Hard as fuck

My excitement is gone…..

Two weeks…..two weeks I've been on this floating coffin of assholery, I've learned many things in my time as a salty sailor and the most important of those things is sailing is absolutely fucked, I would rather swim than make this trip again..

I'll raid with these ships for now but I'm definitely going to have to build my own ships eventually, these ones are just awful in every way

These ships that are hailed as some of the best on the seas are absolute garbage, they run at an "ok" speed, and the cargo hold while not massive, is deceptively large, mainly to hold stolen loot on long voyages I wager..

But honestly they are fucked in every other way…..want to speed up a tad while sailing south with a west wind blowing?…. Well there's about 600 different ropes you need to move about and tie off to different things for whatever reason to gain like one Knott of speed..

Everything about this boat is a chore, EVERYTHING!!, I can't just drive the boat because there is always something to do….I'd say it's more just me being pedantic over being from a more modern world and most transport didn't require this much constant maintenance…. Well I'm sure they did but I never had to do it….

Oh and how does an iron born vessel handle a stormy sea you might ask?…..like shit, that's how, a casual storm nearly tipped the boat multiple times because apparently we didn't do enough rope work through it…. Half of the ropes require 6 people to pull in….6 PEOPLE!!, they don't use pulleys or anything, just dragging a rope over strained wood….these boats are so inefficient..

We didn't actually leave for our little sneaky raid for another 3 weeks after I finished my place off, still has to build a couple of granaries and help build another kiln before I left….not to mention cause some trouble for Glover on my way out….

Nothing to hectic, just molotov'd a few of his granaries, murdered and framed some of his trusted aids and spread rumours about him being a sword swallower…

I really couldn't care less about people sexual orientation but the Middle Ages seems to think differently on the matter…

Speaking of sexual orientation…..now I have a working Willy I decided to give it a test drive and have a wank about a week after I finished my house and found my ropes of ejaculate have enough power to strip bark off a tree, which was quiet disheartening for me after finally having a working tally whacker after centuries and now it being too powerful to use properly but I found a solution..

If I wank two or three times, my jizz looses momentum and from stripping bark to a messily soft wet thud when it impacts, ….so I'll never been about to cream pie the chick I'm with unless I've unloaded a few times first…annoying but still bearable…

But enough on that…

Before departure I also rigged up a small shack that would be perfect for primitive pulp paper, and left Will a list of instructions how it works and how to get it running with a few cheaply paid volunteers to start it up, I'm kinda running out of paper and it's one of the things I didn't actually loot from Glover so I'll just have to make my own rather than having to order some and wait..

I also trained up about 30 of the men for a few weeks with intensive body and mind conditioning, which is nowhere near enough time to actually change anything really but it's better than nothing….gave them some swords and told them to keep on eye on the place and if they stepped out of line I would make their life a living hell…

Finally I cobbled together some decent wagons for transporting harvests for the farmers, who again will be paying for them at a later date, but these wagons were the bees knees compared to your average one, honestly they would be better to ride in than the royal carriage…..some were thinking I was favouring the farmers a little too much….and they would be right.

But food and grains are going to be a major priority for awhile and I've made it clear time and again to the farmers that they were replaceable and not to get a big head over all this attention I'm throwing their way…

I also kept patrolling my territory for bandits and any undesirables who wander my way, I found a few highway men, but nothing of note….and wildling attacks really drop off after winter ends so it should be fine….I mean if they attack while I'm gone I could always head north and spread my name with acts of unspeakable carnage and violence to get the message across that they shouldn't come to my territory and fuck with my shit….but it shouldn't come to that..

I felt semi confident enough to leave the place alone for a month or so after a "I'll be back" speech that included various threats to people who thought they might get away with even breathing out of line while I was gone..

I unloaded everything from my inventory into my basement which was still completely empty as I didn't have enough time to make any actual furniture after finishing my mansion off, I left Will there alone with his new assistant….a chick from the bear island raids I saved who knew her letters and numbers….and I warned him very strongly that if he had sex in my room while I was gone, the goat punishment would transition from one goat to 15…I think he got the message..

The woman's name was Nadeem, lovely women, cheerful and warm personality but also sharp as a tack…usual northern grey eyes and blackish hair….mid 20s I think…..she started out working on the boats fishing but somehow ended up as Wills right hand after helping him out of a jam or 2 in some civil issues people were having while I was building my home…

They haven't fucked yet, but not because Will doesn't want to, more because Nadeem seems like more of a sexual sadist and likes to see him squirm at her obvious yet innocent actions…..Will being as useless as he is with women hasn't made much of a move yet….that women is going to have that kid wrapped around her finger in no time…

Her loyalty to me is on lock after the little rescue I put on, all the bear island gals were and it worked out ok for me because as they idolise me for being just a general monster of a man and bear island women look for that in a partner, not that they always need a man to protect them, bear island bitches are hard as fuck, the minute the bear island she crew heard about our raids to come they were already sharpening their axes, and looked like I'd taken their family away from them when I said they wouldn't be fighting….only sailing and looting... but Nadeem was sniffing around me like she was in heat and I had to let her know I wasn't interested so she's pretty much locked onto Will…. And now he has a right hand who helps him with the day to day, and also sexually frustrates the man to no end..

So things on the home front are coming along nicely, harvest should be basically done and clover ready to plant, which was easy enough to find in the north….it's fucking everywhere, just had farmers collect as much as they could in their down time and it all worked itself out….and now?

now I'm stuck here on this floating coffin of unholy ropes and bullshit waiting another day or so before me make contact with the island I'm looking to raid.

We sailed out with 3 ships packed with a good amount of people who knew how to sail, so we can scatter them amongst the ships I plan on taking when we get there….the ships I take should be enough to carry all the new people I plan on freeing from "not slavery"..

I was tempted to take some of the iron born as "thralls" for my mines but it seems a little premature, I have more to do before I set them up and I don't really want any iron born that aren't working as thralls in my city yet, so I decided to stick to the plan of scorched earth…

Just one more day on this death trap and I'll be on dry land again….one more day…. Till my night raid begins…

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Just a little bonus chapter

Stones if you have em please :

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