7. Remembrance

Chat Noir bounded over the rooftops, the last rays of sunlight reflecting off the shiny leather of his suit. Tikki flew after him, keeping a safe distance behind him, but with her eyes firmly trained on Chat Noir's face. She was waiting, searching…

Something about Adrien had been off. The frivolity with how he had forced Plagg to transform him had caught her off guard, and even though she didn't know Adrien as well as Plagg, she knew that was not a normal reaction from him.

Adrien was calm, polite, and good-natured, with a heart of gold far larger than his mansion. As Chat Noir, he was the same, only more easy going, a jokester, and a free spirit. It was not even common for him to get angry in battle, as demonstrated by his usual goading and teasing of his enemies and his penchant to blurt out bad jokes at the most inconvenient of times.

She could feel something stirring within his person, and Tikki didn't know what to make of it.

Chat Noir stopped for a rest at a parapet, sucking in a breath.

"Whoo, what a good run," he commented with a yawn and a stretch of his arms over his head. "You okay back there, Tikki?"

He turned his face to her, a small smile on his face.

"Y-Yes," Tikki said dubiously, taken aback by his sudden change in demeanor.

The dangerous, angry spark she had seen mere minutes ago was gone from his eyes.

His brows knitted together in a curious frown, "You sure?"

She hesitated a little bit. "I was wondering...are you okay?"

He chuckled, "I told you it's only a cough-"

"That's not what I mean." Tikki cut in.

Chat blinked. "What do you mean, then?"

"Back there, when you transformed you… " Tikki chose her words carefully, "You seemed… angry."

"Huh?" Chat cocked his head and blinked in confusion. His brows seemed to furrow as he thought, as if trying to remember something but failing to come up with anything.

"I must've spaced out, but I wasn't angry." Chat said finally, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "I think I just need more sleep, it's no big deal. I'm sorry."

Tikki was not convinced, but chose to back down for the time being. "Okay."

"Tikki?" Chat asked, his eyes soft in concern.

"It's okay, you are tired," Tikki said with a small smile, flying up to rest a paw on his cheek, "But Adrien, if there's ever something troubling you, you know you can tell us, right?"

"Of course," Chat said amiably, "You'll be the first to know."

Chat made some good time by waiting on the Eiffel Tower for the sun to set completely. Tikki had been quiet the whole time, which still worried him. She had almost seemed… afraid of him, her eyes quickly looking the other way whenever he caught her staring at him. He wanted to ask her what the problem was but something stopped him. Had he made a face while transforming? Did he really look that sick? He couldn't tell what was wrong.

The fact he had not eaten a bite all day probably didn't help how he acted, as it made his stomach churn painfully and his head feel woozy. He was convinced his determination to get to his goal was the only thing that kept him steady on his feet. He had gotten an idea, but had not told Tikki just yet, mulling it over in his head over and over. He had already neglected telling them the full extent of his plans before, and he didn't feel like doing it again.

He pulled up his baton, activating the phone feature and looking at the time. It was 9 o'clock. Visiting time was officially over and nurses would be taking shifts, giving him a few minutes to sneak in again. Motioning to Tikki with a hand, he leapt off the Tower and vaulted off.

He made it to the hospital's roof in a matter of minutes. Tikki had immediately floated down to Marinette's window, phasing through the glass to check for nurses. Chat waited, clicking his claw against the edge of the building anxiously. Minutes passed and Chat fidgeted, fearing Tikki had been seen and wondering if he should drop down and check himself, but after a few seconds, Tikki finally flew out, floating up to him.

"Sorry for the wait," Tikki apologized, "I took the liberty of hanging around and checking the nurses' shifts posted outside the door. I memorized the whole thing! We have around 15 minutes before the next one comes by to check on her."

"Tikki, you are a genius!" Chat commended with a grin, "Absolute genius!"

