Chapter 22: Excuses

Back at Skyhold, everyone seemed to be able to breathe easier - everyone except for Evelyn and Ilara. The team sent the Western Approach consisting of Hawke, Stroud, Owayne, Solas and Sorin had returned, as had Henley with a handful of the Ostwick Templars. The majority of them stayed to help their Hasmal brothers and sisters on their slow trek to Skyhold, having what mages were left to protect as they left the city. Ilara had taken care of informing both men of their predicament while she was in Orlais. All three were anxiously awaiting the arrival of the Inquisitor, so much so they were there to help her out of the carriage upon her arrival.

"Knight-Captain," the Commander's voice was raised in question, "why aren't you with your men and those from the Hasmal's Circle?"

Henley's mouth opened to answer, but it was the Inquisitor's authoritative voice who replied, "I ordered him back early. The Ostwick Templars are under the command of Lieutenant Hill until they reach Skyhold."

She could see the immediate outrage spark in his eyes as he dismounted and marched over to her. Cullen growled, but kept his voice low, "Why wasn't I informed of the change?"

"We had both agreed the sooner we have some Templars back the better. Henley's latest report said they had the situation well in hand and that he and a few others could report back to Skyhold for regular duty. I simply took him up on the offer."

"Yes, but that doesn't explain why you didn't bother to tell me."

She huffed, rubbing her wounded arm, "It seems to have slipped my mind. Maker's breath, you're acting as if I dismissed half the army, it's only five men."

"Five Templars."

"I suppose I should also inform you that I've approved leave for him and Sorin," the look of pure indignation and outrage on Cullen's face had her bracing for whatever reaction was about to hit her.

His face was bright red as he gritted out, "Inquisitor, may I have a word with you in my office, now." She looked to the three Marchers, asking them to give her a moment, before following the Commander up to his office. Once there, she closed the door behind her watching him stride angrily to his desk. There was a silent pause, and she jumped when he punched the desk with his fist, "What in Andraste's name are you doing?!"

She kept a level tone, "Giving them both some much-needed leave." Her simple answer seemed to only make him angrier, "It's within my purgative, I believe, as Inquisitor to do so."

"Yes, but--"

"Then why are we having this conversation, Commander?"

He paused gapping at her stunned, "Evelyn, do you hear yourself? Since when have you ever not consulted me about our soldiers' leave or any matters involving them? You know I have everyone on a rotation, but Henley is one of my top officers, I can't spare him now! Did you not consider our upcoming operations? I need competent field officers to begin drilling with the men because soon we will meet Corypheus' army on the battlefield. The men must be ready and have the faith in the officers to lead them!" She held him in her firm stare until he rubbed a hand down his face, "How long will he be gone for?"

"I'm not sure," he turned in anger briskly combing a hand through his hair, "he has some family affairs to attend to. I gave him leave to take care of whatever he needed to before returning."

"Inquisitor!" He was yelling now, something she had only ever seen him do when a recruit royally messed up, "This is unacceptable!" He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it, seemingly thinking better than to say it. He warred with himself but his temper won out, "Ever since Lord Armand made his appearance you have been a completely different person! Not to mention the incident with him at the Winter Palace, I heard what was said! So, I ask again, what is really going on?"

She couldn't chance him interfering with Henley and Sorin's departure to find their phylacteries. Clinging tight to the Inquisitor for strength, she coldly responded, "All this because I granted a leave to my two dear friends to travel home for leave? I'm not sure if that warrants such a reaction out of you. Are you feeling well?" She shook her head as his eyes darted about thinking. Internally she cringed making the man doubt himself, watching him slowly back down because she had made him believe he was wrong, when in fact he wasn't. It was her, the monster in disguise sowing seeds of disquiet in his head. Part of her wished he'd lash out and stand his ground making it more of a challenge, but she knew where to hit him. Anyone else and he wouldn't have taken it to heart, but it was her, and she used the advantage to its fullest.

Having nothing more to say as he was lost in the demons of doubt in his head, she turned and walked out. She held her breath until she reached the main building, before pulling in ragged breaths. Time was short though and she quickly made her way to her quarters where her friends were waiting. She allowed herself a momentary emotional lapse while climbing the stairs to her room. Once through the door, she tried hard to reign it all in but the evidence was still left all over her face.

