A Twister Deal

Mia had pinched herself so hard her arm was bleeding.

'We aren't dreaming.' she says, realising the others had been talking whilst she'd zoned out. She'd only stopped pinching herself because Ora had taken hold of that hand and was squeezing it.

'I say we give them what they want.' Nimi rushes to circle but Seb pulls them back.

'And then what? What are they gonna do with us?' Ora speculates.

'Maybe they want an alliance against a greater evil.' Ben's trying hard to smile.

'Or they want to eat us. Are you gonna eat us?' Seb asks the chicken.

'No! Why wou-' It pauses, turning to the smoke octopus. The octopus makes a screeching sound and other creatures respond in flashes of light or grumbling noises.

'Ok, they might eat you.' The chicken corrects, 'But I definitely wouldn't.'

'Great, thanks for your help.' Ora groans

'I wasn't.' The chicken grumbled.

There was a boom as the rock form had two huge cracks like angry, pointed eyebrows on its face.

'We give you the sample, you don't eat us and return us to earth. That's the deal, right?' Mia says. The others nod.

The chicken fluffs its feathers, waiting then sighs, 'Fine, fine. Just hand it over. We taste, we vote, we're done.'

Nimi puts the bucket on the floor, the others gather up some of the other chicken that fell out. They placed both buckets in the circle and the smoke octopus reached down its long tentacle and grabs the buckets.

The chickens floated out, spreading to the different chairs. A chair that Mia thought was empty had a shimmering mirage of a figure and the chicken turned invisible too. The green ball of balls opened a hole in its sphere and engulfed the chicken whole. The electric one turned its chicken into lightning and absorb it.

There's a silence in the court with its rectangular designs and an open roof. Mia wasn't sure if the stars and galaxies above them were painting or the real thing. Everything still felt like a dream.

'What if they don't like it? They'll vote bad right?' Seb whispers.

'Yeah, and?'

'We should have left before they ate it.' Ora whispers.

'Unless they like it and ask us for the recipe to better preserve human history. Like a galactic survey.'

'No wonder they all look so depressed.' Seb says

'That wasn't even the Original recipe.' Nimi says to no one, picking at her lip.

'I chose the name Pain because the earthly emotion is similar to what I feel about my work here. "Depressed" is similar, no?' The chicken - Pain was talking again.

Seb laughed, 'It called itself Pain.'

'You're not gonna invade earth or something are you?' Ben asked.

'Me, specifically no. The council decides whether or not an invasion is needed. There are only a couple of planets with life among the stars, as many as your...fingers, including Earth. So when becomes uninhabitable- in circumstances outside the control of the living - the council tries to rehome them. And you think, "WOW! Such a valiant effort." Yes, it is, till you realise it takes close to infinity for the council to come to a decision.'

'So you're far off from deciding about Earth?' Ben smiles.

'Not at all,' the chicken paused, the others held their breath, 'We have...our counting systems are different, so...50 earth years. I believe.'

'WHAT?!' Ben looked sick, Mia's mind was racing. That's in her lifetime. Ora, Seb and Nimi weren't even listening, they were arguing about something.

'Yes it's -' Pain pauses, 'The council has decided the item.'

Ora waved at the chicken, 'Wait! Wait, why don't we make a deal?'

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'A deal?' Pain mumble, the humans were...intriguing?

'I mean for one, we can give you the best available information. Speed up any debates, correct?' says Ora - the short, busy one with an outfit like Mia's.

'Correct.' said Pain.

'Ora, what are you doing?' Nimi hisses - the tall, skittish one with short green hair and pale skin where Mia's was warm.

'Seb, you always say that KFC doesn't serve their actual original recipe right?'

'Yeah.' Seb was the shorter, sloppy one with a brown ponytail and metal in his nose, 'They keep the real one locked in a vault in the HQ. They say it's the real one but the original creator said they changed it.'

'So, what if we get you that original recipe? Bound to taste better than what you've had.' Mia says, 'We could even steal it or something.'

