Order Made

Hope is a fluttering of life,

Noisy, demanding, urgent,

Refusing to give up,

But broken all the same.

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Hope is a young man,

Nurturing, loving, tender,

Caring, healing, and helping,

Sharing his warmth.

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Hope is a baby bird,

An infant fallen from its home,

Abandoned and left to die

Cold, forgotten, and alone.

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In silence hope sleeps,

Drifting away through time and space,

The little bird exhales its last breath,

And is finally at peace.

- LOVE:less act 3 -.

...

[September 24th. Genf - Nion's apartment, 3 days after the incident]

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The autumn breeze coming through the slightly opened window tousled Nion's silver hair and reddened her cheeks. The warmth that had been in the wind just the prior week had either evaporated into the sky or leached into the earth. A vase full of purple roses was standing on the table right in front of the window. The heavenly fragrance and long, lean, green stems of the roses made them look as fragile as a ballerina. The gentle wind touched the beautiful petals, curling them at their edge, making them dance in the breathless air of September, performing an intimate act of splendor and elegance.

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Nion slowly opened her eyes and tried to identify where she was. After a couple of seconds, the blurriness started to gradually fade, making her vision a bit clearer. The familiar ceiling and the comfortable smell of her apartment put her at ease. She was lying on her bed without any memories of how she got back to the capital or what happened after she arrived at the precipice Clogwyn after being summoned for an emergency mission.

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While stretching her arms, the movement somehow felt odd, the numbness and tingling in her hands running all the way to her shoulders. She realized that both of her arms were fully covered with white medical bandages. Surprised and curious, Nion decided to remove one of them so she could look at it.

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After struggling for a couple of minutes due to her inability to bend her arms, she finally located the metal clip under her wrists and carefully removed it with the help of her mouth. The medical bandage was made up of thick layers, rolled around her arm; the last layers were particularly painful to remove as they were glued to her skin, making it almost impossible to displace without ripping her skin away. Regardless of the pain, Nion continued removing the bandages.

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Finally, she regained full control of her hand, and as soon as she started moving it, warm blood gushed out of the exposed wounds. She pressed snugly against her opened wounds with the pile of the used bandages in order to stop the free-flowing surge of sticky blood. There she lay, an expressionless young lady, sitting in a pool of mild cerise substance that was slowly making its way between her fingers, dipping down like raindrops dripping from a tree branch after the spring rain.

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'Pat'...'pat'...'pat.' Red scarlet tears were dripping all the way down until they came into contact with the soft texture of the white cotton fiber surface, producing a dull sound of water dripping on a piece of paper. With each impact, a small pear-shaped portion would explode into hundreds of droplets which rebounded before being absorbed by the snow-white blanket that was covering Nion's chest. Her hands started shaking, her vision becoming blurry once more. Each drop of blood she was looking gave her distant and unclear flashbacks of what happened during her last mission. Repulsed, she moved her head away from the blood and started looking at the white wall that was facing her.

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She felt that there was something odd with its color, a peculiarity, caught in the perfectly flat white shade of the wall. A headache surged into her head. With her eyes fixated in front of her, she tried to recover and reconstruct the incident that had transpired the night before. Absorbed by neutral colors, her vision was getting narrow as if the wall itself was morphing into the arrays of light, pushing away the obscurity.

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The dark mass was slowly consuming the space around the remaining rays of light. The light and dark showcase were reflecting the echoes of the conversations she had with Seànn in the forest, the echoes vibrating in her head, getting closer, then further away. Then, there was fire; an outrageous heat of anger went through her body, and started swallowing her sanity. Nion's whole body started shaking with the excitement and will to commit a brutal act of violence against someone who had inflicted profound pain and regret; that very someone who she despised enough to offer him a slow and painful death in the most horrid way she could imagine.

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Her face began to twist like a serial killer's smile of amusement just before dissecting his victim's body. Her eyes, filled with the craze, were flickering as a pair of lightened matches waiting to set everything on fire. Thrilled, she began unconsciously squeezing her unbandaged arm, the feeling of pain electrifying her, as her imagination ran wild. Shattered memories of pure hate were raging inside her and her body began overheating; she was about to faint.

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"Nionel... Where are you..." a distant voice called.

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The dark mass had completely consumed the light on the wall. The puddle of blood from her injury had tainted the blanket. Her blood had started seeping through and quickly spread itself everywhere underneath. Both colors merged on the wall, transforming it into a pile of vivid ashes.

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"Who are you calling...?" she closed her eyes.

