CHAPTER FOUR: WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Zhena went to her first class and Oli went back to our dorm. I am now alone. I’m walking to the registrar's office to claim my ID card. I’m walking down a crowded hallway. Other students are staring at me, and I don't know why. It’s sending shivers down my spine.

I ignore them, pretending not to care about their stares. I just want to get to the registrar's office so that I can claim my ID and find my locker. When I arrive, the registrar quickly asks me a few questions to verify who I am. She then hands me the key to my locker, and of course, my ID card.

I check my watch, I still have 5 minutes to find my locker before my class starts. I sigh and stare at the huge hallway, filled with students chit-chatting and laughing. I feel overwhelmed by this noisy, crowded place. I hate it. I hold the key tightly. My hands are starting to shake. My social anxiety goes into overdrive.

I look down and murmur some words, in a hopeless attempt to calm myself down.

More anxiety. Can’t breathe. Shit!

Desperately trying to calm down, I say to myself "okay...okay, calm down, Lara. C’mon! It’s nothing...It’s nothing!"

Tears started to well up in my eyes. And knowing that I am in the middle of the hallway makes me even more anxious. I keep on gulping. I can’t help it.

Neither Zhena nor Oli are here. If only they were here beside me...maybe I wouldn’t have this terrible anxiety and panic.

I heard the students screaming and laughing, I don't know what it is they're shouting but my panic keeps on telling me that I’m the cause of it.

I’m too scared to look up. I realise I’m just staring at my hands, which by now are shaking like crazy. My chest feels heavy and I know on the verge of total panic.

I try my best to calm myself by doing breathing exercises. It dIdn’t help.

"Shit...shit...shit!" I murmur, under my breath, staring at my hands that are shaking, uncontrollably.

Suddenly, a pair of hands clasp mine. I’m shocked. I look up, to see a guy who is smiling at me. He looks around for some vacant space, and slowly leads me away from the hallway, to a quiet spot.

He hugs me. I started crying. It’s so weird. He's a stranger to me. Who is he? What must he think of me? But I don't care...I’ve found comfort on his arms.

"Hey. It’s okay...it's okay" he whispers, tenderly stroking my back. I hug him tightly.

After several minutes. He releases his tender embrace and holds both of my cheeks in his warm hands. He smiles and whispers, "Come on, let's go somewhere more peaceful". He stands up straight, and holds my hands again.

He brings me to the garden. It’s so good to feel totally relaxed and at peace now. We sit closely on a bench in a quiet corner of a garden and he hands me a bottle of juice.

"Hmmm, clearly, I guess you suffer from panic attacks and social anxiety?" he says. I nod gently, staring in silence at the bottle he had kindly given to me.

"I've been there too...But you'll get used to it. This school is huge. So it’s bound to feel crowded" he explained.

I gulped, and stared at him.

"Thanks...and I'm sorry for troubling you" I said.

He turns, looks at me, and smiles:

"That's okay, I understand you." he shoots back. I nod and check my wrist watch.

I gasped and quickly stand up,

"Oh gosh! I'm sorry," I said. "I really have to go, I'm gonna be late on my first class"

He nods and smiles "Go on then. And please take care"

I nod and wave my goodbyes to him. I quickly ran, heading to my first class. I’ll look for my locker later. I can't be late for my first class on the first day!

When I arrive, all the class, including the professor, are staring at me. I’m catching my breath because I ran so fast.

"You're late!" the professor blurts. I nod and close my eyes, and at the same time, catching my breath.

"I'm...I'm sorry...I was…I was…"

"Stop making excuses, miss???"

"Williams, Lara Williams" I shot back. The professor, clearly unimpressed, continued to lecture me:

"Stop making excuses, Miss Williams. You're not in middle school anymore. You should be a responsible student by now. What excuse, if any, can you offer? What is the reason for your tardiness, Miss Williams?"

I inhaled deeply, trying not to release a flood of my anger to her:

“I’m sorry, professor. Trust me; I tried my best but…"

"That is not what I want to hear!" she exclaimed, cutting me off. The whole class falls silent; they can't bear to look at me or the professor.

"well..." I stutter. I look back at the professor. But she just gives me a stern look. I can feel my anger rising. I close my eyes again, and calm myself.

"May I sit now?"