Tikki giggled before flying back down, Chat Noir leaping after her. Tikki flew back in through the glass and unlocked the window, allowing him to sneak in, silent on his feline limbs. Making sure they were truly alone, Chat Noir approached Marinette's bedside, gently stroking her cheek with the back of his clawed fingers.

"Hey, Princess." He smiled as Tikki floated to nuzzle against Marinette's other cheek. "You are looking better."

It wasn't a complete exaggeration. Even though it had only been a couple of days, her cheeks seemed to have a healthier flush, and her skin wasn't as pale. Her lips had even gotten their pink color back, looking soft and alive. He had to resist the sudden urge to lean down and kiss them.

No. Even if Tikki had confirmed that Marinette loved him back, he wanted her to tell him herself. He wanted to ask her for the kiss. He wanted to feel her reciprocate, to feel her warmth against his chest, and feel her smile against his lips. He wanted to see her eyes sparkle, her cheeks flush, and her arms wrap around him.

He'd wait whatever time was necessary for that.

For now, he was content with pressing a kiss to her cheek, and taking her hand, rubbing soothing circles on her knuckles. He pouted then. He could barely feel her warmth through the material of his suit, so he detransformed, closing his eyes as the wind whipped his hair around.

Plagg screeched as he zipped out of the ring, turning to Adrien angrily. "What is up with you?!"

Adrien shushed him urgently, taken aback "Plagg, be quiet!"

"Oh, you think I'll wake your girlfriend? Is that it?" Plagg said curtly, crossing his arms. "I'm sure it'll take more than noise to wake her up, don't you think?"

Adrien growled in annoyance, snatching Plagg in his hand. "There's nurses outside!"

"Oh good, maybe they can give you a kick in the butt for me!"

"What's gotten into you all of a sudden?"

"I could ask you the same thing!"

"What are you even talking about?" Adrien asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"It's one thing to transform before I finish eating my delicious camembert, but brushing me aside and transforming when I tell you it's not convenient is pushing it!" Plagg freed himself from Adrien's grasp and floated away, his back to Adrien. "Ungrateful kid!"

"When did I even do that?" Adrien asked, offended, "Seriously, when?"

"You have no say in this," Plagg recited, turning back to Adrien, his eyes narrowed, "Sound familiar?"

Adrien cocked his head. "When did I ever say that?"

"You really don't remember?" Tikki piped in suddenly, floating up next to Plagg, her tiny eyes filled with concern.

Adrien hesitated.

"Remember... what?"

"Before you transformed, you yelled at us." Tikki said. "You got really angry."

"We only wanted to help you!" Plagg cried. Tikki shushed him with a calming paw on his shoulder, trying to soothe the still seething Kwami.

"W-Wait, hold it," Adrien held his hands up in defense. A knot of uneasiness was tightening in his stomach, "Rewind a bit, I'm lost. When did this happen?"

"Like an hour ago, I think?" Tikki said.

"What? It can't be- I...I don't remember doing anything like that…" Adrien trailed off. They had no reason to lie to him, but why couldn't he remember? "Why would I be angry at you?"

"What is the last thing you remember before transforming?" Tikki asked him calmly, sensing Adrien's mounting anxiety.

Adrien racked his brain. He tried to remember the transformation itself but he realized it was only a blur, replaced instead by images of past transformations. He shook his head, trying to will his mind to focus on his most recent transformation, but he couldn't recall a thing. There was a large mental blackout in that span of time. The last thing he remembered was-

"I was coughing." Adrien said, "I remember coughing really bad."

"Yes, but what about after that, before you jumped out the window?" Tikki coaxed.

"Nothing." Adrien said, his voice low with worry. "I was coughing and the next thing I remember is running through the city..."

Tikki turned to look at Plagg, who looked back at her with something akin to dread.

"This has never happened before." Plagg said distantly.

"Did you notice anything while he was transformed?" Tikki asked him.

"He feels…a bit different but I can't place it," Plagg said, his paw on his chin "Like his flow of energy spikes every once in awhile but not enough to change anything."

