Their distance

"Ray, can we talk?" Althea sent after an hour past of her trying to study futilely.

"When?" Ray's answer made it clear to Althea that he must be studying.

"When are you able to? I wish to talk through video." Althea asked. She might not have lots of quotas to freely have a video call every day, but this time she really needed his presence.

"I can talk by text now. But if you want to have a video call then wait for an hour again."

Althea rested her forehead on her study desk after reading it. She wanna talk... but not by text. What she was feeling was far more complicated than what she could express through text. Also, as she never really talked about her problems openly, she didn't know where should she start.

"I think I'll wait. Can you make it faster for me, please?"

"I'll try, dear."

Althea fought back the need to burst the feelings she couldn't identify which was mixed up in her heart. She had enough problems today and she didn't wanna have another one with Ray.

Not a problem where Ray might say she's a bad lover.

"I'll wait, dear." Althea said.

She flipped open her book, trying to solve questions which she thought must've taken her an hour but turned out only a few minutes have passed.

Althea breathed heavily, a feeling she was familiar with since her childhood. From time to time, whenever she's at home, it felt as if there's a strange substance that suffocated her.

Her house is always filled with people, yet it felt so desolate. Her father would leave to the market before she's awake, at home when she's at school, and somehow he is sleeping more often than not afterward.

Her mother is at home or the shop which is practically the same as her house, only separated by a wall, but her mother's presence suffocates her more.

Haru is still too small for her to share her worries or burdens, and he's asleep soon after the shop is closed. Making Althea only interact with him at night before he's asleep or on the weekend.

Her current family is still much better than during her childhood, however.

In the past, her parents would fight so much that Althea wouldn't be able to sleep. Her mother would complain about how her father as the supposed head of the family couldn't do his duties well and was sickly, and how her father wouldn't listen nor try to change and felt like he's always the victim.

The fight would end with her mother throwing everything around her, throwing tantrums and how she wanna leave her home so much if not for Althea. And his father would end up saying he wished to die too. That he's too tired of living being blamed for everything.

Althea shook her head from the bad memories. Maybe one way or another, her parent's quarrels and the fear of losing them as well as the guilt of making her mother stay because of her was what caused her to always overthink and turned it into nightmares.

Althea flipped her phone and saw the clock. Only thirty minutes have passed. But the suffocating feeling in her chest was getting too much to handle.

"Ray, can we talk now?" Althea pressed.

"What's it, dear? Is it urgent?" Ray answered, which was supposed to be a normal answer if Althea was under normal condition, but this time the answer poked softly yet painfully in Althea.

'So if it's not urgent, you wouldn't even talk to me?' Althea thought.

Considering her parents, it's certain that Althea has her own idealism of a couple. And that is to talk daily, to share whatever the two were feeling that day, to avoid bottling up her feelings like her parents did until they erupt in a heated argument.

"I don't know if it's urgent or not," Althea answered as she was also confused by the urgency of the matter, "But I need you." she added.

Soon after a call came from Ray. Althea gave a smile to him and he gave one back before focusing on his book again, which greatly dissappointed Althea.

'You're not even trying to start a talk?'

Watching him, Althea suddenly felt the pain increased by twofold or so. Perhaps her mind was compelling herself to tell the problem soon, but her heart was overwhelmed with negativity.

'How should I say this?' Althea found her mouth kept shut. She had been planning on what she wanted to tell but the moment she saw Ray, it became overwhelming.

'Please say something, Ray.' Althea opened her mouth but no words come out. She looked at the man who didn't even lift his head after smiling to her that once her heart ached.

Althea pushed down her disappointment and asked, "How are you, Ray?"

"Just as always, dear." Ray answered without glancing up.

"I see." the man still didn't look up.

"How's your study going, Ray?"

"I don't know yet, dear. Need to test it to know."

The conversation became a one-sided Q&A session like usual until Ray couldn't take it anymore, "Is that what you're here for?" He cracked his neck and stretch his fingers.

"No."

"Then say it soon, don't waste time." Ray frowned, annoyance thick in his voice.

Althea felt like being choked, "Waste time?" she asked unbelievably.

"How much time in a day do you think we spend together, Ray?" Althea's voice turned hoarse but she tried to keep her volume low to prevent herself from being heard by her family.

"We just saw each other for a few minutes now and you said we're wasting time??" Althea crumpled her fist, the fire long-buried in her started to burn, in a bad way.

"Sigh... Dear, it's just that my time is really limited and I can't help it." Ray swiped his hair back and let out a sigh that sounded so tired, so frustrated and yet helpless.

"But I'm your girlfriend." unconsciously, tears started to rain down her cheeks, "I don't think I'm asking too much for a girlfriend, Ray." she sobbed quietly, "And we're in a long-distance relationship. You must realize that we need to communicate better than-- than this!" Althea swished her hand to whatever it was between them.

Ray seemed concerned of Althea yet the frustration is still clear in his face, "I know, dear. You deserve all of that, trust me. It's just that I don't really have an option right now."

"You don't really have an option? So am I not one of your options, Ray?" Althea bit back, her voice sounded more taunting than what she intended it to be.

"Don't you ever say that." Ray hissed, "I did it for us, dear."

Perhaps noticing the painful surprise reflected in Althea's eyes, Ray calmed himself and soften his tone, "Dear, I truly care for you. You know that. I am dying to see you too but I don't want you to always be an image only reflected in my screen." He coaxed, "I'm serious about our relationship and I wanna make it work, Thea." Ray made a caressing gesture to his camera and let Althea cried out more.

"Really?" Althea asked.

"Yes, really." Ray waited patiently until the girl calmed down a little and asked softly, "So what do you wish to talk about?"

Remembering her problem, silent tears fell once again. She then told Ray about her childhood, her parents, and what happened between her and her mother today.

"You shouldn't be shackled by your mother, love." Ray consoled, "You've been doing great as a daughter, trust me."

"Have I?" Althea wiped her tears and took a tissue to blow her nose.

"Yes, you are." Ray added, "Stop crying, dear. Your tears are more precious than my blood." He said in all seriousness.

"That's not good." Althea pouted her lips, "Obviously your blood is more important."

"It's not, at least for me." Ray continued before Althea could protest, "Time will get harder, dear. Let's be strong."