Forty Five : There Is Something Wrong With Me

Kim Sora POV,

April 23, 2020,

I closed the toilet door and walked slowly to my room. I felt unwell these days. My head is dizzy and my stomach feels nauseous and uncomfortable.

"You're still nauseous, oenni? I'll make hot tea for you", said Aeri looking at me

"Aniyo ... can I just have warm water?", I asked Aeri

"Ye ... I'll get it right away", she replied

"Gomawo yo", I said

I sat behind my desk and took a deep breath. This morning I just got a message from the Yongsan District Health Center that my corona virus test result was negative.

I was very grateful when I read the message. It felt like all the weight on my chest was lifted and I could breathe freely again.

Yesterday afternoon I just did a corona test at a hospital in Seoul. I did it because I wasn't feeling well in the last few days. Plus, two weeks ago, someone sent me a package with a lot of used tissue in it.

At that time I was disgusted and without touching it I immediately threw it into the trash. I think it is one of the packages sent by the perpetrator who are still out there. Even after throwing away the package I immediately washed my hands and sterilized my room. But still I feel anxious, afraid of catching the disease that brought from the package.

———————————— One day before

"Okay, go ahead," came a cue from the officer standing at the entrance gate of the Seoul University Hospital

I nodded my head and drove my car slowly. My heart was beating so fast untill it hurt. Actually it is not my first test, I and all my employees have tested for the corona at the end of February and we all tested negative.

However, why this time I feel anxious? Actually it's because the past one month Namjoon often spends his time in my apartment, almost every day. Since his concerts and world tour were canceled, he has a lot of free time to spend with me. Therefore, I was worried that if I caught this disease, Namjoon would definitely catch it too.

I arrived at the first post, I lowered my car window and greeted the officer on duty.

"Annyeong, I will check your temperature", said a female officer wearing a complete Personal Protective Equipment (PPE)

"Ye", I replied

She took my temperature using a digital thermometer which she stuck to my ear.

"36.6 degrees Celsius, please go to the next post", she said

"Kamsahamnida", I answered nodding my head at her

The second post is the registration post. Before doing the test, we have to register by telephone to avoid long queues.

"Annyeong, have you registered before?", Asked a female officer wearing PPE behind a safety glass

"Ne, I called this morning. I'm Kim Sora, Yongsan Gu", I replied to her

"Kim Sora ssi, your address is Ichon Raemian Apartment, Yongsan Gu?", she asked while looking at the list on her computer.

"Ye, right", I replied

"Arasso, please go to the next post", said the officer kindly

"Kamsahamnida", I drove my car to the next post

"Annyeong, what's your name?", Asked the male officer in full PPE next to my car door

"Annyeong. I'm Kim Sora, Yongsan Gu", I replied

"Is this your name?", He asked again, showing the name printed on the test kit

"Ye", I replied

"Do you feel any symptoms?", He asked again

"My throat hurts, my head is also dizzy And sometimes my stomach and body feel uncomfortable", I replied explaining my condition

"Okay. It will be a little uncomfortable, I will put this tool in your nostrils and mouth. Try to relax," said the officer kindly.

"Ye, arasso", I replied

"Take a breath....", said the officer, pointing the test kit at me

It felt very uncomfortable when the test kit got into my nose and mouth. I became even more dizzy after the test was done. Even my eyes filled with tears.

"You will receive the test results tomorrow via message sent by the Seoul City Health Center. If the results are positive, they will contact you directly to explain the next steps you should take. But if the results are negative you don't need to worry. You can do your activities as usual but still adhere to health protocols ", explained the officer

"Ye, arasso. Kamsahamnida. Thank you for your help", I replied bowing my head towards him.

"Ye. You can continue to the next post", he said as he led my car to the road

I drove my car to the checkout station. Then drove back to my apartment to rest.

I really appreciate how the South Korean government has handled this virus. After the spike in cases that occurred in mid-February, the government decided to carry out checks and tracing of infected residents. As a result, in just 2 months, the number of cases that initially numbered in the hundreds per day dropped drastically to less than 10 people per day.