"What about his aura?" Tikki asked.

"It shifted back to normal when the transformation settled but it was definitely different before I got absorbed into the ring."

"Then there are side effects, as we thought?"

"Seems like it…"

"Guys…" Adrien pleaded, his worry growing with every passing second they spent talking about him like he was not even there, "What's going on?"

Tikki turned to him, her eyes sympathetic.

"It's all conjecture but Plagg and I think you got damaged when you destroyed the Akuma."

"D-Damaged?" He stuttered, "What do you mean damaged?"

"When you touched the Akuma, it tried to take control of you. I know because I felt everything you did, too." Plagg explained and he looked at Tikki, who nodded at him, allowing him to continue on his own. "The pain, the burning energy… I felt it all, but it hit you way worse because you are a mortal. And since there was no object it could grab hold of, the Akuma tried to latch to the closest thing, which was Cataclysm, but it is pure energy, so that caused part of it to rebound on you while the other part killed the butterfly."

"The part of Cataclysm that bounced back damaged your body." He continued. "The other part zeroed on the butterfly, so while it was not enough to kill you, it did hurt you, even though I tried to channel most of the blast to myself."

"So the coughing and the nausea?" Adrien said.

"Lasting damage from technically using Cataclysm on yourself. Seems to have only affected your chest area, though," Tikki added. "But it is treatable, we think. You can heal."

"What about my head? Why can't I remember things?" Adrien asked anxiously, "Was it Cataclysm, too? Did it mess up my brain?"

Tikki looked at Plagg for the answer. He avoided both their gazes, his eyes looking to and fro, like deliberating an answer.

"It was definitely not Cataclysm." He said in a low voice, "I think it was the Akuma."

Adrien's eyes widened, his heart pounding against his chest "You.. you are not saying that…. Hawk Moth was controlling me?"

Oh god, please no...

"No. I could not feel his presence when you transformed." Plagg said.

Adrien breathed a sigh of relief.

"He cannot control you anyway, since you destroyed the akumatized butterfly, but some of its residual evil magic may have seeped into you with Cataclysm when both converged." Plagg continued, "It was not enough to give Hawk Moth access to your head to manipulate you, but it may have tampered with your head a bit, as it seems you only blank out when you experience a strong negative emotion."

"I… see," Adrien whispered. He didn't know what to make of that. It was not like he got upset that often, but if he was going to blank out every time he got pissed, that was going to become a problem, especially if he said or did things while experiencing that emotion; things he couldn't recall he did.

"This is all in theory, Adrien." Tikki reminded him, seeing his face of consternation, "But it seems to hold true. Cataclysm's damage seems to be manageable though, since it's physical. If you get it looked at-"

"I'm not going to a doctor," Adrien interrupted, shaking his head "I cannot explain any of this without exposing who I am. I'll ride through it."

Plagg and Tikki sighed in exasperation.

"I hope you know what you are doing." Plagg said.

"I'm...I'm more concerned about the Akuma, honestly…" Adrien turned fearful eyes to the Kwamis. His voice hitched before he spoke. "Can we do anything about it?"

"I…" Plagg trailed off.

"I don't want it to change me, Plagg..." Adrien said, almost begging. Plagg went quiet, his little green eyes unsure.

"Shh, it's okay. You won't change! We'll keep watch over you." Tikki tried to encourage him, floating down to his head and stroking his hair. "We will figure something out! You're going to be okay!"

And although Tikki was trying to console him with positivism, he didn't miss the melancholic, unsure way Plagg looked at him.

Adrien sighed dejectedly for the 5th time in the last ten minutes. His head rested on one arm on the bed, while the other lay outstretched, caressing Marinette's forearm gently. Tikki and Plagg rested on the pillow near Marinette's head, chatting amiably in hushed voices so as to not disturb him. But in the end, it didn't do anything but set him further on edge. He felt uncomfortable jitters in his stomach, a cold sensation running up and down his back nonstop.

