Chapter 3: Bloody Silence

I laid awake that night, thinking of how my life has been. I still wonder what has kept me going this long, why I haven't just taken a knife to my throat myself.

I remembered how when this started happening that my father couldn't except that his daughter attracted the wrong crowd. He left a year later when things started getting bad, my mother started hating me more and more and blamed me for my father leaving her.

I understood why she blamed me, if I was in her position of the love of her life leaving because of a daughter then I probably would blame her too. There were days when I had hoped she would understand one day, but I knew it was pointless.

No one understood me, they all called me a freak and a slut, but I wasn't either of those things. I knew I was innocent, sure I just killed a guy but what else could I do when I was almost going to be raped.

When I say innocent, I mean I never led any of them on, I always kept to myself and never talked to anyone, I never tried to attract any attention, nor did I want it. It's never been my fault that everyone seems to go after me for their sexual problems.

I kept laying on my bed just thinking of all of it. Then the tears started to form, I took refuge of the night. The darkness and silence always were promising to let out my tears.

The only timed I mourned or cried was during these long nights. So, I laid there and cried out the pain and loneliness that was in my heart, but never letting out a sob.

I always was a silent crier; I don't know why I just never liked letting people hear me. After a few hours of being curled in a ball on my bed, I decided to get up.

I went to the bathroom and looked at my face in the mirror, the same face for these long years.

"It's still me" I whispered to myself while staring at my own eyes.

My silvery-blue eyes, blood red from crying. My cheeks ghostly pale while faint bruises were forming from earlier were startlingly purple.

I pushed my dark black bangs from my face and sighed. "Can't ever catch a break, now can I?"

I left my bathroom and went out on my small balcony to get some air.

It was a cold night, normal for living in Seattle, Washington. I was born in Arizona but as soon as I graduated, I moved out here.

I was hoping to start over and make a life for myself, where no one knew me. I thought maybe I could put the past behind me, but it seemed to follow me instead.

Some days were nice though, standing out here in the cold, rainy weather. I loved the rain because it always reminded me of the tears I can't cry, and the smell of rain is always calming for some reason.

I heard my phone go off from my room, so I went back inside to see who it was. It was my sister, Nik.

Nik: Hey Silver! Just wanted to see how you were doing. I miss you at home you know. It wouldn't kill you to visit us.

Hi Nik. I'm... managing. I miss you too, but you know Mom would just kick me out. : Silver

Nik: It's been a year Silv. She's different now. Just for a week? I could rent a hotel room for us if it makes you feel better and so you don't have to deal with her as much? Like old times?

I'll Think about it N. Got a lot going on with the new job but maybe They'll let me take a week or 2 off. I need sleep so I'll let you know what I figure out. Love you N. Night. : Silver

Nik: Okay! Sorry I forgot how early it is there for you. Get some sleep. Love you Silv. Talk later. <3

I shut off my phone when I got that last text and fell back in bed with the covers over me. I went to sleep thinking of how my mother may have changed from when I last saw her.