Why Do People Let Me Make Decisions? (Hale)

I didn't want to open my eyes. I refused.

Time was up and if I opened my eyes then I'd have to face reality. I turned in my bed and my eyes fell to the boxes of what little I had. Books, the new clothes I got with my sisters, a few loose photos, my whole life in just a couple of boxes.

By dinner tonight I needed to be moved out. The new semester was starting and my senior year at a public highschool was a weekend away.

I still had no clue where I was going.

Jack and Mayline's was option one. There I had my own room waiting for me in that humungous house, but I would be living with Mayline who seemed hellbent on teaching me how to act like a proper witch. This school couldn't make me a proper lady, I have no idea why she thinks she can change me too.

Option two was with Jade. Last night at dinner her father had offered to let me stay with them, Jade was more than happy to share her room with me. The downside to that one was I didn't know how many times Liam was going to be popping into her room and that first time was for than enough for me.

Option three made my gut twist, Lev.

So, so many downsides there, yet my brain wouldn't rule it out.

I grumbled and rolled onto my back and stared up at the dusty beams of the attic.

I should take Jade's advice and talk to her. It wasn't like I was going to be sharing a room with her, there was a second room, she had a job, we wouldn't be together all the time. There would be space.

I huffed and sat up, brushed the covers off my legs, and hurried to find a pair of jeans in the boxes.

The attic was colder with fall weather creeping in.

I smoothed the loose baby hairs that had escaped the long braid that trailed down my back.

I pulled on an old sweatshirt after putting on the jeans.

I found a penny in my pocket.

I looked down at it.

Heads I go see Lev, tails I move into the manor.

I flicked the coin with my thumb and it missed my hand and wedged into the wood floor.

"Really?" I muttered and stomped my foot near the coin and it fell, I peered down.

I was face to face with President Lincon. Damn.

I grabbed the penny and shoved it back into my pocket.

I flew down the stairs and looked at the grand clock, it was almost nine-thirty, Lev would be at work by now.

I snuck to the door and got out onto the street.

The auto mechanic shop with a couple of blocks over and with fast walk I was trying to manage the cold didn't bother me much.

I opened the glass door and an old bell rang announcing my entrance.

The sequel of tools assaulted my ears.

A guy just about Lev's age looked up at me, his face was marked with black from the car he was working on.

He grabbed a rag and wiped his hands and stood up.

"Hi how can- hey I know you," he squinted his eyes then opened them when he focused his thoughts. "Yeah, I recognize you from the photo Lev showed me. your her girl right?"

Her girl. As in hers, as in together.

I realized he was waiting for me to answer.

"Uh- yeah, She's here right?" I stammered.

He nodded and pointed down and I saw someone under a raised car.

"Thanks," I told the man and went over to him.

There was a black stool with wheels, like the kind in doctor offices. I took the seat and rolled back and forth, then nudged Lev with the tip of my foot.

"Hey," I greeted in a low voice.

Lev rolled out from under the car, she was covered in grease.

She tried to contain her smile as she looked up at me.

"Hey, it's been a few days, I thought I really scared you off that time,"

I looked down and kept rolling.

"Almost, Jade got in my head," I admitted.

Lev pulled her lips into a half-smile.

"Well thank the gods for Jade then,"

A huff of a laugh escaped my lips.

My stomach knotted and I gripped the edge of the stool.

"If your busy we can talk later," I offered, giving myself the chance to flee.

Lev shook her head and sat up grabbing her own rag and wiped her hands.

"No, no," She turned her head to the man that greeted me. "Shawn I'm going on break,"

The guy - Shawn- let out a laugh as an answer.

Lev stood up.

"Follow me,"

I did, she lead me to the office space and shut the door.

She towered over me, the office was small and didn't leave us much space.

"What's up?" She asked crossing her arms.

The grease was mixing in with her tattoo's.

"Oh umm," How the hell did I start this conversation? "I have to move out today. And I wanted to talk about, maybe the possibility of me, moving in with you," I avoided her eyes.

As soon as the words were out I clamped my mouth back shut.

Lev chuckled and spun me around and wrapped her arms around my torso.

Not on my chest, not my waist, perfectly in the middle of my torso, not coming close to touching anything that would rile up old memories.

My back pressed against her chest, there was no way she couldn't feel my heart slamming in my chest.

The sparks dance where she held me, relaxing me.

"Here try this, you look like your going to jump out of your skin," Her voice rumbled behind me.

Yes, not having to look at her was much easier.

"So you want to move in with me?" She asked, restarting our conversation.

I gave a long breath.