"Ilara's told us everything," Sorin's face was etched with worry. His swirling black hair matched the shadows on his face. She must've looked so forlorn, he took her into a one-armed hug. "I'm sorry," he muffled into her shoulder.

Henley's embrace was next, "We'll leave right away. We won't let that fucking tool own you for longer than he has to." He held out a vial, "We need your blood." Numb, she barely felt the blade. With both their blood and having already packed, the two quickly left before they could be stopped again or before Ryker could figure out they were up to something.

*** 

A meeting was called the next morning to discuss the fallout of the peace talks, to which Evelyn was not looking forward to. The two women looked as relaxed as ever, but her third advisor looked ready for a fight. The pit in her stomach told her she needed to be on alert. Having almost talked through all the resounding issues, she had almost believed he was going to let it go until…

"There is one more issue we need to discuss when it comes to allowing guests along on a mission," Leliana and Josephine both quirked their eyebrows up at him. "Inquisitor," he was inviting her to come clean, and after the way she manipulated him yesterday, she deserved it.

She looked at him with resignation, "Lord Armand delayed me in reaching the Empress. I'm not sure if it would have made a difference, but there was a small chance I could have saved her had he not prevented me."

Though she looked shocked, Josephine unexpectedly came to her defense, "While that is… unfortunate, Lord Armand had received an invitation through his contacts and not through us, as Lady Bann Trevelyan had. Regardless, there would have been little in the way of preventing his attendance." Evelyn caught a slight tick of disagreement from Leliana who she was sure could've stopped anyone if given the permission. A sharp conspiratorial glare between the Spymaster and Commander told Evelyn that the two were confidantes over the affair. And if Leliana knew, so did Josephine, making the air in the war room suddenly thick with tension. It was all her fault that she had attracted the attention of her counsel, despite the feeling of being stabbed in the back by Cullen, who no doubt was the first to bring it to their attention. But she couldn't blame him, in his shoes she would have done the same.

It was then she realized how alone she was. Her eyes roamed about the map allowing the three to believe she was none the wiser to their scheming. Evelyn's posture sagged and the muscles in her face could no longer hold their rigid expression. Settling on the Western Approach marker, she remembered duty came before all else. Even if they did question her occasionally, so long as the mission progressed there would be no grounds on which for them to intercede.

"What of news from the Western Approach?" Cullen's voice rang out calling the Champion in. He and Stroud entered looking grim as they took places to either side of her. "What have you found?"

"Sand and blood, Inquisitor," she raised an eyebrow at Hawke's cryptic description.

"The Inquisition's presence had the Venatori scrambling, not expecting resistance to their scheming so soon," Ser Stroud added. "We followed a group of Grey Wardens and Venatori to an ancient Tevinter ruin, but we couldn't get close to it."

"Why not?"

Hawke sighed putting his two hands down on the war table, "The good news first, Ser Hawthorne and his men have taken control of Griffin Wing Fort. The bad news is that the state of it is proving to be more trouble than its worth. The soldiers are too busy trying to make it livable that they were unable to spare any men to assist us in getting to the ritual site." He produced a crumpled piece of parchment from his pants pocket. Smoothing it out and apologizing for the blood splatter on it, he read off the list of concerns from Ser Hawthorne, "Contaminated water, varghast attacks, multiple rifts, darkspawn, bandits, Venatori and," he squinted trying to read what the blood was covering, "a High Dragon."

Evelyn massaged the bridge of her nose, "That is quite a list. Ambassador, is there anything you absolutely need me here for?" After reviewing her schedule, she replied that while her presence was always beneficial, it was not required. "Very well, then my team, Stroud and Hawke will leave for the Approach in two days. By then my shoulder should be ready to see action again."

"I would like to come to inspect the fort for myself," Cullen interjected. "If it is in as bad of shape as they say, they could use some reinforcement."

The Inquisitor crossed her arms, "I thought you had troops to train for battle? Isn't that what you said?"