He was scared.

He could deal with the physical consequences of his actions, but the mental side of the ordeal frightened him. How deep did the Akuma's dark influence run in him? How much had it changed? The one reassuring thing about the whole thing was that apparently his moment of depersonalization had barely lasted a minute.

But he didn't know what he was going to do. He hoped nothing like that would happen at home, or school...

Suddenly, he was yanked out of his thoughts when his phone buzzed against his leg, making him jump. He pulled it out, noticing it was an update from the Ladyblog. Remembering that Alya now used it as a platform to report attacks for him, Adrien couldn't bring himself to ignore it. He pulled up the blog to read the newest post.

"Burglary at gunpoint on the 7th Arrondissement. Suspects fleeing on blue car on Rue de l'Universite. Police force having trouble keeping up. Massive amounts of gunfire. Several injured! Please help, CN!

Posted by User: Andre_Jarjayes

2 minutes ago."

"Damn…" Adrien cursed. He looked apologetically at Plagg, "I'm sorry, but it's an emergency…"

Plagg nodded quietly. He looked back at Tikki before he floated to Adrien, "Yeah, let's get this done…"

"Thank you," Adrien said, "Plagg, if something happens-"

He held up a paw to silence him. "Stop overthinking it. Just do it."

"Y-yes, okay." Adrien turned to Tikki. Time to test out his plan.

"Tikki, could you please stay with Marinette?" He asked, "I really want to see if what I believe is true. Could you please look after her for the next couple of days?"

"But Adrien, what if you need help…" Tikki protested.

"It's just a burglary, not an Akuma," Adrien said with a half hearted smile, "Regular bullets can't penetrate the suit. I will be okay. Please?"

Tikki looked at him hesitantly. He could tell she loved Marinette enough to welcome the proposal, but was also discouraged from doing so for whatever odd thing the Akuma had done to him earlier. He was concerned as well and knew he'd have to touch on the topic again later, but right now, he couldn't delay.

"Look, I'll leave my phone so you can watch the news stream," Adrien said, pulling up the link on his browser and handing her his cellphone. "If you see that I need help, you can fly in. I'll come back right after I'm done. I'll tap on the window, and wait for your signal or send you a text. The phone is set on silent. Sounds good?"

Tikki mulled it over, then sighed, taking his phone from him. "Alright."

"Thank you, Tikki!" Adrien said, "I'm really grateful!"

Tikki nodded with a half-hearted smile, "Please, take care!" She said, zipping away and hiding under Marinette's pillows.

"Will do." Adrien turned to Marinette and took her hand, kissing the back of it. "Hang in there, M'lady…"

"Plagg! Transform me!"

It didn't take him long to find the burglars. The sound of gunfire breaking through the night was clear enough for him to follow, and he caught up to them in no time, pulling ahead of the police fleet giving chase. He was shot at from the windows of the blue car, but the bullets ricocheted off his suit or didn't hit the mark, his reflexes way too quick for them to aim at him properly.

He jumped ahead and threw his baton just in front of the thieves' car, using its momentum to send the vehicle flying and flipping on its side. The car careened out of control, crashing strepitously against the trees lining the sidewalk. The three burglars promptly escaped the smoking car through the broken glass pane on the dashboard and shot at him as they tried to make their escape, but he deftly evaded the shots and incapacitated them before they got too far.

The Police force soon caught up, thanked him, and arrested the thieves.

Seeing as he was not needed anymore, Chat Noir gave them a grin and turned, ready to vault off until he was stopped by Officer Roger calling after him. He ran up to Chat, thanked him again, and handed him a letter bearing the mark of Paris' Mayor, André Bourgeois, urging him to read it as soon as he could to provide an answer.