The government also pay about 1 million won to all households except for those in the top 30% income bracket, bringing the total amount to $7,4 billion. The president said the payments were compensation for South Koreans who have endured days and weeks of measures to halt the spread of COVID 19, including quarantines and social distancing.

The government has also made a policy to help small and medium-sized businesses who are affected by this pandemic. The assistance take the form of waiving utility fees for the next few months, such as electricity, telephone, gas, internet and water bills.

This new policy allows me to breathe easy, considering Minerva's current condition is experiencing a decline.

———————————————————————

Currently, in my office

"Oenni..here's your water", Aeri entered my room carrying a glass of water

"Gomawo Aeri ssi", I replied with a small smile as accepted the glass

"You should see a doctor, Oenni? You look pale", she looked at me with a concerned face

"I've taken some vitamin, Aeri~aah ... I hope I'll get better soon", I said after taking a sip of the water

"Your corona test result is negative right? Err.... Or maybe you will have a baby?", Aeri asked, raising her eyebrows in surprise looking at me

"Huh? Whoaaahh what are you talking about Aeri~aah!", I chuckled at her words

"Who knows ...", replied Aeri shrugging her shoulders

"Aniyo, I think I'm just tired", I replied, shaking my head

* pipipipip

I saw Namjoon's name on my cellphone screen.

"I have to answer this, Aeri ssi ..", I said to Aeri

"Ye ... I'll go back to work then", replied Aeri leaving my room

"Yeobosseyo", I said

"Yeobosseyo jagiya~... how are you?", Namjoon asked

"I'm still a little dizzy and nauseous, my body feels sore too. I've been taking some vitamins, and I'll be home soon when my work is done," I answered softly

"Are you in Minerva?", He asked

"Ye. There are some reports I have to send to KCDC today. All the informations that I need are here, so I have to do it in Minerva", I explained

"Arasso ... I'll bring you Samgyetang (chicken and ginseng soup) after I finish work", said Namjoon

"Gomawo. Are you still working on your Japanese album right now?", I asked

"Aniyo ... we finished recording a few days ago. Today I will do a live broadcast with Jhope. We will do something with ARMY Bomb haha ​​... I hope we don't mess it up", he replied with a chuckle

"Jinjja? When are you going to do it? I really want to watch it", I said excitedly

"Soon, I hope I'm not late, I'm still on my way to work," he said again

"Ye, I hope you have fun today", I said with a smile

"Gomawo ... okay, I'll hang up. I'll let you know later. Saranghae", said Namjoon ending the call

"Saranghae", I replied

I held the cellphone tightly in my hand. I looked at the computer screen while thinking about what Aeri said earlier. Namjoon and I have made love several times, and there were times when we didn't use the protection we were supposed to.

I bit my lower lip while checking the calendar on my cellphone. Jeez! My period is already a week late. I covered my face with my hands. Oettoke ?!

I suddenly became worried about what was going to happen. What if I get pregnant?What will happen to our relationship ??. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself. I shook my head and tried to take my mind off those things.

I opened up the worksheet and started working on the report. Fifteen minutes passed and I reread the report I had written before finally sending it to KCDC.

"Done", I said, turning off the computer screen. "I'm hungry, I'll eat something before I go home", I told myself

I walked to the first floor and ordered a chicken salad wrap with a glass of apple juice. I bring my lunch to my favorite table by the window. I looked around the reading area. There were quite a lot of visitors this afternoon.

Currently, Minerva is operating as usual, but still follows strict health protocols. The decreasing number of corona infection cases in Seoul led the Seoul city government to end the large-scale social restrictions. So that restaurants, cafes, malls and other public places are now operating as usual, but still have to implement social distancing and strict health protocols so that the spread of the virus can be suppressed.

At the reception desk I saw Aeri and Sossa having a good conversation, I don't know what they were talking about. I just smiled seeing the two of them. I started to eat my lunch but again my stomach felt uncomfortable. I breathed slowly while chewing my food, fighting the nausea I felt.

