Lonely

[Mandy's Diary at 17th y.o]

I couldn't believe I was still alive today. Okay, you could say this was an exaggeration. My days at school were getting sadder. Candice began to busy herself with her boyfriend, a school superstar since sophomore. Now we had quite a distance. She spent more time with Trevor than with her lifelong best friend.

As I had imagined before, I was sitting alone enjoying a salad on my tray, sipping diet coke, and watching the two of them together at the popular student's table. Well, it's okay, I'm fine. I'm totally fine without the goofy blonde Candice Fields, my best friend since we were in the crib. I'm okay. Don't cry, Mandy.

Shit, my eyes were watering.

Taking a deep breath, I left the cafeteria table, leaving my food untouched. Leaving Candice with Trevor. Leaving them to live happily like in the stories. Ignoring Justin's now uninspiring gaze. Leaving reality. Leaving this cruel world.

That's overkill.

I walked lazily to the student locker. Almost leveling up to senior and about to graduate, but my life was still like this. Pathetic. If only I had a leash, I might have intended to hang myself in the bathroom. It's even more dramatic if I did it by leaving a suicide note and telling Justin that I'd been crazy about him since elementary school. But, I didn't want to die silly just yet. As long as Justin lived, I would not leave this world. Who would have thought that he was my soul mate?

The angel on my shoulder laughed loudly along with the devil on my left shoulder. They booed, saying over and over that what crossed my mind must be bullshit. A dream that would never come true. Ah… how sad my life was. I felt bored every day thinking that my future was unknown.

I blew my bangs up, then opened my locker door to get my next coursebook. Behind my locker, my eyes caught a photo that I had pasted there. My picture with Candice. This is what I hate when my best friend has a boyfriend. She would leave me and be busier with her boyfriend. I took the photo forcibly, left a mark of duct tape there, then kneaded it into a small bundle before throwing it back carelessly.

"Ouch! Do not litter!"

My ears twitched reflexively, memorizing the owner of the sexy voice behind me now. I swallowed hard, then turned around to find Justin Bedington rubbing his forehead.

"Oh, God! Did I hurt you?!" I screamed hysterically, running up to him and seeing if his forehead was bleeding from the photo paper toss. The devil above my shoulder shook his head at my dramatic attitude.

Justin frowned, holding my hand that was about to touch his forehead. There was an electric shock on my skin as soon as our hands touched. It felt like the liquid in my stomach rose into my throat, making me choke on getting a touch from him. He touched me. God, I'm not going to wash my hands forever.

"I'm fine," he replied flatly. "Next time, don't litter. You're marring the environment, got it?"

I just remembered he served as the Head of the Student Council. In response to his warning, I hid a bland smile and rubbed the nape of my neck with my palm. He let go of my hand, bent down, and picked up the bundle of paper under his feet. Justin walked away without adding another word, leaving me alone in front of the student lockers. Up to the junior level, he didn't know my name. It's a little ridiculous because I wish he knew me, knew Mandy Gilbert. Let alone knowing me, to realize that I exist would take countless years.