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All That We Held Dear

Following a traumatic accident, a series of unfortunate events forces Xiao Zhan and Yibo to define the true nature of their relationship and to decide how they can move forward with it.

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13 Chs

Arc I - Going Home - Part 3

Despite his suggestion, Sitwat didn't do much to allow Xiao Zhan to sleep. Now that he had a captive audience, the PA spent most of his time asking him questions about acting in China and what he should do to get a job there. Xiao Zhan had answered with the guilt-laden patience of someone who needs to atone. It wouldn't have been so bad had the questions taken the form of a continuous conversation, but Sitwat seemed to prefer parsimony, giving Zhan just enough time to fall asleep between inquiries only to startle him awake with the next one. When he finally managed to get some uninterrupted rest, he was shortly woken up by the young man shaking his knee from the front seat.

"We're here, Mister Xiao, sir," he said with his usual smile.

Xiao Zhan blinked and looked around. The driver had already gotten out and, judging by the noise, was unloading his bags. A quick peek out the window didn't reveal much about where "here" was. He stretched, feeling completely wrecked, and got out. The humid heat hit him with all its weight. His throat rose, and he took a deep breath to try and control it.

"Where are we?"

"Nok Airfield," Sitwat replied.

That meant nothing to Xiao Zhan, and he was too tired to ask. 

The driver unceremoniously dropped his bags at his feet and got back into the car. He lowered the passenger's side window and barked something at Sitwat, to which the latter replied in a clipped voice before turning back to his charge.

"Go inside and ask for Craig. He's gonna fly you to Suvarnabhumi Airport."

"You're not coming with me?" asked Xiao Zhan, panicked.

Sitwat shook his head.

"I have to go back to help the rest of the crew. You'll be fine. See you!"

He reassuringly patted Xiao Zhan on the arm twice and got back into the car. They were on their way before he could protest. Stranded, hungover, and without a working phone, Zhan didn't have much of a choice but to trust that whoever "Craig" was, he was really expecting him.

As he picked up his luggage, he noticed a white paper bag with a red bow. The gift. The sight of it brought back a wave of shame at what he had done. He resolved to look at it later when he was in the right state of mind to enjoy it. 

"Which will probably be never," he muttered as he stepped into a squat, whitewashed building.

The interior was rather dark. He blinked a few times before his eyes adjusted. High above ceiling fans turned with a slow whirr, doing little to disperse the heat. The room was sparsely furnished with low couches and teak coffee tables that would have looked more at home in a 70s movie. A young woman sat at a desk, staring at her phone. She didn't look up when he cleared his throat. He got closer.

"Excuse me," he said, using his limited Thai.

She looked up from her screen for a moment to give him the once over, then returned her eyes to the device.

"CRAIG!" she suddenly yelled, startling him.

A grunt came from behind him. Xiao Zhan turned to see a scruffy-looking blond head of hair pop up from behind one of the couches.

The girl said something to him in Thai, and the man, catching sight of Xiao Zhan, smiled and got up. He stretched and yawned.

"You must be Xiao Zhan," he said with a heavy Australian accent as he closed the distance between them.

Xiao Zhan nodded as he took his proffered hand. The man's paw all but swallowed his. He always felt tall at home, but this man was towering over him, making him feel tiny.

"Nice to meet you," he finally managed to say.

"Nice to meet you, nice to meet you!" The man said, hitting him a few times on the arm in a friendly manner, almost knocking him off his feet. What was it about him today that made people want to hit him?

Craig took his bags from him, immediately making them look like dollhouse toys. Xiao Zhan could only let it happen.

"Well, mate, I'm told you don't have much time, so let's get going. I had the boys get her ready, so we should be able to fly out almost immediately."

The man's accent was making it hard for Xiao Zhan to understand, so he nodded, hoping this would be an acceptable answer. 

The giant made his way to the backdoor, and Xiao Zhan followed, struggling to keep up. When he stepped outside, he finally realized what was happening. Small private planes were lined up on the tarmac, a few people milling about them, doing maintenance or repairs. There wasn't a commercial plane in sight. He stopped in his tracks and watched in horror as Craig made his way to a white Cessna with a red underbelly and a blue tail. This wasn't what he had had in mind when Sitwat had said "chartered flight." As if on cue, the man turned around and gestured to him.

"C'mon, Zhan!"

The familiarity unsettled him and added to his discomfort. He was tempted to shake his head and turn heels to run back inside. What was one missed press conference? Maybe he could make his way to Chiang Mai, and… Craig was staring at him with these big blue eyes of his, head slightly tilted. He sighed. He was being unreasonable. He took a deep breath to steel himself and caught up.

 

He waited in his seat, the white paper bag in his lap. The last preparations were being made for their departure, and it was all he could do to manage his anxiety. Yibo would have loved this, but Xiao Zhan didn't crave that kind of excitement even on a good day. He rubbed his eyes. Although he'd taken painkillers back at the hotel, they hadn't done much, and he worried he might end up with a migraine. He was sweating profusely and worried that he smelled. The clean clothes couldn't hide the fact that he hadn't showered. 