Ora turns to Pain expectantly as if she'd say something. Her voice was gone in the silent pressure of the court, buzzing with tension. Why was she entertaining this? Octo kept asking her what was going on, there were too many voices to understand.

'But-' Nimi starts but Ben covers their mouth. The nicer dressed medium height one, with small braids. He had a blood link to Ora, siblings Pain guessed.

'It's something most humans have never even seen let alone eaten.' Ben adds, 'We'll be...bestowing to you, a rare gift.'

'An offering in return for no invasion or a delay at least. That could work!' Mia exclaims to the other before turning to the council, 'Only if it pleases the great and powerful council.' Mia says, bowing, the others except Nimi do the same.

These little flesh bags were scrambling for ideas, the desperation was entertaining. It could even be fun to get out of the council room and watch them fail.

There's rumbling from all around them. A smaller green ball of balls speaks, its language squeaky and strange.

'SILENCE!'

Octo's voice was so loud the walls shook and rocks tumbled off the boulder being, crashing to the ground inches away from the humans. They huddled together on the far side near Pain. Like those chicks, she'd seen in the videos about Earth's creatures. A part of her felt compelled to go down there.

'So what's your deal?' Pain finally manages to ask.

The humans were quiet. The council was too. The humans whispered before Mia stepped forward.

'Though we still need to work out the details, with your help of course. The deal is we steal and make you, esteemed council members the rare, sort-after original fried chicken recipe from this vault. It's our hope you enjoy the delicacy, and in appreciation for our efforts, delay your invasion by a thousand - no several thousand years.'

'Probably enough time to make the technology to terraform an uninhabited planet, considering you've got a portal gun. That is what happened right?' Seb gestures to the ceiling and falling.

'It is true we are more technologically advanced.' Pain confirmed when she'd translated the deal to the rest of the council there was a unanimous reply, 'What happens if you lose tiny humans?'

'Umm, you get to eat us.' says Ora, the other humans shout at her, even Octo grumbles, 'Just an idea, didn't actually want you to.'

'That's not enough, they'd just be delaying the proceeding even more.'

The other council members agreed with Octo.

'There needs to be a time limit.' said the ball of balls.

'There needs to be a bigger win. Like immediate invasion.' said the red horns and the other council members agreed to this too.

'Wha...what are they saying Chicken?' Nimi asks.

'They are agreeing to your deal.' Pain replied cautiously, 'But only if it includes a 12-hour time constraint...and an immediate invasion of the Earth should you fail to meet your end of the bargain.'

'Immediate?!' Nimi exclaims, 'Oh, hell no. Right, you weirdos go on a global suicide mission without me. I'm out.'

'You can't back out! This is a team effort, we could be saving the world.' Ben exclaims.

'I knew you were sick kid, never thought you'd go completely delusional.' Nimi replies, Ora jumps at her violently but Mia holds them back.

'Do the rest of you agree to this? I will be accompanying you of course seeing as I have the portal gun and am stuck in this small shape, I'll cause the least commotion.'

<I am accompanying them, right?> <Yes, but you can not aid them, it'll ruin the fun.>

<I am well aware, sire>

The other humans whispered to each other quickly and agreed.

'What will keep them from just running away? After all, Earth is their domain, they could easily betray you inferior smoke creature.' said the boulder.

'That's why the green one has stepped aside I assume. They will be the collateral.' sad the ball of balls to a chorus of agreement.

'Ok,' says Pain, 'But Nimi here, stays as collateral. The council would like to question a human anyway.'

The other humans looked concerned but Nimi shrugged, 'As long as I'm not down there about to die, I'm good. Plus I have questions for the octopus cloud.'

'Nimi! Are you high or something we can't-' Mia protested but Octo cut in

'Great! Let us begin.' He said before Pain finished translating. The digital display reappeared above the council members' seats.

'It looks like the countdown clock.' Ben exclaimed in surprise. Pain had enjoyed the show: a language council but they were smart enough to have a time limit.

