The Only World

I never want to wake up. There isn't a single thing, person, or animal in the world that I want to see. They're all the same to me - apathetic, cold, artificial.

Sometimes I wonder why I should even bother leaving the bed. Then, I remember things like how comatose patients who are bedridden for too long suffer from muscle atrophy. Things like how the cost of one year of college tuition probably equates to more than the wealth of an entire population of a small third world country. Things like how much better studying for a life in corporate slavery is than the default alternative of plummeting to the bottom of society. Things like… like… Crap! The deadline!   

My eyes fly open. The sun is shining, birds are chirping, trees sway as the wind blows. Everything looks to be just another regular spring afternoon except… Dirt. I'm lying on dirt. 

Leaves blow over my face. I stand up and check my surroundings. I'm in what looks to be the middle of a deciduous forest and I'm wearing a tannish brown cloak and… and… wrap boots? Yep. I'm definitely not in my bedroom. 

Alright Lyra, this is not the best time for an Inception episode but it's fine. People wake up in dreams all the time. I just gotta stop sleeping. 

PLAP! I slap myself in the face as hard as I can. It stings more than it should in an ordinary dream. Way more than it should. In fact, I can feel every nerve in my hand and face dancing hot into numbness where they made impact. ...Okay. I must be having a lucid dream.

  I grit my teeth. C'mon Lyra. Dreams are nice and all but what's even nicer is not having a big fat F on the final project and then having to repeat Communications 103 again. Just open your eyes in real life.  My eyes widen and wind blows dust into them, making me tear up. I close my eyes, then open them again. A nearby brush rustles, and everything remains very outside.

This… can't be real right? Excitement and fear simultaneously rise to my chest, then throat, then overwhelms my brain. Right at this moment, I wake up. My thoughts race infinitely faster, becoming a whirlwind of panic. 

Haha. You've gotta be kidding me. What is this place? Did I get kidnapped? Did I wander into some random forest drunk? Is this one of those unethical psychological experiments I see on anime all the time where the characters get abducted, have their memories erased, and then forced to fight for their lives? 

Think think think think think. What's the last thing you remember, Lyra? Images of a pissed version of myself in college flash through my mind. I had sat bored in lecture wishing that the professor would shut up. When the professor finally did mumble his third to last closing sentence I was already at the bus station. It had been crowded on the bus and so I'd stood head down, shoulder to shoulder with other students, breathing in the trapped air, knowing the thick fragrance came from sweat and days of not showering. When I finally got back to my dorm, I'd been contemplating whether I wanted to cry from the stress of finals and assignments, only to decide that I didn't have enough time to waste on crying. 

WHHZZZT! An arr- My head meets the ground once more but this time face first, smashing my nose against some random forest twig, cheeks against pebbles. My arms are twisted into an uncomfortable position I'm only familiar with from my martial arts classes and I'm pinned against the ground. 

"All trespassers are to be brought to face judgement by the Queen," my restrainer growls. What. The. Fuck. "Comply and this will be easy. Resist and I can't guarantee you'll walk without broken limbs." I feel my hands being bound tightly together.  A female voice. Doesn't sound ol- 

I gasp as some sort of rope tightens around my neck and I'm pulled backwards until I'm forced to stand. "Walk." I'm shoved forward and am forced to walk due to the momentum. Two steps later, a sharp object is pressed firmly against my back. Even without looking, I know that object is a knife. Walk. Right. The presumed knife doesn't leave my back as I blindly continue forward confused, terrified, and with throbbing cheeks.

At this point, my mind has already reduced to a primitive monkey brain geared towards survival. Who capturer? Want look back. No, Lyra. Knife. Leash. Scary. I resist the temptation to look back.

Instead, I scan my memories, running through everyone I've ever known in my life for any potential enemies I may have made that might hold a grudge against me: Jake, Susan. I finished running through all the people I know who aren't family.

  This is ridiculous. I haven't seen either of them since high school. We've never even hung out with each other often enough for me to even have gotten a chance to hurt them. 

What about any weird strangers? I can't recall any. What about online? Did I accidentally download a virus connected to the deep web connected to the wrong people?

  White fear sinks into my stomach. My throat tightens and perspiration builds on my forehead. Fuck. I shouldn't have pirated so many video games. Wait. No. I don't torrent.

"Quiet one, aren't you?" I suddenly realize that for the past approximately 10 minutes that I've been walking, I still don't know what my capturer looks like as I'm still too afraid to even look at her. Whatever, she probably looks like some ugly police woman whose only skills are the arts of intimidation and following orders anyways. 

