Beside You Ch. 29: I'm Not Ok

Chapter Twenty-Nine: I'm Not Ok

I tried my best to sleep, but I think it was futile.

My mind kept going, no matter how many times I yawned.

When Benny's alarm went off, I felt a little upset.

I wanted to tell her about my phone, but I knew what would happen afterward.

They shouldn't have to do unnecessary things for me.

I think Benny noticed something was wrong, and neither of us even got up yet.

"Ren?"

I only turned my head to look at her.

"You okay?"

I felt the awkward smile on my face.

"Not sure yet," I admitted.

She sat up to smile tiredly.

"I'm here," she said, "Just say the word."

I nodded, "Thank you."

"Of course," she said, "I'm still sorry about yesterday."

I shook my head, "Don't be."

"I love you, Ren," she said, "It's hard not to."

"I love you too," I said, "And I know you didn't do it on purpose, so you shouldn't feel so bad about it."

She only nodded.

"Besides all that," I sat up, "How is your belly button doing?"

She glanced down before poking at it.

"Still fucking hurts," she stated, "How are your ears?"

They didn't really hurt anymore.

"They're good."

"That's good," she said, "At least that's a positive thing. After all you went through yesterday."

I nodded.

If only she knew that it got worse.

She glanced down at her phone.

A frown formed on her face.

"I don't want to go to school today," she pouted.

I couldn't help but smile.

She got up and pouted the entire time she got ready.

My mood from earlier was lifted.

I was thankful for that.

She was being a little overdramatic.

By the time we were dressed and out the door, we both had grins on our faces.

++++++++++

Why?

Why was my life like this?

I guess after talking to all the parents yesterday, they decided to increase restrictions on our dress code.

The saying is true.

When it rains, it pours.

It was fucking pouring.

I couldn't help but feel a little bit like I was already drowning.

I couldn't buy the new clothes.

For obvious reasons.

Now I can't even call my mom to tell her.

This left a sick feeling in my stomach.

Benny offered to help, but the clothes are too expensive.

They did say that we could buy similar clothes.

Though, I didn't have the money for that either.

This sucked.

It didn't help that I couldn't even talk to Michael during PE.

I could only steal glances from the other side of the gate.

At one point, I think I saw him with his phone in his hand.

Was he trying to reach me?

Damn it.

I really wanted to hear his voice.

I wanted to read his words.

My eyes landed on him again, and he glanced up from his phone to look at me.

He looked like he was waiting.

When he noticed me looking, he lifted his phone as if to show it to me.

I shook my head.

Not only did I not have mine with me, but it didn't even work.

There was no point in carrying it around.

I was quick to avert my eyes.

For some reason, I felt a little guilty.

I made it a point to tell him how important it was to communicate.

Here I was doing the exact opposite.

It had been a while since a day felt this terrible.

At least yesterday I was able to spend it with the three of them.

Today I felt alone.

I didn't want to burden them.

I did stupid stuff when I was anxious.

I actually went all out during PE.

It was a little painful to actually participate in earnest today.

I didn't usually run like I was trying to get a good grade.

By the time the class was over, I was late getting to the locker room.

I didn't want to change.

Hell, I didn't even want to stand.

Why did my thighs burn?

I groaned as I glared at my locker.

In the end, I was back in the pink skirt.

We were told that we couldn't wear black sweat pants under our skirts.

We had to either wear leggings or fitted pink sweat pants.

It was absurd.

I was fucking freezing.

I think they said we had a week before they would officially start enforcing the new dress code.

I shivered my whole way back to the room.

Once I was in the room, I went right for the warmest sweats I owned.

The next thing I did was pull on a thick sweatshirt.

Fuck you cold.

I was used to humid weather.

I liked it when it first started to get cold.

It will take a bit more time to get used to it.

Maybe it's just because I'm already having a shitty day?

I sat on my bed. I wasn't even sure what else to do.

