense, since there doesn't seem to be any intelligent life apart from us incarnated Heroic Spirits."

Nancy assumed a pensive, sad expression as she gently leaned forward and rested her elbows on the counter, her hands holding up her head.

"I am a Servant, but I wouldn't call myself a hero, more like an urban legend. Compared to the current time we are inhabiting, I'm from the future. I was a girl who loved old-fashioned things, even though I was born in an age of great technological advancement. I worked at a local diner, it barely stayed afloat, having to compete with high-tech restaurants and chains. But I loved that place and its atmosphere.

Then, one day, I died while working at the diner. I had a stroke or something. Anyway, that was supposed to be the end of my pretty unremarkable life. However, people talk and time alters and warps everything. So eventually, when all diners and old-school food places went extinct, there started rumours of a ghost wandering around those abandoned places. They picked up my story since it made thematical sense, I suppose.

Truthfully, I have no memories of being a ghost, so I don't know if such rumours were true or if it was all a legend. However, the collective perception that everyone had of me had the power, as all perceptions aided by time have, to change the truth, to influence reality. That's when I was, in a way, brought back to life as a 'Heroic' Spirit. 

At that moment, I felt nothing, nothing at all. I had no idea of what or how to feel, I didn't even know if I was myself anymore. I had no memories of being a ghost. But what I had was a single crushing feeling that oppressed my entire being: loneliness. I felt so alone, I felt like everything was gone. The smiling people, the owners, the other waiters. Everyone was gone. I was all alone. I had no one. All that I had left... was this. The place I loved so much when I was alive. The diner."

"I see, so this diner is your Noble Phantasm?"

"Correct, this is 'Restaurant at the End of the Universe'. Right now, we are in my territory. Here I can move and disappear freely and I can manipulate the objects inside. This is the only way I know to keep going forward, in the hope that some customer will appear, and I won't be alone again... oh, I'm so sorry, you arrived here for a fun night and I just started lamenting my fate! I'm really glad you came here... it made me really happy. Don't worry about the price, this dinner is on the house, hehe. The tip too."

"Nancy... come here." Nero said as she jumped over the counter and hugged the girl.

"M-Miss? What are you doing?"

"I'm so sorry I had to go through all that. You seem like a sweet girl. You don't deserve to be alone."

"M-Miss, I appreciate your words, but... please... take a... seat..." Nancy tried to say, but she hugged Nero back and couldn't stop tears from flowing down her face.

Gilgamesh stood up.

"Little girl, your loyalty to your cause is something even I can commend. I can offer you to join us if that will ease your solitude." He said. 

"Also, having a cook isn't so bad, and she seems the type who won't complain about chores, unlike these two..." He thought.

"Really? Would you really do this for me?"

"I don't bestow such an honour so frequently, but you wouldn't be the worst person I have traveled with today."

"That's my line." Salter said, standing up.

"But I agree, if I'm going to travel around this place, I need someone with common sense."

"And who can make delicious burgers." She thought.

"I don't know what to say... it would be my honour to join you." Nancy responded, wiping away her tears. 

"That's great. Let's go then, Nancy!" Nero said with a big smile. 

The four of them exited the diner which disappeared before them.

"Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart."

"Don't mention it, Nancy. By the way, I'm Nero."

"It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Miss Nero."

"You don't need to know my name, little girl, you can just call me Your Majesty."

"O-of course, sir. I mean Your Majesty!"

"Well, since I'm also a king, I wouldn't mind being referred to as Your Highness."

"It shall be done, Your Highness!"

"They are both such tyrants..."

"Miss Nero..."

"Yeah?"

"If I may, why are you traveling with a penguin?"

"Oh, that's Mr. Pop Pea."

"Oh, ok."