"No!" she shouted, "Not unless you give me an acceptable reason…"

"I was having a panic attack!" I exclaimed, cutting her off. The students were shocked and surprised. I sighed and looked tiredly at the professor.

"I suffer from social anxiety, professor. I am new here so It's not easy for me to adapt to the environment here," I explained, now feeling tired.

The professor was stunned and remained silent for a while.

By now, the students were exchanging glances at me and at the professor, making me even more anxious.

"So is that an acceptable reason, professor?" I ask. She gulps and nods her head. She then pointed to the seat. So I quickly turn and find my chair.

The professor continues with the lesson. She can barely look at me due to the strange feeling in the room. But she makes it through to the end of the lecture.

As I am putting my things into my bag, someone suddenly knocks on my table. I pause to see who it is.

I quickly shake my head when I see that it’s Zhena. She smiles and helps me pack my things.

"So how was your first class?" she asks. As we walk down the hallway, I’m holding Zhena's arm, like a clingy girl friend.

"Look, I don't wanna talk about it", I say, sadly. Zhena then turns to face me,

"Oh! You okay?" she asks. I pout and shake my head.

"It's the worst'', I said. "My day is fucked up" Zhena chuckles.

“Why? What happened?" she asks, and stops walking, I stop too, and face her.

"Well, I was about to look for my locker earlier...When suddenly my anxiety and panic attack bullshitted me. I was shaking” I explained,

Zhena then touches my cheeks and suddenly hugs me.

I hugged her back and pouted. Oh, how good it feels when you have someone who hugs you when your day is fucked up.

Suddenly, I remembered the guy who had saved me earlier. I released the hug, and looked at Zhena,

"But someone saved me earlier," I said.

Zhena's forehead creases. "What do you mean?" she asks,

"Well, while I was shaking with anxiety earlier, someone held my hand as though he were calming me. He then grabbed me away from that hallway and he...Well, he lets me hug him...I even cried on his chest!" I explained.

"Oh, really?" Zhena asks, in partial disbelief. I nod and smile. Then, Zhena holds both of my hands and asks,

"Is he hot? Is he tall? Who is he, exactly?!"

Zhena excitedly asks. But my smile suddenly vanishes when I remember something,

"What's wrong?" says Zhena, her brow furrowing.

"I forgot to ask his name!" I said.

Zhena rolls her eyes and looks at me with disappointment written all over her face.

I chuckled, “What kind of reaction is that?" I asked. She pouted and grabbed my arms so we could continue walking,

"How could you be so dumb that you forgot to ask his name?" Zhena whines, disappointment etched all over her face.

"Well, I was in a hurry!" I answered while chuckling. Zhena again rolls her eyes.

"Then can you at least describe him?" Zhena asks, I nod, and think. I begin to describe the guy who saved me.

"Well, he's taller than me...he has brunette hair, his eyes are...coffee brown. He has thick eyebrows and a pointed nose! He’s also masculine and has this very strict aura"

Zhena then gave me a surprised look,

"Y-you mean...You mean, Kristoff?!"

I slowly nodded my head, trying to figure out what's with her surprise reaction.

"Goddammit, Lara! He's your math professor!" she screams. I gasp and cover my mouth.

"H-he's...he's my professor?" I ask Zhena, who is now slowly nodding her head

I quickly grabbed the schedule paper and looked for the next subject I will have today.

"Oh, no..." I murmured and looked up to Zhena "Math is my next subject!" I told Zhena.

She covers her face with both of her palms.

"OMG, Lara, that's embarrassing!" she says.

I shut my eyes and massaged my temple, this is stressing me out. It is indeed embarrassing!

"Excuse me" someone interrupts. I open my eyes and turn to look.

It’s Tyler. Looking at me with poker-face.

"Oh, Tyler, it's you," says Zhena. Tyler is still looking at me, not giving any attention to Zhena.

"Yes, It's me”, Tyler replies to Zhena.

"Can you leave us alone, Zhena? I want to talk to Lara, alone" he said, still staring at me.

I gulped and shook my head at Zhena. She immediately turns to speak to Tyler.

"Ahhm, she's kinda busy—hey!" Zhena shouted, as Tyler suddenly grabbed my hand and leads me away from Zhena.

What the hell is happening??

-to be continued...