He narrowed his eyes at her, "Well, yes, I--"

"It's nothing I can't handle myself, Commander. You said you needed every competent officer here, and that means you. I will expect a progress report on your efforts while away. Leliana, I'd like to see a status report on Ilara and Dagna's work on lyrium when you have it. Dismissed." Without further argument, she turned on a heel and left with their two guests behind her. She didn't bother to look back at her advisors, for she knew the three of them would be waiting until they heard her footsteps a good way down the hall before conferring with each other. Still, she felt sure there was nothing they could do about it, and knowing that in two days she'd be far away from Ryker already had her breathing easier. Not to mention that Sorin and Henley were on their way to take away the leverage he held over her. She prayed her friends could put up with the Inquisitor for a while longer as she put things right.

*** 

After the door shut, and the Inquisitor was halfway down the hall, Cullen lowered his gaze after her absently gripping his sword. The other two had not moved and he knew Leliana had an update on her investigation into Lord Armand. Throwing a hefty pile of papers tied in a black ribbon on the war table, she left the vast amount of records to speak for themselves. "This is what I found on him," she slid it over to Josephine, "I know you have no patience to thumb through this."

He sighed, "No, just tell me what you've got."

"In short, Lord Einar Armand was given over to the Templar Order after his mother remarried. Her new husband didn't want the boy, so the mother was forced to give him up. His whole life was dully spent in the Circle of Hercinia with a record to match. After the Circle fell it seems he made his way to reunite with his mother who died shortly after his arrival, inheriting the entirety of his stepfather's estate. It seems the Maker has smiled upon him, especially now that he has won the hand of our fair Inquisitor."

He studied her face, "Then why don't you seem convinced?"

"Just a hunch," he knew about her hunches. Back in Haven, had Evelyn not outed herself as the Phoenix Leliana would've.

"So, what, we just let this man have full access to Skyhold? What if he's in league with Corypheus?"

"I have my suspicions, but it will take me time and favors to look into it. Josie and I talked on the way back here about it. She will try and keep the Lord occupied and away from the Inquisitor. I agree, he is a distraction, but should he be who he claims then this is the typical dealings of the nobility, I'm afraid." Her expression softened, the way it always did when asking after his health, "I know this must be difficult for you."

"Why--," he sighed wiping a hand down his face, Of course, she knows. "How much do you know?"

"Enough to know there was more than military maneuvers being discussed at length," she dragged a finger down her neck in emphasis. "I ordered my agents to stop watching the Inquisitor when you were together, not wanting even them to know what was going on as a precaution. It's a common practice to not observe high-ranking people when they meet, so no one questioned it." He let out the breath he had been holding but watched as a sly smile spread on her lips as she looked to the Lady Ambassador.

"That doesn't mean we won't ask for some details," it was times like this when he felt as if he had four nosey sisters.

"I'd prefer not to speak of it," melancholy crept into his tone and his eyes drifted down to the floor.

"I'm sorry, Cullen. I did not wish to--"

He cleared his throat, allowing his usual strength to imbue his words, "It's fine-- I'm fine. I assure you this will not be an issue unless Lord Armand makes it one."

Back in his office, buried under piles of field reports, he took his time relishing the amount of work that he knew would keep him up all night. He didn't want to sleep. After two consecutive nights of nightmares, he didn't think he could take another. A mug of hot coffee infused the air with its energizing aroma, but he would hold off tasting it before he finished his current stack - a reward for its completion. One stack at a time, one day at a time, he thought. Yet in the dark corners of his mind, the demons of his past sat waiting, watching for an opportunity to try and sink their claws into him again. They would have their chance too, he was well aware of the storm that was coming. Consecutive nightmares were the start, it had been that way after each major relapse. Desperate to break the cycle, here he sat forcing himself to stay awake so not to succumb to them.

His Evelyn had helped ward away the dark. He had a plethora of things to look forward to daily: Beating her at chess and listening to her accuse him jokingly of cheating; walks on the ramparts in the fresh air; pretending her hair was messed up making her pout; and stealing kisses when no one was looking. Even if it had only been a week since she had ended things, days stretched on endlessly. The world seemed to lose its color and vibrancy. Once again, he was left with nothing but his duty. Duty would never abandon him, never harm him as people had. This he had always known, but it was also his duty who opened the door to the darkest chapters of his life and he prayed that another was not beginning.