Nineteen : Dilemma

Kim So Ra POV

August 23, 2019,

"Kim Sora! Did you hear me?", Sunmi's voice awakened me from my reverie

"Uh?Sorry, Sunmi, I was reading a message," I answered as I closed the screen of my cellphone and put it in my bag

"Message from whom?", Asked Sunmi, wanting to know

"Namjoon..", I replied while turning my gaze around the restaurant

It's been a week since the almost-kissing incident. Namjoon called me the next day to apologize, saying that it was a mistake and would never happen again. My feelings were mixed at the time, there was a part of me that agreed with Namjoon's words, but the other part wanted the kiss to happen.

I told everything that happened that day to Sunmi. She screamed hysterically when I told her what had almost happened in my apartment. Until now, me and Namjoon continued to communicate every day as if nothing had happened. We never talked about it again. I don't know how I really feel about him. I want to be friends, but I also want to be more than a friend to him.

"Are you still thinking about what happened that night?", Asked Sunmi with a serious face

"no. That was a mistake, we were a little drunk that night", I replied while biting the tteokbokki (stir fried rice cakes) in front of me

Sunmi and I were at a restaurant in Itaewon for dinner. Sunmi was talking about opening her second store in Hannam when I got a message from Namjoon.

"Come on, Sora, I know you have feelings for RM. Are you going to keep silent like this and assume that everything has never happened?", Said Sunmi still with a serious face.

"But nothing happened between us Sunmi. I still don't know about my feelings right now. Can we talk about something else?", I asked, trying to change the subject.

"No. I know you like him. Tell him about your feeling, I think he also feels the same way too," said Sunmi

"Are you crazy? How could I tell him about it? He is a famous star Sunmi, women around the world are crazy about him. After all, he once told me that he would not date anyone. I do not want to ruin my friendship with him just because of this silly feelings", I replied frustrated

Sunmi looked at me sympathetically. She did not say anything, maybe she also knew that it was impossible to have a special relationship with one of the members of Bangtan.

"So you will bury your feelings for him? You wont do anything?", she asked again

"Yes. I will forget and get rid off my feelings if necessary. Being his friend is a gift for me, Sunmi. I don't want him to be awkward and avoiding me," I said miserably

"Oh, I feel sorry So Ra," said Sunmi sympathetically while rubbing my hand

"I must look pathetic, right?," I replied, laughing bitterly

"Will he returnn to Seoul soon?", she asked again

"No. He is still in Gyeongju. He will be traveling around Korea in couple weeks. They are enjoying a vacation. They want to visit some big cities," I said smiling

"Waah, Gyeongju is a beautiful city. I really want to go around Korea with my parents too," said Sunmi imagining

"I'm glad that Namjoon is enjoying a vacation with his family. His parents and sister are taking time off so they can spend their time together," I said again

"I'm glad to hear that," Sunmi answered. "Hey Sora! How about we go clubbing tonight? It's been a long time since I visited the nightclub in Itaewon," she said excitedly

"No, I don't really like night clubs. They are too crowded and noisy," I replied, shaking my head

"Hmmmhhh ...", she looked at me irritable.

"Or what if we drink soju to forget the Bangtan man?", she asked again not to give up

"No, Sunmi, let's just go home, I'm tired", I replied

"You really don't know how to have fun ," said Sunmi, shaking her head as she stood up from her chair

We walked to the car park. The atmosphere in Itaewon is indeed crowded at night. Many foreign tourists pass by or spend their time in cafes, clubs or restaurants along Itaewon.

"I'm going this way, my car is over there, "said Sunmi, pointing to the right when we reached the crossroads

"Ye. Be careful on the way", I said hugging her

"Are you sure you don't want me to take you to Minerva?", Asked Sunmi

"Yes ... I'll walk alone, Minerva is only 15 minutes from here. After all, I want to clear my mind while breathing in the night air", I replied smiling

"Alright ... I'll go home first. Tomorrow I will stop by Minerva after work," said Sunmi again while walking away and waving

I walked in the opposite direction. The night air is very cool. I walked to Minerva, because my car was still there. Along the way I thought again about how I felt about Namjoon. I really like him, not because he is a member of a famous group.

Since the beginning of meeting him at fansign, I was indeed fascinated by both dimples when he smiled. But the more I know him the more I like him. I feel comfortable around him. We can talk about everything, from music to politics. I like all the things about him.

But he once said that he would choose his career 1000% of having relationships with women. That's what makes me think hundreds of times. But, what if he has the same feelings?, haha ​​I would have been crazy when imagining it.

I will bury and throw away this feeling before my love for him deepened. I don't want my friendship with Namjoon to end just because of the feelings I have, I thought to myself.

I sighed and looked at the night sky. My heart hurts after deciding it. My eyes feel hot. I shook my head, I can't cry. Maybe this is just a temporary love. Maybe in the next few weeks my feelings will disappear. I smiled at the thought. I was in front of Minerva. I stepped up the stairs, smiling into Minerva while trying to forget Namjoon from my mind.