'The time has begun, within the 12 hours the four of you, AND ONLY YOU should have returned to this location inside the circle with your promised delicacy and I should have recorded evidence of your break-in and the location of this secret recipe.' Pain explains holding up her portal gun, waiting for the right moment.

'What about Nimi?' Mia panics.

'Nimi'll be fine. They've met a giant octopus, it's their dream come true.' Seb says.

'But-'

Pain fired her gun at the ground beneath their feet. The alley appeared a few inches below. The humans all mumbled and groaned again. As she closed that portal and walked through her own she could feel her core link to Octo quietening. She could no longer feel the weight of his judgement, just the difference in gravity.

She could even, possibly, see herself enjoying this after thousands of earth years on council duty. Especially when the humans were guaranteed to fail.

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'We're absolutely gonna fail.' Seb groaned, pulling out a cigarette packet from his pocket, 'Why did I let you talk me into this?'

'I did not!' Ora snaps, hand rubbing Mia's back as she threw up in the corner, 'We were just discussing the quickest way out. I didn't think...I thought it was still a dream or we got sucked into a game. Like those shows Ben watches.'

'You finally started watching anime. I always knew you were a weeb.' Seb grins at Ben as if he'd finally won.

'Actually, it was ONE live-action show on Jungle so...' Ben tried not to look too smug and he buried his hands in his jumper.

Either the council room had been really warm or it had gotten a lot cold while they were away, however long that had been. The sky was already darker and Ben's watch said it was 7 pm.

'As entertaining as it is to see converse and excrete. The countdown is still going.' The talking chicken was still here, it was half the height of his lower leg, every feature the same dull grey. Even its eyes. It used its claw to push a button on the cylindrical portal gun and the clock was shown against the wall.

'What else can that thing do?' Ben stepped forward with his hand out but Ora held him back.

The entire time in that space council room, Ben was scanning every inch trying. Pissed himself a little in awe and fear, trying to work out what each creature was made out off. Trying to commit the images to memory...for some reason, he forgot he even had a phone. He didn't now though, quickly snapping a picture.

'Alright, we need to be quick. DISCUSS your ideas, Ora, then we'll form a plan together.' Mia said recovering, wiping her shoes with a tissue.

'You two need to change, can't go to the headquarters in uniform. They'll think you work there.' Seb points at Mia and Ora.

'Isn't that what we want?' Ben asks

'Not when they've never seen you before and you have no idea what you're doing, you'll look even more suspicious, especially in the middle of the day.'

Ben stared at him confused for a while before remembering time zones existed, Louisville was 11 hours behind! At least it meant the headquarters would definitely be open.

'We also need to break into the safe. We can add helpers right?' Ora asks the chicken who nods, 'Good, we need a tech person.'

'How about Paul? He's taught me how to crack a safe before.' Ben says before he can catch himself, Ora and Seb both turn to him betrayed and confused respectively.

'When did Paul do that?' Ora asked.

It was obviously during Easter when he'd volunteered to help, he told them so. Nevertheless, Ben could feel there was more behind the question. They were wondering how many more secrets he had after the mini bombshell he dropped on them before all this craziness started.

Ora gave Ben another quick glance before going inside the restaurant. They had some sob story about a loss in the friend group though their shift was nearly over. The others discussed the rest of the plan, how they'd scout the headquarters for a better view, how they needed a distraction and a place to cook - Mia's parents' place would be big enough.

Ben began to wonder what he'd do if they failed, believing it was all real in the first place. This would be a fun adventure story, the sort his ten-year-old self would die over, the chance to be a hero.

But if they failed, that was unimaginable. His final moments would be filled with the weight of his failures. The blog reviews he's never finished, school trips he'd never been on because he was stuck getting chemo. The life he'd been gifted after his transplant only a year ago, one he'd never see fulfilled.

To prove to Ora that he could do things on his own, and be their equal. But instead, his idiotic mouth shouted, 'Because I don't need you anymore!'

He'd tried to backtrack but the pain on their face, both then and just now showed the damage had already been done. And the clock clicked down another minute.

