Life Was Easier When I Didn't Care About Others (Hale)

Jade had been excused from school until she was ready to come back, it was hard not to have her around. She was in most of my classes, scheduled that way so she could help me. The past few days without her had been rough. Public school was odd and discomfortable. Even when I was in foster care as a child I had been homeschooled. This building was like a zoo and I had somehow gotten trapped in.

Of course, I had attended classes at the academy, math and English, basic science and history, more as a preteen though, before I left they were teaching me more about preparing for becoming an adult women. How to control my emotions and dress. That being said I did the opposite of every lesson.

It was annoying and repetitive but it was normal. Calculus was not normal, it was hard and frustrating, as was chemistry and the countless essays for English, the endless electives were long and tiresome. I'd been lucky I wasn't too far beyond my peers in credits and with my current jammed packed schedule, I was on track to graduate in the spring. Yet I was under an almost unbearable amount of stress that made me want to punch the walls until the school was nothing but rubble.

"Miss Woods?" Mr. Ivan, my history teacher asked, slowly turning to face me.

My heart thudded and I looked up at the board to find a clue to what he was talking about.

"Sorry what was the question?" I choked out, biting at my lip.

He gave a disapproving look but repeated his question.

"How long did World War two last?"

I looked down at my notebook, racking my brain I knew it was somewhere in my chicken-scratch notes.

"Umm, seven years sir?" I guessed when I decided it was taking too long, still flipping through my notes.

"A very good guess, but the correct answer is six. Now that wraps up our recap, onto notes. Since I'm such an amazing teacher I have prepared a movie that I am expecting you to take notes on,"

I flipped to a new page in the notebook and slumped over the desk, the lead already on the paper.

Peyton laughed as she approached the lunch table, which I was laying my head on trying to squeeze in a quick nap.

"Rough day?" She giggled taking the seat next to Ryker.

"Rough week. I have five different projects due in two days! How have you guys done this for years?" I grumbled into the table.

Ryker counted each point on his fingers.

"The two P's. Practice and procrastination. Something about the adrenaline of doing your work last minute just makes you really focus,"

"The only time I have is last minute," I grumbled and picked my head up off the table.

Ryker laughed and reached into his bag and pulled out a peach pink can decorated with butterflies.

"Here, you look like you need this more than I do,"

He handed it to me and I took it.

"What is it?" I asked looking at it.

"An addiction," Peyton muttered, leaning back in her chair.

Ryker scowled at her.

"It's an energy drink, it should get you the power to get through the rest of the day.

"Well cheers to that," I popped the lid open and knocked it against Ryker's open juice.

Peyton grinned at me, opening her silverware.

"Hey think about it, only two more classes left them your home free,"

"Yeah, so I can go home and do school work all afternoon. Why do we even need to graduate? Arnt, we going to die soon?" I complained with a slight whine I usually never resorted to, I'd been spending too much time with Peyton.

Ryker gave a thoughtful smile like he was daydreaming of his favorite place in the world.

"Disreibly yes,"

Peyton swatted his shoulder like Jade normally did when he started to make jokes that resulted in his death.

"No one is dying, we are going to win this war and get the coven back,"

"And then what?" I shot back. " Start sending in college apps? Do you really think we're just going to have a normal mundane life? They are going to expect us to take control over the coven,"

Peyton threw her hands up and slumped in defeat.

"I don't know! I don't have the answers like Jade does!"

We all looked at the empty chair.

The family bond let us all siphon off some of her emotion, which was mostly grief. So we all were a bit down in the dumps lately, but we took it, for Jade.

I looked over to Ryker and kicked him under the table, his head shot up to look at me.

"Ivory and Lev took Layla to the dark witches today to plead her case. I don't know when they will be back, I'll text you when I know more,"

He nodded and mumbled a thank you.

He turned to Peyton.

"Your working tonight?"

She nodded, a mouthful of lettuce from her salad.

the rest of lunch was spent in placid conversation. When the bell did ring I groaned and went to the next two hours of brain-numbing torture.

Normally Lev picked me up after class, but as I looked over the sea of cars and people, I didn't spot her motorcycle anywhere. She must have still been dealing with the dark witches.

I descending the stairs and started to unwrap my earbuds from my pocket when I heard the loud roar of a motorcycle stopped beside me.