Should I do homework?

This sucked.

I heard a key in the door before it opened.

"You're here," Benny said, "I tried calling you."

I frowned.

"Did something happen?" she asked, "It wasn't going through."

I looked up at her, ready to admit what had happened with my phone.

My mouth opened to confess, but I stopped once I realized she had her phone pressed to her ear.

"Yeah," Benny said, "She's right here."

She made a face.

"Michael said that he has been trying to call you too," she stated.

Her eyes went to the phone on the nightstand.

I wasn't sure what to say.

The jig was up.

My silence must have bothered her because she moved towards the nightstand.

I heard her nail as it tapped the screen.

"It's more than halfway charged," she stated, "I don't see any notifications."

Where did I even begin?

Just tell her my mom shut it off?

"Ren," she said, "What's up? Are you alright?"

Damn it.

"She turned my phone off," I admitted.

"What?" Benny demanded, "You're joking."

I shook my head.

"She shut her phone off," Benny said into the phone.

Was it Michael, or was it Gus?

I wasn't sure what was said on the other side, but Benny arched her brow at it.

"You tell her then," Benny said.

I was surprised when she pressed the phone to my ear.

Benny went right to her computer.

"Hello?" I asked.

"When?"

It was definitely Michael.

"When what?" I asked.

"When did you realize she cut your phone?" he asked.

Right to the point then.

I almost would have preferred a little small talk first.

"Last night," I mumbled.

"After you were back in your room?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you say anything sooner?" he asked.

How do I explain that it's because I felt guilty without making them feel bad?

"Ren?"

"I don't know," I said.

"What happened to communication?" he asked.

"I feel guilty," I admitted, "You guys shouldn't have to take care of me."

Benny was staring at me now.

"We don't feel like we have to," she stated, "We do it because we care about you."

"It's our choice who we worry about," Michael stated.

I'm just not used to having friends like them.

They were genuinely worried.

They wanted to help me.

I was a jerk.

"You need a phone," Benny stated, "In case of an emergency."

"She's right," Michael stated.

"I can't believe that she actually turned your phone off," Gus said.

I glanced over at the computer screen.

I didn't realize she had called him.

"How does she expect to get a hold of you?" Gus asked, "Or does she not?"

"I don't know," I said, "I'm just as confused."

"Well," Michael stated, "There are two ways we can go about this."

I already didn't like where this was going.

"Either I get you a new phone," he said.

"No," I said.

It's too much to ask.

Phones are too fucking expensive.

"Or," he said, ignoring me, "I take your phone in and add it to my plan."

Add it to his plan?

I wasn't sure what to really say.

"That sounds better," I said.

"That would probably be better," Benny stated.

"You should even be able to keep your number," Michael said, "Since your mom had yours cut off."

"Really?" I asked.

"Maybe," he said, "I'll try."

I didn't deserve them.

I didn't deserve him.

"When?" Benny asked, "Are you going to go today?"

She heard him?

I glanced over at her, and she just pointed at the screen.

If he's there, why am I on the phone still?

"How late are they open?" Michael asked.

"Nine," Gus stated, "We can go today."

"You don't have to go today," I said.

"We know," Michael said, "But it's stupid to make you go without a phone for longer than you have to."

"What if something happens?" Gus asked.

"I have Benny here," I stated.

"What if she wasn't there when something happens?" Gus asked.

"Ask the nearest person for a phone," I stated.

Like how it used to be.

"Still going," Michael stated.

I felt my eyes sting a bit.

"Bring me your phone," Michael said, "You know the spot."

I wanted to ask why he needed my phone, but it didn't matter enough to me.

"I'll be there in a minute," I said.

"I'm hanging up now," he said.

The line went dead.

Alright then.

I knew it wasn't the end of our conversation.

I handed Benny back her phone.

"I guess I'll be right back," I said to her.

She nodded.

I grabbed my phone and put my shoes back on.