Intrigued, Chat took the letter with the tiniest hint of hesitation and opened it. His eyes scanned the paper, reading over the neat cursive penmanship and the formal writing. The more he read though, the more his heart clenched, and the quicker his smile disappeared. By the time he was done, he pretended to reread the letter in order to subtly blink the moisture in his eyes away and swallow the lump that had formed in his throat.

Licking his lips, he folded the letter neatly, tucking it in his pocket. He then turned to the officer, nodding solemnly.

"I'll be there."

"You did great!" Tikki congratulated him as he slinked into the room right after the nurse had left. "That was a really clever thing you did with the baton and- Adrien? Are you okay?"

He didn't respond, he dragged his feet to Marinette's bedside, sliding down to his knees and resting his chin on the mattress, just beside her hand. He almost craved that hand to reach out and comfort him. He sighed, his eyes downcast.

"What's wrong? Are you feeling sick?" Tikki asked, brushing his bangs away from his eyes and feeling his forehead.

"I'm okay." He muttered. He reached down to his pocket, retrieving the letter and handing it to Tikki to read. The Kwami laid it on the bed, mumbling under her breath as she read. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Tikki's antennae droop the closer she got to the end of the letter.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"A Memorial…"

"Mhm…"

Yes. A memorial. They were going to do a memorial for Ladybug in a week's time. A mass ceremony would be held to honor Ladybug's memory and to celebrate her achievements, and they wanted Chat Noir to participate in the event, as her most trusted partner, and the person who was closest to her in life. It would take place right underneath the Eiffel Tower; Ladybug's favorite place. A week of city-wide mourning would be made official right after.

"Are you going?" She asked.

"How couldn't I? I owe her that much and… we have to protect her identity." Chat whispered, "I think it's in our best interest for everyone to believe that she is gone for the time being, especially Hawk Moth. If he believes her Miraculous to have been lost with her, perhaps he will give Paris a rest..."

"I don't know," Tikki said apprehensively, "Hawk Moth is no fool. There is no way he is letting this opportunity pass. I think he will try to target you instead, since you're at your most vulnerable: alone and in mourning. He may also assume that as her partner, you have her Miraculous which is… true. Where did you put them?"

Chat pointed a finger at his other pocket. "I carry them with me, in case she wakes."

"You shouldn't do that! It's better if you store them someplace secret and safe." Tikki said, "It's dangerous for you to carry them. If Hawk Moth were to capture you…"

Chat frowned, considering it.

"We could probably take them to the Guardian-" She started.

"Who?" Chat Noir cut in, raising an eyebrow.

"T-The Guardian," She said, realizing she had never talked about that person with any of them, "The man who looked after the Miraculous before you and Marinette. The one who chose you…"

His cat ears perked in curiosity, his tail swishing behind him. He had never heard of this Guardian. Plagg had never mentioned any such person before; The person who chose him and Marinette to be heroes.

He wondered about him, running questions through his head.

Was he aware of what was happening? Did he mourn Ladybug's 'death' as well? Did he know about Marinette? Did he care about them? Why didn't he come find him? Was he the one who gave Hawk Moth's his Miraculous too?

Chat's thoughts froze.

Why give a Miraculous to such a heinous person? What were they thinking?

A hot sensation churned within Chat, rolling in the pit of his stomach. It was warm and sudden, and sent adrenaline coursing through his veins, anger bubbling within him.

"No," Chat said finally in a low voice. "If he really cared, he would've come forward."

He had no right to him or Marinette anymore. Adrien felt betrayed. Given this task and then abandoned to his own devices… The man wouldn't even show his face when one of his heroes had been shot down. He just wanted them to do his dirty work. He didn't care a smidge about them!

"But-" Tikki started.

"No!" Adrien repeated angrily, "I want the earrings available for Marinette when she wakes! I'll put them in a safe if I must, but no one is touching them but Marinette. And if Hawk Moth-" He broke off abruptly, going still. His gaze stared ahead, distant. After a moment, his eyes slowly narrowed, vertical irises becoming thin slits. Tikki stared at him, bewildered.

