Beast Mind

Five nights ago...

Through a red haze of frenzy, pain, and sickness, I somehow came upon the recent kill of another predator.  My own slaughter and violent consumption of a fox, rabbit, and most of a deer, had not sated me; indeed, I had disgorged virtually all that I had consumed of them.  Yet, I was certain that eating these ill-fated victims would as nothing else – as vile as that thought was to the still-human fragment of my crazed mind.  So, fighting the compulsion, I approached, slavering, on all fours – and was almost relieved when the explosive roar of the sabrecat slammed into me moments before its massive body.  I relished the lethal battle to claim its kills.

Had I been in human form even in full armour, the huge feline would have knocked me sprawling, stunned.  Yet my lupine self brushed aside the pain, the blinding rage instead taking over as I leapt to counterattack.  I sprang to my haunches, ripped at the giant predator, talons slashing its flanks as it lunged.  It circled, sword-length incisors gnashing for my throat as its claws tore my thigh and torso.  I dodged, knocking its head aside with one incredibly strengthened forearm, raked it again, opening more deep gashes along its muzzle with the other.  It roared again, part in challenge, partly in pain; I answered, which appeared to give it brief pause; it lost its footing on a precipice of rock, slid over the edge.  I leapt after it.

Despite the animal outweighing me considerably still, I managed to land on it, clung to its back.  It rolled, slashed at me with all fours.  Whilst I ignored the pain of its defensive fury, my talons tore and sought purchase in its flesh.  It roared again as I gnashed at its throat, a sound that became strangled as I bit deeper, seeking its life force as we tumbled and fought in the darkness.  Each savaging the other, dirt and stones spewed everywhere about the hillside.  As I suddenly felt a warm gush, the cat thrashed, its growls gradually choking off liquidly as it stilled and gave a last spasm, claws releasing from my back and shoulders.

I swallowed the warm salty fluid flooding my throat, lapped the rest, ripped further at the throat, seeking more; relishing the victory as, even in beast form and through intense pain, I shuddered in near-orgasmic delight.  However, it was not enow.  The hunger remained, though I sought to sate it further by slashing into the warm belly of the sabrecat, spilling its entrails and consuming its heart in a few crude bites.  Instinctively, I knew this was what I craved – and yet not.

My beast mind turned toward the two mauled corpses that lay in the back of the shallow cave somewhere above, even as my lupine body led me thence.  Almost all humanity suppressed, I tore at the woman and then the man, shredding remnants of clothing, ripping apart ribs to get at the cold hearts within, treating them both as had I their killer moments before.

I awoke to a cold, weak sun already drying the dirt-encrusted blood all over my naked frame; pebbles, bones, and other detritus clung to me as I frantically clawed at my eyes, trying to relieve my near-blindness and orient myself as to where – and what – I was.  The pain was still there, through greatly diminished.  I lay for the nonce, both relishing it and wishing it away.

Appalled at where (and how) I found myself, I did not want to believe what my blurry eyes and memory told me.  I was a werewolf, but I had not contemplated all that meant.  Must I actually eat humanoids – or their hearts, in particular?  The pain had not been mitigated until I had done that very thing; only now did I feel almost good, the best – aside from my filthy condition – since I had partaken of Aela's blood.  Thus, was I now obliged to rely upon chance encounters with the corpses of human-kin killed by predators?  That seemed an accident unlikely to be relied upon for sustenance.  Regardless, I somehow knew even that would not be enow, yet I still refused to acknowledge the alternative.

Somehow, as Azura's star gave way to daylight, I made my way back to our tent whence Vilja and Lydia awaited me in slumber.  Myriad thoughts assailed me, almost keeping my mind from vigilance against predators or, perhaps worse, humans whom may espy me and wonder at my naked and bloodied condition, and seek to take advantage.  I do not remember how I managed to bathe in the frigid stream nearby and crawl, shivering, into my sleeping fur without disturbing either of my companions.

Vilja lay in her own bedroll, snoring softly, a modest pale breast with its ever-erect nipple poking saucily at me through her almost sheer white nightgown.  The sight instantly touched off another kind of hunger in me, but I could not satisfy it just now.  Instead, I pretended to awake with them a short time later, wondering how long I would have to keep up this deception.

The second night was worse, only better.