"I won't ask you your reasons for being here. I know your ilk like your secrets to yourself. But I'll warn you now that the truth always comes out to the Queen, one way or another," she continues. What the hell am I even supposed to say to that? Hur dur, ok? Why is she talking like that? What Queen? I'm from the US, not the UK.  Oh my god, is this some kind of cult? Am I a sacrifice?

"Am I gonna die?" Oops. I said that out loud. 

"Don't know. Only males are subject to instant execution. Females are to face judgement by the Queen," is the reply. Wow. Talk about gender inequality. Now I'm certain she's from a cult. 

We enter a strange clearing marked by nothing but a suspiciously fewer number of trees, subtly yet bluntly cutting the continuity of the rest of the forestry. 

"Stop. We're here." I examine the trees and grass under closer scrutiny. Yep, those are some very green leaves. I look up - movie characters always get stumped by the old 'hidden above' trick but I knew better. As I expectantly scan the above area, I see nothing but treetops. 

Here where? An uneasy feeling grows inside me as I recall all the newspapers and headlines I've seen about missing people and their dead bodies being found months later randomly in the woods. On the bright side, at least I won't have to take my final. I would've preferred stepping in front of a car but, oh well, I suppose. Guess I'll die.

For the first time, my capturer steps in front of me and I see her figure clearly. She looks to be around the same age as me. I follow the blue painting on her body; Lean, toned muscles are fitted by a fur-lined fabric vest as well as a similarly textured pants and fabric boot-shoes. Higher is a bone or maybe stone necklace, and then brown hair braided back in a ponytail, blue underlying quiet eyes. Wow. Is this what people looked like before the internet and McDonald's were a thing? Guess I was wrong about her looking like an ugly police woman. 

"PHeeeEEEEEeeeeW!" It was her, whistling. Immediately, the clearing in front of us dissolves in glimmers and sparkles as the figure of a pyramid resembling those of the Aztecs gradually shimmered into view. 

Whoa, hold on. Either I have some serious issues with my eyes, or I just witnessed top-secret government technology in action; how in the world did buildings and people just appear from nowhere? What kind of weird dream is this?

The entire place now looks like a village seen only in history textbooks about long lost civilizations with the pyramid as the clear centerpiece. I see people wearing clothing and body markings similar to those of my capturer's, going in and out of what looked like houses made out of grass, wood, and stone. I hear chatter and pounding of metal against other hard surfaces. There seemed to be about some 50 to 150 people: Some are feeding and grooming (oh my god) wolves, some are grinding a plant-like substance in a bowl, and some are polishing their tools while others with long, colorful feathers on the side of their heads were chanting in a circle holding wooden staffs each with a different animal head carved at the top. Great, I knew this was a cult.

"Pandaya! You're back!" one of the previously chanting cult members comes jogging towards us. She has a soft face with light colored hair and although she looks also to be of the same age as Savage - er, Pandaya - she has a much thinner frame and smoother features. Her voice was light and casual. "We just finished putting back the veil. You surprised us, coming back so suddenly." Oh. So that's what the chanting was for. She looks at me then turns to Pandaya. "And who might this be?" 

"I see," says Pandaya quietly.  Cooly, she continues, "We have a trespasser. I am to take her to the Queen. You should take care not to step so close to strangers, Miira."  How cute. 

"But I trust you~ And I'm not that weak you know. Just because I'm your healer doesn't mean I can't defend myself." Miira brandishes her staff. It has the image of a small bird. Maybe a swift or a finch.  "I've been practicing my defense magic a lot recently while you're out patrolling, and I get that you're the Queen's Panther and all, but you should try to rely on us more." Magic. Right. Cults and their crazy religious beliefs.

Pandaya crosses her arms, unfortunately without letting go of my leash. "And perhaps giving information to potential enemy isn't the wisest thing to do." Glancing at her, I see that Pandaya is half-smiling despite the stern tone. 

"Aw, you know what I mean. Besides, she doesn't look dangerous," said Miira referring to me. Yeah, I mean, considering that I'm still tied up and not the one with weapons and advanced technology and oh, right, crazy cultish beliefs, dangerous would be the last word I'd use to describe myself. "Anyways, I gotta help finish preparations for prayer. You know, the usual. See ya later, Pandaya! Come hang out with us if you're free!" Miira spins towards one of the larger buildings next to the pyramid and leaves me alone with Pandaya again. 

"Let's go. Walk," she commands me.

  I walk with her towards the pyramid, its figure growing and becoming more impressive with each step.  Despite being made of bland, grey stone, it commands my attention. As I gaze at the structure, I see that the entrance is boldly agape.

