Chapter 3 - My true Face ( Part 2)

We were all tired just after those chasings and hittings. "Oh enough .. wait till I catch a breath" Thiloo was muttering. We all laughed together for our silly actions.

Those are the best memories I have in my life. The golden era of ma life

We had a little smoking session before leaving home. Actually my smoking habit was not so popular as I had to keep it as a secret within us. My mom worried about me all the time so I just didn't want to make her worry more and more.

It was quite dark when we arrived, therefore I had to have a quick wash and be ready for my most awaiting conference. It was good for me as I've already prepared the relevant documents and the presentations for that meeting.

I decided to wear a plain T shirt for a three quarter short apart from my usual dress code cuz I just wanted to wear some decent casual dress.

After putting my freaking curly hair in to a hair bun on the top of my head, I walked myself to the meeting room. My dad was already there with Guna, his chief assistant.

"Is everything ok?" He asked me for the last time. That contract was totally handled by me and only the confirmation of contract was left.

That weapon trading contract was organized by me via Mr. Jayanath, the minister, with an Italian family and it took me nearly eight months to achieve that goal.

When the conference was began, I had to explain them how we were planned to gather their weapons through the silk road ( one of the main pathways for ships via sea, near Sri Lanka) , store and depart them to the East Asia according to the necessity.

It was difficult for them to transport those weapons till the East without making any appearance. Although they had enough ways to cover them up in an emergency, they just needed the work to be done silently.

By convincing them about the profit of using us as an intermediate trading spot while assuring the safety, I was able to make them trustworthy towards me. I must confess that it wasn't easy to persuade them to trust me.

But at last, those pasta heads agreed to sign the contract with me. One of them was promised to visit our business spot soon and sign the contract personally. Ahhhh.. it was the achievement of the year for me.

I was so relieved to see the smile of satisfaction on ma dad's face. He was super afraid to let me handle such a big deal alone but he couldn't help because of his bad Italian. Apart of letting me rise my head alone, that was the second reason of him not to involve in this matter.

And also those language barriers were the main reason for him to join me with his works many years ago.

However I managed to make him happy. That was my only wish.

After finishing that tiring conference, both dad and I went to the dining room. My mom was preparing the table when I sat on a chair with both legs on the nearby chair.

"Amma (mom) .. ammaaaaaaaa hungryyyyyyyy" I screamed just to annoy her. "Ooooi .. it hurts" she slapped my legs remembering me to keep my feet on ground.

"A nice pose for a girl to sit.. specially on the dinner table. Can you please just try to behave like a girl. Sanjana you are a girl.. not a road side gangster." The same mantra was spelled by mom. Aaah my f*cking ears were full of them.

"Mom please.. let me be. I just love the way I live" I tried to explain my mom the shitty fact that I didn't want to be a girly girl. Dad was smiling secretly watching the same conflict.

It was a very common thing under our roof just like the f*cking sunrise. Every single day me and my mom argued for the same bloody reason.

"You smile Muda.. you just sit and smile. You are the person that made her like that" Her anger was pointed to her husband. "Mom.. please don't accuse dad for my mistakes" I could never bear up if someone is blaming my dad.

"Then you accept that you are wrong huh??" Oh god.. mom.. I just kept my silence to defend my dad.

"She is already twenty Muda. You can't let her be like that. You know what?? One of my friends asked me that if we were going to find her a wife instead of a husband. What a shame for me" my mom released the point that made her heart heavy.

But no.. instead of getting angry or making her comfortable, I just started to laugh. Both My dad and I laughed till our eyes were filled with tears.

"Come on Chamii, relax, They are making fun of you knowing that you are easily irritable. And in my point of view, all of your friends are jealous of our Sanjay" Dad explained her as if he was so serious. But within few seconds he started to laugh again making my stomach hurts with cramps.

He was a serious and a super dangerous guy in his career but within his family, he was just another funny dad who was trying to make his family laugh all the time he could.

"She is Sanjana … not Sanjay.. hey keep your feet down before I slap them again" Mom yelled again and left to the kitchen to bring the last dish.

She never wanted any servant in our home and did all the house holding works alone. According to her, it made her feels like a simple housewife, not a mafia wife.

At that moment, my feet were on my own chair. Suddenly a girl appeared and pulled out a one of my leg hairs tightly. "Omg look how masculine your legs are"

Ffff .. I just held the f word within my teeth and released a second expression as "ooooiiiii". "You silly girl it hurts." I cried while keeping my feet on ground to protect them from my mom and my silly younger sister.

