[Ray] Insomnia

The first time he met this girl who would randomly chat with him, his reaction was as normal as he could be. Just answering what was needed from the person.

Yet day after day, he found this girl to be quite... unique. She has the naive-ness like most of the people his age that he knows have, which was kind of annoying in a way, but he felt like there was more beneath it. A struggle with herself to keep being positive, her care towards others more than herself, her dilemmas, and yet a burning rage and rebelliousness she didn't show anyone.

She barely even shown him, but he could see. In her honest opinion about the world which is unexpectedly more open than her conservative origin, from the way she handled her instability, and her idealism which she didn't even realize she had.

Oh, how he hated himself for knowing too much.

He didn't even know when the desire to protect this strong yet fragile girl took root in his heart, but he sure as hell had a hard time figuring out the foreign feeling he had towards her.

He remembered the time he went unconscious for so long after that due to exhaustion and mental instability but thankfully managed to figure out his feeling before it drove him *totally* crazy.

"Will you tell me about your childhood?"

Ray glanced at his phone to see Althea asking about this... again. He didn't know how many times had she asked about it to which he said he didn't wanna tell.

"Dear," Ray ran his fingers through his dark hair, sighing, "Do you have to be so persistent about it?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to."

'And there she goes feeling bad again.' Ray let go of the pen and books all over the study desk and leaned on his chair.

His girl sure is persistent for someone who easily feels bad towards the others, though.

Just from seeing her message, Ray could imagine the locked brows and guilty eyes Althea would always make whenever she felt guilty of overstepping her boundaries.

Not that she ever learns from it.

Ray wanted to believe that this is a trait only exclusive for him. Since she finally felt like she *has* someone. And one she could share anything about at that.

Which in turn she expects to do the same.

"What do you want to know?" thinking to that point, Ray stepped out of his comfort zone.

"Will you really tell me? I'm not forcing you or anything?" Althea asked.

'Well, sure you do.'

"Ask away."

'But not like I can bear to disappoint you either,' Ray shook his right leg under the table, starting to feel impatient.

"Why did you have insomnia?"

'Oh, of course.' The unanswered question Althea gave him a couple of days ago.

'Of course she's still curious about it.' Ray cursed under his breath.

"It's nothing much," Ray started.

"I was just left to live alone in another home when I was seven," Ray remembered his first day stepping out of his own home with his parent's disciplined eyes.

At that time, his father said, "You have to learn how to be independent by yourself" and his mother added, "You need to be a proper and strong man, Ray."

He wished to see even a trace of sadness from his parents, but he only saw the determined face of theirs as they gave him to a man he barely knew. His little sister who was only four looked at him and his parents confusedly, not knowing what was going on as she peeked through the front door.

"We will send money every month and pay for your necessities. So just study properly." His father added, handing him an envelope he guessed was filled with money, and another envelope to the man who will bring him away. Later on, Ray learned that this man would be his teacher or some sort.

Ray wanted to say he just wanted to stay. That he could learn just as well even if he's home, and that he would miss his little sister so much.

But when he knew it would get messy if he did say so, he refrained from expressing anything. He had been having this weird intuition of how people would react to something, especially bad reactions.

He hated himself for knowing too much.

"There was no electricity in that place after a certain hour," Ray typed his message to Althea again after remembering to that point, "But I couldn't really cope up with the sudden change so I had a hard time sleeping until that certain hour."

"And after that, the darkness scared me so I couldn't sleep even more. So it just kinda turn into insomnia after some time." Ray sent the text as he looked around his house which his father had rented for him to live in.

Good thing he had left that damned place from his childhood.

"I see." was all that Althea said.

"Yep." Ray replied, not really caring about it.

"Are you okay with darkness now?"

'Oh, right.' Ray had a sudden urge to hold this girl who shared the same fear towards darkness as the past him, and said, "I can't live without it now."

He did become strong just as his parents wished him to be. But he lost the little bit of emotion he could've had if he didn't go through this in the past. Not like he cares now, though.

Bzzt, bzzt

A call from Althea showed up on his screen which he soon picked up.

"Thea?" Ray called out softly as he saw the girl's concerned expression. He believed he didn't even tell that much yet this girl looked like she was on the verge of crying.

"You're strong, dear." Althea said as she made a motion of caressing him, her long black hair and teddybear patterned pajama giving her a soft and small image.

"I'm sorry I can't do much to make you feel better, but I do believe you deserve all of the good things in the world." Althea had a smile that Ray couldn't pinpoint what might it express, but he could feel his heart filled with warmth and soon he closed his eyes, imagining the girl caressing his head with eyes full of love he couldn't get from anyone.

"Thanks, dear."