I turned and bit back a smile as Lev slid her visor up so I could see his eyes.

"Your back," I greeted pleasantly.

"Careful, it might seem like you missed me," I could hear the grin in her voice.

"That would be a shame," I joked and unclipped my helmet from its spot, brushing my hair back. I lazily dragged my eyes across the lot as did, when I focused in on honey-colored eyes that were starring at me, shining like stars. I looked them over, shoulder-length pitch-black hair, always tanned skin, a slight stubble. Ian.

I was moving before I knew it, dropping the helmet on the seat, My legs executing long strides.

I saw his bright smile and he opened his arms for me and caught me when I lunged for him. HE spun me around laughing.

"Hey there Mariposa!" he exclaimed and set me back on the ground, I smiled wide, drawing back from the hug.

"Why didn't you tell me you were getting released!" I asked overcome with the sudden joy that was blazing through me, my hands were gripping his. It had been too long since I felt the safety of his hands.

"Maybe because it's been weeks since you've come to visit me?" he stated with a raised brow.

My smile faded and my heart went cold.

"Ian I'm so sorry, It's been so crazy lately. I can't believe I forgot,"

Ian just laughed and ruffled my hair.

"Don't worry about it Mariposa. I was shocked when Tío told me I could find you here, and that you were no longer at the academy,"

"Crazy couple of weeks," I sighed shrugging.

"Sounds like it," he chuckled.

I nudged his arm.

"So what that's it? You're done?" I asked looking him over, he didn't seem to roughed up.

"A year's worth of probation, but hey, no ankle bracelet," He said raising his right foot up to show me.

"So it's almost over?" I asked in a more serious tone.

Ian reached out, his smile gone, and rubbed my arm.

"Hale, It's been over for a while now,"

I clutched my jaw stubbornly, we'd have this argument before a million times, neither one of us ever won.

"You went to jail for my shit. Besides I don't think it can ever really be over," I told him, wrapping my own arms around myself. "I can still feel it, after years,"

Ian's eyes darkened and it was his turn to nudge me.

"Hey, when's the last time you went and saw someone?"

I scowled and rolled my eyes.

"Years, it doesn't help. It was better when I was fighting but I had to stop,"

"Why did you stop? Did you get hurt?" Ian asked quickly scanning me, trying to spot if he missed something.

"Not exactly, it's complicated," I brushed off.

He opened his mouth to say something but then caught something behind me. I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion and turned to see what he was starring at.

Lev was coming over in a calm sort of anger, too still and tense.

Oh shit.

I took a step away from Ian which earned me a look from him.

"What are you doing Mariposa?" he whispered to me. "Who's the hostile-looking chick?"

"Lev, it's fine she's not going to hurt anyone,"

Once Lev was about seven feet away I could feel the sparks like coals on my skin, anger and jealousy burned my nerves, I suddenly felt very stupid. I was so concerned with working my own feeling out with Lev that I sometimes forgot how much more she felt. That my actions now affected her. And flinging myself into someone else's arms probably didn't look good from her point of view considering I could barely handle her draping an arm around me.

Lev was closer now and I could see the anger bubbling in her eyes, I stepped forward and put up my hands.

"Please calm down, it's not what you think. I'm sorry, I didn't remember,"

She didn't stop till her arms were crushing around me, a panicked shudder went through me but slowly I could lift my arms to wrap around her too. She held onto me like I was her raft in a sea of her own anger.

"I'm trying Hale, I really am but please don't do that to me again," she murmured into my ear, having to pull me up a bit.

"I'm sorry. Just give me an hour okay? I'll be back at your place, just trust me,"

"Our place," She growled back.

I rolled my eyes. Of course, that's what she picked up on.

"Yeah, sure. One hour,"

Lev drew back, looking at me like I was a precious gem, then glared at Ian, then back at me. With a set jaw she nodded.

"Okay,"

She kissed the top of my head then ripped herself from me and walked back to her motorcycle, which A group of sophomore boys were ogling at.

I let out a long breath then spun back to Ian, who had a wide grin on his face.

"Aww look who went and got herself a girlfriend!"

I cringed and scrunched up my nose.

"Can we not call her that?"

" Fine. How about life partner?"

I glared at him.

"Must be serious if you're getting so defensive," Ian chided.

Sure, I guess you could call the other person holding the other half of your soul a serious relationship.

