Chapter 108 - The Questions Within

"Whenever you fight from this point on, there is one thing you must never do. Which is…to die alone." — Shiba Kaien.

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[POV: With Itachi]

The dome of energy surrounding Itachi slowly dissipated back into his body and his two swords but the man in question paid no attention to it and remained unmoving with his head hung low and his long hair covering his face.

Itachi remained mute and frozen like that for what seemed like hours before the sound of clothes shifting echoed throughout the underground cave.

"What was that?"

His words were soft and low, so low that it didn't ripple an echo through the surrounding walls.

For the first few seconds of him asking, the only reply he got was an unsettling silence but as the silence stretched on, his Zanpakutōs thrummed and two figures appeared behind him.

None of their features were visible as Amaterasu chose to appear as a humanoid mass of black flames, whereas Tsukuyomi appeared as a haphazard motion of grey mist in a somewhat humanoid form but with a crow head.

Before any of them could speak, Itachi started with a little alteration to his previous question.

"What was the essence of showing me that?"

The mass of erratically swirling grey mist floated until it was standing at Itachi's left side.

"That is one of the tests prepared for you to truly understand who and what Tsukuyomi is, and in essence grasping the reflection of your truth in it." Tsukuyomi stated in the calm and composed voice he was known for.

"We are unlike other Zanpakutōs because of the way we were conceived. Different from other Shinigami who bond with their Zanpakutō to learn its name, Shikai or Bankai, the relationship that has once existed between us makes the result for such bonding utterly useless. It is not a lie to say you have the most intimate and solidly built relationship with your Zanpakutō spirits compared to any other Shinigami we've known."

The two of them were now at Itachi's side but still his head hung low as he listened to Tsukuyomi's words. Words he had heard before and thought he understood now seemed completely foreign to him.

"It is a journey of self discovery you have to go through on your own and reach the answer only you want. How else can you hope to recognize your reflection on the moon if you don't know who you truly are?"

"I know who I am, Tsukuyomi. I have always known who I am." Itachi replied. Though his words sounded calm, there was an underlying current of anger, confusion and resentment in them.

"I have accepted my regrets. I have acknowledged my failures. I have made peace with my past. I have admitted to who I am; lost, scorned and alone. I have recognized that my worth is only as much as those who my life has impacted. I now live, not as the traitor scion of the Uchiha or Itachi of the Leaf, but as Lieutenant Itachi of the Second Division."

Itachi raised his head to stare blankly upward as he let out a derisive chuckle.

"So how?"

He felt the static of his fiery companion rest on his shoulder in a comforting nudge and slowly, involuntarily even, he started relaxing the tension in his shoulders.

"The answer is already within you, Itachi. You just have to recognize it for what it is and accept it for what it will be. And remember, whether you can hear our voice or not, we are always with you."

With her piece done, Amaterasu and Tsukuyomi went back into their separate blades and left Itachi to himself and his thoughts.

"I truly am the biggest hypocrite. I accuse Zaraki for not knowing the name of his companion and yet I don't even know who I am." The smile he wore as he stood up to leave was one of self-ridicule. He judged individuals like Gin and Tōsen as highly hypocritical, and yet here he was.

Still he wasn't one to give up. If to achieve Bankai he would have to confront an unknown part of him then that is what he would do. Never once in his life had he run from any challenge or deemed one too impossible to surmount, and even in death he wouldn't.

He would keep trying over and over again until he finally understands what his Zanpakutō spirits were trying to tell him.

…..

"Are you alright? You seem extra quiet today." Soi Fon asked as they both oversaw the training of the new Onmistukidō members.

"… I ran into a little complication. It's nothing serious." He assured her while focusing on the Zanjutsu sparring sessions going on in front of them.

She said nothing after that, taking his words at face value, and joined him in watching the fights playing out.

"You put Junpei in Onmistukidō." Itachi stated matter-of-factly.

"Hmm. His Shikai will be a great support for him in Onmistukidō."

Itachi countered. "It would aid him in being a simple Shinigami. Any special reason for the corps?"

She looked at Itachi from the corner of her eye and huffed. "You are teaching him how to be an all-round good fighter. I want to teach him a specialization. You can have him back when I'm done with him."

Itachi chose to leave it at that and both him and Soi Fon fell into the routine of addressing the new recruits and directing them. All the while as they did that, Itachi's mind was on something else, or rather someone else.

'He would no doubt want to be a Captain as soon as possible which means I need to achieve my Bankai at all cost if I hope to have a counter to his Shikai. And even worse, his Bankai.'

"Mr. Itachi!" Junpei ran over and gave him a loud salute after their training exercise ended that earned him a glare from Soi Fon and an empty stare from Itachi.

"It's Lieutenant Itachi." Itachi corrected him but he just laughed awkwardly and scratched the back of his head.

"Um…"

"I know I haven't had the chance to test out your Shikai yet but I've been busy these past few weeks." Itachi said, guessing correctly what Junpei wanted to ask.

He didn't remain with them any longer than that before going to First Lieutenant Sasakibe for a short debriefing and on his way back he made a short detour to the Eleventh.

"Lieutenant Uchiha." Someone called out to him as he strolled through the streets of the Eleventh barracks.

"Officer Yumichika. Do you know of your Captain's whereabouts?" He inquired of the 5th Seated Officer who was one of the few that always hung around Zaraki Kenpachi.

Yumichika shrugged. "I have not the faintest idea. Now that I think about it, he's been absent a lot lately. Still you might want to ask the Lieutenant for the Captain's whereabouts."

"I see. Thank you." Before Yumichika could say another word, Itachi simply wasn't there any more.

"Can he not be such a hardass for once? Hmm, Ikkaku would probably be interested in watching if they do end up fighting." Yumichika turned and ran back to look for his battle hungry friend.

Given the sheer size of the Seireitei, it took Itachi a few minutes to find Yachiru and ask her of her second half's whereabouts.

"Kenny? Mmn, he's been swinging his sword at nothing and for no reason for a week now. Shh, promise not to tell anyone, Tachi-tachi?"

"I promise." He didn't even stop her from locking her pinky finger with his to seal the deal. He was too caught up in Yachiru's ecstatic smile and giddiness to care about the unimportant nuances of her happy actions.

Zaraki Kenpachi was learning. He was accepting his flaw, his only flaw, and trying to bond with his sword in the only way he knew how to. He was himself, always has been. And Itachi could see that.

"C'mon Tachi-tachi, let's go meet Kenny." She pulled on his sleeves and Itachi was tempted to follow her but had to stop himself after taking a single step.

"Not today, I'm afraid. It would be remiss of me to interrupt him at this juncture with something redundant." He tousled the little pinkette's hair and smiled as he saw her pouting at him but didn't make an effort to move his hand away. "I'll see you later, Yachiru."

"Bye bye, Tachi-tachi."

As he left the Eleventh, one of his ghosts arrived behind him on one knee to deliver a message.

"Mayuri Kurotsuchi is at the last step of stabilizing a gate to Hueco Mundo but he still hasn't proceeded. What are your orders, sir?"

"Leave him be for now. He'll send for me sooner or later. Right now, I want strict surveillance and overview on every single Shinigami that leaves through the gates."

The Eagle behind him gave a nod and promptly disappeared to carry out Itachi's intent.

Left alone, Itachi looked at the bright blue sky up above and couldn't help but ask himself.

"Am I doing it all wrong?"

He had never once doubted himself as much as he's done since arriving at the Soul Society. It sometimes gets too much that he starts wondering if he was suddenly being stupidly naïve.

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