A Helping Hand

A black butterfly drifted by on the cool night breeze...

It was a quiet evening at the modest Inoue residence and Orihime had just finished eating a hearty meal. The dishes were done, prayers had been said at the shrine for her perverted dead brother, and it was time for bed.

The busty girl was bouncing up and down with excitement as she brushed her teeth in the small bathroom attached to her bedroom, humming a jolly ol' tune. Her mind was on her date with Ichigo the following day, and she couldn't help but grin at the thought of all the things she was going to do to him. It was going to be the best date ever!

As Orihime finished brushing her teeth and began stripping down to her bra and panties, a pair of pitch-black eyes watched hungrily from the dark confines of her closet. Lips parted in a razor-toothed grin and a wicked forked tongue slowly licked across them as the creature fantasized about grabbing both the girl's massive tits with one hand. The vile fiend had been munching on her tampon supply while it waited for the right moment to strike, but it was hungry for something with a little more 'zing' to it…

Bubbling with happy thoughts, Orihime merrily made her way over to her bed and pulled down the covers featuring images of cute white rabbits. For a moment she paused and thought about retrieving her nightgown from the closet but decided against it. She would just sleep in her underwear tonight - tee hee!

Realizing it would be difficult to fall asleep because she was so excited about her upcoming date, Orihime opened her nightstand and retrieved a big bottle of Barton Vodka. Sitting down on the edge of her bed, the girl unscrewed the cap and turned the bottle up to give it a good ol' chug. She gagged. It tasted worse than dirt on a dingo's dick, but it would do the trick.

Taking one final gulp, Orihime breathed a heavy sigh as she set the bottle of shit-tier vodka on the nightstand. She wanted it to be nearby in case she woke up during the middle of the night and needed a drink or three.

With that, Orihime slipped into bed and reached for the lamp on her nightstand to turn it off. With a click, the lamp turned off before her delicate fingers could touch it, leaving the room in near darkness, and Orihime frozen in confusion - but only for a moment.

Whatever, she thought. Fuck it. She had a killer date with Ichigo tomorrow and didn't have time to worry about dumb poltergeist bullshit. Snatching up the bottle of alcohol, Orihime gave it another quick chug before snuggling into bed and closing her eyes. With a contented sigh, the girl's mind slowly drifted to the abstract realm that existed in the fuzzy space between conscious thought and blissful sleep.

The creature's dark eyes gleamed with evil intent from the closet. Now was the time to strike. Sure, it could draw things out, do some classic horror shit like whispering the whore's name in the dark. Freak her out a little bit before it attacked. But no, fuck that shit. It wanted them big ol' titties, and it wanted them NOW.

"GIVE ME THEM TITTIES BITCH! BWAAAAAAAAAA!"

Orihime cried out as she felt something land on her chest, squeezing both her jugs twice at once. "Get off of me fartknocker!" she screamed, throwing a rapid combination of punches. She didn't know what was on top of her, but she sure as hell was going to murder the shit out of it.

"You throw a mean left, whore," came a deep rumbling voice as the creature on top of Orihime backed off a bit, spitting a gob of florescent blood onto the bedsheets. "Hearty. Your punches are beef noodle hearty."

"What the hell do you think you're doing, you perverted fuckwit!?" snarled Orihime, still thirsty for the blood of her attacker.

The creature chuckled, a low rumble like the ominous sound of thunder on the horizon. "Lord Slaanesh sent me to dispose of you," it said, now standing on the foot of her bed. The fiend's hideous four-fingered silhouette stood nearly a meter tall in the murky shadows cast by the pale light of the streetlamp outside.

"Listen El Fucko, I don't give a fuck who sent you, or why you're here!" snapped Orihime, whipping the sheets back in a fury and storming out of bed. "You done fucked with the wrong bitch! Prepare to die, ass-wipe!"

"I don't think so, slut," rumbled the creature, its confidence palpable as its lips twisted into a cruel grin. "I dragged you into my realm the moment I grabbed your tig ol' bitties."

As if on cue, the streetlamp flared brightly before it popped and blinked out, plunging the room into total darkness. The fiend growled like a hungry beast as an unearthly purple glow with no definable source slowly filled the room, lighting it from all angles at once. "Welcome to my world, cunt."

Orihime blinked several times, the harsh unnatural light making it feel like she had pocket sand in her eyes. Rubbing her eyes furiously, she squinted in an attempt to make out the true form of her attacker.

"No, this can't be…" the frightened girl gasped, taking a step back as an ice-cold wave of dread shivered through her body. "This… this is impossible!"