Craig finally climbed in and handed him an aviation headset before putting one on himself. He turned on the engine, and the plane roared to life. Xiao Zhan jumped, which made Craig laugh.

"Can you hear me?" he asked.

Xiao Zhan nodded.

"First time flying in a small plane?"

He nodded again. This was quickly becoming his only mode of communication.

"Ok, don't worry too much. Once she's cruising, you'll be fine and be able to enjoy the view. Take-off might be a bit bumpy. There are sick bags right there. You already look a bit green around the gills, so…" he said with a wink.

Between the accent, the poor sound quality, and his headache, Xiao Zhan couldn't make out much of what Craig said, but he caught sight of the bags when he pointed at them and got the gist of the story. 

The plane started rolling towards the runway. Xiao Zhan decided that closing his eyes was the way to go. It seemed to him that an eternity had passed when he finally felt the plane take off. The first few moments were relatively smooth, and so he chanced a peek. The trees and buildings below grew small and lost their definition slower than they did on a commercial flight. It was actually a pleasant sight. He leaned to see better. As soon as he did, the plane started shaking with turbulences, and he banged his forehead on the window.

"Buckle up!" said Craig.

Xiao Zhan shut his eyes tight but quickly realized that this was making things way worse. He opened his eyes and focused on the pilot, trying to calm himself by observing what he was doing and trying to figure out what purpose it served. Craig shot him a short side glance and smiled.

"We're about to turn. You probably won't like it."

Xiao Zhan didn't like it.

The plane banked to the right, making him feel like he was about to slide off his seat and out the window. He somehow managed to contain his scream but still let out a whimper. Craig laughed and grabbed his knee in his large hand, shaking him slightly.

"Hang in there. It's almost over," he said in a kind voice.

Xiao Zhan would have nodded, but the entirety of his mental faculties was being used to ensure that his hands wouldn't let go of the straps of the seatbelt. 

The plane finally righted itself, and after a short moment, the turbulence stopped. Xiao Zhan panted as if he had run a marathon, and his heart beat so hard he felt it might jump out of his chest. His entire body shook. He slowly peeled his hands off the straps and lay his cramped fingers on his lap. He let out a laboured breath and leaned his head back. He was pretty sure there were tears in his eyes.

"All good?" Asked Craig with a thumbs up.

Xiao Zhan turned to him and gave him a weak smile and a shaky thumbs-up. The next moment, he dove for the sick bags and promptly vomited.

 

As predicted by Craig, once they reached the plane's cruising altitude, it was mostly smooth sailings. Xiao Zhan, feeling somewhat better, spent some time looking at the scenery below. He even took his phone out to take pictures for Yibo but remembered that he was out of power. He would have to tell him the story. He couldn't help but smile at the thought that it would make him laugh.

"What's in the bag?" Asked Craig after they'd been cruising for a while.

Xiao Zhan looked down at his lap at the paper bag.

"I don't know. It's a gift," he replied.

Deciding that this was as good a time as ever, he opened the bag. After moving the tissue paper around a bit, he took out a small photo album. The cover had been decorated with a picture of him taken on set and surrounded by glitter, a lot of which fell on his lap. His name was written across in good calligraphy. He showed it to Craig.

"What does it say?" he asked. "Is that a movie set?"

Xiao Zhan, realizing that the man had no idea who he was, made use of most of his broken English to explain what he did. Craig listened to him patiently, suggesting words when he couldn't find them himself.

"That's impressive, mate. I didn't realize I was flying a star!"

Xiao Zhan blushed and shook his head.

"I'm nothing special. Very ordinary."

As he said the words, he finally opened the album. The first page was another picture of him smiling on set. He assumed Sitwat had taken it. He turned to the second page. His heart sank. On the left side was that picture of him and the hotel's owner, and on the right side was a note in Mandarin thanking him for being such a good guest and bringing joy to the world by making movies. He flipped to the next page. The same thing repeated. A picture of himself with someone and their kind words. He quickly turned the pages. The album was full. He felt sick.

"Look at you! Seems to me like you're special after all! Look at all those people!" Said Craig, who'd observed the whole thing. "Must be nice to be loved so much."

The radio crackled with a call, distracting the pilot and leaving Xiao Zhan to wallow alone in his misery. He put the album back in the bag and looked at the world far below. Had he had more energy, he would have been angry with himself, but right now, all he could feel was a deep sadness. Maybe he'd been complacent and grown too self-centred. He would have to be more careful.

Xiao Zhan realized he'd fallen asleep when he woke up as the wheels of the plane touched the ground in Bangkok.

ATWHD has a playlist! Search for it on Spotify with the title of the story. Happy Readings!

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