UNSPOKEN EULOGIES

"Alpha Sam is here." Harvey announced when we entered the main hall. A crowd had already gathered. Representatives from every family in the pack? Everyone stood up. I looked at the crowd of strangers, spotting Mum and Savy, Aunt Jade and my cousins on the side.

This was not my pack, but I was Alpha Sam. I wasn't bound by the same rules. I tried to imagine my pack there and I waved and gave them my most brilliant smile, "Yo, nice to meet you."

Okay, maybe that was too much. The crowd responded by looking completely confused and uneasy.

But Ben was smirking behind me, hands in his pocket, so I could keep smiling with total disregard to the new tension I had accidentally caused.

It was Mum who diffused it, "Sam, please try to contain yourself."

My cousins laughed. I grinned and shrugged. It's fun being the Alpha.

More quietly, Mum said, "I'm glad to see you back to your usual self."

My usual self? Wasn't I always myself? Did I have a usual self? Ben pulled out a chair for me and Harvey and him stationed behind me.

"Alpha Louis, Alpha Kingsley, Alpha Pierre, and Elder Andre are here." Beta Larson announced. Good feelings gone. Let's try to see Mum diffuse this tension. But mum didn't even bother.

Was it weird to you that Dad was the one known by his Family name, while everyone else went on a first name basis?

I guess it would be confusing if there were four Alpha Kingsleys but even Grandpa was Alpha Silas.

"Why doesn't Dad use his first name?" I whispered to mum.

Mum shrugged, "I'm not sure. I've never thought about it."

Really? Was I the only one who noticed?

Everyone stood up and bowed again. None of the grown up male Alphas smiled. They wore the usual Alpha expression - you know, the stoic and stony one. Actually, come to think of it, it's Mate's default expression too. On mate it looked like a I-don't-care-don't-f***-with-me look. On the elders it looked... Well, it looked the same.

Was it a natural instinctive look to wear when you become an Alpha? Did their smile get short circuited along the way? Hahahaha. Or were they trained in some kind of secret Alpha school that I didn't get to go to?

Beta Lucas and Beta Gerald pulled out the chairs. Their usual expression masked in a seriousness. Poor them, I can't imagine they were having a nice holiday here.

The four Alpha brothers sat down.

Finally my Grandma Luna appeared, dressed completely in black, including a veil. Everyone stood up again.

"Luna is here." Beta Larson announced.

Everyone bowed. Grandma Luna's expression was guarded by the veil. She silently nodded and went to the seat that Beta Larson drew out for her.

Betas Larson announced, "Our Alpha Louis will now say a few words."

The room was quiet, punctuated with a few awkward coughs.

Uncle Louis got up to stand in front of everyone.

"We are gathered today to remember Alpha Silas Kingsley..."

The rest of it was a very long list of my Grandpa Alpha's many achievements and his four sons' subsequent contribution to the Lycan world at large. It all sounded very impressive and to be honest, I probably would never have heard of half of them if Grandpa never died.

After that Uncle Louis opened the floor for eulogies, and various distinguished persons went up to speak, including Uncle Andre.

Beta Larson spoke on behalf of his late father too, who had passed away last fall. My Grandpa Alpha passed before his time too. They weren't even a hundred yet.

I've heard that the war was hard and their bodies could only take that much. There was a white wolf healer in Black Forest, but their healing power took from your future life. E.g. healing a sprain might take off a few minutes of your life. Healing a disease might shave off a couple of years. During war, repeated healing would naturally shorten one's lifespan. So most of the warriors who survived the Great War were not expected to live beyond a hundred anyway.

Which was why Uncle Andre's broken arm was put in a cast and left to heal on it own. The pack healer was only used for emergencies and as a last resort now.

But during the war, it was used repeatedly to keep their warriors alive and kicking.

"It shows that we had given ourselves completely and fought bravely during the war." Grandpa Alpha had once said, "I have no regrets."

But no one talked about that.

No one talked about how my Grandpa Alpha liked sweet things, or how he made the best venison, so how he laughed.

No one said about how the barracks were rebuilt by his own hands too. Brick by brick, Grandpa Alpha was back home nursing an injury, but had joined the worker wolves to complete the building in time for the warriors to come home to.

Or how Grandpa used to play football with the war orphans. Grandpa loved football. He was supposedly one of the best coaches in this side of the continent. None of his sons played though. Grandpa said it was a dangerous sport. Which I never understood since we were werewolves and all, but Grandpa said he had seen too many young lives unnecessarily shortened because of too many heals over the course of a season.

Grandpa Silas was given very lofty sounding eulogies. In conclusion, here laid an outstanding Lycan whose contribution to the world were wrapped with accolades and distinction, and was now survived by his Luna mate, four alpha sons, and their families.

I was impressed by the man under all those words, but at least they weren't describing a man I would cry for.

I didn't step up, but if I wasn't so sure I would end up a blubbering mess, I would have stood up and said, "Please allow me to speak and remember this man simply as my Grandpa Alpha."

"This was the man who would fight with me for the last candy in the jar. The man who told me lies, that bowling balls were used as cannon balls during the war, that vampires were evolved from mosquitoes, that dolls were evil, and that the moon was the goddess' butt."

"This was the man who was afraid going into the lake, but would spend hours building castles in the sand next to it with me. This was a man who was not afraid of hard work, who enjoyed cooking for his family, and laughing at his grandchildren's expense."

"He wasn't a perfect man. What proper grown up took delight at making his granddaughter cry? But he was strong, hardworking, and always gave his all, always went all out for his pack and family."

"I'm going to miss him, and it won't be the same without him."

Yeah, but I suppose no one would every hear the eulogy in my heart. No one below the Delta rank stood up to speak, and I wondered as we listened on, what happened to the eulogies left unspoken.

After the eulogies everyone lined up, from the greatest to the smallest, they each took turns to come up to the coffin, make a small bow, and place a flower. Then they went down the line where we stood, bowing to Grandma Luna, and then shaking hands with the four alpha brothers, before shaking hands with Mum, Aunt Jade, and my cousins and I.

Ben remained just behind me the entire time. I kept my cool. I said I wouldn't cry. It was particularly hard when the pack members shook our hands while crying their eyes out.

"I'm sorry for your loss." Some would say.

I heard mum answered, "Thank you."

And for those who were crying too hard to speak, Mum would take their hand and soothe them, "Thank you for coming."

And also, "It's going to be okay."

Which sometimes simply broke a damn of fresh tears.

I ended up simply shaking hands and saying "Thank you" repeatedly. Unlike Mum, I didn't do the emotional stuff.

When it was over, my mum came over, eyes red with unshed tears and hugged Savy and me. We hugged her back. Dad broke out of the receiving line and came over to hug all three of us. He was growling lowly. When we released each other from our family hug, I noticed Uncle Louis and Aunt Jade and my cousins in embrace too, which surprised me. Why? I don't know. If Dad could love us, why did I find it weird that Uncle Louis could express love to his family too?

I watched them. Aunt Jade and the girls were sobbing. Little Eddy apparently had enough of the hugging and crying and slipping away from his family, he ran up to the coffin shouting, "Grandpa, wake up! The wake is over!"

There was shocked silence. Aunt Jade pulled Eddy away quickly. Everyone decided to pretend that didn't happen.

I bet Grandpa Alpha would have laughed though.