"Oenni, how are you?", Ask Sossa came over to me

"better", I replied

"You should just rest at home until your condition recovers, oenni. We will take care of everything here", said Sossa smiling while sitting in front of me

"Ye .. thank you for your attention, Sossa~aah", I replied smiling at her

"Kim Sossa ssi I need you", called Hansol from the coffee shop

"Ah, yeee! I'm coming", she replied as she stood up from her chair

I saw something red hanging out from her pocket.

"What is that, Sossa?", I asked, frowning, pointing at the object

"Huh? What? Oh, this?", she said as she took out the object. "This is a cellphone cable strap, it's so popular right now, oenni. Look! It's beautiful, right?!", Said Sossa showing the red strap connected to her cellphone

"Jinjja? So this is a trend nowadays?", I asked, still looking at the cable

"Ye, even Aeri oenni, Minhyuk and Yunsu oppa also wear something like this haha", she said, smiling happily

"They have it too?", I said, still thinking about something

"Sossa~aah ....", Hansol's voice came again from the coffee shop

"Ne! Oenni I have to go", said Sossa then she walked quickly to the coffee shop

The strap looks like something dangling from the clothes of the culprit who attacked me. If this item is popular, it means that anyone can easily have it. And this makes it even more difficult for the police to find out who the real culprit is.

Gosh, my head is so dizzy right now. I felt like I was trying to hold water in the palm of my hand, the more I tried to find out the real culprit the more I realized how difficult it was. The investigation has been going on for months but the police have not found any definite leads.

* tring

I jumped when I heard incoming messages on my cell phone.

"Sora~aah..how are you? Are you still feeling unwell? My mom just sent herbal medicine from Gwangju and she asked me to give you some too. I'm going to your apartment this afternoon, see you later jagiyaa~ hahaha", Sunmi's message

I laughed reading her message, she has always teased me with 'Jagiya~' since she heard Namjoon call me with that word.

"I still feel the same as yesterday Sunmi ... I'll be home soon, see you later", I replied

I finished my apple juice and wrapped up the leftovers that I didn't finish. I walked to the reception desk to say goodbye to Aeri.

On my way home, I doubted whether I should immediately see a doctor to check my condition or I just checked through a pregnancy test. As I passed a traffic light, I decided to turn left toward a family clinic.

I entered the parking lot and parked my car close to the entrance. Do I dare to do it?What if the results are positive? What am I going to do ?, These thoughts were raging in my head again.

But what if I'm not pregnant!? Maybe I'm just tired and my stamina decreases .. Maybe I can get a prescription for a vitamin or something to restore my condition, there is a heated argument in my head.

Que sera sera! Whatever will be, will be!, I made up my mind. I exhaled and walked towards the clinic entrance.

"Annyeong, can I help you?", Asked a nurse kindly to me

"Annyeong, err ... I want to see an obstetrician", I replied nervously

"Ye, the obstetrician is Doctor Hong. Do you want to see her?", she asked again

"Uh? Ye", I replied briefly

I finished the administration process smoothly, then the nurse escorted me to the examination room at the end of the hall. Currently, not many patients come, so I can meet the doctor right away without waiting in line.

I felt my throat dry as I entered the room. I sat awkwardly in the patient chair trying to swallow hard.

"So, what do I need to help you?", Asked the beautiful middle-aged woman wearing a white coat sitting opposite me

"I ... uh, I want to check ...err ... want to check my condition. I'm feeling unwell these days. I'm always dizzy and um ... sometimes I feel nauseous and have no appetite and my period was late", I said haltingly

"Arasso. Have you had sexual intercourse lately?", she asked kindly while checking me with a stethoscope

"Ye", I replied nervously

For several minutes Doctor Hong examined me carefully while asking questions related to my condition.

"All right, this is the tube. Fill it to the maximum and give this tube to the nurse. We will check your urine and see the results", said the beautiful doctor while giving me a tube that has been labeled with my name.

"Arasso, kamsahamnida Bangsanim (doctor)", I said bowing down and walking out of the room holding the tube tightly in my right hand

After filling the tube, I immediately gave the tube to the nurse who was waiting for me in front of the toilet. The nurse then asked me to wait in the waiting room.

I took out my cellphone and started watching Namjoon and Jhope's live broadcast for 20 minutes while waiting for my test results. I smiled to myself seeing their ridiculous behavior while busy decorating ARMY bombs in their hands.