"Then remove those hairs you idiot. It's disgusting." Ahhhhh it seemed like she was just there to heat up the conflict.

"Hey hey.. just be quiet and have the dinner now" dad succeeded to change the topic before the WWIII get started.

We had the dinner just pretending like nothing happened within last minutes and there were more joyful laughs and happy tears. That's my family. Home sweet home.

When my dad and I are together, definitely no one could bear up their laughs. Same blood, same vibes…. I miss my dad.

But those laughs didn't last too long. Just after the dinner, my sister, Parami, brought a package to me.

She was so different from me. She was the carbon copy of my mom while I was my dad's. She was fair and I was more brown although she had many pimples and acne marks on her face due to the extra usage of beauty products.

On the other hand, my face was more clearer than her though I only use baby talc on my face. (according to them). Initially we both had too much curls on our hair but she had straighten hers in order to manage it easily.

That package was a ladies frock. A pretty silk dress that was so eye catching. "Ohh that will be so beautiful for you. " I gave the dress back to her.

"No silly. this is not for me" that little smirk on her face made me uncomfortable as I could guess the f*cking scenario that was going to be happen.

"Mom, dad won't allow you to dress like that huh.. Besides, you are too old for a dress like this" I acted like I didn't get the thing that they were going to say.

"Shut up you idiot .. don't act like a fool.. your cousin's wedding will be held on next month and be ready for that." She was busy clearing the dinner table and didn't pay any attention for me at all.

Aaaah f*ck.. no way.. I'd never go public with a dress like that. What would happen to my image as a second boss.?? "No way mom. I'd never" I cried out while putting that bloody dress back to the package.

"Such a jerk, refusing a dress like that??" Really??? My sister is the exact carbon copy of my mom. "Parami try to take your sister to the salon soon." My mom grinned at me and that made me more uncomfortable.

"Mom…" I yelled again. "Sanjay .. lower your voice .. " My dad's words made me silent. I picked the package and went to the room with heavy steps.

Bang…. !! I slammed the door and locked it inside. I threw that sh*tty package to the bed and sat in the corner of the bed.

My head was screaming inside and I just wanted to threw, kick or break something to make my inner self calm. I just walked to the drawer and picked my stress ball.

It was the second most thing that could make me calm when I was about to blast something. Of course the first one is my dad.

I squeezed and squeezed it with a mantra of F words for a while. My speed of squeezing it reduced with the time, showing that my mind was getting calmer and calmer.

I threw that Mr. Squeezie away and picked that bloody package again and pulled the dress again.

It was so smooth and heart whelming. That light purple silk dress was so simple yet very classy. I kept that dress on my body and turned towards the mirror.

Wow .. It was a dress that meant to be mine. I was rubbing it while wiping off tears from my eyes.

I double checked the door lock and started to try that freaking dress on. I was dazzled when I saw myself through the mirror and I'm sure my f*cking heart skipped a beat once. Just like I've forgotten to breath.

I released my hair from the hair bun and searched my wardrobe for my make up set. Wait.. What are you thinking little dumbheads. Of course I have them. Just needed to hide them in the secret locker of my wardrobe.

I just put a simple makeup and made my hair into a tight low bun. A pair of classy earrings were swinging down from my ears.

After posing for about twenty to thirty selfies, I just glanced at me through the mirror. A single strand of tears were pouring along my cheeks and I couldn't help but let them flow freely.

A sudden twinkle of a past memory crossed my mind. It has been nearly ten years and I kept it in my heart secretly for all those years.

It was my dad and mom who were sitting on the couch of the living room and dad was a little bit drunk that day. Ten years old me was sneaking to the kitchen for a mid night snack when I heard the sobbing of my dad.

"What's the purpose of this Chamii.. What is the purpose of growing such a big business. To whom should I earn.. I have no son to take care of those things after me. I have no son to help me out there when I'm old." He was crying like a little baby.

I was so surprised to know that my dad needed a boy, a son than two girls. I'd thought that we were the best thing they had.

"What are you talking about Muda..? You have two daughters. You should take care of them them." My mom was sobbing too.