I feel a familiar, prickly, uncomfortable sensation. Tsk. The villagers are staring at me, aren't they? Shuffling into a ridiculous position, I lift my arms to pull the hood that came with the cloak I'm wearing over my head, but my wrists are glued together. I simply lack the flexibility to, ahem, pull this off. Made aware of my bondage, I realize that all the males that I have seen wear the same leash that I do.

I breathe an inner sigh of relief as we finally enter the pyramid, shielded from the eyes, only to feel a different kind of discomfort. A wide chamber with stone flooring upheld by columned pillars lead to a single stone throne, upon which sits the Queen. My stomach drops and I can't help but stare. The Queen stares back in an aloof posture, legs crossed and head propped up by her elbow, unconcerned.

Everything about her exudes confidence - long, wild flowing purple hair matching regal eyes, a neck graced by three golden necklaces that pair gold bracelets on strong arms and legs, a crop top and sandals exposing the rest of her fit, tanned body. Beside her stands an older woman with a feathered crown and ritual clothing. It appears there was nothing to protect the Queen other than a single, decorated spear by her side. There was no need for any additional protection.

Pandaya kneels down on one knee, dragging me to the floor with her. She bows her head, "My Queen, I found this trespasser in the woods near where the bank meets the cliffs. I have brought her before you as you have decreed."

The Queen barely moves. "Then you know what to do. We will judge immediately."

Pandaya gets up and leads me outside and all I can do is follow. I don't know where I am or what is happening; The only thing I'm certain of is that I'm not going to be able to finish my final project. 

Already the atmosphere has changed. Villagers are gathering in a semicircle around the pyramid while the Queen and older woman follow behind us. The elder raises her hand in a fist and the crowd falls quiet. 

"By my power as the Second of the Queen of Izamon, let it be known here that judgement shall be held at this dual moon! May our ancestors grant strength to the Panther, Pandaya! May our ancestors see fair the Queen! May our ancestors see fair the match!" The woman finishes her speech. She mutters something inaudible and hands Pandaya a long, flat object with a handle wrapped in cloth.

Match? Did she say match? 

HRAGH! HRAGH! HRAGH! HRAGH! 

Before I have a chance to process what is going on, the crowd starts chanting while stamping their feet and pounding their staves and beating whatever they were holding (weapons, utensils, etc.) against each other.

Watching the warlike mannerism of everyone around me, my mind grows clear of any doubt. Yep. Of course. Judgement is a battle. Of course it had to be a painful death. 

Pandaya unties my hands and then removes the leash. How is one supposed to think in such a situation? Here it is. The end. Get over it? Pandaya walks to the opposite side of me and crosses her arms in waiting. Maybe if I die here, I'll wake up and everything will turn out to have been a dream. I scoff. Doubtful. 

Miira comes up to me and gestures towards the arsenal to my right. "You are to challenge Pandaya if you value your life. Choose a weapon." Why am I not surprised? 

Honestly, at this point, does it even matter? Even with my martial arts training I've only had minimal practice with a bo and bokken. Looking at my options, I sigh and pick up the spear. It should give me the biggest advantage given its range, and given my experience. 

"Oooooooh." 

What? It came from the crowd. 

"The spear! She chose the spear!" some random villager exclaimed. So what? Isn't this just like, some hunting tool? The Queen raises an eyebrow. 

"Um, maybe you should reconsider. Pandaya's quite good at countering the spear and that's the Queen's main weapon," Miira whispered to me. Pfft. Of course. Silly me. As if Pandaya isn't already some overpowered warrior who probably spent her entire life training to protect the Queen or something. As if I even have a chance. But even thinking so, I put the spear back.

"C'mon what's taking so long?"

"Oh my god, just choose already!" 

Different villagers start to scream at me. Pandaya gives no indication of her thoughts but unsheathes a curved sword. 

Fine. I take a sword from the rack. As soon as I do, the crowd falls quiet once more. Dead silent actually, and I'm stricken with sudden anxiety. 

My heart beats hard and fast. I look over at Pandaya, her toned body foretelling agility and strength. I regret not taking advantage of the gym at my college. I try my hardest to come up with any possible solution to besting Pandaya, or at least to escaping this nightmare to no avail. Instead, I'm stuck with useless, depressing thoughts. 

20 years old. This is how my life is going to end. I'm gonna be chopped up like a piece of meat in front a cult. There's probably a secret camera somewhere here too, recording and uploading everything to the dark web. My legacy will be going viral among internet criminals. I won't even know how I got here, or why. 

