The way this World works.

TW - Self-harm/Suicide

In a rage, I constantly attempted all kinds of ways to kill myself the past week. I just wasn't able to comprehend the situation I'm thrown into.

Each time I did end up dying, I was brought back in time to the moment I woke up here.

What I know, for now, is how to find my way inside the residence of the duchy as I had to find a proper window to jump off. I have no clue why I expected not to feel pain. The split second of excruciating pain, when my skull cracked apart, while my vision blackened was genuinely agonizing.

Drowning was far worse as it was the slowest and most painful death. I felt my ears pop from the pressure when I was deep into the water. Eventually, my lungs were burning and I genuinely wished I could come up and inhale oxygen to stop the pain. I was desperate for satisfaction, craving to breathe, but I just felt the water fill in me and make me heavier, I felt the weight of it clog all my orifices.

What baffles me is that last time when I was in my own body, I didn't feel pain when I tried to kill myself. On the contrary, I was quite traumatized by the first time I did try to kill myself, it was utterly painful and I was in the hospital for months at a time. I hated the manner people looked at me, I hated being a burden to my sister and I felt like a failed existence walking around being a nuisance. This is what scared me, I didn't want to end up failing if I attempted again.

Coming back to the point, why is it that I couldn't feel pain in my old body during my last try? What exactly happened the moment before I ended up here?

After all the failures in this body, I feel desolate and devastated to the point that I dread the pain that accompanies death.

Well, let's stop being impulsive and think it out.

After thinking for a while about the possibilities I had previously laid out. The most plausible but unconventional possibility is reincarnation. It was a famous troupe in a few mangas I've read, the isekai and reincarnation genre. Still.. It's absurd.

If I had time travelled, would I be occupying someone else's body? And would Evelyn killing herself be a complete coincidence?

Dreaming and or being drugged seemed to be quite the furthest in possibilities considering how it's been a week if you didn't consider the fact that I'm back in time again.

The actual question is, how do I go back? Or even better, cease to exist from this misery.

I need knowledge, all information I know about this world is from a book I barely read.

"My lady!"

Abruptly heard along with the sound of glass breaking, when Mary drops the tray she was holding.

"I am deeply sorry about this, I deserve death blah blah blah. I already know, I know all of that. I'm going to the library Mary, accompany me."

Mary is perplexed by my words but I can't care less knowing that I can go back in time after killing myself again.

Ah.. but why did the idea of that send a shiver across my spine?

_

Before learning about new knowledge, I need to note down my memories affiliated with the novel.

"Mary, my memories are very muffled after the traumatic experience. I need to recall a few things, could you bring me a paper and pen to take a few notes?"

"Certainly, your highness"

As I know, this world is fictional so there's a possibility of things getting out of hand. The story consisted of a few main characters, mostly children of nobility.

Mainly revolved around the main character Blanche who was living as a commoner until Baron Wynknight adopted her. Baron Wynknight was a man who couldn't keep his dick in his pants, a cheating bastard. Thanks to karma, Baron's children kept dying due to a genetic disorder, except Blanche. She was one of the children born out of wedlock that he left to Blanche's mom to take care of. Knowing she's the only child remaining of his own blood, he brought the child back in to secure his bloodline.

Blanche then gets the chance to attend the Royal academy in the capital. While garnering everybody's attention for being a commoner before a Baron, she was bullied constantly. Guess who commenced the bullying in the first place? It was Evelyn Agrece.

Evelyn Agrece was obsessively in love with Duke Theodore Lancaster, the male main character. When her fiance Theodore whom she loved was whipped by the presence of unpredictable Blanche, Evelyn was outraged and made Blanche's life at school, a living hell. 

Although Blanche gains the attention of all the main characters, she chooses Theodore out of all of them which enrages Evelyn motivating her to assassinate Blanche. Blanche is saved by the ever-so-loving main characters and Evelyn gets sentenced to jail for the rest of her life.

Let's get to the very important part I'm anxious about,

Eugene

He was the second male lead who fell in love with Blanche. The story commences when the main characters enrol in the Academy. Young adults of nobility, from ages 18 to 20 are given the chance to enrol in this Academy, it's kind of like university back in my old life.

"Mary, when will I be joining the Academy?"

"Academy has already commenced a month ago, my lady took a break due to Young lord's sudden death"

From my speculation, Eugene hasn't even met Blanche by now. The story is yet to even start and the second male lead is dead?

The plot stopped going according to the novel from the point Eugene was murdered.

"I have so many questions, but none of this will provide me answers in figuring out how to end my life"

Mary lets out a gasp hearing the latter part prompting her to drop the paper and pen she had brought. Evelyn sighs with frustration engulfing her emotions.

Silence.

Mary proceeds to compose herself and bends over in an attempt to pick the pen up. Evelyn, watching this, widens her eyes in realization.

"Wait, that's it!" Evelyn exclaims aloud while holding Mary's shoulders causing her to let out a shiver.

"I'm thinking too uptight, I should BEND OVER and think about this in a different light!"

"B-Bend over?"

Mary, who was immersed in gaping at the hands that are on her shoulder, is now confused by the weird remarks.

"I was thinking about this whole situation in my own logical reasoning. I was trying to find an answer in the story when the answer might be hidden in how this world works"

Evelyn talks out loud while walking back and forth with Mary following close behind her.

"The rules or intangible variables of this world are resisting me from killing myself. This novel is set in a fictional world consisting of magic, therefore I need to include possibilities beyond my logical expectation"

Evelyn then abruptly stops causing Mary to bump into Evelyn's back.

"From what I remember, magic is only understood by members of the cult"

"Cult? My lady, do you mean by the chosen ones?"

"Well yeah, that's what you call it, the priests and saints or whatever. They have knowledge regarding magic and the world, don't they? They communicate with the so-called 'God' right?"

As I remember, there was a religious organization that had lived lavished lives using the money of oblivious believers. They called themselves 'The Chosen ones' which supposedly god himself picked out to serve him.

"Yes they do my lady, multiple of the High priest's prophecies came true. Truly a blessed and knowledgeable individual he is, rumours are that his looks are on par with Duke Theodore"

"Mary, you're a simp"

"S-Simp? Would you like shrimp to be added to your cuisine?"

"It's alright"

I don't remember any high priest being mentioned in the story, either he's introduced after I stopped reading or he's not a significant role. The two most likely possibilities are that he's a fraudster with the cult backing him up, or he's someone with answers to my questions.

"So who is this High priest and how do I meet him?"

"Sir Cassis Melford, he's someone with just as much influence and power as The Royal family. You need to have a similar standing in order to request an audience with him"

"Evelyn is a duke's daughter but she has the lowest social status with rumours about her shitty personality. He wouldn't grant her the right to meet him if she's the one requesting"

"I'm sorry My lady, I couldn't be of any help"

Mary's head drops down low as she cannot deny the truth in that. Evelyn, who observed this, steps closer to Mary and slowly lifts Mary's chin up with her finger.

"But not if it's Duke Agrece himself" Evelyn smirks while Mary's eyes widen.

"You've done well Mary, you don't have to feel bad'' Evelyn's words cause Mary's cheeks to be tinted red with shock and embarrassment.

"I'm going to meet the Duke, come with me"

Evelyn utters leaving behind a perplexed Mary.

"Lady Evelyn... Who truly are you?"