Chapter 4: The Confusion

The next day, Thursday, I had developed a cold and Daniel made sure I didn't go to school so I spent the whole day in my room, catching up on the homework that Elliot had brought.

For some reason, I didn't really miss school as much as I thought I would. It was nice having a break from school and from everyone, especially from all the expectations that I had to meet.

I finished my homework and went downstairs to join Daniel for breakfast since I knew that he liked having his breakfast at 11:30am and then wouldn't have lunch. When I got downstairs, Daniel was in the kitchen making his breakfast.

"Morning," I said as I sat on one bar stool.

Daniel looked up from his cooking and smiled. "Morning spot, how are you feeling now?" he asked and flipped the pancakes before he placed them on a plate and cracked eggs in a pan.

"I feel better but I still have a headache so there is that," I replied. "What, why did you let Elliot into my room?"

Daniel stopped what he was doing and looked at me weirdly. "He said he was a friend who was concerned and wanted to drop off your homework, so I figured why not. It's not like you have that many friends who you actually like and who can actually call themselves your friends. I told him you were sleeping and he insisted he was going to wait, such a nice kid.

Seems troubled but still manages to be nice and he reminds me of one of the seniors I had when I was still in 8th grade but I don't remember much about him."

"Why do you ask? Wasn't I supposed to let him in and just kick him out? C'mon, you know I'm not like that."

I sighed because as much as I did find it hard to live under the excellent shadow that my elder brother, Daniel had left for me and all the shoes I had to fill, I knew he was one of the few people who were always on my side and who were looking out for me so I couldn't blame him for caring.

"It's nothing, I just wanted to know because you are always on high alert."

Daniel nodded and finished up with the eggs then placed them on another plate. I got up and grabbed the mugs from the cupboard and poured us our coffee before grabbing two more plates for us to use. I placed them on the island and sat back down and Daniel joined me. I grabbed a pancake and an egg, not really feeling hungry anymore.

"What's bothering you? Did something happen with Patience?" Daniel asked.

I looked up from my plate and found him staring at me, not eating. "No, nothing happened. I just feel overwhelmed all the time to be the best version so I don't disappoint our parents and everyone." I wasn't exactly a liar so I figured why not. "You're not the one who has to live up to the high standards that your elder brother left for you. Even after dropping out of college you still managed to make something for yourself. You have a start-up you started and it's grown large since then and you have your own place, so why do you spend so much time home anyway?"

Daniel laughed, "that's because I know you won't take care of yourself when you are alone. So, I do mum the favour of staying close by and making sure you don't do something stupid and I don't mean throwing a rager because that would be good for your self-esteem," he said as he took a sip from his mug. "But if you ever want to have a rager, or if Neil finally manages to convince you, you can always do it at my place and mum and dad won't ever find out." He winked and burst into laughter from the disgusted look I gave him.

"See, this is why you need friends like Elliot. He seems like the kind who isn't afraid to break some rules once in a while," Daniel said, still laughing. "Learn to live a little, you are only young for so long and then after that you start regretting missing out on actually living because you were too focussed on living for others."

I took his words and tried to process them but at the end of the day, he wasn't the one with all the expectations hanging high on his head.

"Easy for you to say Dan, but you know I am not as creative as you are or even bold enough to drop out of College and start my own thing and end up making so much money at only 18. I don't even know what I want to do and all those years in therapy didn't help me find who I really am."

"That's why you need to be unconventional, meet new people, explore the world and its many possibilities and make all the mistakes in order to find out who you really are and what you want to do with the rest of your life. I'm telling you this from someone who realised a little too late that I can't keep living the way others want me to. I know I hurt mum and disappointed dad when I dropped out but look at me, they may not have liked my decision but it was mine to make and now I can see that dad is trying to accept that I can't be like him."

"Start living your life Luke, don't let dad control your life to the point that you have to go back into therapy again just so you can cope with everything. Because if you do, I swear I will punch you and then never speak to you again."

I felt a chill run down my spine at his words and by the coldness in his eyes, I knew he meant every word he had just said.

"I won't promise anything but I will try," I said and chugged most of my coffee. "Can I ask you something?"

Daniel placed his mug on the island and folded his arms, "what's up?"

I had to swallow everything in me in order to blurt the question. "What do you think of same sex relationships?" I blurted and then stuffed my mouth with the pancake just so he wouldn't be able to see the blush that crept up my face.