Everyone has their eyes on the impromptu dirt circle that makes up our arena. The air is suffocating and the sun is shining harshly, revealing every single movement clearly for all to see. I force myself to walk back to the center end across from Pandaya. The beginnings of tears choke my throat, just like the leash that was around me not five minutes ago. 

I place two hands on the handle of my sword and extend my arms out in front of me, careful not to hyperextend them. At least try to use what you learned I guess, Lyra. I'm sorry your life is shit all the way to the end. I bring one foot back and bend my knees, squaring my shoulders with my torso as I brace myself into the only stance I know for a sword fight - a defensive stance. I wait, as assertive and ready as I could be while holding back tears. 

But Pandaya doesn't move. She swings her sword across her shoulder, readjusts herself, and tilts her head back in a taunt. Oh. Awkward. She wants me to make the first move. 

  I lean forward, keeping my body low, sword parallel to the ground, and make a sad attempt at charging at Pandaya, closing the distance between us. At around five feet away from her, I thrust my sword at Pandaya but she (obviously) effortlessly dodges my attack. Being this close to her, I realize how relieved I am that I missed. Forget about how hot she is; How awful would it be to have to hurt someone, anyone, in such a brutal way? Still, the pressure to battle compels me and I raise my sword again to swing at her, only to miss again. 

This charade of me attacking Pandaya and her dodging each attack gracefully continues for a bit. Her face remains neutral the entire time, but I know I am only being tested and that this is as nice as she could be to me. Sooner or later, the crowd will probably demand blood. Probably.

They must all be laughing at me. Shut up, Lyra. Now's not the time for bullshit thoughts. You can't do shit. Shut up! Pandaya dodges another one of my futile attacks. Maybe you deserve to die. I make an upwards swing and Pandaya knocks my sword to the side away from her. I barely manage to maintain grip on my sword. Failed again. How embarrassing. 

Why are you even trying? I stagger to catch my breath, stumbling backwards. What am I doing? Winning is clearly impossible. Just give up.

I turn to face Pandaya. I could almost see her smile. This must be so damn easy for her. This isn't even a contest. 

I look at the strange, jarringly foreign world around me. 

My eyes trail to my spectators, and I remember the impatience of the villagers. They just wanted to see blood. My blood. I look at them, their eyes offering less than any sympathy. Look, even their wolves are snarling at me.

My lips curl into a smile. Maybe this world isn't so foreign after all. You have nothing to hold you back anymore.

The tears stuck at my throat rise and well up my eyes. I brush the hair away from my face, wiping the tears away in the same movement. That's right Lyra, perhaps this was meant to happen from the beginning. Why am I crying? It's not like I wanted to live in the first place. 

Just end it.

Funny, since when did my sword get so heavy? 

My consciousness wanes and then I'm not fighting Pandaya anymore; I'm watching Lyra as she raises her head and looks Pandaya in the eyes. I'm watching Lyra as she puts one foot back, holding out her sword in front of her, taking up a defensive stance, eyes remaining locked with that of her adversary's. That's right, end it.

  I watch as Pandaya takes the cue and relaxes, breathing in, sword ready and marking me. Here I am, at 20 years old. 20 years old, and I'll die alone, in an unfamiliar world. 

My heart stops racing, and I feel very still.

Sword by her side, killing edge pointed at me, Pandaya draws closer and closer. 

Here it comes. 

It'll be okay. Please, don't cry, Lyra.

A flash of white.

Pain.

Blinding pain.

My breath is knocked out of me and I snap back into reality. Everything is clear - all the sensations around me are piercingly sharp. My struggle to breathe, the crippling agony I'm in... It's not a dream. 

Warm blood bubbles up, clogging my airways and I cough up the blood. The crowd is cheering but all I can hear is silence. Pandaya is right in front of me.

I drop to my knees, right hand out for support. My sword clatters against the ground. Pandaya's muscles constrict, about to pull the lodged sword out of me to finish me once and for all but I use the rest of my strength to grip onto the blade, cutting my left hand.

She narrows her eyes but lets go and turns away from me, triumphant. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Miira running towards her.

Just push it in further. You're pathetic.

How ironic. To think that I would die like this… All my romanticizing, all the planning and effort I have put in for the perfect death - gone, in one short, blunt moment. I never imagined that I would die by someone else's hand... 

You still have a chance. 

Yes, I'm still here, dying, but alive. 

My hand tightens around the handle of the sword on the ground. My tears drop from my face and mix with the dirt. 

Two swords, what a slut. Unexpectedly, I laugh at the thought. It hurts.

The pain frees me from fear and I take this opportunity to drive the fallen sword straight through my neck.

Pain. 

Darkness.