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Because of her blood loss, Nion begun to lose energy and gradually fell into a realm of emptiness, far away from reality. Lucid colors around her started growing dim, the wall had entirely changed color, reverting back to the authentic mixture of silver-grey and pure black. Within seconds, these colors began to slowly disappear until the wall regained its original flat white color. In reality, the shadows and light were simply sun rays that were projected through the transparent window as the sun slowly moved behind the buildings of the capital... The rest was Nion's hallucination.

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The whole thickness of Nion's arm skin, epidermis, and derma was destroyed, the affected skin having turned light brown. There was no doubt that these injuries were due to an extended exposure of skin to fire. A slight movement of her arm was enough to cause intense pain and continuous blood flow that was painting everything around her a tanned red. Alarmed by the gravity of the situation, Nion managed to stop the blood loss with the used bandage.

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Completely exhausted, without any strength left to stand and wash all the blood away in the bathroom, she kept lying on the bed, covered with her own blood. Her body felt extremely heavy as if she had not rested at all. A painful headache, muscular pain, and sore dry eyes made it even harder for her to stand up. She managed to find enough strength to move her pillow away and pulled her body up so she could sit on the bed waiting until the pain passed.

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The last rays of the late afternoon sun fell slanted through her window. It was a bright and sunny day, such a tremendous contrast. Peace and serenity filled her room as the sun slowly moved around the city projecting heat and warming up the whole apartment. Far away from the sadness and sorrow that Nion had recently been through, calmness and tranquility were streaming through the huge glass window. Her eyes caught the unfamiliar vase full of roses. A delicate shade of purple and gold colors coming from the sun's reflections started filling Nion's heart with calmness.

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The whole apartment had a very minimalistic design; she owned little furniture because of her irregular schedules as "Border Guardian". Due to the nature of her permanent mission and critical assignments that could potentially require intervention within the shortest delay possible, Nion, as well as other guardians, had their main residence at the assigned border. The only time when guardians were allowed to stay in the capital was during "reporting day", which usually occurred twice per month, except for some special cases.

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Faintly, she heard the sound of footsteps coming down the hallway outside her apartment, the steps stopped in front of Nion's front door.

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"The patient has third-degree burns," said an unknown female voice.

"I apologize, but I am not sure about the gravity of the situation, would you mind elaborating on the meaning of the "Third Degree Burns?" asked Seànn.

"Of course madam. Third-degree burn means a severe burn characterized by destruction of the skin through the depth of the dermis, or you can call it the skin, possibly all the way into underlying tissues. It usually happens when people get trapped within a burning house for a certain amount of time until the rescue arrives. As things currently stand, I would highly recommend the patient to rest and limit her movements to the bare minimum. If you do not mind me asking, are you one of the patient's family members?" explained the nurse.

"I am a close friend. The real family member will arrive here any minute," Seànn replied.

"Yesterday's operation has been successful; most of the burned skin has been removed and replaced with skin grafts. Both hands were splinted until the skin was cured. Special creams were applied to her wounds in order to speed up the recovery of the burnt skin tissues. Please make sure that the patient does not touch the wounds and also does not change the bandages without medical assistance, which could delay the skin reparation and, most importantly, infect the open wounds. The repair of the arm skin tissues will take around two to three weeks," the nurse explained.

"Understood! Thank you for your great work," Seànn thanked her.

"You are welcome. After all, this is why I am here," the nurse bowed as a sign of the appreciation.

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Another group of footsteps approached the front door. This time there were more than two people arriving.

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"Emperor Aleksithimia, a pleasure to see you here," the nurse welcomed Aleksithimia who was accompanied by his bodyguards.

"Ladies, good afternoon! Thank you for your hard work." He shook everyone's hands. "Seconda, how is she do..." Aleksithimia abruptly stopped his conversation with the nurse and approached Seànn, looking at her face as if there were something suspicious about it. "What happened to your face?" he asked discreetly.

"Please, do not worry about it, that was an accident," she replied while facing away.

"This is the first time I see a scar on your face," he said while observing the scar that was hidden behind her hair. "Hmm... Does it have something to do with our discussion the other day?" he asked her as he extended his hand to touch the scar with his fingers.

"No," Seànn grabbed his finger with her hand and slowly directed it away from her face.

"I see...Looks like you had some hard time dealing with whoever did that to you," said Aleksithimia.

"Yes...We could put it that way," she replied.

"Very well...How does she feel, is she awake?" Aleksithimia spoke to the nurse.