"So you're with her huh? Sounds like its over, like your moving on,"

I wished he was right, but the panic attacks and nightmares said otherwise. One traumatic event and spiraled into a lifetime of insecurities.

"Can we walk about something else?" I asked toeing the dirt with the point of my shoe.

Ian nodded.

"Tío wants you to stop by the gym if you can, a little reunion. You are more than welcome to bring you new boo thang," he grinned as I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Yeah, I'll stop by later," I told him with a nod.

"You think you can stay out of trouble in the meantime?" He asked poking me.

I shrugged and hiked the backpack back into place.

"We'll see," I replied with a slight smirk.

He ruffled my hair again.

"Yeah okay Mariposa, see you later,"

The TV was on when I walked in, Lev was starring at it but I could tell she wasn't really paying attention to it.

"Your back early," she commented, no harsh emotion was edged into the words, she just stated them as a fact.

"We have plans for later, I wanted to talk to you,"

I shut off the Tv and sat next to her.

She looked to me with a placid face, ready to listen.

I fumbled with the sleeves of my sweatshirt.

"I'm sorry I forgot how we're tied. If some girl had done that to you I would have been furious. It has been so long since I saw Ian, I didn't think,"

Lev put her hand over mine and I looked up at her, the only person who could make me feel inferior.

"You don't need to apologize, Hale, it wasn't the hug that set me off, well no that's not true it really did irritate me, but mainly, it was the safety you felt with him. I try and give you your space Hale, try not to touch you too much, which is fine I know you'll tell me when you're ready. It's just, I want you to feel safe with me, to feel that same type of security when I'm with you," Lev confessed, stroking her thumb over my palm.

I sucked in a breath and let it go slowly.

She opened up and was honest with me, I could do the same. It didn't have to be all of it but I owed it to her to express some of myself.

"It's just different with him. Before I could go to the academy I was in foster care. The last house I was in he was there too, we were foster siblings," my breath hitched at the road of memories that I was heading down. "While I was there someone hurt me, really hurt me. Ian protected me, because of that I ruined his life,"

A tear slipped out and I quickly brushed it away.

Lev raised an eyebrow.

"Ruined his life? he looked pretty happy to me,"

I took in another long breath, my throat was starting to feel tight.

"He killed somebody for me, he's spent the last few years in jail,"

Lev's grip on my hand was suddenly tighter.

"How bad were you hurt?"

I could feel the warmth of the blood, the terror in my veins, the pain that dug into my bones. Memory's from that night washed over my skin as a reminder.

"Pretty bad," Was all I said and looked away. "When he was arrested his Uncle took me in and thought me how to protect myself. That's how I got into the fighting rings,"

"I wish I could take the pain away Hale, wish I could make you feel safe here,"

I bite at my lip.

Lev said she would take me broken, I couldn't give her myself whole, just my broken little pieces, if only I stopped fighting myself and let her in.

Tensely I rested my head on her shoulder and she rested an arm around my back.

"With you it's different, there's never been a need for you to prove your trust to me, since I've met you I just knew I could, it scares me. Ian and his uncle were the closest things I had to family growing up, I didn't think I'd ever find that again. Then you showed up and changed everything,"

Lev ran her hand up and down my arm, both of us quiet.

"I swear I'm trying Lev,"

She kissed the top of my head.

"I know you are, thank you,"

We stayed like that for a while, in this peaceful state, neither one of us wanting to ruin it. I wasn't really sure what happened, but I felt like it was progress. That I let her in, that I finally admitted to myself that I wanted this, I didn't want to be alone anymore. I could feel my promise to her echoing in my head. I could love you...

Eventually, I was able to pull myself up and remembered that I had told Ian I would stop by his uncles and I was definitely late.

"I have to go, I made plans with Ian,"

Lev, who had been playing with a strand of my hair, harrumphed looking at me with tired eyes.

"Okay have fun with your foster brother. You don't need me to chaperone you, I just ask you text me when you get there so I know your safe,"

I bumped my knee into hers.

"Or you could just come with me, you were invited too,"

She nodded and got up too.

"Okay,"

I slipped back on my shoes and Lev grabbed the keys for the bike.

The shop was closed for the day, but I had a key Oscar had given me years ago when he told me I was welcome anytime.

Ian and his uncle were in the back, wiping down the used mats.

