Chapter 4

Every time I close my eyes a memory of my brother's coffin pops into my head. It has been a week and the emotional scars are still fresh. This house feels bigger than usual, and lonelier.

My parents are strangers to each other. My father has been spending his nights in Charles room, and my mother has been sleeping alone in theirs. He drinks in excessive amounts finishing bottles of whiskey in two days. His work partners have given him a few days off work, a nightmare for me and my mother. Especially my mother. He gets violent when he is drunk, taking out his rage on her,verbally and physically.

Two nights ago, my mother made my dad's favourite supper. We sat down at the table, an empty chair between me and my father, once occupied by my brother.

"I made your favourite Dan," said my mother.

My mother passed him the plate of steak and after looking at it in disgust, he picked up a piece, bit it and spat it on her face. He stood up and left the house, leaving my mother in tears.

She already had bruises on her neck from being strangled by my father and her arms had scars from all the times she tried to fight back.

"Your father is just upset Maya, it's hard for him to process the death of your brother."

As if his pain was special from everyone else's. As if we had to put our grief aside to attend to his.

Larry calls me on Friday morning.

"Maya, I know things have been hectic, but can I fetch you from school today. We can go to the park and talk about things."

School feels like hell. Everywhere I go there are posters of Charles.

Afterschool, I feel relieved to see Larry waiting for me by the gate. He pulls me into a hug and opens the car door for me to enter.

"I don't know how to thank you Larry. You have been nothing but good to me."

"I care about you Maya, and I know things haven't been easy lately."

We drive to the park with soft music coming from the car radio. Just before we get there, a fine drizzle starts to fall.

"I was really hoping we would go and play on the swings a bit, like we used to," says Larry.

"The last thing I want right now is to get wet, so we should probably stay in the car."

"Or we could drive to your house, have some coffee together."

I would hate for Larry to come to my house and see my father in the shape that he is in.

"I don't think that is a good idea, things aren't that great at home."

"What do you mean?"

I turn to look at him. He has a concerned expression on his face.

"My mom and dad have been fighting."

He puts his hand lightly on my arm, sending an electrical sensation through it.

"That's terrible Maya."

He starts to stroke my hand gently and I can feel goose bumps all over my body.

The rain is pouring down around us. The music is still playing and the car is warm from the heater being on.

"I feel so alone Larry, I feel lost in that house. My parents are drifting apart more and more each day and there is nothing I can do about it."

He takes his glasses off and for a moment we sit in silence eyes locked on each other. He holds my hand and gives me a sympathetic smile.

He leans forward and I panic a bit. I have never kissed a boy and I do not want to make a fool of myself. But I also cannot resist this. He is a few inches away from my face and I quickly lean forward, bringing my face close to his, our lips touching. He pulls back.

"I am so sorry Larry," burying my face in my hands in embarrassment.

"Maya, I..."

"Don't say it, I know you don't feel anything towards me. I shouldn't have done that."

"Look, I am sorry if I led you on in any way, I was just trying to be a good friend. I'm with someone."

I feel so stupid. Did I honestly think that this attractive boy would like me?

"I am sure she's a beautiful girl," I say, trying to clear the awkwardness between us.

"It's a he. We have been together for a year now and I cannot imagine myself with anyone else."

"Well I am glad he makes you happy," I say "I should go back home now, it's getting late."

**

When I get home, my father is in the dining room, sitting alone with a bottle of whiskey in front of him. He looks like he hasn't had a shower the whole day. He is in his own universe where nothing that happens around him matters. It's dark and the curtains are still open. The kitchen looks untouched; my mother hasn't made supper.

I go up to her bedroom in the dark and I gently knock on the door. No response. I open the door and I see her small body under the bed covers. I walk towards the bed. Her bedside table carries her phone, a book and a bottle of Ibuprofen.

"Mom?" I whisper.

"Mom?" this time my voice is a bit louder.

My mother doesn't move.

I pick up the bottle of Ibuprofen and I shake it. There is nothing inside.

My mom had bought the pills two days ago, complaining of a slight fever. There could only be one explanation for the empty bottle.

I reach for my cell phone and immediately dial Larry's number.

"Larry, I think something terrible has happened, can you drive back?"

"What happened Maya?"

"I think my mother has overdosed on Ibuprofen."

"I'm on my way, dial for the ambulance in the meantime," he hangs up the phone and I call the ambulance.

My parents have been in the same house the whole day, yet my mother could have died in her bed while my father sat downstairs drinking his life away.

Larry arrives a few minutes after I call him. He checks for a pulse on the side of my mother's neck, as she lies unresponsive on the bed.

"Thank God, she still has a pulse."

The ambulance arrives and I lead them to my mother's room while Larry stays with her. She is put on a stretcher and rushed into the ambulance. With all the fuss happening in the house my father still hasn't budged.

I hop into the back of the ambulance with my mother and Larry follows us to the hospital. My mother is rushed into emergency room and one of the paramedics comes up to me.

"Is everything okay at home? People don't just try to commit suicide. Your father didn't look like he was in good shape either."

"We've had a rough couple of days. My brother recently passed away and my parents aren't taking it well."

"Your mother might have to stay at the hospital for a while. Suicide patients are normally admitted into the psychiatric ward where they get monitored by the staff and see psychologists on a daily basis. I think seeing a psychologist wouldn't be a bad idea for you and your dad either."

The thought of being alone in the house with my dad scares me. But staying here is probably the best option for my mother. At least here she will be protected from him.

"I don't know if he will be willing to attend the psychologist appointments, I will try to speak to him."

The doctor won't allow us to see my mother until tomorrow, so Larry and I decide to drive back home so I can pack clean clothes to bring her in the morning.

Larry and I get into the car. A rush of emotions overwhelm me and I struggle to hold the tears back.

"I thought things couldn't get any worse. But shit, this rollercoaster is only going down."

"I wish I could tell you that things will get better soon, and that everything will return to normal, but I would be selling you dreams. I have no idea what is going on but I can imagine how terrifying it must be for you. I'm here for you."

"Thank you, I really appreciate it."

"Can I get you something to eat? I don't want you to go to bed hungry."

"Larry?"

"Yes?"

"Can you spend the night at my house today? I'm just really afraid of my dad, I don't feel safe. You can use the guest bedroom."

"Uhm ,sure. I'll call my parents and let them know that I won't be coming home tonight."

We drive of in the night with the rain still falling, and decide to make a stop at McDonalds to get something to eat.

"Go past the drive through and get us food, I need to use the bathroom quickly. I'll meet you in the car park."

I get out the car and run to the entrance. By the time I am shielded from the rain, my clothes and my hair are drenched.

On my way to the bathroom, I see a boy sitting at a table, alone and isolated in a corner. In front of him is a phone and a cooldrink cup. He is looking down and his hair is covering his face. His hair is long and black, and I cannot see his face behind it. As if he has read my mind he looks up slowly, running his fingers through his hair, revealing his face. His eyes look burdened, yet mysterious.

He breaks eye contact and picks up his phone and I continue walking towards the bathroom. When I walk out again, he has left.

I walk to the car park where Larry is waiting for me.

"Have you ever had a boyfriend Maya?"

"No," I reply quickly.

"Why?"

"No one has ever been interested in me."

"I don't think that's true."

I look at him.

"You are beautiful Maya. And I hope whoever you find realizes that and appreciates everything about you."