Chapter 43

ALESSIA

It's been three months since I've lived in the cottage. A lot has happened since then. I'm towards the end of my pregnancy and its been hell, between me being sick and always fighting to get as much food in me because they are taking a lot from me. When I look at myself in the mirror, it scares me. My stomach is getting bigger but everything else has gotten smaller. My face is sunken in, dark circles are under my eyes and I'm so pale. Basically, I look like the walking dead.

I don't have energy for much. For the past week, I've stayed in my room. Getting up to go to the bathroom has been exhausting so you could only imagine how it feels to walk down the stairs. Molly comes today to check up on me because I can't make it to the hospital. I've been getting iv supplements and fluids every couple of days for the last month. I'm not looking forward to seeing her because I get that look. She has been really worried about me. She keeps bringing up the conversation about Jaxson marking me. Of course, my answer is always no. We are not ready for that. I did allow him to hold my hand when we had our ultrasound. That was when we found out the genders. I'm having a boy and a girl. I think Jaxson cried more then me. He was so excited. I was too but I'm just happy that they are healthy.

Jaxson comes by everyday to make me breakfast. While here, he must carry me to the bathroom, so I don't overexert myself. I get myself cleaned up and ready for the day. He comes back and carries me either to the bed or to the recliner chair I have in front of the window. He also comes at night so I can get ready for bed, carrying me again to the bathroom. I clean myself up, get dressed in his tee shirt since everything else barely fits me and he carries me to bed. He always covers me up. He also leaves snacks on the bedside table so I can get to them if I wake up in the middle of the night hungry.

Things are still strained between us; it has gotten a little better, but I keep him at a distance. I don't allow him to talk about us being together. The only time I let him touch me is when he is helping me, I really don't have a choice because I physically can't do it.

I know I'm hardheaded, but I've already tried to do it all by myself, it was a struggle. Jaxson walked in, seeing me on the floor and yelled at me. Since that day, I reluctantly agreed that when I got up, he or someone else would be there. Now its him carrying me. At least I have enough energy to stand in the shower by myself. That would be awkward.

Things have been slowly getting better between Jessica and me. She is currently staying with me in the guest bedroom because I can't take care of Alena. Most nights she sleeps with me. That has forced us to send a lot of time together and we've talked about things. I told her that I forgive her. Honestly, I don't really have a choice with her. I'm practically sharing Alena with her. You might as well say she is her other parent sharing custody.

I'm not sure if our friendship will ever be the same but we are working on it. Its just kind of hard to see how we are when my life consisted of nothing but eating, sleeping, and getting sick.

"Molly is on her way; do you need anything before she gets here?" Jaxson asked. I shook my head while taking a sip of water. No sooner, there was a knock on the door. It opened and Molly walked in.

"Good morning how are you feeling?" she asked.

"I'm ok. Just tired." I replied. She walked over to me and hooked my iv up to the needle already in my arm. I must keep it in, so they always have access.

She checked me over and did my vitals. My blood pressure was high. Its been that way for the last week so we have been closely monitoring it. I must check it every 4 hours.

"Alessia, I'm really worried. This has gone on long enough. I really don't know how much more you can take before something bad happens. You need to think about letting him mark you. I promise, you will feel a lot better." She said.

"I can't do that. I was told that once he marks me, it will be too hard to stay away. That it will be almost impossible to resist him. I'm not ready to forgive him. You have no idea how bad he hurt me. Choosing Becca over me then finding out later that he slept with her after he knew I was his mate. I was in extreme pain while they we are doing it. Yes, he stopped when he found out I could feel it, but does that even really matter. Yes, he has been trying to make it up to me in all the nice things he does for me, but I just can't. Not right now, please you have to find a way for me to get through this." I said. Jaxson was sitting in the corner with his head down.

After my checkup was complete, molly left leaving me and him alone. The tension was thick. I didn't know what to say to him. I know he is frustrated with me because I won't forgive him but its not up to him. He knows how I feel and I'm not going to pretend otherwise.

My phone beeped saying I had a text message. It was Micah. He has been texting me since a week after out incident at the park. He apologized for his behavior and for lying to me. Even though, I haven't accepted his apology either, I do speak to him. I've spoken to him about this whole war thing and so far, he hasn't done anything.

He did tell me that Becca and Amy showed up in his territory asking if they could join his pack. Also, it seems that he is the father of Becca's little girl Melissa. She had the baby a couple weeks ago and he felt the bond between them. Regardless how much I hate her, that child is innocent and deserves to have her father in her life.

They are not together now but she is staying in the house with him so he could be closer to Melissa. He said that Becca wants to be with him, but he is hesitant about it. Knowing that she slept with his beta, still stings.

M - how was your doctor's appointment?

A - ok, the doctor just left. I'm getting my iv meds right now. When I'm done, I'm going to take a nap.

M – ok. I'll talk to you later. Take care.

A – ok thanks, bye

I put the phone down and when I looked up Jaxson was standing there, he looked pissed. He hates that Micah still texts me but it's nothing serious. Its like we talk as friends and if that means there won't be a war then Jaxson is just going to have to deal with it.

"Why do you still talk to him?! I'm sitting right here and your texting another man!" he yelled.

"Jaxson, we are not together and I'm not with him either. He knows that. He just texted me asking how my appointment went. Besides, talking to him, I got him to back off starting a war. You should be happy about that. If all it takes is a few texts a day to prevent people from dying, then so be it." I said. I didn't have the energy to yell at him and I didn't even try but he did make me mad. He huffed and paced the room.

"You can sit there and talk to him after he lied but I'm right here, everyday day I'm here and you won't say anything to me. I'm not allowed to talk to you about it or you will push me away. How is that fucking fair?! I'm your mate and you act like he is!" he yelled again.

"Your right, you are my mate so when you lied and betrayed me, it hurt that much more. You're the one person that should have been there for me from the beginning, the one person that I should have been able to count on, but you weren't. You were the one who made the decision that you weren't going to be with me or even tell me. You pushed me away and forced me to watch you with her. I may not have understood at the time exactly what we were, but I knew it was something. Seeing you with her, broke me. Her all over you all the time, even if we weren't mates. We were together intimately, and you knew there was something, you should have kept things between both of you away from me. You let her touch you and kiss you all the time and I was right there. Not once did you ever pull away. Not once did you ever consider how it would affect me." I said. I may not have yelled but the look on my face told him I was pissed.

He let out a loud growl in frustration and walked out. I kind of felt bad because I just through all that back in his face after 3 months of him trying to make amends but It bothered me that he was getting jealous of Micah. I don't want Micah, not after everything he has done. I just want to keep the peace.