"Maybe, I'm weighing my options. It's just... You don't know me Lev, I'm not as put together as you think," I swallowed as a lump started to form in my throat. "I'm more broken than you know and I can't promise that I'll be everything you need. It's more than just taking things slow. There are things I just don't know or want to talk about yet,"

I didn't realize I was so close to tears until Lev was squeezing me closer.

"Hey, hey. Calm down. I'm not asking for forever quite yet. I just want you to be in a home that I know you'll be safe in, just, give me a chance."

I chewed at the inside of my cheek.

"Jade said-" the words caught in my throat. "She thinks you love me,"

Lev straightened behind me.

"I do, I wasn't going to tell you so soon, but yes Hale I do love you,"

My insides coiled and I felt like bolting. Maybe that was the real reason she was holding me to her, so I couldn't run.

"But you don't even know me? How can you think that already?" My voice cracked.

She rested her head on top of mine.

"I don't know, maybe because I still have time to get to know you more deeply. But I've known since I first saw you,"

We were both quiet for a few seconds, Lev's next question nearly split me in half.

"Do you love me?" her voice was soft and torn.

I sucked in a long breath, my answer was barely audible.

"No, but I think I could love you,eventually,"

I felt her head nod a little.

"I'll take it,"

To my surprise, I felt my lips turn upwards.

"So... What time can I move in?"

Lev laughed and her grip tightened and she spun me in a small circle.

"I get off at four, I'll shower and come help, then I'm going to take you on an actual date,"

I sucked in a breath.

"Wow a date traditional, normal," I chuckled and I felt her chest rumble behind me.

"Yeah well, maybe there will be a bomb and we can almost die,"

I shook my head and looked down at Lev's arms around me, grease was smearing on my sweatshirt.

"I promise I'm not going to run now," I hummed.

Lev seemed to forget that she was holding me to her and quickly let me go.

I turned around and shoved my hands in my back pockets.

I was hoping my face wasn't red as I looked up at her.

Lev frowned.

"Sorry I didn't mean to ruin your clothes," She motioned to the fresh grease stain.

I couldn't help it, a burst of laughter escaped me. Lev looked at me like I grew a second head.

Here I was spilling my innards, nervous about rejection, worrying about my first real date and she was sorry that she stained my sweatshirt, my sweatshirt that was worn and had holes in it from attic rats.

I shook my head at her and bite my lip.

"Honestly," I muttered and moved aside her to open the door.

She moved to grab my hand but I was quick and was out of the door. I was done being emotional for now, I shoved my emotions back into the pit where they belonged and walked back into the lobby.

I turned around to see Lev slowly following me.

"I'll see you later, okay?" I asked a small smile tugging my lips up.

She gave a swift nod and I turned to leave.

Shawn gave a little wave with a wrench in his hand.

"Nice to meet ya,"

I flashed a barely exicent smile and hurried my steps.

On my walk back to the school I tried to figure out what I was going to with the empty hours until Lev would be with me.

I climbed the stairs and was thankful no one stopped me, I passed girls as they did their chores, they glared at me. Technically I was meant to be helping them but they were kicking me out so I didn't feel indebted.

I frowned as I looked around the room. My bed had been stripped of its sheets and blanket, leaving a bare mattress, all the dresser drawers were open, someone had made sure I cleared out all my stuff.

I sighed and let my purse fall on the bed, I got to my knees and pryed up the loose floorboard I hide all my valuables.

I let my fingers run across the space to make sure I had gotten everything. When I found nothing I placed the board back.

I rifled through the boxes till I found my laptop and spent some time editing photos hoping it would help pass time.

A few hours later I heard a commotion outside my room then my door flung open. I jumped up and focused my eyes on the scene.

Lev was striding into my room with a wide smile. Miss D was behind her red in the face, narrowing her eyes on Lev.

"I don't know who you think you are but you will leave at once!" She kept an even tone but her dominance seared through the words.

Lev rolled her eyes, I could see the fight starting in her eyes, I stepped in before she turned into a wildling.

"Miss D, she's here to help move my things."

Her eyes whipped between the both of us then she pressed her lips into a tight line.

"Fine,"

Was all she said and strode out of the room with a straight back.

I shook my head and grabbed my laptop and shoved it back into its box.

"This is everything?" Lev asked starring at the few boxes.

"Yep, most of its clothes Jade convinced me to buy, and my books," I confirmed and picked up one of the boxes.

She nodded and lifted one too.

"I borrowed Shawn's car so we don't have to carry these across town,"

I smiled wide, thankful, I was not looking forward to lugging these around.

We didn't speak as we took two trips down to the borrowed car but it was the kind of silence that was comfortable and easygoing.

When everything was in the car that when my stomach started to knot.

I looked up at the building that I lived in for most of my life. It wasn't a perfect life, but here I was safe, for the first time I took in that I was leaving, and wasn't coming back.

