Coward (3)

Over time, we became even closer, practically inseparable. We shared everything from how we tried our first makeup to how our tastes, personalities, and preferences changed. While walking, we held hands, and when saying goodbye, we hugged. We were really best friends.

But this closeness wasn't enough for me. I longed for something more, but what was it that I wanted so much? And was I wrong to want more from her?

I tried to suppress the thoughts I didn't want her to see. What if she started to resent me? Despite my inner turmoil, I kept up my best friend facade and wore a smile.

At some point we started worrying about things I hadn't really cared about before, like appearance.

"You have such nice long hair," I said. "Maybe I should let mine grow out too."

I usually kept my hair down to my shoulders, which made it easier to maintain.

She approached me with a smile. "Nah... I like your hair," she said, gently running her fingers through it.

For some reason, her touch caused a pleasant tension in my chest.

No… Stop.. If you do this…

I looked at her face, so close and looking at me. She had become undeniably attractive and caught the attention of many boys at school. I felt insecure; maybe I wasn't that attractive.

Then she took my hand and we went shopping.

Our styles differed in makeup and clothing. She preferred a sweet and innocent look, while I tended toward a bolder and more free-spirited look.

We had different styles of makeup and clothes. She had a sweet and innocent look, and I had a bolder and more free-spirited look.

As I looked in the mirror, I was amazed at how well she had chosen my clothes. They were perfect, making me feel both comfortable and feminine.

I wondered. Would she look at me differently now? Could there be something more in her heart for me? Would she see me as more than just a friend?

I never thought there would be a time when guys would be interested in me.

Me? With my personality? What do they see in me?

"I'm not interested in a relationship," I told her, applying a lighter shade of lipstick to my lips.

Sometimes we liked to stand in front of the mirror together, doing our makeup or getting dressed. 'Like sisters,' she would say. But I didn't really like that word.

I looked at her and noticed that her breasts were bigger than mine.

"Hey, don't worry," she reassured me, "but you have incredibly beautiful legs, and you're very, very cute."

"Pfft. Hahaha," I laughed.

She was so funny.

Why are you telling me these things? Don't you know…

"You said you weren't interested in a relationship. Why?" she asked, looking back into the mirror and fixing her hair.

"I don't know."

She ran her fingers through her hair and studied her reflection. "Do you think I'll find a boyfriend?" she inquired.

"Pffft," I gave her a slight smile, "Of course, even an idiot can't resist your cuteness."

She turned to me with a faint smile, "You think I'm cute?"

Badump…

Why is my heart beating so fast?

No…

Hide it…

Don't show your feelings...

"Y-Yeah..." I replied, smiling back at her.

And, of course, she got a boyfriend at some point.

Too suddenly for me...

She started telling me all kinds of new things. Romance, her dates, her first kiss.

I shared those moments with her, laughed with her, cheered her up, and hid things in my heart that I thought she would never know. I wore a smile on my face when she talked about her boyfriend.

What was I hiding? A secret buried deep in my heart, hurting and warming me at the same time.

I didn't know when these feelings began in my heart, nor did I fully understand them. I believed that I only saw her as a friend. I never expected to feel this way.

So, I kept asking myself the same questions. When did I begin to feel these feelings in my heart? When did I start to see her differently?

She didn't know that I painted my lips for her. She didn't know that every time she complimented me, my heart would race. She didn't know how much I appreciated every gift she gave me. And I didn't want her to know. I couldn't show it. I didn't want to cross that line. I was content to just be her friend.

Even though my heart broke every time she went out on a date, I couldn't allow myself to open up to her.

When I hugged her, when she cried after breaking up with that guy, when my hands stroked her head, I despised myself for those feelings. I hated the fact that I found a glimmer of happiness in her breakup.

I sincerely wanted her to be happy. So I refrained from interfering in her relationship, even though I was jealous.

"I'm not ready to date right now," she said.

Somehow part of me felt relieved.

Ah, Hina. I will never reveal what my heart hides, what lurks in the depths of my feelings.

That's what I always believed. That's what I thought until today.

So… why did I say those words to her?

The emotions bubbling in my chest clouded my mind, and I completely forgot that she could easily find out who was hiding under the helmet.

I relied on my acting skills, some of which I hadn't shown her.

Even if she didn't recognize my voice, she had plenty of ways to figure out who was hiding under the helmet.

She could have easily followed me. She could have lingered until I took off my helmet after the shooting. She could have questioned the others about the identity of the knight in the helmet.

But at that moment, all reason seemed to leave me. I just longed for a little peace in my heart. And the words came out. And then, realizing what I had said, I ran away.

***

"How? Since when?" Her voice trembled as she asked these questions.

"Hana... You went to such lengths to hide the fact that it was you," I said.

"You..."

"You're a bad liar, you know..."

