in-between.

People's lives are different stories with different tales to tell. Let me tell you about my 2018.

Living the life of loneliness from age 10 was not hard for me and I grew accustomed to the lifestyle where only one mattered. MY ABRAXAS. That's what i called him. He was my only friend. I remembered the days where I hated waking up from my dreams so I wouldn't leave him alone. I felt loved. He was always there for me.

I felt powerful because of the feeling of protection I got from him. I remember the incident of a past friend Bukumi Adesola. She used to be a friend but after I stopped relating with her, She became mean to me. She would randomly throw insults at me over little mistakes I made in class. She made me cry once and the day after I heard she was sick with chicken pox. And there were different accidents like that. Things I wished others in anger came to pass.

Nothing bothered me as long as I had ABRAXAS. I made him promise me that he would never leave. Looking back at these I realised that my life had been the movie I was meant to write. That promise still haunts me in my dreams.

The day I let him go was when my mother got sick. He couldn't help me with that. I turned to who could. God.

I would cry myself to sleep each time I prayed for God to heal my mom . I felt God was punishing for being a bad little girl. I forsook him and forgotten how he meant to me. Slowly from the haunter, I became the haunted. I lost my mom 10th of December, 2019. She died of cancer. And then I was angry with God. Then I was left with nothing but emptiness.

ABRAXAS haunted me in my dreams. He was angry that I left him. I stopped hearing his voice. He left me alone during the day and haunted my dreams during the night. He would lurk in the Shadows in my dreams. His presence wasn't friendly anymore. I felt like I was targeted to be killed. He would say to me. You left me alone . I made him make me a promise and little did I know he would keep it up till this very day. I have so much story to tell.