Chapter 1

Past tense:

I don't know how I got up here on this roof.

Well... I guess that's false, maybe? I know why I'm up here; I just don't remember getting up here. I guess my feet continued to carry me even when my mind was checked out.

There was a time in my life when everything just clicked together. A locked lock, nor a perfectly pieced puzzle could describe it. I was truly happy, and everything was lining up perfectly, even the stars. One thing I didn't take into account is that this isn't some well-plotted movie or fairytale. It's real life, and real-life has a way of coming in and teaching you that not everything goes as planned.

Reality is the biggest bitch slap in the world.

You know when you're just cruising through life, and all of the sudden reality sets in and you start panicking because one day you'll cease to exist, and everything around you is real? There is no pause, rewind, or fast forward button, only the present and a poorly humanmade construct called "time."

I used to be so happy and full, but now I honestly don't know who I am or why I'm still here. She was supposed to be here too.

I felt the first of many tears start to make its way down my cheek as I chugged down the rest of the bottle of some cheap disgusting liquor.

"You're supposed to be here," I said, choking back my sobs. Taking another bottle to my mouth.

The burn was the only thing I could feel besides this unbearable suffocating pain that started in my chest and ravaged throughout my whole body.

"Maddie… Why did you leave me?" I whispered to myself as I took another drink.

Maddie was supposed to be here with me. She was supposed to be going to college with me, supposed to be adventuring around the world with me, and was supposed to be taking every opportunity in her clutches with the brave bravado she possessed and put off.

Her signature smirk could melt anyone, and the way her hazel eyes lit up with passion could captivate the room. All these wonderful memories I have of her are now tarnished. All I see now is Maddie, my best friend, the love of my life. All I see now is my Maddie lifeless, covered in blood right beside me. I still remember coming to, looking over at her, and the faint echoes of my screams and sobs till everything went black.

We were finally going to tell our parents at our graduation party that we've been more than best friends for a while.

Then the summer, we had already mapped out our European backpacking trip, then we were off to the same college, Princeton, where we already put down the deposit and first month's rent on our apartment.

But she's not here anymore, we aren't currently backpacking through Europe, and I'm standing up here on this ledge of some random house that is filled with drunken teens, drinking for the first time in my life, waiting to end it all. I just want to make it look like an accident, so my family doesn't feel as devastated.

This is it; I tell myself as I finish off the other bottle.

"I'll see you soon, Maddie." I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and began to let my weight fall forward.