Looked over my shoulder to Lev, she was spinning the keys ring around her finger heading to the driver's seat.

I cleared my throat and plastered a fake smile over my face.

"I'm just going to make sure I didn't miss anything, give me a second,"

She gave a quick nod and got in the car.

I hurried back into the building and climbed the stairs to the attic for the last time.

I scanned the room and gave a long sigh as I saw nothing. Like I was never here.

I turned around to leave and came face to face with Miss D.

"You remember what I taught you here young lady, I know you've never taken to our teachings, but mind yourself," her voice was stiff as cardboard as always. I had an insult ready on my tongue but she drew me into a hug and it was lost.

This time her voice was a sweet whisper, one I've only heard once.

"Start over Hale, let the past go. This is your chance at real life. Leave the nightmares here," she gave a swift kiss to my cheek, and then she seemed to snap back into her robot form.

"Goodbye, dear,"

Then she was going back down the old steps.

I took a few steps forward myself and rested my hand on the doorknob.

If only it was that easy, to leave everything here, start over. Impossible.

It was a short drive to Lev's apartment but the traffic at lunch hour had us slowed down.

When we finally got there my mind had enough time to convince its self I'd made a mistake, but it was too late.

Lev parked the car and was already popping the trunk.

I sighed and got out too and joined her.

I followed Lev into the apartment and for the first time, I was able to get a sense of the place.

The front door opened to the living room, there was a half wall that separated the living room from the kitchen. to the right of the kitchen was an arching hallway that lead to the bathroom and rooms.

It made it easier that there was two bedrooms, mine was at the end of the hall to the left her at the right, in the middle was the bathroom and had connecting doors to the bedrooms.

We set my boxes down in my new room and a memory flashed.

This is where I woken up weeks ago.

The white walls, white sheets, and blankets. The desk was cleared off and the room was bare of everything. No pictures on the walls or clothes in the closet.

"This was my room as a kid, I moved everything out for you and finally moved into my dad's old room," Lev said as she noticed me looking around.

I whipped my head to look at her at bit at my lip.

"You didn't have to do that, I could've taken the couch,"

Lev rolled her eyes.

"Don't worry about it, there was no way I was letting you sleep on the couch. I'll let you get settled,"

She shut the door as she left and I got to work.

There was plenty of room for all my new clothes and there was an empty bookshelf for my books, I smiled as I filled it completely.

I set my camera and computer on the desk.

I pulled out a folder of the photos I'd printed out and found some tape in the desk and hung those up.

I was breaking down a box when something pinged, it came from the bedstand.

Someone's phone was plugged in, the screen was lit up with a notification.

I walked over to it and picked it up.

There was no case, I turned it over and almost dropped it. It was one of latest apple models. Expensive. Something I should not be holding.

Carefully I walked into the living room where Lev was reading on the couch.

"Hey Lev, you left your phone in the room," I extended the phone to her.

She lifted her eyes to it then back to her book.

"No that's yours, "

I raised my eyebrows.

"I don't have a phone," I frowned at her.

"Yes, I know. So I took the liberty of fixing that," She was still looking at her book but there was a devilish smile on her lips.

My heartfelt like it dropped to my stomach.

"Lev no I can't, that's too much. You're already letting me stay here," The words came out in broken pieces.

At this Lev shut the book and sat up, looking me in the eye. Her look was stern but sincere.

"Yes, and I need to be able to get in touch with you. Consider it the term for living here. You have to carry that with you at all times,"

She reached out and slid the expensive metal and cords in my pocket.

I sighed and gave a small nod.

"Fine, thank you. But It still too much, I cant even imagine how much that cost you,"

Lev laughed.

"Don't worry about it, I needed to update my plan anyway," She stretched her neck and looked at the time on the oven.

"We should get ready for dinner,"

"Okay, Is it okay if I take a shower?" I asked looking toward the hall.

Lev took my hands in her's and I flinched and stopped myself from pulling away. I met her eyes,she noticed but didn't say anything.

"Hale you don't have to ask permission. You live here. If you wanna paint the walls, paint the walls. Eat what you want, shower when you want. Everything here is yours," Shseemed to be trying to push the words into my brain.

I was surprised when I felt my cheeks heat up.

"Okay, thanks," I took my hands back and went to my room.

I locked my door then went through the connecting door and looked that one, then locked the door to Lev's room and the main door.

I turned on the hot water and the bathroom heat up as I stripped.

I folded my clothes up and sat them on the counter. I found towels in the cabinet and set it near the shower so I could grab it.

There was a huge mirror in front of the huge vanity.

I undid my hair and watched it fall down my back. I was never one to oogle over myself. Ever since...the thing years ago, I didn't like looking at myself.

