Part 2- Chapter 1: Breathe Again

"Wake up, Shepard!"

As she fell through the haze of darkness and brain fog, she saw flashes of dark space, burning light, and bright blue eyes. When her eyes started to flutter open to a blindingly white lab ceiling and the loud voice sharpened until she could identify it as a woman's. Memories were starting to come back to her, and she was only more confused realizing that the last thing she knew, her lungs were popping and she was dying. On instinct, she clutched her chest, but her lungs were functioning just fine, sucking in normal air.

And based on the heart thudding in her chest, dying wasn't the case anymore.

She didn't really have the time to think about that for long, though. Between the overcom instructions and muscle memory, she basically ran like a bot on command. Anya understood she was in a Cerberus facility, and she got that yes, she did die, but they brought her back, and that this Jacob guy was way too friendly. But past that? She just shot shit and hoped it worked out. Lucky for her, some of her muscles felt even nicer than she remembered.

By the end of it, she was helping out the uncomfortably attractive Miranda person and too-friendly Jacob survive their own base. The weird part, though, was having other people all up in arms about protecting her. Because from what she could gather, the organization pumped billions of credits into her.

If she was ever asked how much weight on her back might finally break her, billions might do it.

Anya still couldn't quite wrap her head around it. Culture and firefights were her wheelhouse. Economics were not. All the numbers and metrics Miranda kept throwing just gave her dark flashbacks to when her mother abandoned her in Alliance accounting to "learn a thing or two" and she just ended up hiding in a closet.

Mostly unrelated, that's how she met her first crush, Ryel. He was also hiding from "learning a thing or two".

Honestly, Anya wasn't even sure her brain knew how to process linear time until they were back at another Cerberus base. Jacob had asked her some questions about her record and memory, but she did that on autopilot.

Hopefully she answered everything right.

When she finally felt like she could count her fingers in a row without getting distracted, she was already being thrown in front of the infamous Illusive Man.

He blabbered on about his investments and creations and all his plans for her, like any manipulative movie villain. Shepard was quick to cut him off. "What stops me from taking the resources you give me and heading straight back to the Alliance?"

Looking a little shocked, he laughed. "I can't help but admire your bluntless, however ill-advised." His fingers twined into each other as he sat on his asshole chair. Anya wished she could kick the hologram over, but she knew what that kind of look meant: a planned answer. "Let's put it this way, Shepard: you're basically walking around with a Cerberus receipt on your back. Go back to the Alliance, too up in their own asses getting defensive instead of offensive, and you'll be grounded until they decide you're not a spy. I'll give you much more flexibility, as long as you take my concessions."

"And what are those?"

"Use my ships, my people, my contacts. Hunt down the Collectors. Pull together dossiers that I suggest and you like. Do whatever you want, just make sure to send reports back to me."

"So I don't have to follow your dumbass orders?"

"Unfortunately, you seem most effective on your own." It was at least a little satisfying that he seemed genuinely annoyed by that fact. Guy might be an asshole, but a pragmatic one. "As much as your ideology and attitude pain me, Shepard, you are the best shot humanity has. Backing you is the only option."

"Understood." Shepard paused, not sure if she wanted to bring up the people that mattered most to her in front of him. But when it came to saving lives, she needed to factor them into the equation. "Any of these dossiers for my old teammates? People I trust?"

"Wrex and Tali are tied up with their people. Kaidan is an Alliance boy, through and through. T'soni is deliberately elusive, and Vakarian has gone dark. But I do have one surprise for you."

Anya's heart had already stopped dead at the thought of Garrus being MIA, but there had to be more to it. He had to be alright. Cerberus was a shady organization with a wealth of information. "Gone dark" couldn't be it. Maybe they had a few clues and, if they passed them along, she could find him. After all this, she couldn't come back to a galaxy without those bright blue eyes in it. Her favorite, dumb Turian had to be somewhere and she had to be able to find out where. She opened her mouth and said, "Wait--"

But the Illusive Man gave her a wave and the most irritating smirk she'd ever seen in her life. "We'll talk again soon enough, Shepard." And then he disappeared, leaving the room an empty, black square.

She was ready to shoot his dumb face for cutting her off. While Anya knew that really wasn't an option, she at least kicked her foot at the ground like she kicked his stupid chair out from under him. It was marginally satisfying.

But most of all, she was mad because regardless if Garrus was missing, he was fucking right about the Alliance. She needed to get shit done, not get stuck in bureaucracy. Bastard had her under his thumb. For now.

