Chapter 1: Cycle

I am long dead

Yet I am still breathing and living

Amidst the time I hold is the day I die

Yet before I went to heaven

I have my one last wish

I want to return--

[Time Check—12:30, Friday]

'What happened?' I whispered to myself at the same time I heard an ambulance's siren beside me. I cannot move my body and my head is very painful, as if I hit something.

'Just what happened to me?'

Irritated, I shouted in my mind. I am becoming dizzy and my vision is slowly fading when I heard something like voice or shout and it add into the pain I am bearing. When I tilt my head to the right, I saw my classmates, and I am surprised to see them crying and calling my name in my front.

'Why are they acting like that?'

I asked myself and continued to observe their actions. It seems they are mourning for someone, and before I realized what happened and my head became more painful and my vision of them became blurry. This time, not just my head but my whole body is in pain. So I decided to raise my hand but no matter I wanted to do so, my hand as well as my body is not listening to me it seems heavy and unusual for me.

I tried to wander my blurry eyes, obviously the pictures in front of me are vague. I look in the sky, and tried to close my eyes. When I do, darkness envelops me. It seems eating me and fall deeper in this darkness.

'I am afraid… is this Death'

I questioned myself, if I am right. I am at the brink of death. Although, I did not know why, how or when. The only thing I can remember is I am going home to eat a delicious food made by my lovely mom.

'If this is Death… then it is very sad'

I cried but I did not felt any tears, I shouted but no voice came out.

'… ahh… Is this the end for me?'

I probe again, even if I know that there are no answers I still wanted to ask myself or anyone who is present over here.

'Silly… of me, how can another presence of a person be here? '\

I laughed a bit and tried to calm myself but the longer I close my eyes and embrace my darkness, my sanity is taken away.

'Hurry… Hurry… God of Death or anyone. If I am really dead, hurry up and take me. I cannot take this sadness anymore.'

I shouted and argue with the God of Death in my minds. Even if there are no people beside me, I tried to talk. My consciousness, my sanity as well as my well-being everything has been taken away. Slowyly, as if you are undergoing in an endless torture. Then, at the knick of having crazy in this darkness. I saw something intriguing and fascinating.

'My Memories!'

I bellowed, and see myself from the point I have begun to think to the moment I am living in the present. In my younger days, I am very talkative and naughty, when I entered high school. I became secretive and glutton.

'Haha… that is the time that I taste the delicious food for me. Lasagna ~'

Telling that, I suddenly craved for my favourite food but I stopped my daydreaming and open my eyes.

'This is it?!'

I yelled looking at the blurry sky in my front. The blue sky from before became greyer in my eyes.

'This… is… my … last…moment'

I whispered to myself and I resigned myself to the fate that I am facing.

"I… am …DEAD…"

I shouted my last words and close my eyes for the last time.

Again, I felt the cold and lonely darkness embracing me but I still felt that someone pick me up and transfer me to another place.

'Maybe inside the ambulance'

I shrieked and after I am transfer to that place. Once again, I am enveloped by the serene darkness. This time, no one will be able to save me. As this ambulance runs the seconds of my life will put to an end.

'In the end… I die without achieving or proving something'

I sigh and the darkness began to take me.

'Yes.. this is it… I will die'

Feeling hopeless, I give up on living and let the God of Death do its work.

…

…

…

…

Silence

…

Sadness

…

Cold

'Just how many seconds have passed? … I cannot hear the engine of the vehicle. Does God of Death is late in picking me up?'

My thoughts became crazy as solitude when inside my head. I feel heavy, and lonely and cold.

"P…lease … take me now. Whoever you are"

I stated and I am surprised to even utter some more words even earlier I felt that I have said my last words.

Seconds passed and my heart became weak, its beat is getting slower also my body is getting numb.

'this is it… I will really die… this time'

I said and prepare myself to meet the God of Death and be ready for my Death. Little by little, I am losing my senses. First is my sense of smell, … then my hearing … then my taste… maybe… then…

"Ahhh"

Annoyed, I tried to mutter something but no words have been formed. My heart is on the final lap of its beat as well as my breathe.

'It feels forever… to wait for your Death and it makes me irritated as well as frightened.'

Losing my temper, I tried to raise my body and wanted to end this life.

Waiting makes me crazier than earlier, I cannot feel anything. I cannot see anything and I cannot hear anything.

"…"

Even my tongue did not move the way I wanted to,

"…"

'This is… it is really Death'

I shouted in my mind, but it seems I am wrong again. I wait for how many hours, minutes seconds but I am still alive.

'Hurry up and kill me. If you cannot I will—'

I stop myself from thinking, I wanted to die and free me from my sufferings.

'No… that is the reason why'

I shouted in my mind, how long should I wait for the God of Death till it decided to came and pick me up

'Hello… I am Dying. God of Death you have work to do'

I beseeched and call the God of Death if I stay like this… I will

"L…i…v…e"

I uttered and again, I have said something. Earlier I cannot even form a sentence, not even a sentence or phrase I cannot even state a word from my mouth but right now I said my one and only wish.

'I still want to live'

I thought, deep inside my heart I wanted to live but as I experience death right now I feel that death is inescapable. It is hopeless to hope for something like a miracle for me to live. This is the end of the line, there is no going forward or return. For me my time has been stopped

Amidst of the darkness I am lying down, a glimpse of light blind my eyes. Even if earlier I cannot see but right now it is sparkling in front of me. Golden dust envelops me and gives me warmth, even though I lost my senses it suddenly came back to me when this golden light entered my field of vision.

I am stunned, I cannot comprehend anything that I see. It is beyond my limits as a human to understand things like this.

That golden dust transformed into an object similar to wings and spread the light until my darkness that embracing me has been rewritten.

They are golden wings similar to those fairies and those wings belongs to a miniature doll with white coat and long emerald hair and is floating in my front. I felt that every existence of her seems bringing life.

'Is she a goddess?'

I supposed, and I am amazed to see her before I die

She put her face closer to mine blocking my vision, her diamond-like eyes is gleaming but not with life it is very transparent and seems empty. She continue to stare at me and smile then ask

"Do you still want to live?"

She said her voice fit her body. It sounds like a child at the age of eight to ten.

...

Silence pours over us for a minute or two.

'Did I mishear something, can you please repeat that'

Stunned, I just stared at her and she repeated her question

"I am asking you, do you still want to LIVE?"

She shouted and it seems like she is short tempered because her pitch is increasing

'... But how can this child grant my wish. Is this a prank! But even though it is a prank. I want to say it.'

"Uhhh…I…"

I tried to open my mouth and say it

"Answer me: YES OR NO"

Her voice seems angelic and those words she said are my only hope. Even if it is a lame joke I appreciate your effort tiny fairy. It looks like my conviction in living is very strong that's why even in dreams I have given a chance to talk to a fairy.

"Y.... Y....E...S.... "

I desperately say "yes"

'Even though it is a dream I want to say it... that I still want to live'

After I say "yes" in a very low voice, my surroundings change and filled with bright light. It looks like I will be sent in heaven.

'So that is the way how people is sent to heaven it is very comforting and relaxing and thus I die'