IT'S LATE AGAIN

Savy had fallen asleep in my bed. I was packing my bag and prepping my uniform for tomorrow. Just making sure I had all the pieces needed. I nearly couldn't find the metal pin badge... and then I nearly couldn't find a ribbon... I had three ribbons? What happened to them?

I sighed heavily to myself. It's late, and the nice thing about late nights, was the peace and quiet. Outside, the night air was cold and fresh. Inside, it's warm and toasty... And so quiet, I could hear myself think.

I did try to do some control practice just now. Maybe it was the Wolfbane, but it was a very dry run. There wasn't anything to practice on really. I understood why kids don't usually train their control till they shifted now. There wasn't anything to control. I gave up after a few token attempts.

Tomorrow, I'd be back in school.

I didn't really want to be. I thought about my free pass to stay home. It's still valid. I could just tell my parents "Wolfbane" and sleep in tomorrow.

Wow, without Wolfie, I'm really just an indecisive person.

I'm also a cowardly one.

I didn't want to go to bed because I didn't want another dream. Just in case though, I decided not to wear anything potentially embarrassing like pink pajamas pants, or oversized t-shirts without pants on.

Right. That's why I'm in my new sweat suit. Don't judge me. It's very comfortable to wear on a cool wintry night.

If I did dream of my mate again, I'm going to ask for his name, and location, and if he happened to be the missing Lorent Future Alpha that needed rescuing.

I remembered his reaction last dream when I joked I would come rescue him. He blanched. I swear he turned two shades paler. Seriously, was it that hard for the dude to accept my help? Yeah, he'd rather fight in a cage like an animal for the next few years... Wait, but how could he be so sure he could get out in a few years? How could he be sure he wouldn't die tonight?

So he might not be the Lorent Future Alpha. He might not be in a fight cage, or even anywhere near a vampire. He could just be messing around and getting into fights back home at his pack, living it up for the next few years.

Or it could be anything else in-between.

I wished Gamma Harry hadn't brought up the possibility of the missing Lorent Future Alpha being my mate. I mean, there were at least a hundred other possibilities, but him highlighting it as one made it seem even more possible now.

I wished my wolfie could surface sooner and let me shift! And then what? I chase into the wind and hunt my mate down? I remembered the wolf "fight" and cannot express how embarrassing that was. I've decided to pretend I wasn't even trying. But I guess once Wolfie comes, we would be training non stop. I won't lose again... Wait no, the dream didn't count. If I should fight in real life, I must win.

Wait, but if I do become a Luna, what was I training so hard for? What's the point? No one expects any of this from a Luna.

Lunas didn't need to lead a pack, make decisions, or fight... Lunas didn't even have to shift. My mum was a Luna, and her main job was taking care of Dad, Savy, and me. She also took care of the rest of the pack, this involved a lot of lunches, tea meetings, and visiting. Oh, and she organized a lot of the pack parties.

Taking a cue from Luna Edith, I guess if I wanted to bring it up a notch, I could learn to do all the stuff my mum did in a dress and high heels. That would increase the challenge level for sure.

If mate wanted to be the alpha, why don't I just let him run out there, make the hard decisions, deal with the responsibilities, fight the rogues, win the war, and keep our pack in line.

Why did I even have to try so hard? Training, studying, and working hard to prove myself over and over again.

All the Moon Goddess wanted from me was to bear pups and be my mate's Luna... Oh, and operate on Ben. Yes, there was that too. What would I give to get out of that one!

Wouldn't Ben and Jonah have it easier if the Alpha was a big strong guy like my mate? Plus if he could self heal like he did in my dreams, even better.

I remembered the way I looked earlier today, with a bow in my hair, makeup, pink cardigan and a dress... Okay, the bow was a little over the top, but...

All this while, I've thought that it would have been better if I were born a boy.

Now I think maybe being a girl suited me better after all, I just need to be more of a girl.

I totally got this. Well, no, I have no idea where to start. What kind of girl should I be?

I remembered when I was a very small pup, maybe three or four, and mum let me stand on the porch to watch the world go by. Since we were next to the pack house, it really did feel like the whole world was going in and out of it in the mornings.

Then I saw a beautiful young lady walked out of the pack house. She was alone, and to this day, I had no idea who she was. Her hair was long and straight, all the way down to her butt. She had makeup on and wore a short miniskirt. She might had even been a human.

I remembered staring at her till she was out of sight. I remembered thinking, this lady probably had a lot of boyfriends. I remembered thinking that I want to be like this when I grew up.

Wait, my puphood ambition was to grow my hair long and have a lot of boyfriends? Hahaha, who knew?

Nobody. I was going to take this childhood memory down to the grave with me.

I crawled into my bed next to Savy. I hope the Wolfbane cleared out of my system soon. I don't feel quite like myself tonight.