All her violent thoughts went silent, though, when she walked out to see someone she'd never expect in a Cerberus uniform.

Chronic lean and annoying smile in tow, Joker said, "about time you dragged your ass out of the grave."

Anya didn't mean to, but she pulled him into her arms and hugged him, tight. It was the first time anything in this new reality of hers felt real. He groaned under her grip. Anya released his shoulders, hoping she didn't break anything. After everything, seeing him... It was so refreshing she had to hold on tight. She said, "Sorry! Sorry. How are you...?"

"Cerberus said they were rebuilding you and my baby. And Alliance didn't feel right without you. How the hell could I say no?"

Overall she still wasn't sure how she felt about Joker in a Cerberus uniform, but it didn't matter. Everything about this moment was overwhelming, and after hours of dazed autopilot, it all hit her. She lost two years, lost time with the people she loved, and now she was back and at least Joker was still here. Anya didn't mean to, but her eyes welled up with tears. "It's so good to see you."

"Hell, Shep. Don't think I've ever seen you cry." What he said was a joke, but Joker put a hand on her shoulder.

Regaining composure, on instinct Shepard shrugged his handoff. But the second she did, she grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. It felt so wrong to push him away, knowing she'd lost him. And if it wasn't for Cerberus, it would've been forever. "This rebooted body comes with a lot of surprises." In her head, she kept replaying every second here with him, trying to notice any possible differences in his face, voice, demeanor. She couldn't help but notice he seemed a little seriouser, even if his humor didn't show it. But then something he said came back to her, and she raised an eyebrow. "Wait, what did you say about your baby?"

He smirked. "Come with me."

Anya followed him down a few halls until they were in front of a huge docking window. She didn't mean to stop breathing, but right in front of her--

"The Normandy. Good as new, eh? With some new Cerberus features. Chairs are nicer, but the crew still isn't mine yet. Having my family there will make it better." Joker leaned on the railing and looked right at her. "Leaving the Alliance wasn't easy, but if it meant having you and my ship? There wasn't any other option." Grumbling, he also added, "Anyway, they grounded me for way too long after the funeral."

His jokes slid right past her consciousness. Instead, Anya was just staring at the ship that changed her life; the one she called home. It was different, but it was hers. That wasn't some easy thing to swallow. Hell, none of this was easy to swallow. "Oh my god. I still can't believe you're Cerberus. What did my mother say about you doing this?"

"You think I have a death wish? No, I delayed that suffering. As far as Oksana knows, I went on a trip and fell off the grid. If I'm lucky, she'll just think I went on a bender."

"Christ. Mama bear's going to kill you."

Joker scoffed and bumped Shepard's shoulder. With so much new tissue in her body, it almost felt alien. But the memories? They made sure Anya knew that she just got some of her family back. He countered, "Me? Talk about yourself, zombie commander."

"Maybe we seek forgiveness once this blows over, not ask permission."

"Sounds good enough to me."

Trying to stay casual, Anya kept all her stunned staring to a minimum. But she did admit to him how important seeing him was, in her own way. She wasn't the best with saying what she should. She just hoped it was enough. "I'm happy to see a familiar face. None of this felt... Real."

"I know, right?" Joker rolled his shoulders, and she wondered who'd been bandaging his shoulders or keeping an eye out for him the past two years. He didn't need it, per se, but it was a part of who she was with him. It made her chest ache, knowing how his routines changed because she got herself killed. Who did he go to when he got drunk? Or was he just alone now?

Joker himself interrupted her thoughts. "These Cerberus guys don't tell me anything. Are we getting any of the old team?"

If her heart wasn't caving in enough about Joker, what the Illusive Man said about Tali, Kaidan, Garrus... It all hit her like a thundering pack of Varren. Anya shook her head at him. "No one. A lot has changed in two years. It looks like it's just you and me this time, spearheading a new crew."

"I haven't seen most of them since the funeral. None of us were the same, after that." She watched his shoulders sag, a weight and responsibility she'd never seen on him. He stood up straight and said, refusing to meet her eyes, "Anya, I'm--"

"Don't." Leaning her head on his shoulder, she added, "I would do it again in a heartbeat."

Sighing, Joker flashed her a smile that didn't seem all that real, but she still appreciated it. "Ready to save the Galaxy again?"

"Nope. But we're going to do it anyway."

"Sounds about right."

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