Chapter 1: Average guy

"I'm the strongest, dattebayo, you fuckers", screamed Naruto. Currently he was standing in the middle of a field with three other guys. More specifically he was standing, while the three other guys were sprawled on the floor unconscious.

This was now his fifth fight this week.

"Why do these fuckers think they could just make fun of my name and get away with it", he thought staring at the unconscious people.

Our main character was named Naruto Uzumaki Shinto. Yes that is his real name, I'm not kidding you can go look at up in the government records.

Now you may be wondering, 'were his parents high?', 'were they weebs?'. Don't worry children all will be answered soon enough.

<Flashback to Naruto's birth>

"What should we name our son" asked mama Shinto, who was now on the hospital bed. She had just given birth to a young Naruto, currently in need of a name.

"How about Naruto Uzumaki" asked papa Shinto. He was an avid fan of anime and games, a trait that would be passed down to our young protagonist. However in a lapse of judgement, he believed that naming his child after an anime character was super cool and badass.

"Who's that?" questioned mama Shinto. Wrong question mama, you should have asked "Can we get a divorce?". Unfortunately, for a young Naruto mama Shinto was what you would call 'uncultured'.

"Naruto Uzumaki was the name of my grandfather who passed away when I was just a boy. He risked his life to save my own" replied papa Shinto, shedding tears at the fake memories. Somehow this made mama Shinto also shed tears.

"Alright doctor, we would like to name our boy Naruto Uzumaki Shinto" said mama Shinto to the doctor.

The doctor and nurses in the room were staring at the two parents, but all they got in return were smiles.

'Ar-are you sure about that?" questioned the doctor. He was currently whether he should admit these two in a psych ward.

"Of course. It was the name of great grandfather." replied his mama, still smiling.

"Alright, we'll get it done" said the doctor still staring at them. With that brief exchange, Naruto Uzumaki Shinto was born.

Thankfully, mama Shinto figured out her husband's tricks, but alas it was too late. Fortunately, Naruto siblings would be born with more normal names.

<End of flashback>

Currently, Naruto was walking to his home from school. He was what you would call average. He just wanted to live an average life, you know get a decent job, a decent wife, some decent kids, then a decent retirement with his decent wife. Perfectly average, as all things should be.

His face was average. He wasn't handsome, but he also wasn't ugly. His grades were also average, in fact if you were to look at the class averages he would be smackdab in the middle.

He could have easily accomplished his dream, if it wasn't for his name. Whenever he introduced himself, it would be followed with snickers and taunts from others. In fact, he was even bullied for some time because of the name. However, becoming a victim of bullying was not average, so to ensure that he still remained average he started to study martial arts. Muay Thai, taekwondo, karate, jiu-jitsu. Everything that he could find he would learn, and eventually he gained the nickname 'Naruto the Demon Fox'.

"Legend has it that if you make fun of his name, he'll use all nine tails to break every single bone in your body" retold one student to another, and soon enough Naruto became a literal 'Nine-tailed Demon', known throughout all of Japan.

Eventually, because of these legends Naruto strayed away from his average lifestyle. He still wished for this lifestyle, but alas he also developed another dream deep down in his core. A dream to become a god, to become the most powerful man in the world- no in the Universe. Of course, he was embarrassed by this dream so he kept it to himself.

Anyway back to the present, young Naruto was now returning home after his fight with the kids, when suddenly he heard a scream. Immediately he looked over in order to check out what was happened.

After checking in the alleyway, he noticed a man in a ski-mask holding a knife to a woman.

"Give me your money!" He heard the man say to the woman.

"Holy crap! Is this one of those cliché robberies in a dark alleyway" thought Naruto. "Right now the protagonist should arrive and save the girl with his kickass powers".

Naruto never understood why the girl did not just give the robber the money then run away. They always waited for someone to come, and wouldn't you know it someone would always come.

He waited for a minute however no one arrived and the woman was still there.

"Should I help her?" he thought. "Nah. Fuck that. She should learn to bring a taser or defend herself."

Naruto was no hero, he just beat up people who made fun of his name. The robber did not, so he has no beef with him it was as simple as that, "Don't make fun of his name, and the nine-tailed fox won't come after you" the kids used to day. With those thoughts Naruto walked away.

He entered the nearest convenience store and bought with him the latest 'Shonen Jump' as well as some porn magazines. When the cashier asked for ID, Naruto handed him a fake ID. It was a gift from a senpai, after Naruto singlehandedly beat up the entire rival school after they made fun of his name.

Naruto walked out of the convenience store with his treasures in hand, when suddenly the world faded to black.

"What the fuck is this" thought Naruto.

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Hello there fellow readers,

This is just a something that I wanted to do for fun. Its nothing too deep, just an light hearted story that I felt the need to write. Don't be expecting top tier writing quality or anything meaningful.