"Everything is possible in the Warp." sneered the fiend, glaring at its prey hungrily. "It's like silly putty that can fill in any plot hole. Or, in this case, human holes when I'm done with you, anyway."

Pure horror gripped Orihime's soul in a stranglehold, paralyzing her with raw fear as the creature gave a deep hearty chuckle, bearing its shark-like teeth and lashing its wicked forked tongue about its drooling mouth. Gazing upon the true form of her attacker, the trembling girl's mind went numb and threatened to shut down completely. It was an instinctive defense mechanism that had activated in a desperate attempt to protect her from being overcome by sheer madness. For before Orihime stood none other than her darkest most twisted nightmare: The hand on the Hamburger Helper box.

She screamed.

"They call me the Helping Hand, bitch," the vile creature said with a sneer. "You eat my shit all the time. You like Beef Noodle flavor, don't you?"

"But you're not real, you fucking psycho shit!" cried Orihime, still rattled to the core by the horrific creature before her. "I-I must be dreaming or something… This is total fucking ass-shit!"

"I am real as fuck, you dumb ho." replied the Helping Hand, leering at the shaken girl as her sanity crumbled by the second. "Lord Slaanesh created me from your love of Hamburger Helper and the lust in your heart for that dumb shart-hound Kurosaki Ichigo. What the fuck do you even see in that guy anyway? He's got the personality of a dingo with its tail up its ass."

Orihime clawed desperately at the sides of her head - her bulging vein streaked eyes wide as she shook furiously. This was all wrong. The queer purple lighting. The disgusting fiend mocking her love for Hamburger Helper. And the paralyzing fear that was worming its way through her very soul. It was all horribly wrong.

The traumatized girl bit down hard on her lip, drawing a thick stream of crimson that trickled down her chin. It was taking every ounce of willpower she had to keep from collapsing into a helpless sobbing heap.

Fear had always been something that Orihime had found difficult to overcome. During her first few battles for the fate of the world in Soul Society, she had shit and pissed herself out of sheer terror, staining the battlefield with her cowardice. However, as the carnage raged around her, blood spraying and dead bodies piling high, the frightened girl had discovered that there was only one way to truly defeat fear: Brutal unrestrained violence!

"DIE YOU FOUR-FINGERED FUCK FACE!" roared Orihime as she recklessly threw herself at her tormentor with no fucks to give. It was murder time!

Caught completely off guard by the sudden outburst of violence, the Helping Hand took a savage right cross to the face, its jolly red nose crushed to a bloody pulp in an instant. A whipping left hook came in just as fast and caught the fiend in the eye, stunning it long enough for the third blow - a wild overhand haymaker that nailed the creature straight in the mouth. Teeth shattered on impact like a shotgun blast and florescent warp-blood sprayed as the shards lodged themselves painfully in the back of its throat, the creature crying out in agony.

Orihime screamed with unrestrained psychotic fury as she rushed forward and took the creature to the ground MMA style. Not letting up for a second, the enraged girl rained down blow after blow in a shower of pure mindless savagery. "DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!" she screeched, spit and blood flying from her mouth as she relentlessly pummeled the warp-fiend beneath her.

The Helping Hand snarled in frustration as its face was battered beyond recognition by the tsunami of machine-gun-like blows, florescent warp-blood spraying with each vicious strike. "Enough of this!" it shouted, slipping under Orihime's punches and grabbing her by the ankle. "Get rekt, whore!"

Shooting up into the air, the Helping Hand quickly spun around and hurled Orihime against the wall, the brutal impact sending a number of cracks streaking through it as the girl fell to the ground in a heap. Before she could recover, the fiend balled up into a fist and launched itself at its prey growling angrily. The savage blow connected like a missile strike, smashing Orihime back into the crumbling wall and rocking the entire house like an earthquake.

With a speed that could only be described as inhuman, the fiend repeatedly rammed into its prey from all angles, using its own body as a fearsome bludgeoning tool. Orihime attempted to cover up and block as best she could as the blows rained down, but it was no use, the creature was simply too fast, and much too powerful.

With one final cry of frustration, the Helping Hand struck its prey with the force of a runaway freight train. The house shook right down to its very foundation as the wall exploded on impact, Orihime being rag-dolled into the living room like a sack of potatoes.

Breathing heavily, the Helping Hand unclenched and glared into the inky darkness of the living room - its ruined face twisted in a mask of annoyance and more than a little concern. "Lord Slaanesh was right…" it huffed between heavy breaths, spitting out several broken teeth. "That fucking whore… must not be allowed to reach her full potential."

"BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!"

