The Crunch of Victory

This was it.

Mia pulled the cage out of the pressure cooker and tapped the chicken onto the drying rack. The others gathered round to stare at it and Seb had to admit, he was impressed. Seeing the golden chickens next to the container of his crisp coleslaw and Paul's fries.

Paul had insisted they should be called chips instead. It descended into a whole argument once Ben and Nimi returned with another prosthetic from Seb's apartment. The only engaging conversation after Ora bored everyone with the tale of the rivalry and the time Lawyer Colonel punched someone in court.

The stories just made him think of the game. And dropping into an abyss life flashing before your eyes.

'The size dictates the name and KFC don't have fries they have like wedges-hybrids.' Paul had said.

'It's always about size with you.' Ben had said, which made Seb choke hard.

'Explain yourself, child.' Ora glared.

'What? Last time it was about the pond in the park and he said it was more of a puddle or tributary.'

'When did you two go to the park?' Seb asks. Seb had many debates about the benefits of "fake nature" with Paul, trying to convince him that a stroll in the park was productive.

'On a lunch break. You made good points, though I should finally try.' Paul shrugs with that smile of his.

Seb stared back at him surprised and confused, how long had it been since Seb felt Paul actually trying to listen to him.

'We've got ten minutes left.' Pain said, marching up and down the counter behind them with a puffed chest like a robin. 'Maybe if we go now, we'll get praised for punctuality.'

'I thought you said I'm not allowed.' Paul says.

Seb had forgotten as well. He thought they'd have time to talk. They would have talked during the 20 min break but Ben suggested a nap and suddenly they both felt so tired and napped in the booth. 'Umm, we should drop you off at your place first. Well, that alley by the river near yours.'

'Great, you two go. Your aura looks anxious and conversational.'

'What colours are those?' Paul asks.

Pain ignores him, leading everyone outside. Paul shook hands with Ora and Mia, regretting not meeting them earlier and complementing them on looking after Ben. He also suggested Ora join his new DnD campaign. Ora acted indifferently but isn't very discreet in borrowing Ben's phone to fish for Paul's number.

'Don't worry, my guy. We'll definitely save humanity.' Ben says, back to his characteristic smiley self. He whispers loudly, 'Then you and Seb can finally go on that date.'

Paul laughs glancing back at Seb. 'Sure. I'll see you tomorrow, kid.'

Pain opened a portal and Paul rolled through backwards, waving goodbye to everyone. Seb followed and Pain closed the portal behind them, 'You got 2 mins, then be back here.'

They walked past the bubbling brook, filled with water from the rain and climbed the ramp onto the main road. The distant streetlamp near Paul's house was still flickering like a horror warning whilst petals sprinkling around them, carried by the light breeze and sticking to cars.

'Point dexters is gonna be pissed tomorrow morning.' Seb laughs pointing at the petal-covered chevy.

'It's poindexter, not point.' Paul laughs, 'And I think he's gotten over himself by now.'

'Good, good.'

'Speaking of getting over yourself.' Paul starts as they stopped at his gate. 'I needed to. A while ago, actually. I expected you to get along with all these people and back me 100%, exactly how I wanted and... Your chill, comfortable vibe was the first thing I fell in love with - of course, there's more, more that I love. I just umm.'

He chuckles and fixes his tie. This was one of those rare moments where Paul was the nervous one. Seb grinned, 'You need a minute? Gather yourself.'

'Shush boy.' Paul waves him away, 'I'm trying to apologise, ok.' He reaches out grabbing Seb's hands, 'And tell you that - just in case the world ends or something - I love you. And I don't need you to change or something, to know you have my back.'

'Hmm.' Seb was still grinning, trying to hide how flustered he felt, 'I'd rate that apology a three out of five at best.'

Paul rolled his eyes, pulled Seb in by the arm and kissed him. And it wasn't the flirty, hungry type, this was something softer.

'So, does that change my rating?' Paul asks. His smile was just as bright in the flickering lamplight, Seb could only give him another kiss. 'I guess it has. Good, good.'

'That's my phrase.'

'Oh.'

'Yeah, you can't take that.'

'Oh, really. I apologise one time and you're controlling my language.'