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The nurse explained Nion's condition.

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"Now that you are here, I shall get going. Please, tell her that she has to contact me when she wakes up," said Seànn to Aleksithimia.

"Why don't you tell me the message directly?" he asked.

"With all due respect, I would like to keep that private," she declined.

"Very well... I shall see you later then," said Aleksithimia.

"Goodbye."

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The front door opened and Nion heard footsteps coming closer. Aleksithimia entered the room and saw Nion sitting on the bed full of blood.

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"Hi..." She forced a smile.

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After pronouncing her last word, her body began to slowly fall over the edge of the bed, as if she were a sandbag thrown off a flooded boat. Her eyes were being sucked into desolation. Nion heard Aleksithimia's distant voice as he rushed to catch her numb body. All her senses disappeared at once and she plunged into the never-ending void that consumes everything and replaces it with a paralyzing emptiness. Nothing to subside her hollow soul, away from the human realm, echoes coming from beyond like the constant hiss of unclear sounds. The place where she found herself was freezing cold, the howling wind of loneliness and fear were reigning around her. She was completely alone in this mysterious and obscure universe.

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No matter how much she tried to scream for help to Aleksithimia, no voice would come out ... She could feel neither pain nor the warmth of the sun she had felt earlier, back in her room. She was surrounded by an uncountable number of overlapping voices screaming, shouting, crying and yelling at each other. A feeling of déjà vu and nausea started quivering within her head, the same feeling she had back in the forest when she removed the "Kanjöga suppressor" for the first time, the same feeling that had repeated itself just a dozen of minutes ago on the wall. The volume of the voices drastically increased as a huge shock coursed through her body. It almost sounded like a white noise of random, unrelated memories that occurred somewhere, some time ago and were for some reason stuck in her head.

Her head muscles cramped and, unable to move, Nion sat in total darkness. Out of fear, she covered her ears like a nervous toddler trying to escape unbearable pandemonium. Eyes closed, she tried to focus on anything else other than the voices that surrounded her. She needed a source of security to confirm that she was still alive. She needed to cheer herself up and wait until this nightmare would finally be over. The warm feeling inside her heart kept her from freezing and losing consciousness.

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Despite her best efforts, her heartbeat was slowing down, each heartbeat producing an electroshock that coursed through her body and felt like a rebounding ball being smashed against the ground. Each bounce spent a longer time in the air, taking higher altitude. At once, Nion's body became weightless detached from gravity like a dandelion petal floating in thin air. The chilled emptiness started growing warmer. The darkness lay silent, an uplifting feeling of being pulled from the bottom of oblivion back to the surface.

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Eventually, a glimpse of light appeared in front of her. It was shining so strong that Nion could barely open her eyes and look at it. An imminent burst of light enveloped her body, as she flew like a projectile into the limitless sky. Her aches, headache, and muscle pain had vanished. Confused and unable to recall if her soul had perished, she just felt extremely relaxed. Her body was perfectly healthy, full of contentment. She cast her eyes around her, trying to identify the source of that warm luminescence. The familiar smell of a bakery went through her nose, making her smile with nostalgia.

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There was no sky, no horizon, everything as it is, was just an infinity of white gold, the empty desert of endless love and tenderness. Distant children's' voices could be heard, playing and laughing together as if she found herself during a class in kindergarten, full of innocence and gaiety. It sounded like there was an educational class ongoing; adorable kids were laughing altogether.

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A mysterious serenity, but at the same time a familiar sentiment, filled Nion's heart with happiness and joy. Perhaps, this is what heaven felt like...

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Her body felt warmer and warmer as it was raised into the air. An unexplainable feeling of divine protection, as if she were a baby inside her mother's belly, enveloped her with love and care. The children's' voices slowly disappeared. Floating in the air she was comfortable enough to let everything go and just stay in that place for eternity. Her body started gently slowing down; a tender female voice appeared inside her head, each phrase getting clearer as if that person was approaching her.

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"M. d.ar ch..d... I love y.u so m..h... I alway. .ill..." chanted a tender voice.

"Who are you? Am I no longer alive? Is this heaven?" Nion asked the voice.

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Confused as to why she could not see anyone around her, she felt somehow relieved that there was someone who could communicate with her and, more importantly, that she was not alone anymore. While she awaited for the answer, a strong, uprising wind chilled her spine. Alarmed by her instincts that something was not right, she began slowly turning her head, trying to look over her shoulder. A heavy=ily breathing male voice started whispering behind her back, as Nion's body started moderately losing altitude.