Orihime shrieked bloody murder as she charged the Helping Hand in a berserk rage, her irises small psychotic pinpricks on wild vein-streaked eyes. Deep crimson streamed from her nose, mouth, and various other cuts and scrapes, but the blood-crazed girl's wounds only seemed to have driven her into an even greater frenzy of primal aggression.

"You fucking slut! Just stay down so I can fuck you already!" snarled the Helping Hand, attempting to meet her charge with a simple flick of its index finger, a deceptively powerful attack for a creature that was basically a giant hand.

Fueled by raw bloodlust, Orihime whipped her head to the side, easily slipping past the flick attack that likely would have caved her face in. Roaring like a ferocious beast, she let fly with a slashing left hook, followed up by a crushing right uppercut, before pulling back and hauling off with another savage overhand right.

Predictable, thought the Helping Hand with an ugly sneer. Shooting up into the air to dodge the vicious attack, the fiend curled into a fist and rocketed down to deliver a hearty hammer blow attack. If the fucking whore wouldn't submit, it would just have to break all of her bones all at once, it thought.

Her eyes alight with pure psychotic rage, Orihime threw herself to the side, dodging the deadly attack with sheer reflexes. The house quaked violently once again as the hammer blow struck the floor, cracks shooting out through the floorboards beneath it in a spiderweb-like pattern.

With the skill of a seasoned warrior that had seen countless life or death battles, Orihime transitioned flawlessly from defense to offense, spinning to deliver a lashing roundhouse kick that sent the Helping Hand flying into her bed with such force that the structure splintered into pieces on impact.

"Fuck my warp-spawned life, this isn't working…" cursed the Helping Hand bitterly, struggling to pull itself up as Orihime roared and charged again, not letting up her brutal assault for a moment. "I'm going to have to use magic to subdue the fucking slut if I'm going to get any pussy before I kill her."

With that, the warp-fiend opened its ruined mouth and spewed forth a plume of deep purple warp-fire. The unearthly flames twisted and distorted the very fabric of reality as they billowed towards their target, hungry for human flesh.

Orihime grimaced, a fleeting moment of clarity flashing in her hate-filled eyes. Somehow, the sight of the warp-spawned magic attack pissed her off even more.

Mere fractions of a second before the flames could caress her tender flesh, Orihime vanished from sight in a blur of motion.

Catching a flicker of movement above it, the Helping Hand looked up in slack-jawed bug-eyed disbelief to see an enraged Orihime coming down with a crushing double fisted sledgehammer attack, her long auburn hair trailing behind her dramatically.

"FUUUUUUUCK!" cursed the Helping Hand as the savage strike came down with the force of an industrial-grade piledriver. The sheer impact of the blow instantly shattered the weakened floorboards of Orihime's room and dumped both her and the fiend into the depths of the home's basement in an explosion of dust and debris.

Coughing and choking in between ragged gasps for air, the Helping Hand struggled to stand. Its fingers were broken, twisted, and mangled. Its face was destroyed, and its eyes were nearly swollen shut as they wept florescent warp-blood. However, for all the damage that had been done to the warp-fiend, it knew that its prey had been stunned from the fall as well.

The Helping Hand briefly considered retreating back into the depths of the warp. Sure, Lord Slaanesh would torture it endlessly for such a failure, but that actually might be kinda kinky. Shivering with raw sexual anticipation, the Helping Hand prepared to depart and accept its fate when it caught something out of the corner of its eye…

A crusty dildo laying on top of Chekhov's hot water heater.

A sharp crash drew the fiend's attention back to its prey. The violent bitch was getting up, dirt and debris falling off of her as she pulled herself to her feet. Though her hair obscured most of her face, the Helping Hand could still see those terrifying psychotic eyes gleaming with murderous intent. Shit, this better work, it thought.

Before Orihime could resume her relentless assault, the fiend lashed out with its extendable tongue. "Gottcha bitch!" it cried triumphantly.

"Brother's dildo! No!" cried Orihime as the fiend wrapped its tongue around the dirty sex device and snatched it into its mouth like a lizard, devouring it in one big gulp.

"YEEAAAAAAHHHHH! That's the spice…" rumbled the Helping Hand, its body rapidly healing as the power of Slaanesh erupted around it in the form of an infernal purple flame that danced lewdly in the gloomy darkness of the basement.

The fiend gave a hearty chuckle. It was time for the main event...

TO BE FUCKING CONTINUED!

NEXT TIME on Bleach: Orihime Fisted - Orihime unleashes her rage against a vastly powered-up Helping Hand in a desperate battle to protect her holes! Can the warrior of Khorne send the minion of Slaanesh screaming back into the warp from where it came? Or will she end up beaten, battered, and getting milked like a cow? Find out in the next exciting chapter of Bleach: Orihime Fisted!