Entrée De Journal Un: Memories

This Journal belongs to: Will Solace (Apollo Cabin)

So, here I am, writing in a stupid journal. I just want to say, if you're mortal, then please stop reading this. This isn't a normal journal. If you're a Demi-god and stole this, please stop reading as well. This is private.

This is where I go when things get hard. I know, I know, I'm a healer. Things aren't supposed to 'be hard' for me, but they are.

I don't think things would be as hard as they are if it weren't for Nico di Angelo, son of Hades. He's always walking around like he owns the Camp, well, news-flash, Nico, you don't own this Camp.

I mean, I get it. The kids had a hard life so far, but that doesn't make him better than anyone else!

Part of my brain is saying 'Get as far away from that kid as you can, he's no good,' while the other part, the doctor part, is saying 'You've got to help him, he's obviously got depression and if you don't help him and he kills himself, that's on you, Solace'.

I'm just not sure what to do. Do I listen to the healer side of my brain or the reasonable side of it?

I think first, I should listen to the healer part and then go from there to see if he's really that bad or not.

I thought back to our first encounter, about how sarcastic he was just a few days ago, and how I was currently forcing him to stay in the infirmary.

()()()()()()()()

"Put that down!" I hissed, careful to keep my voice quiet, "What are you doing here?

"Me?" Nico asked, "What are you doing here? Getting yourselves killed?"

"Hey, we're scouting the enemy. We took precautions,"

"You dressed in black." Nico noted, "With the sun coming up. You even went as far as painting your faces but didn't think about covering up that mop of blond hair. You're basically a waving yellow flag,"

My ears turned red and I blushed, "Lou Ellen helped mist around us, also,"

"Hi!," Lou Ellen said, "You're Nico, right? I've heard a lot about you. This is Cecil, he's from the Hermes Cabin."

Nico knelt on the ground with us, "Did Coach ever make it back here?"

"Yeah, Hedge is fine. He managed to make it right in time for the birth of his child,"

Nico smiled, which looked like it hurt his face. He probably wasn't used to making many expressions like that, "Is the kid and Mellie alright?"

Yup, just fine. Little Satyr boy," I said, "I ended up having to deliver him, though, not very fun at all. Have you ever delivered a baby?"

"Um, no?" Nico said. I could see the look of confusion on his face when this topic was brought up. Obviously not seeing how this was supposed to be helping us.

"Yeah, well, I needed to get away from all that. That's why I volunteered for this 'mission'. Gods of Olympus, my hands are still shaking, do you see this?" I asked.

I grabbed Nico's hand. It sent an electric current down my spine. I could see that Nico felt it too because he flinched and pulled his hand away. I didn't like that feeling.

"Whatever, we need to come up with a plan because the Romans are supposed to be attacking us at dawn and I need to-" Nico started,

"If you're planning to shadow-travel, forget it. Don't bother," I said,

"Excuse me?"

I could tell that Nico expected me to flinch or shy away from him, but I didn't, I stood my ground.

"Hedge told me about what happened last time you did it. You're not doing it again,"

"I literally just did it. I'll be fine. Plus, you don't tell me what to do,"

"No, you're not fine. I could sense the darkness coming off of you when I touched your hand. They don't call me a healer for fun, di Angelo," I said. "You're in no shape to fight, one more shadow-travel and you might actually turn into a shadow. For good. So, no shadow-travelling. Doctors Orders."

"The Camp is about to be destroyed, Solace-"

"And we'll defend it. We'll stop the Romans, but we're doing it our way. Not yours,"

()()()()()()()()()

I want to help him because of the darkness within him, but how am I supposed to help him if he's so arrogant? I mean, honestly, I wouldn't mind being his friend, but I don't want to be friends with someone as stuck up and pushy as he is. My sister, or half-sister, Kayla, has suggested that I may like the son of Hades, but I don't think I do. How could someone ever like someone like him? My other siblings keep saying that it's not like me to talk so down about Nico, but I just can't help it. I don't like him and I never will.

But, just because I don't like someone doesn't mean I can just abandon my job as a healer here at Camp. If someone needs my help, I have to help them, regardless of what they may have done or who their godly parent is.

Nico needs my help. I don't need the stress of something happening to him, all because I didn't help him.

So then, it's decided, I'll attempt to help him during his stay in the infirmary. It's currently his second day. The war happened yesterday. But it seems like it happened years ago already.

And, don't get me wrong, I would just like to say that I am not homophobic in any way. Just because I deny liking Nico and complain about him all the time does not mean I have anything against LGBTQ. Just thought I would put that out there. Plus, my dad's Apollo, and he's Greek. Greeks are bound to be gay one way or another. A lot of my siblings are either gay or bi as well, some of them are even pansexual, so I have nothing against it.

But back to Nico. I have a feeling he's going to push me away so I might have to get one of the seven to help, maybe even Hedge. He cares for Nico.

I don't know, it's late now, and tomorrow is Nico's last day in the infirmary, but I want to try to see just how much darkness is still in him and then see if he needs more time to rest without distractions.

That's all for now.