How did he know that something was up?

Did he just try calling, and then it didn't go through?

Was there more to it than that?

I headed to the spot I'd met him several times before.

Hidden off to the side of the gym.

It was still cold.

I already regret stepping outside.

The only upside was that I could actually see Michael.

I turned the corner and moved around the oversized bushes.

He was already there waiting for me.

I could see the frown on his face.

"Hey," I said awkwardly.

He looked tired.

I felt worse.

"You don't have to go today," I said.

"I know that," he sighed, "But I am anyway."

I didn't say anything.

He looked like he wasn't in the best mood.

I didn't want to start a fight.

"Next time something like this happens," Michael said, "You need to speak up."

I nodded quickly.

He glared off to the side.

"Who were you trying to talk to?" he asked, "When you figured it out?"

What?

I was going through old messages from Steven.

I was a little anxious to tell him that.

Communication.

I opened my mouth, but the words didn't follow.

He turned his head to look at me again.

He made a face.

"You don't want to tell me?" he asked.

It sounded a bit like he was trying to hide the hurt in his tone.

"I unblocked Steven," I stated, "And I tried to text you."

He narrowed his eyes at me, and I could tell he didn't like what I just said.

"Why?" he asked.

I could hear the edge in his tone.

"Because I told him a few days ago that I would," I admitted, "He told me that he wouldn't press charges against you if I gave him another chance."

He looked angry now.

"Obviously I wouldn't give him another chance," I said quickly, "But I knew that he wouldn't believe me unless I at least talked to him every once in a while."

"Ren," he said.

"I can't do anything else for you," I said, "At least let me protect you this way."

His expression changed.

He looked confused.

"I know Benny's mom said she would handle it," I stated, "But how do we know?"

Michael sighed, "He won't press charges."

"How do you know?" I asked.

"He's always been like that, Ren," he stated, "He looks for a way in, then he uses that, to use you."

"What if he's serious this time?" I asked.

He looked like he didn't want to argue.

"Trust me on this," he said, "Steven is a pussy."

I wanted to trust him.

He probably knew Steven way better than I do.

"What if he hates me enough to do it?" I asked.

"You said he's asking for a second chance," he stated, "He doesn't hate you."

I think he noticed how anxious I was.

"He won't hurt you again," he stated, "Gus and I won't let him."

We don't know what could happen. I just didn't want to have to worry.

That's the main reason I unblocked him.

If I humor him, maybe he'll believe I was at least trying.

"He sees that you've changed," Michael stated, "He realized how badly he fucked up."

I wasn't so sure about that one.

"Ren," he said softly, "Trust me, you're beautiful."

My eyes locked with his.

Something my father used to say popped into my mind.

An honest person doesn't usually start a sentence with 'trust me.'

A liar will tell you to trust him.

Trust.

My eyes lingered on Michael's face.

I wanted to believe him.

Liar or not.

I wanted to believe that he wouldn't hurt me like the others have.

"He doesn't deserve a second chance," he said, "But it isn't up to me."

Wait, what?

I expected him to tell me straight out not to talk to him anymore.

"Just know," he said, "If he hurts you again, I have no idea what I'll do to him. I just know it won't be good."

"It's only to be civil," I said, "I don't want to talk to him if I don't have to."

"Then don't," he said, "He won't do anything to me."

I nodded.

Still, I'd have the line open just in case.

I cared too much about Michael to chance it.

Steven already proved to be a petty bitch.

"Now on to more important things," he said, "Let me have your phone."

I handed it to him.

He looked surprised.

"Not worried I'll go through it?" he asked.

I just shrugged.

He slipped the device into the hoodie pocket.

"You'll be paying for it," I stated, "If you feel like you need to, then go for it."

He frowned.

"It was a joke," he said, "I'm not going to invade your privacy."

"I know," I stated, "But It's true."

"I'm not offering because I want to control what you do or who you talk to," he stated.