"Kim Sora ssi ... the results are out, Doctor Hong wants to see you", called the nurse

"Ah, ye ..", I took off the earphones from my ears and put them in my bag while walking towards the doctor's room

"Excuse me Bangsanim", I said as I knocked on the door and walked in

"Ye, please sit down", she said while reading the paper in his hand

"The results just came out ... and congratulations you will become a mother", she said with a happy face

I just kept quiet and widened my eyes at her, as if the doctor had just spoken something in a strange language I couldn't understand.

"Kim Sora ssi? ...", called Doctor Hong

"Huh?", I said winking several times trying to digest her words earlier

"Are you okay?", She asked again, frowning

"Jinjja? I'm pregnant?", I asked quietly

"Ye, your fetus is about 5 weeks and in good condition", said Doctor Hong smiling warmly at me

"Thank God ...", somehow I feel relieved and happy

I wiped my tears and smiled while gently rubbing my stomach, my feelings are mixed at this time. I was very surprised by this, but on the other hand I felt happy imagining that there was a fetus developing inside my body.

"I will prescribe nausea medication and vitamins for you. During the first trimester your baby will really need vitamins and nutrients that are good for his growth. So try to eat nutritious foods and high in protein," she said while writing a prescription

"Ye", I replied

"Don't work too hard and don't stress because it will affect your fetus. Get plenty of rest, ask your partner to help you do your homework. You can still have sex if you don't have any complaints to your fetus," she said, smiling at me

"Ah, ye. Arasso ..", I said, lowering my head

"Is there anything you want to ask?", Asked Doctor Hong

"Ani", I replied

"Okay then, this is a prescription for nausea and vitamins for you. Take it regularly. And this is my cell phone number. You can call me anytime if you have anything you want to ask. Come back to check next month for further tests", she said smiling friendly while giving the prescription paper and her business card

"Arasso..kamsahamnida Bangsanim", I said smiling at her

I came out of the practice room and gave the prescription to the pharmacist. In just 10 minutes I had all my medicines in my hands.

After paying for the treatment and the medicines, I immediately walked back to my car. I sat behind the wheel, staring at the paper bag in my hand. What should I do? Will Namjoon accept our baby? How about his career? Can I take care of this baby alone without Namjoon? I took a deep breath and started driving my car back home.

Arriving at my apartment, I immediately walked into the lobby while still thinking about what I should do.

"Sora~aah!", Called Sunmi, bringing me back from my thoughts

"Huh?", I turned my face towards the voice

"You just got here?", she asked breathlessly as she ran over to me

"Sunmi? What are you doing here?", I asked, frowning

"Hey! What's wrong with you? Did you forget? I said I would come to deliver this", said Sunmi a little annoyed, showing the plastic bag in her hand

"Ah, ye. Mianhae", I replied, shaking my head

"What's wrong? Does your head hurt?", Asked Sunmi looking at me while pressing the elevator button

"Aniyo ...", I replied as I stepped into the elevator and pressed the number five button

"Did something happen? Did you fight with Namjoon?", She asked curiously

"Aniyo, ani ..", I said, shaking my head and stepping out of the elevator

"Wae? I know something must have happened", said Sunmi insisted

"I'm just tired Sunmi~aah", I replied entering my apartment

"No, no. I've known you for a long time Sora~aah. There must be something. Did that criminal do something to you?", She asked as she closed the door of my apartment and walked behind me

"Anii ...", I said again and went into the bathroom

"Oettoke?", I said, looking in the mirror in front of me

I wash my hands and face then change clothes. Should I tell her? I have never hidden anything from him so far.

"Sunmi~aah ..", I called when I came out of the bathroom

"Kim Sora ssi ... what is this? Are you from an obstetrician?", Asked Sunmi, raising her eyebrows

"Huh?", I asked confused

I was just about to tell but why did she already know?.

"Did something happen? Are you sick? Wait! Are you pregnant ??", she screamed as she approached me

Well ... I really can't hide something from her...

