New Divides

After that awkward moment, I shut my mouth and stared into the afternoon waters. Shia was falling asleep, and he was already dry. I sat there, thinking about what had just happened. Shia was absolutely right. I had to be careful. Wes seemed as unstable as a nuclear bomb in the Soviet Union. If anything were to happen between us—not saying it would—things could go bad for all of us, and who knows what would happen. I did know one thing: Wes was hiding something. That much about him was clear. Something was bothering him, and it wasn't about my taste in guys.

Who was I going to be loyal to? Well, the answer was clear. Shia had my trust. He had proven that he cared about me. He had so many chances to go home. However, he wasted them all just to save my ass. I felt bad that I was the bane of his life. That I was the continual one holding him back from who knows what he had waiting for him back at home. Home...how I missed it. Before, I had wanted to get out of the house and couldn't wait until I was eighteen. Maybe I should have lived a little more.

What am I going to do with these two strangers? Would I fake things with Wes to save face, or should I show my true feelings? He'll laugh at you! A little voice said inside my head. That would probably be true. I mean, how many people throw their selves at him when he's in public? I'd just be another one.

You're also the only girl for miles around, so if Wes is that immoral, you'd better watch out, the voice said within. That thought scared me and thrilled me. Wes or Shia? Shia or Wes? No, that shouldn't be the real question. The real question was whether I'd die or live. How much was Shia prepared to take before things got too much for him and he failed to save me just that one time? Just that one time, my voice echoed.

I shook all those thoughts outside my mind and decided to find something to drink. I was dehydrated since I had had nothing to drink, even during breakfast. I got up quietly, not wanting to wake Shia. I doubted that I should wake him because what was going to attack us all the way out here? A German U-boat? The shark from Jaws? I smiled at the thought and crept to the staircase, and descended.

I could hear Wes's slowed breathing when I got into the cabin. The table had been made into a bed again, and Wes was lying on his back, only wearing his jeans. I forced myself to look away. It took several commands to all body parts to make them get to the fridge before I finally did. I shakily pulled open the door and saw, to my delight, several soda bottles and a gallon of orange juice. I reached for a soda and shut the fridge. When I turned around, I noticed Wes's close enough to touch even.

Wes or Shia? The voice crooned inside my head. I tried to ignore it, but it kept getting stronger and stronger. My conscience was mocking me. Laughing and trying to get me to act out of deep ... whatever it was that had me stepping forward to be beside him. His face was turned away from me, and his arms were by his sides. I studied his sleeping body feeling successful and creeped out all the same. Why was I doing this?

Don't listen to Shia. Let Wes take you where you want to be. Wake him! I heard my conscience say again. I thought your conscience was supposed to be the good side of a person. Wasn't that ironic?

I struggled with my inner self for a moment before deciding to back up. I opened the soda and winced at the sound it made as the seal popped off. I took a shaky drink and remained to stare. I turned my attention elsewhere and saw a watch lying on what I assumed to be Wes's shirt. I went to it and picked it up. It was working and had a small box displaying the date. The DATE! I squinted in the dim light and saw the number 14 on it. My heart skipped a beat; my birthday had been on the 9th. I had been with Shia for at least a week now. I was now nineteen.

I took another soda drink and put down the watch instead of replying to the voice. Show Shia that you are independent and you don't need him! Just wake Wes up. He'll take care of the rest. "That's what I'm afraid of," I whispered aloud. Besides, what was the "rest"? I hoped it wasn't what I thought it was. It didn't matter that it wasn't illegal to do what I wanted. It wasn't even the fact that I had no clue, at that moment, what I wanted. Wait, what did I want? No, it had to do with Shia. I was one of those people who felt guilty for everything. I was also afraid...

Don't be. Wes will take care of you. You know that. He'll do better than Shia will. What will happen once Shia forgets you? What will happen when he gets tired of playing the Director's games? What will happen when he wants to go home? Was I going psycho? I've heard only psychotic people talk to themselves. Was it when you answered back? Suddenly, a spark of brilliance hit me. I put the soda down on the counter, went to the cupboards, and began to open them.

To find out the truth, I'd have to dig. I found Shia's cupboard. I knew because his switchblade was in there. How did that get there? It must have been when I had fallen asleep. I opened the next set of cupboards and rifled through the clothes there. I was disappointed to find nothing there. What in the hell are you looking for, Jen? Wes is in the bed; you're looking for him! I ignored the voice again and shut the cupboard doors in defeat. I turned around and jumped when I saw Wes looking at me, and his head resting on his elbow. Oh, Shit, I'd been caught.