Ian's face lit up when he saw me and he rose to his feet.

"Mariposa! I thought you were bailing out," He called and dropped his rag into the soap-filled bucket.

I smiled and stuck my tongue out at him.

"What? Think you can scare me away?"

Ian shrugged and gave me a confident grin.

"Well, I am a convicted felon,"

"Oh please, your little prison squabbles are nothing compared to the fights you missed in the ring. Someone had to take up your mantel,"

Ian let out a low whistle and crossed his arms.

"Yeah but you could never live up to me, I mean, I was quite literally the best,"

Oscar chuckled behind him.

"Careful mijo, that it isn't the same eleven-year-old girl you left. She could give you a run for your money,"

Ian seemed to beam at the challenge. I felt the adrenaline start to course through me.

"Care to take that bet?" Ian asked narrowing his eyes.

"You're going down," I grinned.

I turned to Lev who was giving me a masked look of concern.

"Hale - " She started but I cut her off, shrugging off my jacket.

"I know the last time you some me fight was pretty bad, but I swear I'm going to be fine. I'm not drugged this time. Trust me I got this," I told her as I hopped on one foot pulling off my shoes.

"You know I believe in you I just don't like the possibility of you getting hurt,"

"I won't be,"

Before I thought it through I leaned up and kissed her cheek. I turned around immediately, my face now very warm, and went into the boxing ring. I wrapped up my hands and tried to calm down.

Oscar watched Ian and me and then waved his hand starting the match.

I was quick on my feet as I pulled myself back as Ian struck forward, he brought his other fist down and I used my forearm to knock it aside.

The thing I loved about fighting with men was they were all the same, they fought with only their muscle and strength, where women used their brains and muscles. Strategizing each movement to the fullest effect.

While he was recovering from my block I rammed my fist into his exposed side, he gasped and institutively went to clutch it when I brought my elbow down on his shoulder so he crumpled to the ground.

I had missed this more than I realized, I'd promised my siblings and Lev that I would stay out of the street fights, but this was my therapy. I liked tempting fate, dangling my life on the precipice of danger. It reminded me of who I was, a survivor.

Ian swept his foot out and knocked me down with him. I fall on my back and I twisted myself so I could get my legs around his neck and then squeezed. He started to rapidly tap my thigh and I let go and proudly got to my feet.

Ian gave a fake scowl from the ground.

Oscar and Lev applauded from the sidelines. I gave a dramatic bow.

"Perhaps you learned a thing or two," Ian joked and I reached out a hand to help him to his feet, his face still red from the loss of breath.

"If you mean kicked your ass and bruised your ego, then yes, I did,"

Ian bumped my shoulder with his and we both laughed.

I left the ring and started to unwrap my hands, Lev handed me my shoes and held me steady as I slipped them back on.

"Told you I would be fine," I smirked.

"I knew you would, just don't want to see my girl hurt,"

She held my jacket out for me to slip my arms in.

"But I was a badass," I told her as I slipped my arms in and she pulled my hair free.

"Very badass,"

Above the lights dimmed.

"Alright kids, Tío's not as young you, I need sleep," Oscar called out.

I chuckled and headed over to the door.

"Alright, alright. I'll be back tomorrow," I told him with a smile.

"Are you bring your sister?" He asked, Peyton was starting to grow on him, he liked watching her get on my nerves like we were his favorite Tv show.

"Sister?" Ian asked confused.

"We have a lot to catch up on," I stated, clapping a hand to his arm.

It was later than I thought when we got back to Lev's.

I was clipping my helmet back to the bike when Lev came up beside me and leaned on the nearby wall.

"Why does he call you Mariposa? Isn't that some barbie princess?"

I elbowed her and we started to walk up to the apartment.

"No, well yes, but that's not why he calls me that. It means butterfly in Spanish. After I was hurt he told me I was like a caliper, and that I could cocoon myself for as long as I wanted and when I was ready I would emerge as a beautiful mariposa," I explained then looked up at her as she unlocked the door. "I know it's kind of corny,"

Lev shook her head and opened the door.

"No, it's kind of beautiful. My only question is when you get your antenna's," Lev held her pointer fingers up on either side of her head.

I scoffed and shoved her away from me, both of us laughing.

For the first time in years, when I went to bed that night, I didn't have a single nightmare. Just peaceful sleep.