'Seb and the chicken and I will go to Paul whilst you two change and go on ahead to the museum.'

'My name is Pain.' The chicken grumbled flapping its wings, 'I'd like to use female pronouns too, thank you.'

'Can't you wait for us to change? We shouldn't split up.' Ora returns with their hoodie on and Mia's bags and clothes. They moved further down the alley to not be seen, Mia changed tops behind their backs.

'Sorry Pain. We're the only ones who have ever been to the garage and Mia's the only one who's been to America before. You two can go look around, make a plan ahead of time.' Ben explains.

'And how are we supposed to get to Kentucky in time?' Ora snaps, 'The chicken - sorry, Pain - could portal us but she'll be with -'

Ora paused. They always wag their finger at Pain, 'Why can't you just portal us into the vault?'

Pain managed to make a chicken look condescending.

'The portal gun is designed for specific densities of space—the density of the council room or this atmosphere as its easy to access. Obviously, walls are different, let alone multiple layers of different densities. There a high chance your atoms will be scattered inside a wall.'

'Can't you calibrate it then?'

'No, too long and too much like helping.'

'Well, that rules that out.' Seb shrugs continuing to look uninterested in anything.

'Shit we're lucky! The headquarters are closed from Wednesday to Friday.' Mia explains scrolling through her phone, 'Could you get us to a car park outside the headquarters? Over here by the bushes.'

'It'd need coordinates and some chips.'

'Great, then you two go first.' Seb claps after Ora's given Pain her chips fries.

Pain clicked a dial on the gun and fired at the air. Through the little archway rimmed in gold, a low breeze blew and rustled through the trees ahead. Heat and morning bird song floated through.

'I really want one of those. Can we include it in the deal?' Ben asked, Pain just gave him an irritated look.

'Are you sure about this?' Ora asked everyone but their eyes focused on Ben, their doubt stirring up his own. If anything happens they won't be able to contact each other without wifi, as far as he knew, none of them had roaming.

'We've got this, Paul likes him anyway.' Seb puts a hand on Ben's shoulder, 'Ben's food blog is a plausible cover and I'm sure Mia's journalism degree can help you sway people.'

'That's not what journalism is S-' Ben started before realising what he meant.

'Tick tock.' said Pain, 'The portal don't stay stable for long you know.'

'I know, jus- just be careful ok?' Ora says quietly. Their light brown eyes locked on his intensely like he was heading into the operating room not going to visit a friend's garage.

'It's just Paul, how could we be-' Ben starts but Seb squeezes his shoulder. 'Fine, I promise we'll be careful.'

Ora crosses their heart and kisses their two fingers, Ben reluctantly does the same. They loop their fingers together in a mini handshake they'd borrowed from their mum's youth club. Mia rushes up and gives Ben and Seb a quick hug then the two are gone. The birds, the breeze, and the heat, are abruptly sucked away as the portal closes behind them and Ben feels his stomach twist in knots.

'Alright bird, here's the map you were out your coordinates.' Seb places his phone on the floor next to the chicken.

'We can't just walk into the workshop with a chicken, can we?' Ben asks.

'We can hide her in a bucket, pretend we're delivering food.' says Seb then glances uncomfortably at the chicken, 'Though on the outside that might look even weirder.'

Ben went snuck back up the alley and inside the restaurant. They had been lucky no one else went out on break so far. As he quickly grabbed some buckets from the delivery boxes, that new kid with puffy hair spots him. Ben froze for a moment as the guy asks him what he was doing back there. Then ben grabs a stack of boxes and collapses them between him and the guy before bolting for the door.

'Open the portal, quick!'

Ben shouts, before cursing himself. Someone might have heard that, someone might see. The cameras might have seen, had he checked for cameras. As he arrived a portal popped open, to the walkway by the river just to the left of Paul's garage all dodge and dark and smelling of piss. He put the bucket on the floor for Pain to climb into and stumbled through without looking back. Hoping, foolishly that if he hadn't seen anyone it would mean no one had seen them.