"A-Adrien..?"

He was quiet for a moment, then, the corners of his lips pulled into a smirk that sent a shiver down Tikki's spine.

"...if Hawk Moth wants to wage war with me, then let him."

The rest of the week dragged slowly, his insides twisting in dread for the upcoming memorial. At Tikki's insistence, he had made the extra effort to keep food in his stomach and take better care of himself to counter the effects of Cataclysm, but much to his misfortune, the added stress did nothing but worsen his condition in the passing days.

As it turned out, after his stunt with the burglary, people started filing more reports, asking for his help with regular crimes, even though the Police force were perfectly capable of handling them. The absence of Akumas was encouraging, but balancing his school work and daily activities with his solo crime fighting was taking everything out of him, and he was left with little chance to take care of himself.

Keeping himself on the move and not curled up in his bed in a ball of pain and exhaustion was proving to be a real challenge. Without Ladybug's ability, he was left feeling the bruises from all his encounters after he detransformed. It had gotten to the point he had to begin using makeup to hide the purple blemishes on his body and the dark circles under his eyes, lest he raise too many suspicions.

Trying to maintain a semblance of normalcy in front of Nathalie was quickly becoming a hard task in and of itself. Though she was quick to let it go when he told her it was just a bug from the chilly weather, the woman had definitely noticed Adrien's occasional wobbling step and unfocused eyes. Adrien was convinced that the only reason Nathalie didn't tell on him with his father was because he completed his photoshoots without fail, but he wasn't sure how long he'd be able to keep it up.

At school, Nino and Alya, who had begun to suspect something was off with him, were harder to shake off. They would question him and try to drag him out, insisting that the fresh air would do him good, but he would resist. They would only relent when Adrien insisted he was just tired from work, feigning happiness as he did so to not worry them.

But even he couldn't deny he wasn't okay. He was sluggish and slow on most days from lack of sleep. The bouts of coughing persisted, and at times it was so bad that it would take several minutes for him to recover from a spell. He ate what little he could, but nausea would drive him to his knees several times during the day, making him lose what little nourishment he had managed to get. As the days trickled by, he could feel himself losing strength, getting thinner, sicker…

He knew he needed medical attention but he couldn't bring himself to seek it, in fear of exposing his and Marinette's secret. They would ask him what he was up to, why he had so many bruises, why he had a large scar on his hand, why he was so sick… and he was not confident he could come up with a convincing lie.

His mood wasn't faring any better. He found himself getting irritated at the smallest of things, a fuse within him lighting up as quickly as a match to a flamethrower. Criminals were usually the ones on the receiving end of his lashing, so no one thought anything of it, but it would take several seconds for him to realize what he was doing and rein himself in.

He had to stop watching broadcasts of his crime-fighting after he noticed that despite his wavering strength, he seemed to be a lot more brutal toward villains. It scared him. Especially because half the time he didn't remember doing the feats the videos showed.

He knew it was not like him. But even Plagg had begun to be unable to recall those actions, and thus could not confirm if it was a byproduct of the Akuma's influence or not. He blamed Adrien's exhaustion for it, and Adrien had to make do with that explanation, even though he was almost sure it was not the real reason.

Plagg himself seemed to slow down as well, ending up as worn out as Adrien. He barely talked, focusing instead on getting Camembert through his mouth while trying to keep his eyes open, and napping for hours on end.

All that because Adrien was forced to work overtime, responding to reports on the Ladyblog and transforming almost every couple of hours. With Ladybug gone, criminals were having a field trip, thinking him incapable of being on two places at the same time.

Adrien had never realized how badly he needed Marinette until then.

Her absence took its toll both physically and emotionally. The puns stopped coming. Words in general stopped coming. With no one to listen and sass back, there was no point. The fun-loving Chat Noir everyone knew and loved was fading. He still tried to pretend. He tried to smile, to joke, to goad… but none of his words had any heart in it.