"Ye. I'm pregnant ..", I said smiling at her

"Kyaaa !! Jinjja? Kim Sora~aah, jinjja?", she shouted, widened her eyes in front of me

I nodded my head.

She immediately hugged me while shaking our bodies.

"How do you know?", I asked when she had released her arms

"That ... I saw the paper bag", said Sunmi pointing to the paper bag that I got from the clinic

"Ah, ne ...", I said laughing seeing the paper bag on the dining table beside my bag

"I can't believe this! What do you feel? How old is she? Oh my God I want to cry because I'm so happy", she said with teary eyes

"It feels weird knowing that something is growing inside me," I said laughing

"Did Namjoon know about it?", Asked Sunmi as she pulled me to sit on the living room couch

"Not yet ... I just found out about it too. Oettoke Sunmi~aah? I'm afraid he will reject us ...", I said looking at Sunmi's face

"Aniyo! There's no way Namjoon could do that. He really wants to be a father, right?", Said Sunmi excitedly

"But I'm afraid this will ruin his career ... after all we have never discussed what our relationship will be like in the future. There are many things I'm worried about right now Sunmi~aah ...", I said with a gloomy face

"I'm sure Namjoon will be responsible, he loves you, I'm sure he will love your baby too. And there will definitely be a way out about his career ...", said Sunmi patted my hand

"I'm afraid he will leave me, Sunmi ... what if he chooses his career over us?", I said, immersing myself in Sunmi's arms

"Calm down ... you never know what will happen. Tell Namjoon about your baby, I'm sure he will find the best way out", said Sunmi stroking my head

"I'll keep it, no matter what", I said quietly

"Calm down Sora~aah everything will be fine", said Sunmi comforting me

"So, tell me about this baby! Is it a girl or a boy? When are you going to give birth?", Asked Sunmi excitedly.

"Gosh! I don't know yet .. he's only 5 weeks old, even his body hasn't been fully formed", I chuckled

"Haha arasso arasso .... oh my God I can't imagine seeing little Sora! Or little Namjoon? Your baby will be so cute", said Sunmi with sparkling eyes

"Gosh! Why are you so excited ...", I said shaking my head

We laugh about what my baby will be like. I'm a little relieved that Sunmi received this news well, she even supported and encouraged me that everything will be fine.

* dingdong

I was taking my nausea medication when my apartment bell rang.

"Ye ...", Sunmi pressed the intercom

"Wow, your dear boyfriend comes Sora~aah", said Sunmi smiling at me

I tidied up the paper bag with and put it in the kitchen drawer. Then I opened the door for Namjoon.

"Annyeong Jagiya~ ... how are you?", Said Namjoon while kissing my forehead

"Jagiya~ ...", I replied while pushing his body away from me

"Oops! Annyeong .. I'll go now," said Sunmi giggling at us

"Ah! Sunmi ssi, Annyeong", Namjoon replied shyly

"You're going home?", I asked

"Ye. Looks like you two need some time hihi...I'm leaving... take care of your health! I love you", said Sunmi hugging me

"Gomawo", I replied

"Oppa, see you next time. By the way, you look really cool lately!", Said Sunmi lifting one of her thumbs as she opened the door

"Jinjja? Gomawo. Are you sure you will leave? I brought samgyetang, let's eat together", said Namjoon

"Thank you, oppa, but I have to go, I still have something to do in the workshop. I'm leaving, bye," said Sumni smiling and waving at us before closing the door.

"Am I bothering you?", Asked Namjoon looking at me

"Ani, we were just chatting earlier. She brought some herbal medicine sent by her mother," I said, pointing to small brown bottles

"Arasso .. are you feeling better?", He asked, hugging me

"Ye, much better", I said holding him tighter

"Let's eat while it's still warm", said Namjoon kissing my forehead and walking towards the dining table

"Waahh .. looks delicious!", I said excitedly when he opened the package filled with chicken soup

"Sit down", said Namjoon as he shifted the chair so I could sit down

"Jankanman (wait a minute)", he said again

He washed his hands and took the cutlery from the kitchen drawer.

"Andweee! Aaahh ..", he said frustrated when the chopsticks and spoon he was carrying slipped and fell to the floor.