"I know," I said again.

"Okay," he said, "I'm going to go now."

I nodded.

"I'll text Benny when I'm back," he said, "We'll meet here again."

"Okay," I said.

He turned, but I called out to him.

"Michael," I said.

He just looked at me.

"Thank you," I said.

He nodded, "Get back inside. It's fucking cold."

I nodded.

He walked away, and I found myself staring in the direction he went.

Several minutes after he was gone, I still stared.

++++++++++

It was taking longer than I thought it would.

My gaze went to Benny, and she just sighed.

"What?" I asked.

"They're lagging," she stated.

So I wasn't the only one expecting this to go faster?

"I'm going to call," she said.

I just watched as she pressed the buttons on her phone.

She didn't hold the phone to her ear.

I think she put it on speaker.

Once I heard the ringing, I knew she did.

"Hey," Gus said.

"Hey," Benny said, "Is everything alright?"

An awkward silence passed before Gus responded.

"Sort of," Gus said.

There was a noise before Gus laughed.

"The phone thing is taken care of," Gus said, "But we had to stop at the store for a minute."

"Alright," Benny said, "I thought something bad happened."

"Well," Gus said.

"Shut up," Michael hissed.

"What happened," Benny asked.

I could see it on her face.

She was not amused.

"Michael totally ate shit," Gus laughed.

I frowned.

"Is he alright?" I asked.

"He's fine," Gus stated, "Nothing a few band-aids can't fix."

Benny frowned, "Remember what happened the last time you said that?"

It was silent.

"Gus," Benny said.

It sounded like a warning.

"It's pretty bad," Gus said.

Benny looked irritated, "How bad?"

"He scraped his chin," Gus said, "There's a lot of blood."

"Is he alright?" Benny asked.

"He's irritated," Gus stated, "But other than that, yeah, he seems alright."

"Is he…" Benny glanced at me, "In his right mind?"

"We wouldn't be out if he weren't," Gus stated, "There was an awkward rise in the curb, and he just tripped on it."

Benny looked relieved, "That's good, at least."

"It's hard to catch yourself from falling one-handed," Michael hissed, "Fucking brace."

I felt guilty all over again.

"Maybe if you paid more attention," Gus stated.

"I'll be sure to remember that next time," Michael said sarcastically.

Gus just chuckled.

"He doesn't need stitches, does he?" Benny asked.

"I doubt it," Michael said, "But if the blood doesn't stop soon, I'm getting the super glue."

A smile cracked on my face.

"He's not joking," Benny stated.

Seriously?

"Did Ren think it was a joke?" Gus asked.

"It's not the first time he's superglued himself to avoid the ER," Benny stated.

"Don't be stupid," I said, "If it's that bad, you need to see a doctor."

"You heard her," Benny said.

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that," Michael said flatly.

"But your pretty face," Gus said, "What will you do without your looks?"

"Fuck you," Michael said.

"You can't just swing your dick around," Gus said, "At least not here you can't."

Benny just shook her head.

"A few scars never hurt," Michael stated.

It felt strange.

I was sure that even if Michael didn't look the way he did, I would still be attracted to him.

"You say that now," I stated, "Just make sure you take care of it properly."

"We'll give it a few more minutes," Gus said, "If it still isn't clotting, we'll head to the ER."

"Okay," I said.

"Okay," Benny said, "But I have to ask, how bad was the actual fall?"

"It was downhill," Gus said, "It was pretty fucking funny."

"Fuck you guys," Michael sighed.

"Just ask Gus to kiss it better," Benny said, "That'll make the blood rush from your dick all the way to the head it's supposed to."

I felt embarrassed for him on that one.

"You saying I'm ugly?" Gus asked.

"I'm saying Michael doesn't want to sleep with you, babe," Benny stated.

"Given the right circumstances," Michael said, "I'd sleep with you, Gus."

"What?" Gus squeaked, "Babe, help."