I just smiled at her, but she stood there with her head down, as if afraid not only to look at me, but to make any unnecessary movement.

"Hana..."

She didn't answer, and then I worked up the courage to finally say the words I'd wanted to say for so long. "Don't worry," I whispered softly. "Your feelings are mutual," I said, smiling gently.

"Eh?" Finally, her surprised eyes lifted to meet mine.

There was a look of disbelief in her eyes, like she was trying to figure out if I was messing with her or not.

"What's there to be surprised about? I just wanted you to confess first..."

"But... What do you mean? You've never..."

"You were so consumed with your fears that you didn't notice my feelings..."

She looked at me with incomprehension in her eyes, "Wait... Do you really like me?"

It was as if she didn't believe my words and expected me to say that it was all a joke. But it wasn't a joke or a game, it was the truth. "I do..." I lowered my head awkwardly.

For some reason, I felt embarrassed too. After all, I was confessing to her as well. I could feel my heart beating faster and my cheeks burning.

"So all this time..."

"Yes..."

"You... How long have you known about my feelings..."

"I've felt it for a while, but I wasn't sure..."

At that moment I felt her hands slip from mine. I heard a rumble. Raising my eyes, I saw that she was sitting on the cold floor, her legs bent sideways. Her face, which she covered with her hands, was slightly lowered.

It seemed like all the feelings she'd been hiding, trying to keep inside, were finally coming out.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong?" I asked, sitting on my knees next to her.

I could feel the hardness of the floor against my skin, but it didn't matter.

Still reluctant to look at me, as if not ready to reveal all her feelings, she continued to cover her face with her hands and exclaimed, "I'm sorry! I'm a coward, I couldn't confess... I thought you would hate me..."

Ah…

Without hesitation, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close to me.

"You silly girl... I'm the one who should be apologizing. I shouldn't have put you through that... Your confession was so sweet, I just wanted you to confess to my face, without the mask..."

"Is it true? Do you really love me?"

"Why would I lie?"

"I don't believe you..."

"You're a dummy."

"Am I dreaming?"

"You're not..."

She's always been the braver one between us, but to see her like this...

"What did you tell them?" I asked, pulling away slightly and cupping her cheeks, bringing her face close to mine.

"What are you talking about?"

She didn't resist at all, meeting my gaze.

Her fear had dissipated...

But now tears welled up in her eyes, which she could hardly hold back.

God... Please don't cry.

"I'm talking about the members of the drama club."

"I just asked them not to tell you it was me..."

"And they weren't surprised?"

"They were..."

"What about that actor? Do you know that actor?"

"He's a friend of my brother's."

"Oh yeah, your brother is in the student council."

"Yeah… And our music club is friends with the drama club, and we know each other," her voice trembled slightly.

I watched as the first tear rolled down her cheek.

Geez, what's wrong with you?

I rarely saw her cry.

"Yes, you're the reason I became friends with that girl from the student council. I see, and you thought you could outsmart me?" I said this with a smile, trying to calm her down and get a smile from her lips.

But she just lowered her head in embarrassment. She probably didn't want me to see the tears she couldn't hold back anymore.

Then I heard her sobbing quietly.

"Hey... Calm down..." I began to stroke her back gently.

Finally, she surrendered completely and began sobbing in my arms, uttering incomprehensible words through her tears, "I was worried. I... I didn't know that you would search so hard for the knight... And then, and then... I started to regret confessing to you," she sobbed, "but I couldn't resist. I hid it for so long..."

She clung to me tightly, pulling me closer, "Waa!" Her fingers dug into the fabric of my clothes.

Her delicate fingers touched me awkwardly... I could feel them through my clothes... And I just stroked her head gently, soothingly, and she cried and cried...

For a while, we sat in silence, her sobs filling the room.

I didn't know how much time had passed. But at some point, when the sobbing had stopped, her embrace suddenly tightened and she whispered in my ear, "You little..." Her voice was still trembling from recent tears, but now it sounded confident and determined.

Hmm? Did I awaken the beast?

"Hey..." I murmured as if to reassure her.

I felt her head fall on my shoulder. "Made me cry... I'll show you."

Her fingers dug deeper into my back as she pulled me closer... "I love you..." her fervent whisper brushed against my ear, burning my skin and making my body tingle.

"You too... I, I love you too," I responded tenderly, resting my head on her shoulder in return.

I didn't know how much time had passed. I was afraid someone would enter the room. But it was late, and I hoped the school was deserted. My knees were very tired.

They're probably waiting for us, a thought crossed my mind.

Another thought occurred to me - I had called Hana a coward, but maybe...

"I'm sorry for putting you through this… I'm a coward too," I whispered quietly.

"No..." I heard her whisper.

"No?"

"I won't forgive you..."

"Please... I will do anything..."

"Anything?"

"Yes."

"Take me on a date... Then I might forgive you."