I giggled seeing him struggling with those things.

"Do you need help?", I asked

"Aniyo .. I can do it.. just sit there", said Namjoon chuckled

"Okay", I replied

We ate samgyetang while talking about our work. Namjoon shared the process of making his Japanese album which will be released in a few months and plans for an online concert to be held in June.

I ate slowly while carefully listening to all of Namjoon's words. He really loves his job and has a big dream that he wants to achieve with BTS. Suddenly I feel very sad, what if everything breaks down when the public finds out about me and my baby? I can't destroy the dream of the person I love so much. Will I be able to live with this guilt?

Should I tell him? Am I ready when he leaves me and my baby ?, I thought.

"Jagi, jagiya~, gwaenchana?", Namjoon asked, looking at me anxiously

"Huh? Ye, I'm fine", I replied, putting a spoonful of soup into my mouth

"Jinjja? You look like you're thinking about something. Your face looks sad. Did something happen?", He asked again, putting his spoon on the table.

"Ani ..", I said shaking my head

"Are you dizzy again? Nausea?", He asked again

"No, I'm fine. Let's eat again", I said smiling at him

But Namjoon still didn't move and just looked at me with a serious face.

"Wae?", I asked

"There is something you are hiding. What's the matter Jagi? Tell me", he said leaning towards me

"Aniyo, .. I'm just tired", I replied, still chewing my food slowly

"I know you very well Jagiya~ ... please tell me", said Namjoon while looking softly into my eyes

I lowered my spoon and wiped my mouth with a cloth. I took a breath, Should I tell him now? Yes! Say it right now, however he deserves to know this, I thought.

"I ..uh... I, I have something to say", I said softly

"Say it jagi ...", said Namjoon softly

His hand clasped mine on the table.

"I ... I'm pregnant", I said in trembling voice

Namjoon stood up suddenly until the chair he was sitting on fell backwards.

"I'm sorry, jagi. I ... I know it will be hard for you ...", I said in a hurry

But I couldn't finish my sentence because suddenly Namjoon pulled me up and hugged me tightly. I was so shocked by Namjoon's reaction that I was speechless.

"Gosh! Jinjja? Are you really pregnant ??", he asked hoarsely as he hugged me tighter

"Ye ..", I answered slowly

He let go of his arms and looked at my face with teary eyes.

"Gosh! I can't believe it! I'm going to be a father! I've never been this happy Jagiya~", he said

Then he kissed me passionately. We were breathless when he ended the kiss.

"Gomawo jagi..you make my life feel perfect. I can't believe I'm going to be a father, I really love you", he said, smiling showing his dimples

"You're not angry? You won't leave me?", I asked

"I will never leave you! I am a lucky man to have a woman like you", he said, stroking my cheek

"I love you", I said in a choked voice

"Is he okay?", he asked excitedly as he gently rubbed my stomach

"The doctor said, my womb is 5 weeks old and his condition is fine", I answered smiling at him

All the anxiety I felt had completely disappeared, I was very happy to see his reaction to this news.

"But how about your career?", I asked

"Wae? I am still RM BTS and I am father at the same time. Wow, I feel so wonderful," he said with sparkling eyes

"Will this have a bad impact on your career? I'm worried about it ..", I said, frowning

"Do you mind if we hide this from the public?", He asked

"Ani, aniyo", I replied

"I will discuss this with management. There will definitely be pros and cons if this news is spread. But I'm sure we will find a way out .. Don't worry too much, I'll take care of it. Besides, pregnant women shouldn't be stressed because it will affect your fetus, right? ", he said hugging me again

"How do you know about that?", I asked amused

"Haha my hobby is reading books, do you remember?", He said laughing

"So you also read the pregnancy book?", I said releasing his arms and widened my eyes at him

"You can get a lot of knowledge from various types of books, I never limit myself to one type of genre, hahaha", he said, bowing shyly

I laughed with him. We spent our evenings talking about various things related to babies. I just realized that Namjoon has more knowledge on this subject than me. I decided that from now on I would start reading all the pregnancy and parenting books on Minerva, in order to prepare myself to be a good mother in the future ...