I sighed.

"You dug your own grave, babe," I said, "Just kiss it better."

"How do you guys know which babe means who?" Michael asked, "I'm lost as fuck."

"On second thought," Benny said, "Maybe try a maxi pad."

"We checked already," Michael stated, "They didn't have the right size to match my flow."

I found myself grinning.

It was an excellent comeback.

"You sure?" Benny asked, "I was trying to help."

"I'm sure you fucking were," Michael chuckled, "I think the blood is clotting."

"It's looking better," Gus stated.

"Good," Michael said, "I'm fucking tired."

"You're fine, babe," Benny said.

"Woah," Michael said, "I didn't agree to be a part of your orgy."

"Not yet," I said, "But soon you'll change your mind, babe."

"They're right, babe," Gus said.

"Fuck all of you," Michael sighed.

"Respectfully?" I asked.

Benny and Gus laughed, but Michael sounded confused.

"I don't even know what's going on anymore," Michael sighed, "Tell me later."

"Looks like we're headed back to campus," Gus said.

"Good," Benny said, "I'm glad your face stopped bleeding."

"Yeah, yeah," Michael said.

"I'll text you when we get back," Gus said, "And Ren will go meet Michael to get her phone."

"Okie dokie," Benny said, "Love you."

"Love you, babes," Gus said.

"Love you too," I said.

"You guys are insufferable," Michael stated.

"Geez," Benny said, "Love you too crabby pants."

"He's headed back to the car," Gus said.

"Be honest," Benny said, "Is he alright?"

"He is," Gus said, "He's just embarrassed."

"I can imagine," Benny said.

"He actually flailed," Gus snorted, "But his arm couldn't catch him before he smacked the asphalt."

"And they say that left-handers are more creative," Benny shook her head.

It was too funny to not laugh, but shit, I felt bad for Michael.

He's not having the best day.

He's not having the best week.

A smile formed on my face.

It was hard to fight it.

Even though he was feeling as shitty as he was, he still went out of his way for me.

The cold must really be getting to me.

I could feel a flurry in my stomach.

++++++++++

I was beginning to worry that maybe something else had happened.

"They are back," Benny said.

I felt relieved.

There was a bit of pre-panic starting.

"Michael is on his way," she said, "You should head over."

I nodded even though I wasn't ready to get up.

I was finally warm.

"Make sure he is really okay," she said, "Gus tends to down-play things."

I nodded as I got up to put my shoes on again.

I was already worried as I got closer to the spot.

How bad was it?

Michael just talked about the amount of blood.

Did it hurt?

He seemed used to pain.

Of course it hurt.

As I moved around the bushes, I was finally able to see him.

Bandages were poorly taped to his chin.

"Michael," I said softly.

My hands moved through the bars to touch his face.

My fingers barely grazed his jaw before he flinched away.

He stepped back so that I couldn't reach him.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

I forgot.

He doesn't like to be touched.

"I'm sorry," I said.

He just looked at me like he wasn't sure what to think.

"I just wanted to see for myself," I said, "If you were really okay."

"I'm fine," he said.

I just stared at him.

"I'm okay," he sighed, "But it fucking burns."

"You can come closer," I said, "I won't touch you."

He looked skeptical, but he moved forward anyway.

The bandages almost touched his bottom lip.

"But I want to," I admitted.

My eyes locked on his lips.

The bandages made them look fuller.

"Stop," he said.

It wasn't easy to pull my gaze away.

He made a low noise.

It almost sounded like a groan.

"Have you thought more about it?" I asked.

He didn't answer. He just pulled my phone from his hoodie pocket.

I watched him extend it out to me.

I took it.

"Thank you," I said.

It felt different.

I glanced down at it to see it had a different case on it.

"Did my other case bother you?" I asked.

"You wouldn't let me buy you a new one," he stated, "Something about it should feel new."

"You didn't need to," I said.

"I know."

