Year Zero

Why did I drink so much last night? I know why I did it, but, I forgot how easy it is be lost to the solace that alcohol can bring. The need to numb my nigh forgotten feelings prompted me to imbibe quicker than my body can handle. Way too much alcohol was ingested, and now I am paying a different price, than what I avoided yesterday.

The experiences that I was forced to go through, during my test, have faded to nearly a forgotten dream. I knew, yesterday, that this would be the case, but my atrophied emotions for too raw for me to handle. To numbness was what I needed, and now, I am paying with being hungover. I could heal some of my problems, but I need it still. My emotions are still a little raw, and the pain that I feel from the hangover is a balm.

I am not sure when I started to wear it, but I am now adorned with my new shackle on my neck. A silver woven wire Collar, reminiscent of a fence, decorated my my Chain, now are permanently to be worn. It is definitely more comfortable than the leather Collar that I have been wearing for years, but it feels heavy on my neck. It feels as if a burden has been placed upon me, that I finally realize, now that I am forced to wear it.

Good-bye to this life I have lived for the past few years. No feelings of attachment are there for me to feel for it. But like an outfit, that I hated, I have become comfortable with it. Now, I am to be no longer part of it. In all truth, I am slightly nervous of having to live my life under my own accords. I have never had to it, and I honestly do not know what to do.

For now, I will travel to my family, and bid them farewell. I do not wish to be a thorn in their side, if I stay a part of their lives. I do not wish to put them through the feeling of hurt that I would inflict on them from being what I am now. I am not the child that left them seven years ago. And I am not able to interact with them in the way I should. I know I loved them, at one time. But now, they are just my family, it means nothing to me.

Enough of this dread, that I am still feeling. It should be better for me to just greet them and then leave, as soon as I can. I just hope that my ability to feel emotions are gone by the time I meet with them. I have learned how to survive without them, for so long. And now that I have them, they are hindering me from being able to proceed with the life that is to come.

* * *

The trip, that took me four days as a child, is now much quicker. I would not say that I am walking at any fast pace, but neither am I dragging my feet. For the three days that I have been traveling, I am now able to see the village that I was once part of. Only another couple more hours of walking, and I will be at my parent's house. I am truly scared of meeting them.

So, I tell myself, that it is too late to see them. One more night without seeing them should not matter. They do not know that I am coming. I do not want them to suffer through entertaining me, after the end of a long day.

The weather has been good, while I traveled. There is much work to be done around the house, especially in such good weather. Why should I interrupt them?

There is the lords domicile, which I have previously helped my father to do his with, growing ever so slowly larger. And I can the village square, where the few celebrations are help. Closer to the lords keep, I see a house I do not think I could ever forget, Muceni's house.

It should be best to speak with her, before I see my family. Otec do tell me that he was communicating with Muceni, to let her know how my training was going. And supposedly, she kept in contact with my family. It should be the better choice to talk with her, and see what has transpired with my family. There might have been significant changes that have happened, that I was never told of.

* * *

As I approach Muceni's house, her door is open. That means she should be at her house, and I can converse with her, without trying to locate her. Small favors, the few things I have left for me.

"Muceni." (Rehor)

"Give me a moment, I'm in the middle of something. Come inside and wait." (Muceni)

Her back is turned to me as I walk in. Her leather Collar identifies that the one I am seeing in front of me, is Muceni. She has not changed, in the time that I was away.

"I can help, if you need some?" (Rehor)

The first person that I recognize from childhood is there in front of me. Other than the offer to help, I do not know what to say. I can only fall into the rhythm of assisting the Collared Unleashed in front of me. That has been my life that I have lived, for so long.

"You'll get in my way. I'm almost done, as it is." (Muceni)

"If you don't need any help, take your time. I am in no hurry." (Rehor)

I am just watching her, as she is grinding out herbs in a mortar. Her motions are sure and steadied. She is well practiced in her art. Slowly and methodically measuring her ingredients. Writing down her steps, while she finish up with whatever she was working on. She knows her work and she is good at it.

"Now, what is your problem?" (Muceni)

As she finishes up her work, and puts all her supplies in their proper place, she asks me that.

"I'm not sure." (Rehor)

"Tell me what your symptoms are. Without knowing what they are, I can't help you." (Muceni)

"There's nothing wrong with me. I…" (Rehor)

And for the first time, that I have been here, Muceni turns to me. The calm face, that I remembered, is still on her. The deadpan face of an Unleashed, is not there to be seen. The maturity of her age, sits on her well, making her appear much younger than what she is.

And as she looks at me, she pauses.

"Rehor?" (Muceni)

"Yes" (Rehor)

"Why are you here?" (Muceni)

"It's late and I didn't want to bother my family. You are the only that I know that I can call upon." (Rehor)

"You're scared." (Muceni)

"No I'm not. I'm...you're right, I am scared of seeing them." (Rehor)