Chapter thirty two

Tristan stood at the window of the nursery. He was holding Nicholas and he smiled a little when the boy reached up and pulled on his lip, babbling excitedly. The child was not his, but over the last few moons he had grown very fond of the baby. In time, he suspected he would feel as deeply for Nicholas as he did for Sophia.

He rested the baby against his shoulder and patted his back as he continued to stare out the window. In the yard below him, Maya and Marshall were playing some type of game with Sophia that required much shouting and running and hopping.

Sophia had woken this morning feeling as well as she had yesterday, and after much cajoling she had convinced Tristan and Maya to allow her outside to play. She was bundled up carefully against the cold and although her nose was running and her cheeks were red, she looked deliriously happy.

Faintly, he could hear her shouting commands to Marshall who knelt obligingly on the cold ground so she could climb onto his back. He ran around the yard with her riding piggyback and her laughter drifting up through the cold glass. He could hardly believe that yesterday she had come close to dying.

His thoughts turned to Avery. She'd spent the night with Maya, and twice he nearly left the others and gone to her room to check on her. He forced himself to stay away, knowing that Maya would tell him if she wasn't healing, but he'd cornered Marshall and demanded to know how Avery was when he returned from her room.

Marshall clapped him on the back. "She's doing fine. She's still sleeping, and Maya would like to spend the night with her if she can."

"Of course." Tristan responded. "I will stay with Sophia and Nicholas tonight."

He'd spent the night in the nursery, turning down both his mother's and Victoria's offer to stay with him. He'd made a nest of blankets on the floor next to Sophia's bed and told her stories until she had fallen asleep. He laid awake for hours, listening to Sophia's soft breathing and thinking about Avery. When Nicholas woke in the night, cranky and hungry, he was thankful for the distraction. He changed the baby and then carried him to the kitchen in the dark to warm his bottle. He'd stared down the hallway of the slave's quarters and couldn't resist moving quietly to

Avery's room. Jiggling Nicholas gently, he'd eased open the door of Avery's room and peered inside.

Avery and Maya were curled up together in Avery's bed under a massive stack of blankets. Maya's face was buried in Avery's back, her arms wrapped firmly around her sister, and he'd stared for a long time at Avery's sleeping face. When Nicholas began to fuss, he'd quietly closed the door and carried the baby back to the kitchen.

He'd returned to the nursery, feeding Nicholas and burping him before sitting in the rocking chair and holding the boy until he fell back asleep. Instead of placing Nicholas back in his crib, he held him until light crept across the land. He'd spent the entire night warring with himself and even now, he couldn't stop the clamoring of his brain.

He had promised Avery he would stay away from her and that he would send her to the Bartons. She had saved Nicholas' life, Marshall's life, his mother's life and now the life of his child. He owed it to her to follow through on his promise.

But the thought of taking her to the Bartons, of only seeing her occasionally and never kissing her warm mouth again, made him angry and anxious in a way he did not understand. The last week had been pure hell. He'd forced himself to stay away from her, to not give in to his urge to touch her or be with her, and thrown himself into trying to create a relationship with Victoria.

Victoria was pleasant enough and made it perfectly clear on more than one occasion that she was anxious to have him in her bed, but he felt nothing but a hollow sort of weariness when he looked at her. The thought of actually being in her bed, of touching her and having her touch him in return, filled him with revulsion.

He smelled his mother's scent as she entered the nursery. She stood next to him and kissed Nicholas' soft head. "You look tired, Tristan."

He grunted in reply and she followed his gaze out the window. A smile crossed her lips as she watched Sophia. "Have you spoken with Avery?"

"No."

"I sought her out this morning. I wanted to thank her for saving Sophia. She was in Victoria's bedroom, washing the floor and gathering the bed sheets." She shook her head. "She was just – just cleaning and scrubbing like it was a normal day. Like she hadn't performed a miracle and saved Sophia's life last night."

"It's not a miracle to her, Mother. It's just who she is. And it isn't just Sophia's life she has saved since I bought her from the slave house. Nicholas was a sickly baby. He would not have lasted another moon and only a day after I bought Avery and her sister, Avery healed him. Two days later we were attacked by faeries and Marshall was badly injured. He was stabbed multiple times by the faeries' swords and was dying. Avery saved him."

He glanced down at her. "She healed you as well. I did not ask her to – she chose to do it on her own."

Vivian nodded. "I believe you."

"She has saved the life of every member of my family, and the only thing she asked for in return was to be sent away from me. Yet for moons I could not even give her that. Instead I kept her here, letting her be abused and beaten by the head of my household, watching her scrub the floors of my home and forcing her to warm my bed."

"You did not force her to share your bed, Tristan," Vivian said. "She loves you."

"Aye, she does," Tristan said. "And I have treated her terribly."

"You have not," Vivian insisted. "You have been very kind to her."

His laugh was bitter. "Have I? She told me once that what I only wanted her as my whore,

and to my shame, she was right."

Before Vivian could protest again, Tristan said, "I wanted to have it both, Mother. I wanted a Lycan mother for Sophia and I wanted Avery in my bed. I didn't care that I was hurting Avery or leading Victoria on. I've been incredibly selfish."

"Oh, Tristan." Vivian placed a hand on his arm. "I'm afraid this is partially my fault. I was so certain that Victoria would be the right person for Sophia, for you, that I pushed you toward her. I did not know the depth of your feelings for Avery."

He stared at her, his tanned face reddening. "What do you mean?"

"My sweet boy." She shook her head and smiled a little. "You're in love with Avery. Can you not see it?"

"Mother I..."

She smiled again and put her arm around him. They stared out the window as Nicholas babbled quietly in Tristan's arms.