It was quiet now.

My eyes locked with his again.

"Tell me," I said, "Did you think about it?"

He looked away.

"Of course I thought about it," he said, "It's not a good idea."

I wanted him to say yes.

"It's only a bad idea?" I asked, "Not because you don't want to?"

"Ren," he said softly, "I don't know if I can."

I felt a bit disappointed.

Okay, that's a lie.

I felt like a completely deflated balloon.

"Does that mean you wouldn't do it again?" I asked quietly.

I could see him swallow hard.

It almost looked a bit painful.

"I don't know," he admitted, "It's hard enough just telling you it's a bad idea."

I stared at him hard.

"I'd do it again," I stated.

He moved closer to the gate, and I could see his chin better.

"Stop," he breathed, "There's nothing we can do about it right now."

"I know," I said, "But it doesn't mean I don't want to."

"Seriously," he said, "I'm in no condition to be doing anything."

"Okay," I said.

"Change the subject," he practically gasped, "Distract me."

He really wasn't okay.

"You didn't have to change the case," I said, "But I appreciate it."

He only nodded.

"Is the number the same?" I asked.

"It is."

"Thank you," I said again.

I blanked already.

How the fuck was I supposed to distract him? Who was going to distract me?

"Tell me about the uniforms," he said.

I met his gaze again.

Why did it feel like he was really trying to fight this?

There was something here.

It was so thick in the air that I could practically feel it with each inhale.

I shook my head slightly.

After everything he did for me, the least I could do is leave him alone for now.

"They are stricter now," I said, "They want us to wear more pink."

"More?"

"Well," I said, "More pink and white."

"Benny said you wouldn't let her buy them for you."

"They're expensive," I gasped, "Besides, they said we could get similar cheaper ones."

"You're okay with that?" he asked.

"I don't really have a choice," I stated, "It's going to be winter soon."

"We can go on the weekend," he said.

He sounded a little better now.

I frowned.

I just wanted all of this out of the way already.

It was stupid.

"Try to get a day pass," he said, "You might be able to go sooner."

"Not without my mom, I can't."

"Benny has gotten out before without her mother," he stated, "It's for your uniform. They'll let you."

"You sure?" I asked.

"Just go to the office tomorrow," he said, "They might not let you go tomorrow, but they should give you a day pass."

I nodded quickly.

"Just let me know," he said, "I'll take you where you need to go."

It felt wrong to be happy about all of this.

"Michael?"

"What is it?" he asked.

I knew it was stupid, but I was going to ask anyway.

"Why me?" I asked.

He looked irritated to hear that.

"Out of all the people here," I asked, "What is so special about me?"

His anger slowly faded to confusion.

"The three of you are so amazing," I said, "I don't understand why you aren't surrounded by people."

I couldn't read the emotion on his face this time.

"It doesn't work like that, Ren," he said, "Some people just fit better than others."

It still didn't make any sense to me.

"Just because there are dozens of people around you doesn't mean they are your real friends."

"I get that," I said, "But what I don't get is why more people don't want to be a part of your lives."

"Some people just don't get us," he said, "And right now, out of everyone here, your jagged edges fit perfectly with ours."

I felt the butterflies in my stomach again.

"For a person who claims not to be able to express himself," I said, "You did pretty well."

"Only because I've been thinking about it a lot myself." He admitted.

He's been thinking about it?

"Is that a good thing?" I asked, "Or a bad thing?"

"Maybe a bit of both," he admitted.

I wanted to know why.

At the same time, I wasn't sure if I did.

"It's getting late," Michael said, "And it's fucking cold."

I nodded.

"Goodnight, Ren," he said.

I didn't want to go anywhere.

This whole curfew thing was annoying.

I knew he would be annoyed if I tried to keep him out here longer.

"Goodnight," I said, "I hope you're able to get some sleep."

He just stared back at me.

I expected him to leave already.