"I don't mind, as long as someone is happy with who they are with, why the hell should I care?" he said in response. "If you want to explore your sexual options, I know exactly where you can start," he winked and I punched him hard, but he only burst out into laughter. "I'm not kidding, you should try this website I found. Trust me, they do the craziest of things."

"You're an arse," I said before I got up and went back to my room. I should have known he was going to say something as stupid as that.

It's not like I wasn't sure about my sexuality, I just wanted to know his take on it.

Sure, that's all it was about and it had nothing to do with those baby blue eyes and those soft lips that seem to be stuck in your head, my subconscious taunted me.

I spent the rest of the afternoon locked in my room playing video games. I didn't want to see Daniel's face after what he had said. His bluntness made me very uncomfortable because I had my own things to deal with. Maybe I should take his advice and do more exploring, quit being the student council president, drop debate, basketball, hockey and everything else and just be a nobody.

Yeah right, as if dad would ever agree to any of that. I sighed and tossed the controller on the bed before I went to the shower and just stood under the shower head, letting the water run down my body but feeling like moving any part of my body.

I just stood there for what felt like hours but was probably just a few minutes when I heard a knock at my door and then moments later, the door opened and I could hear someone's voice.

"Luke? Are you there?"

Fuck, why was he here again? Was he going to turn this into an everyday thing?

"Go away, I'm taking a shower," I shouted and moments later, I heard footsteps and then the bathroom opened, thankfully, there was a glass door that kept me hidden otherwise, let's just say I was going to be very embarrassed again today.

"Can I join?" Elliot asked. "I can scrub your back." I could hear the smirk in his voice and I felt like punching him but I had to ease my temper. I was not going to suddenly turn into someone who easily lost their temper. No matter how much he ticked me off, I was not going to react.

I closed the water and wrapped a towel around before I slid the glass doors open and glared at him. "That's not funny," I said and pushed past him into the main room. I headed to the closet and grabbed something to wear while Elliot followed behind me laughing.

"Why do you keep showing up? Don't have someplace to be at?"

"Nope," he replied and made himself comfortable on my bed. "Besides, I had to drop off your homework again since Neil is busy with his latest girlfriend and your girlfriend got picked up by her mum, so here I am again, the only one who actually cares about your grades. The least you can do is say thank you and offer me a drink." He grabbed the controller and unpaused the game I had been playing.

I got dressed and then wrapped a towel around my shoulders to stop the water wetting my shirt. "That's still not your job. I'm sure you must have told Neil something for him to agree to let you bring my homework again." I shot him a warning look but he didn't pay it any mind.

"I'm no mastermind, but I did want to see you," he replied nonchalantly as he continued killing zombies. "I told you I wasn't going to let you walk out of my life so easily."

I was just hearing things or did he think that he and I were like a thing or something. Before I could say anything, Daniel entered the room and beamed when he saw that Elliot was still around.

"Great, I thought you had left but you are still here. Do you want to join us for supper?"

"No, he was just leaving," I replied instead and received a glare from Daniel and I kept quiet.

"I would love that," Elliot replied.

"Great, what do you want to eat? I wasn't sure what to order."

"Pizza. Any topping is okay."

Daniel smiled and then left the room.

"What have you done to my brother? He seems to like you and he doesn't even like Neil that much?" I folded my arms and glared at him in question. "Did you tell him something that made him want you to stick around?"

Elliot paused the game and sat up straight to face me. "I don't have to do anything to anyone. I'm just naturally charismatic," he replied with a shrug. "Though I don't know why it doesn't work on you."

I rolled my eyes and dried my hair as I walked out of my room. "I'm naturally immune to jerks who think that everyone should like them."

"What makes me a jerk?"

"I don't have time for you or your antics, just stop bothering me already dammit. I have a girlfriend who I'm very much in love with." I said through gritted. "Just leave me alone. I am not your next play thing. I am a person who has feelings."

Elliot grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face him then pinned me against the wall. His face was stone cold. "You aren't my next play thing. I like you even if you have a girlfriend, that's not my problem. But just know that one day you will fall for me the same way I fell for you," he said, then let go of me and walked downstairs.

What the fuck just happened?

I snapped out of it and went downstairs where Daniel was chatting away with Elliot as if they had known each other for a long time. Elliot seemed more outgoing and nice around Daniel but when he was at school, he always had that resting bitch face that scared everyone away.

What was with him and why did he have that?

I sat on the single chair, making sure to keep my distance from him. I grabbed the remote and logged into my Netflix account. I wanted to be anywhere but here. I risked a glance at him and he winked at me and then went back to talking with Daniel as if everything was okay.

What the hell had I gotten myself into?