I stepped into the shower and suppressed a moan. The water pressure seemed to hit every tense muscle in my back.

I ran my hands in the water and through my hair.

I froze when I realized I didnt have any soap for my hair.

Even at the academy, they had the little hotel shampoo bottles for use to use for the week. With how long my hair was I'd gotten used to rationing.

I opened my eyes and looked around, a smile pulled at my lips when I saw two bottles of women's shampoo and conditioner. they were brand new and smelled nice.

My stomach flipped and I tried not to think too much of it. When my hair was washed I used the elastic on my wrist to twist it up into a bun.

Next to the shampoo was a new thing of body wash. It smelled like apricot and vinalla. I found a scrubber on the same shelf, there also was a razor.

Lev had thought of everything.

I took my time shaving and scrubbing the body wash into my skin.

When I stepped out of the shower, I couldnt belive how clean I felt.

Inbtween the two sinks there was a ceramic holder that housed two toothbrushes and a thing of toothpaste, one othe toothbrushers was new.

Under the sinks were a buch of cupboreds and drawers. I chewed at the inside of cheek.

Well it wasnt snooping if I lived here, right?

I opened the first drawer and found unopened hair ties and bobby pins, and clips. Under that was hair brushed and combs. The left cupborad opened to some hair products. The other had more razors, onther thing of body wash, a hair dryer,deodeirnt and tampoons.

I closed the cupborad and just stared.

Lev had thought of everything I could possibly need in here. My stomach flipped as I thought of how much this must of cost her.

It was an odd feeling being taken care of like this. To have somene wanting to make sure you were safe and had every luxury.

I had a toothbrush and my hygine stuff, but these were much nicer.

I clutched the towel tight to me as I unlocked the door to my room and opend the closet.

I squinted at the clothes.

I had no idea where we were going for dinner. The years of being forced to memorize proper dress addiqute told me to wear one of the two dresses I owned but the thought made me feel uncofertabe in my own skin.

I grabbed a nice pair of jeans and a black blouse, and a dark gray caridiagin.

When I was dressed I wrapped my hair in towel and did my best to dry it before going back to the bathroom and trying out the blow dryer. I opted to just braid it over my shoulder one it was dry and found the makeup pouch Jade insisted I needed.

I lifted myself onto the vaninty and pressed close to the mirror as I did my best to do a full face of makeup. In the end it didnt look to bad.

I cleaned up my mess and grabbed my only pair of black boots from the closet and pulled on the cardigain.

I hesitated as I slid the phone into my back pocket.

I went back and unlocked all the doors before going back to the living room.

Lev had changed into dark jeans and a dark grey tunic.

She heard me coming and looked over to me.

She was starring at me, no emotion but her eyes seemed to soften a bit.

I looked down at myself.

"What? whats wrong?" I asked smoothing out the blouse.

She seemed to catch herself and looked back up to me, clearing her throat.

"Oh- uh nothing, nothing. You look amazing,"

I bit back a smile and took a few steps forward.

"You ready to go?" Sh asked sliding on her leather jacket.

I nodded and she held the door open for me.

It was twight out and street lamps were starting to turn on.

Lev lead me to her motercycle and held out a helemt to me.

This was also new, as I slid it on it seemed to be meant for me, shaped perfectly for my head.

Lev had taken every step to make sure I had my own things, that they were meant for me, and nobody else.

Lev climbed on the bike and held a hand out for me. I took her and moved one leg over the bike and wrapped my arms around her. The bike roared as she started it and eased into the street.

The resturant was pretty, made of dark wood and low lighting, but was nice but not formal.

Once we were at our table and alone I relised we were actually going to have to talk.

Lev was shugging off her coat which left me starring at her tattoo's.

"When did you get these?" I asked, my fingertips barely touching her forearms.

She looked down and pointed to one of the tattoos that swirled in with the others.

She pointed to a compass.

"This I got for my dad, he liked to travel," she continued to tell the storys of each one until the waiter came and took our order.

Lev looked at him darkly as he took my order. I surprssed a smile.

I gotten used to the fact Lev seemed to be closed off from people in genral. Moving through life as if they were an annoying nessity that she tried to aviod.

I asked most of the questions, asking about her dad and her childhood, how long she been working at the shop.

By the end of dinner I had only had to anwser a few questions, none of which were that intersting.

When we got back it was late, and I was beyond exhasted. Lev locked the front door and helped me take of my jacket.

We both walked to the hallway and when the time came to depart, she gently took my hand in her's and pressed a soft kiss to my palm.

"Good night Hale,"

She let my hand go and turned to her door.

"Night," I whispered and turned to mine.

As I changed to my nightclothes I couldnt help but think about how easy this all seemed. How being with Lev was like breathing in fresh air, how scared I was that I could let her in so easy.