He always seemed like he was in a hurry to get away from me at times like this.

"Sleep well," he said, "Go get warm."

"Okay," I said.

Again, he didn't move.

"Go," he said.

"What about you?" I asked.

"You first," he said.

What the hell?

This felt like that cheesy, 'No, you hang up first' thing.

"You aren't going?" he asked.

I wasn't sure what to say.

"I don't want to," I admitted.

His head went back, and I think I was only making things worse for him.

I get it. He said no.

I glanced to the side, ready to leave, but I heard his voice first.

"Come closer."

My body shivered at his words.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

He dropped his gaze to rest his forehead on the bars.

Slowly I moved closer.

If he was going to regret this, I wanted to make sure he had the chance to change his mind.

His right hand reached through, and I felt his grip on the back of my neck.

"Closer," he said.

I think I was shaking.

It wasn't because of the cold.

He pulled me until I was against the gate.

Through the gaps, I could feel him.

I craned my neck to look at him.

"I would do it again," he said, "If you were on this side, I would do it right now."

His words reached a place I wish they hadn't.

I remember the ache well.

He lowered his head, and just barely I could connect my lips to his.

I raised myself onto my toes so that I could try to claim more of his lips.

He groaned.

This fucking gate.

"Ren," he said.

"Michael," I said back.

I could feel his warm breath on my face.

"After you leave here," he said, his voice dropping an octave, "I want you to touch yourself."

I felt my stomach dip.

I didn't do it that often.

"When you do," he said, "I want you to think of me."

I couldn't help but gasp.

He was grinning as he stared down at me.

His hand slowly went from the back of my neck to the side of my face.

"Use your hands," he said, "Nothing else."

I nodded quickly.

"Text me when you're finished."

What the fuck was I supposed to say to that?

My body was hot despite being cold not even ten minutes prior.

His lips softly pressed to mine again.

"Now that you're not a virgin anymore," he said, "Put your fingers inside."

My mind wasn't working.

If I was a computer, I would be frozen.

Damn cheap electronics.

"Ren?"

I had to inhale before I could even answer.

"Yes?"

Why did I still sound out of breath?

"You okay?" he asked.

My head slowly shook.

I was not okay.

I was on the opposite side of a tall metal gate.

"Ren?"

I met his dark gaze.

"I'm going to kiss you again," he said.

I nodded.

My eyes went to his full lips expectantly.

"I want you to press your thumb against my chin," he said.

Wouldn't that hurt him?

His lips hovered over mine.

"Do it hard," he breathed.

His lips finally connected to mine, and I brought both of my hands up to hold his face.

I could feel the cold metal digging into my cheeks as I tried to deepen our kiss.

My left thumb gently made its way over the bandages before pressing gently at first.

He sucked in a sharp breath before I felt his tongue on my lips.

"Harder," he gasped.

I pressed my thumb harder into his chin, and he moaned long into my mouth.

He liked it when it hurts?

After a few more long seconds of kissing him, he pulled back quickly.

"You should go," he breathed.

I nodded quickly.

"Remember what I told you?" he asked.

I nodded again.

A slight smile formed on his face.

"I hope I make you feel good."

I wasn't sure I could handle much more of this.

"You first," he said.

I hesitated another minute before turning and leaving him there.

My body tingled as I headed back to the room.

I had to stop myself.

How was I supposed to do what he asked?

Was he going to do it too?

Where was I even supposed to do it?

Benny was in the room.

I groaned.

Why couldn't Michael be the one to touch me?

I felt the frown on my face.

Despite the shyness I felt, I wanted to do it.

He asked me to do it.

I bit the inside of my lip hard.

My body moved on autopilot as I recalled the first time I ever spoke with Michael on the phone.

He went into a bathroom stall and…

My head shook violently.

I was torn.

Maybe a little scared.

I wasn't sure if I could actually do it.

Even though I keep telling myself that, why am I standing in front of a bathroom?