"I know that Chamii, They are a world for me. I protect them with my life. And also every cent I earn is theirs. But one day they will leave me to be with someone else. I'll be all alone"

I didn't get the whole point since I was just a little girl then. All I understood was, dad needs a son more than us. And I was too afraid to loose his love for me.

I cried that f*cking whole night and the next day was the day I started to kill the girl inside me. I just started to be the son he needed and still I'm continuing it.

However I admit that I couldn't kill my inner girl completely. I loved those kind of classy women's clothes as much as I hate them. I had a complete set of make up products and I was fluent in makeup skills.

My secret drawer was filled with lots of beautiful earrings, necklaces bracelets and all those girlie stuffs. And something that no one could ever imagine. A photograph of a boy..

well I know you may be freak out to know that but yeah.. I had a secret crush on a boy in our class and I never showed it out. Who the hell will love a girl with gangster attitudes.

I still remember his blue eyes, that were never turned towards me, and the thick straight hair.

My old phone's gallery was full with his photos and all of them were snapped secretly by me. In my new phone, there's a locked secret folder with my girlie selfies and 2-3 photos of him.

Ahhhh F*ck. I'm so uncomfortable now as I revealed my deepest darkest secrets. Nearly all of them.

Despite of my inner girlie feelings, I love my dad more than my life. My desires were so negligible for me when compared to my dad's.

I preferred to be a manly gangster girl or a mafia girl who could carry his works out Rather being a normal girl. I just wanted him to be happy and satisfied.

I just sighed and grasped a tissue to remove my bloody makeup before it could made me weaker. After the whole makeup is removed, I put my hair into a high bun as it was before.

Knock.. knock.. A knocking on the door made me startled and I almost cut my ear as I was removing my earrings at that moment.

"Sanjay are you awake ?" My dad was out side the door. F*ck. I was super frightened because of my dress. I was still on that damn frock.

"Ye.. yes dad, going to have a wash. I'm on my towels." I stuttered.

"Ok .. ok.. I just thought about your suggestion. It's better if you have a watch around schools tomorrow morning. As if they did the main deal somewhere else, they would have already started" I had told my dad about my confused thoughts on that last mission.

"Well.. Dad I'll do it" I just tried to keep my voice calm. "Ok then good night Sanjay and good luck" "Good night dad" After his foot steps got quiet, I started to change my dress with a heavy sigh.

I changed to my night pajamas, texted my little crackheads to inform about tomorrow morning mission and started my night skin care routine.

Hell nah.. you remember that I said my family thinks I only use baby talc on my face. Well.. this is my actual skin care routine.

It was not that much complicated as my sister's. It was just a scrub, face pack and a face serum with a jade roller and guasha massage.

I only used highly recommended trustworthy branded products, not those silly eye-catching products like my sister.

Just after the skin care routine, I went to the bed straightaway as I had to wake up early in the morning. Also my bike should be washed.

I was not that much sleepy but tried to sleep because of the next day morning mission. Dad has done so many things for us. My sacrifice is just a piece of cake. Both my mind and heart agreed to it.

Before my birth, he was a mafia king that rule the main drugs and weapon dealing threads of our country. But the term ex-mafia is the best abbreviation for him now.

Actually the reason is f*cking me.

Well.. you all know that my mom hates dad's career. It was the same back then. When I was born, my dad was so happy as he was the happiest person in the Earth.

According to my mom, he held me on his arms just like a little flower, worrying that he would accidentally hurt me. But my mom was super angry.

"Why are you so happy Muda, I don't see a good reason to be happy. She's born to a society full of drugs and weapons all over. And the best part is that her dad is the main trader"

Her accusations made him think so seriously. And I was the main reason for him to stop his main career. He stopped all those things and only the vehicle yard was kept with him.

He continued his vehicle business till his death..

To be honest, he was still a main dealer of weapons in international level, but within the country??? Nooooo .. He had never sold them within the country after then.

What's more, my dad completely resigned from drug dealing threads and all his life was wasted to eradicate f*cking drugs from our society. You see that many of my missions were about that damn thing.

My dad was a humble man than an ex-mafia. If anyone was suffered with injustice, he was there for them and that was the main reason for people to respect and honor him.

He had a big heart and a f*cking ego, that was genetically inherited to me. Those qualities of him made lots of enemies also. But the real thing was no one, literally no bloody bastard dared to harm him.

However it happened. I still don't know how and who did it. But I know one thing. I lost my loving dad. I miss him.