'I'm not controlling it. I'm just saying, you love me so much you're trying to become me.'

'And you're sure of that. You think I wanna wear Star Wars sweaters all year round.'

'Absolutely,' Seb says, fixing Paul's collar. 'And I love you too.'

They stayed there for a moment. Eyes locked, waiting for the other to let go. Paul does first, patting Seb's hand as he does like an old granny.

'I'm pretty sure 2 minutes is almost up. You better go.'

'Yeah.' Seb shoves his hands in his pockets. 'See you later.'

'Yeah. A breakfast date even. Tomorrow's my day off.'

'Brunch. Got it.' Seb says, walking away backwards.

'Good, good.' Paul waves.

'Good, good.' Seb says, keeping his hands in his pockets. He walked backwards for a little longer, sticking the image of Paul into his mind. Then turned and ran.

Back down the ramp just as a portal opened. Pain floated there like a dark ghost with an angry

Just like that, he was in the council room again. The melted remains of his old leg were still stuck to the ground. The aliens surrounded them in the sparkling light of distant stars. The circle ahead of them had an empty bucket and containers. The others were equally silent but didn't look as scared as determined.

Ora gave him a questioning glance.

He nods. They've got this.

'Thank you for joining us finally Seb.' says Pain, floating in her original seat above them. In her normal form, she looked just as menacing as all the other members. 'The council members have trialled your fried chicken offering and have now reached a verdict.'

There was a rumbling through the room. Another mini rock slide and flashing lights.

'The verdict is...'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pain floated in the council room with trepidation stirring yellow and blue in her core. The humans had done all they could and, now she was back on her stand, they looked small and fragile but not weak.

She listened for Octo's verdict.

<Failed>

'The verdict is f-' Pain starts.

<Wait, what do- My apologies Sire, may you please repeat the verdict?>

<Fail. Has that time on earth scrambled your link? Fail, the council was unsatisfied.>

<How? I tasted it myself it was exquisite. What issues did the council find?> His core was black, with deceit. <Or are you just...>

<The taste wasn't the issue...Just deliver the verdict.> Octo says squeezing her core.

'The verdict was a fail. The council were unsatisfied.' She mumbled.

'What?' Mia shouts up at her.

'We - you failed! It's a failure.'

Seb starts laughing, his aura angry reds and bitter neon yellow. Mia, Nimi and Ben start whispering to each other, panicked. Ora just stares up at Pain.

<Look at them squirm. How delightful! They're like those borrowers from Planet jfdfha.>

<You failed them for entertainment?!>

<Well, yes. This whole experience has been quite entertaining. Watching them flail and fail. If we didn't have the transfer mandate, I would have loved to watch them longer.>

'Pain?!' Mia had been shouting at her, 'What are they saying?'

'They're saying...they're saying failing you were more fun.'

'See, this was all just a joke.' Seb spat.

'Yo, you can't do that. That's not a fail deal.' Nimi says.

'Exactly. Plus, if we're so entertaining why threaten to annulate us in the first place.'

'You're not gonna start immediately are you?' Ben asks. His quiet voice still echoed in the chamber, the same broken expression on his face that he'd had in the back of that vehicle.

Pain relayed the question to Octo and the rest of the council. There were calls for a more satisfying meal, especially from the ball of balls, that didn't require ingested nourishment to begin with. The horned "dinosaurs" insisted they alone consume the humans as vengeance for...something earth related.

<Brilliant idea, we shall consume the humans instead.> said Octo.

<Wait! Sire, shouldn't we at least consider a lesser reward.>

<What's left to consider?>

<The...> Pain scanned the confused human group. Ora was still just glaring, Mia was frantically moving from member to member begging. Nimi kept repeating their previous question. <Entertainment Value! Never, in our search, have we found such a...richly incompetent, yet intitled race. Not to mention they are making efforts to save the animals, like octopi>

'Ben, tell them about Monotery Bay.' Pain shouts, Ben just stares up confused. 'The octopi.'

'Ohh, the sanctuary has over 34 different species rehabilitating. Octopi included.' Ben shouts at Octo.

