G R A Y S C A L E

When he's told himself that telling his parents the truth would be hard, he's never expected that his father will leave the house with all of his things.

"Have I done wrong?" Lau asks, lying weakly on the floor as she continues to break down and talk more to herself.

Kris is just sitting on the stairs, too drained of tears to even cry. "I'm sorry, mom," he says though he's been saying it for quite some time now. Lau glares at him, forcing herself to stand up to grab Kris by his collar and drag him to the door.

"Mom, stop you're hurting me," he pleads but it seems like Lau has lost all the remaining sense in her mind.

"Get out. I don't have a son," she says firmly, opening the door to push Kris outside, causing a scene for the people in the neighborhood.

"Mom." Kris tries to hug her but she shoves him hard, making him stumble on his feet and to the ground, butt first.

"Don't call me that. You are not my son. You are not my son!" she tells him, making sure that every word has been inflicted in his thoughts. She slams the door shut after, and Kris hears him yelling inside followed by the sound of everything breaking.

Clouds are heavy and dark that day, with the sky drawing lines of light and showering light drizzles at him, he finds himself stuck in the nothingness with nowehere else to go. He doesn't want to ask help from his neighbors because he's afraid they might ask out, which to their village, is a very common thing.

"I thought parents are supposed to understand?" he asks himself as he walks out of their yard, to nothing in particular. He just walks, hoping that when the heat is off from her mother's head, he can come home and they can sort things out.

It doesn't take hours for the rain to finally pour down, soaking him. The only thing he has against the bad weather is the shade from the waiting shed, and his phone with fifteen percent battery left.

Rose is the first person that comes to his mind, but he decides not to call her. There aren't a lot of people in his contacts because the doesn't have that much of friends. All he has is his number, his parents', Dr. Sario's, Rose's and Raphael's. He's too hesistant to call him though, as negativity strikes him hard and the fear of rejection becomes dominant.

"But it's cold out here," he tells himself, so he ends up calling him still, instead.

"MAN, I WAS CALLING YOU FOR YEARS! WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU?" He has to put the phone away from his ears because of Raphael's evidently loud voice. "WHERE ARE YOU?"

"At the shed. I'm dripping wet, man," he says though his growls are the ones more registered through the device. "Can I stay over?"

"Sure, man, why not?" Raphael answers right away. "Imma prepare snacks."

"You have to pick me up, though." That, he groans about but can't say no so he just picks him up five minutes after, for he just lives on the same village as well.

Kris has never been invited over a friend's house before, mainly because he doesn't have any, but one thing is because what he's feeling that time.

He feels out of place; like a fish on the ground; like a lion in a bird cage---

"Like a bra in fake boobs?" Raphael suggests when he tells him that. For a couple of hours, he keeps him occupied, and in that span of time, he's forgotten everything he doesn't want to remember.

But fate just so happens to be the one that messes things up. And Raphael's big mouth.

"So you told me she's dying? I don't want to meet her then," he tells him, tone morphing into a more serious one. "I'm afraid I might walk away; never stay, like what you're doing."

Kris thinks this is why the two of them get along easily. Raphael is honest, and that's already an understatement. But he is. He's straightforward, and brutally honest.

"Are you going to kill yourself?" he asks, worry there is in his eyes.

"What?" Kris asks in bewilderment.

"After she's gone. Will you try it again?"

Raphael knows Kris' condition so well, that sometimes he knows what's running inside his mind. But not that time.

After all his failed suicide attempts, he has known what the fear of dying feels like. So, no. He will never try it again.

"That's good to know, then." Raphael beams and it reminds him of Rose. Then all of a sudden he wants to go home.

Maybe Lau has it all cooled off. Maybe Kent has his clothes returned in his closet. Maybe all is back to normal again.

"Good luck, man," Raphael says when he drops him off his house. They are both too chill---as Raphael would call it---to wipe the smile from their faces. But as it always quoted, too much smile corresponds too much ache.

That day, Kris wishes it hasn't  stayed over Raphael's. He wishes it hasn't rained. He wishes Lau has not dragged him out of the house, and for Kent to not leave. After getting the consequences of revealing the truth, he wishes he can take it all back.

There's always a reason as to way movies sometimes have a scene where everything turns gray scale. Either there's too much blood, or the scene is just too much to take that it needs to be drained from color. For Kris it is the latter.

Because right after he opens the door with a smile painted on his face, there on the stair bracket, hangs his mother, thick rope wrapped tightly around her neck, he knows his life needs gray scaKris and that it should probably stay that way.

Lifeless, pale, eyes bulging from the sockets, and her tongue hanging loosely from her mouth---that is not yet the real horror for Kris. For that is the way he has seemed to be glued on place; the way he can't gulp the lump in his throat to even shout and cry for his mother's name; and the way he can't feel a thing.

The real tragedy is when he's already had enough that he can't express himself anymore.

Rumours have been spread across the whole village and then into the next. It has been told that there is this young guy with depression that has his mother killed herself because he has murdered his twin brother by pushing him deep into the ocean. But the part where no family has stayed to be with him has been left out.

What's bad in bad news if it's not too bad after all?

Variants of black and white welcomes the pouring rain on the funeral after a couple of days. Everyone is crying for the painful death of a used to be good person. But no one takes notice of the dying life of a certain boy.

Raphael never leaves his side. Kris has never been so expectant of Rose because of her condition. Maybe he'll tell him about what has happened few days after when he visits her at home. Raphael has stayed over at Kris' to help him cope up with things and had never left until Kent comes back him with slumped shoulders and apologetic eyes.

Kris greets him with a smile, making him break into tears and kneels in front of him. He tells him he's sorry for ever leaving them and that he should not blame himself for his mother's death.

"Lau always has her demons concealed inside her," he explains when they visit her tomb. "We both knew this day would come. I just never thought it would be too soon," he adds, trying to hide his cracking voice; trying to be strong for Kris.

"It's only the two of us now," Kent says though his thoughts seem to be traveling far away.

"No, dad," Kris smiles bitterly. "We have friends."