Chapter 16

“Well, what I wanted to say is I lo-” I know how this is going to go and I’ve got to stop it. I put my finger on his lip. “Don’t.” I can’t bear to be hurt like that again I barely survived last time. I try to wiggle out of his arms, but he is holding me like his life depends on it.

Eventually, after staring into my eyes for a few minutes, he lets go. I’m not ready. I’ll never be ready. I hope he can forgive me for this. I get out of the pool leading to my room to change out of my clothes and sleep. Once that is done and I am in my bed unable to sleep because I cannot forget what happened today.

I decide to get out of bed and sit on my chair on the balcony. Mr Manroe walks in and he has a murderous look on his face with his belt in his hand. He walks towards me

“Get up.” He says.

“What is going on?”

“I said get up.” I feel fear run through my body. I know this feeling. I felt this before. I've been through this. My heart beating fast, hands getting sweaty, mouth getting dry. All of this, I have felt it before.

He grabs my arm pulling me out of my chair and throwing me on the floor. He starts hitting with the belt over and over again. No matter how much I scream. He does not stop. I screamed for him to stop. I Screamed I am sorry. But he doesn't stop. I know he won't. I didn't think he would hurt me. But he did.

“Elizabeth! Elizabeth! Elizabeth.!” I gasp as I feel hands shaking me. I tried to back away thinking: you hurt me.

“It is me. Elizabeth! I'm here no one will hurt you.”

“Please don't hurt me. I won't do it again.” I see his face. And it is all that I can see. I smell him. I feel him. He's here.

“ It's me, Jordan. Mr Monroe. Do you hear me?”

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”

“Stop freaking out in this a bit. What did you do? You did nothing wrong.”

“Please don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me. James Please.”

“What you talking about? Who's James?”

I tried to run out but he holds me. He holds me close to his chest. And that's when I realise. It's him. His smile is calming to me. His heartbeat was like a lullaby. It's not him.

We stay in this position for some time until I come down. Until I can breathe again.

“Who is James?

"I do not want to talk about it."

“Talk about it.”

“No, Mr Manroe, I will not. Please I need some space.”

“Fine. Just for today, but tomorrow we talk.” he lets go of me. And I feel myself missing his touch, yearning for it. But I can't. I can't want it. I can't do this to myself.

The time is 5:00 AM, so I guess it's a reasonable time to wake up. I don't think I will be able to sleep. For now, I have to think about what I'm going to say to him. But James. I shouldn't have said his name. I shouldn't have let my dog down.

I go downstairs and I find Mrs Munro sipping on it last of her wine.

“Is it not too early to drink?” I ask.

"It is never too early to drink, my darling”, she says. And I guess I could use a glass of wine. Maybe something stronger? So,

I looked through the bar and find some vodka. I put it in. A shot laughs. And take a shot of vodka. Okay. Maybe 2? Maybe 3? You will never know.

“Is it not too early to drink vodka, dear?” Mrs Manroe asks, laughing.

“Nope," I say, popping the p.

I sit on the chair opposite Mrs Manroe. Oh, I won't be good company, dear. But you can sit.”

“F good company, I need good advice.”

“Trouble in paradise?

“I wouldn't call it paradise, but yes, there's trouble.

“What kind of trouble?

"The kind that needs a lot of explaining. And lying."

“Let me guess. He found out about James?”

“Well, not entirely but how did you know?”

“I heard you having a nightmare and calling out his name.”

“What am I going to tell him?”

“The truth maybe”

“No, not the truth. I don't want him to think of me as a victim.”

“Ok, then figure it out.”

“That's why I came to you.”

“I'm not going to help you lie to my son. I might keep quiet. But that doesn't mean I will be an accomplice”

“Oh, suddenly you have morals. You lie to him all the time.”

“That's because I'm his mother. I'm allowed to do that. If you'll excuse me, I have some wine-drinking to do.” She says and looks away. Maybe I'll have to tell him the truth. Or. Maybe I don't.