Caught in Your Arms

It's been three years since I left that town. Three years and still I'm haunted by my guilt. Guilt because from the first place I didn't say goodbye to her. She was my only best friend but I left her without saying a word. Even if she was calling me bitch or a rude friend, I know she was only saying that for the reason she was annoyed and angry with what I'm doing.

I can't blame her for she's showing a fact, she's saying her own feelings and she's telling the truth even though I'm sickening tired of her words sometimes but I do love her. She was like a sister to me and I don't want her to be mad with me forever.

I wanted to make my promise to her that I would see her wearing graduation attire in college and that I would be there at that moment. Graduating and there are the people who made it possible to achieve our dream. Happy smiles and teasing.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I wiped using the back of my hands.

I kept trying myself to be at her side but now? I just broke my promise. How is she now? Has she become a fighter? Is she beautiful as she had wished before? Have they become the person she wants or the person I want? Does she have more friends now than me? Has she changed?

Many questions revolved around my mind. I want to know the answer. Even though I kept myself from feeling lonely here, I still can't deceive myself that I am.

The heavy snowfall outside had subsided but the cold and longing for the people I loved could not be erased from my mind. It gets worse with each passing day.

I'm afraid, I'm afraid that I will lose them and I will never see them again. My heart is broken, and it's painful yet frightening.

I stopped sobbing when the closed door opened and an old woman entered, her former black hair white, her smooth and beautiful face already had a wrinkled sign of old age. She was carrying a tray and the warmth of her smile radiated. She was my grandmother, the most trusted woman in my life except for two women, my friend and my mother including my Dad.

"Are you crying again? You're such an emotional being Cairen," she said as she neared at me.

"Grandma? Would you ever help me when I lose everything? Right?" I smiled sparingly. And she stopped by my side as I waited for her answer.

"Yes, my beautiful brave granddaughter. I will. Promise." With that word I had hope.

"Thanks, grandma. I really really love you. If I lose everything can you give this to her?" I pointed to the thick notebook on my study table. She just nodded in response to me.

I started writing the last page left in that notebook. Grandma just sat on the side of my bed waiting for me to finish what I was doing.

Every song ends with a goodbye and every chapter ends. As this, it ends with the words, it does not end forever.