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"L.ft O.t... Crimson blo.....In E..ror... Et..nity...Exc...ded...Y.u Negle..ed...Lon..ome...At Fa.lt...Revenge..." hysterically whispered a strange male voice.

"Who are you?! What do you want from me?!" she asked in confusion.

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The whispering voice was ignoring Nion's attempts to communicate, but at the same time, it was getting more aggressive. The warmth that surrounded her minutes ago started to feel freezing and her body started speeding up during the fall. The hysterical voice was getting clear; it was not whispering anymore but yelling and shouting like a maniacal father going through a burnout.

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"To Blame! Guilty! You Incapable! Isolated! You Afraid! Frustrated! Helpless! You Alone!!!" Another male voice was hysterically shouting somewhere in the distance.

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A bitter taste filled Nion's mouth. Her continuous falling was making her extremely nervous. The number of voices had multiplied, streaming from that pit of emptiness. There were so many of them repeating the same words that they began to overlap with each other. Scared, Nion started helplessly struggling in the air, trying to free herself while screaming for help.

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"Please! I don't want to go back there!" she begged as she stretched her arm towards the light that was getting further and further away from her.

"You Sacrificed Mother! Ritual Hell! Emptiness! Jealousy! Freedom! Madness! Hurt, You Apart! Unforgiven! Weak! You Isolated!" Thousands of voices angrily screamed at her, while overlapping with each other.

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Nion's body kept falling down like a heavy rock to the bottom of the ocean; it was impossible to stop or do anything whatsoever to prevent the imminent impact with the ground. The warmth was entirely gone, the last ray of light flickered in front of her, frozen in time and she heard that tender voice crying.

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"I am sorry…I am so sorry…" cried a distant, yet familiar, male voice.

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"Sorry for what?! I don't understand..." Nion asked.

"Nionel...What did I do to you…"

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"But who are you?" Nion shouted to the emptiness.

"It should not happen like that…" The voice sounded far away yet its presence felt very near. "Please don't leave me behind... Please never..." The voice dissipated.

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A loud echo came from afar. "DESPERATE! FORSAKEN! YOU DESTROYED! YOU ABANDONED!" Unknow voices screamed so loud that they crushed Nion's mind like a glass plate = being smashed by a hammer over and over.

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"Get, out, of my - head!" she screamed with everything she had to make everything around her completely silent.

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After a few moments, another voice appeared. "I am so sorry..." cried an unknown female voice.

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"Sorry for what?! I don't understand..." Nion asked.

"Nothing of this is your fault, my child..." Said another unknown, yet somehow familiar, female voice.

"MOTHER...? IS THAT YOU?!" Nion was shouting at the emptiness.

"I will always be ...with you!" said the female voice.

"Wait, wait-" Nion said.

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The last rays of light completely disappeared.

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"PLEASE! PLEASE! DON'T LET ME GO!" Yelled Nion hoping that her words would reach the tender female voice, whoever it belonged to.

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Nion's hope faded away with the disappearance of the warmth and light. Crystal tears started pouring out from her eyes, leaving a small shining trace on the gradually greyed out background.

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"Why is this happening...? What is going on..." Nion spoke to the disappearing ray of light as she flew down into the unknown.

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Suddenly everything turned red and black. Nion plunged into an ocean of thick blood that started filing her mouth and refraining her from breathing. Seizures took over her body as she began suffocating. She was unable to comprehend if she was breathing air, her lungs were slowly filling up with a crisp, cold, and thick mass as if there was just less space in them for oxygen.

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Overlapping voices sounded like a whole arena was shouting, howling like a group of stray dogs.

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"DESPERATE! VULNERABLE! YOU PARALYZED! WORTHLESS! POWERLESS! USELESS! YOU UNFORGIVABLE!! SISGOIEHOENO! HIHEBDWOWNBOODHJNDOIDJPJDPOIDH..." Cried thousands of overlapping voices, their sound reflected like the white noise in her head.

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As her eyesight turned blurry, her desperate arms flailed for something to hold on to, to save herself from this horrible fate. She grew tired and exhausted of struggling in vain. She also noticed that the overlapping voices vanished away, or, perhaps, she just could not hear them anymore.

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"You can always... Start over..." her own voice echoed in the emptiness.

"Yes... You will be reborn... Forever..."

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A glacial liquid surrounded her in a cold embrace and a rush of fear shot through her heart. Nion was slowly sinking down to the abyss of the unknown, eyes closed, waiting for the final moments of desolation to occur...