<Consuming them and by extension, all the other humans will be depriving you of entertainment. And these human beings, indebted to you, will not only keep our existence secret but allow humanity to continue to entertain you completely unaware.>

'What's happening?' asks Ben as the council starts grumbling again. The humans huddled like frightened chicks.

'I'm negotiating, just-'

<Ok. Here are the requirements:> Octo began and Pain translated. <If the humans agree. One - to never speak of these events to other humans or record them. Two - to place an offering of this delectable fried chicken in the alley on this day every earth year as an offering. And Three - To allow you, intern, to stay and observe them and the generations after until we return.>

<I beg your pardon sir?>

<That is the personal punishment you asked for. You are trapped on this planet to be our camera. That's the right term.>

In her shock Pain had forgotten to translate so a few seconds passed before Seb souted.

'That's definitely two hundred percent ok. Deal.' Seb shouts.

'There's no catch?' they ask. 'No loophole for you to return earlier.'

<The council are beings of their word, we do not posses this human fickleness. However from the argument at the dinner to all the games you played with that robot, your race of beings is far more interesting than I anticipated. You humans are good something.>

'Somrthing that benefits you.' says Nimi, 'We're basically zoo animals.'

<Your race has no problem keeping actual ones.>

'Some of us do!' Nimi snapped, 'And this won't even be a sanctuary.'

'Look I know we're all eager to get out of here as fast as possible but how are we going to explain this down...over there.' Mia says pointing to the ground then just around trying to locate earth.

'The alternative is your death and the near extinction of humanity. Your possible loss of respectability or street cred is not enough against it.' Pain said, pleading for sanity.

There was a long silence as they all looked at each other. Nimi and Seb just shrugged, the others nodded.

Mia steps forward, 'Alright, we have a deal.'

The council room erupted with noise, the electron members sent blue sparks flying overhead.

Pain felt a nudging in her core. She descended her position, landing down with the humans.

<I will chose.> said Octo. <And my choice will be binding you into that form for as long as there are human on earth.>

As Octo spoke Pain could feel him putting pressure on her form, shrinking it again. It wasn't as bad as the last time but the odd discomfort made her core light yellow.

The form she'd gotten was smaller and grey. She'd never known a Wisp body could change colour.

<This is a form that is already known to be a talking animal so you should blend right in?>

<Yes sire, of course.> Pain tried hard to contain her surprise. The only way Octi would know about parrots is if he read about them in her report. He read her report!

<With that I think the council item E1 is closed. All in favour?> Octo asks, the council rumbled again. <And all against?> There was silence <Right, Pain. You are officially relieved of your role to be aside to the Earth Entertainment Mission. Please take your humans out of the council room.>

Pain translates the last bit then opens a portal back to the corridor.

<Thank you sire.>

<You owe me intern. Do not let the Wisp down.>

---------------------------------------------------

1 year later.

'You know what country has the best KFC?' Mia asks Seb across the table, 'Singapore. Look at that.'

She holds up her phone showing him the picture Ben took of the parmesan chicken with truffle and cheeses sauce.

'Yeah, I saw that post. I'd love to try that one.' Seb says.

'We could go to Singapore for our honeymoon then?' said Paul, pausing mid bite of his drumstick.

'I told you, going to Poland for the family heritage tour sounds one thousand times more fun.' Seb sighs.

'Don't call it that! That's what makes me feel like I'm dragging you along.'

'But he's said you weren't so accept it, move on and eat.' Ora snaps, 'We've got a bachelor party to celebrate. Drinks to down and nightly strangers to find.'

As they exclaims they reaches over the table and steals chips from Seb's tray.

'Hey! Also, we have plenty of time stop stressing. Did you make the offering yet?' Seb asks, slapping their hand away.

'Ben said he was gonna do it. Spice things up.'

'Imagine if they change the recipe again.' Paul laughs.

'Let them I am never going to Kentucky again.' Mia says, shovelling chips into her mouth, 'Y'all can go without me.'

'That was a horrible accent.' Ora laughs.

'Well here's not to having to go to Kentucky to get some good chicken.' Paul says, raising a drumstick for cheers.

The others took a drumstick each and joined him, 'Cheers!'

-------------------------------------------------