He just didn't have it in him anymore. He went through the motions on auto-pilot. Transform, fight, detransform, check Ladyblog, rinse and repeat…

He barely went out, using his other activities, nonexistent photoshoots, imaginary events, or schoolwork as excuses to not hang out and catch up on sleep instead. Nino would visit sometimes, worried about his sudden isolation, and Adrien would let him in if only for Nino to leave with reassurance that Adrien was fine, even if it was all just a front he put up for everyone around him to leave him alone.

It all pained him. It weakened his spirit. He couldn't protect Paris alone. It needed the duo, and he needed his other half... desperately.

So desperately in fact, that some nights, tears would come unbidden, borne from pure frustration and helplessness, making sleep elude him. Some days, he found himself looking over his shoulder at the empty seat beside Alya, and it would take everything out of him not to break.

He needed her.

There were evenings even, when his body gave up on him and he collapsed on a roof, tired out of his mind, when he'd pull out his baton out and play old interviews on the Ladyblog's video player. Listening to Ladybug's voice was enough to energize him long enough to pull himself to his feet and make it home before he crumbled again. Sometimes though, he wouldn't even be able to make it home, and would instead faint midway, usually on Marinette's balcony, his feline senses instinctively seeking it out as a place of comfort.

It had happened thrice that he had visited Marinette at night, that he had passed out on her bedside, drained. Tikki would rouse him only when the next nurse was soon to come, giving him time to bail. She worried for him, but Chat Noir brushed her off, telling her it was his job and he'd have to deal with it.

She honored the deal she had with Adrien, remaining on Marinette's side at all times, hiding whenever necessary, and Adrien would leave his phone with her every night so she was aware of how he was doing and what was going on in the city.

And despite everything, visiting Marinette always made him feel better. It was the one highlight of the many sleepless nights where he had to keep himself awake to deal with reports being posted on the Ladyblog at every hour. Even as he deteriorated, Marinette improved and that made his heart swell. It was enough for him.

Good news came to him two days shy of the day of the Memorial.

On the evening of the 7th day since the accident, while Adrien, Alya, and Nino were visiting, they were told Marinette was showing amazing recovery, and that the wound on her head had nearly fully closed. That same night, he found she had less bandages, and noticed her hair had grown longer, flowing down her shoulders. She looked even more beautiful to him.

But what made him happiest was his theory being proven true: Tikki was speeding up her healing, serving as Marinette's own Lucky Charm. It had her doctor and nurses baffled, and Adrien had to always suppress a knowing smile whenever they reported back to her parents about her unprecedented improvements.

The Dupain-Chengs were regaining hope, getting back their spark. Soon, he knew, she'd be back at their side, and it would all go back to how it was. It was his favorite daydream; the one that helped him through every tough day.

Before he knew it, the night of the Memorial was upon him. Throughout the day, he had gotten as much rest as he could, and eaten a light lunch of chicken broth and tea to avoid upsetting his stomach too badly.

He wrote a speech on a piece of paper, and carefully pocketed it, vaulting off into the city. He dropped by the hospital to visit Marinette for a few minutes and left his phone with Tikki so she could watch the streaming of the event. After he helped her get setup with a pair of headphones (in case nurses came in) he headed towards the Eiffel Tower as the sun began to set.

He was early, hanging from a low beam as he surveyed the last of the preparations. A cordon had been set around the monument, protecting its center as people began to arrive. He noticed with no little amount of sadness that the statue Théo had made of them, formerly erected in the park besides Marinette's house, had been moved to rest directly underneath the Tower, its base decorated with black bows and ribbons.

He dropped down and faced the statue, and melancholy took a grip on his heart as he took the familiar image in.

Ladybug's form had been wrapped in a thick strip of flowy, black satin tied around her chest like a sash, a black bow on top of her shoulder. The grim decoration greatly clashed with the vibrant smile on her face, and Chat found he couldn't even recognize his copper doppleganger anymore. He was posed in an energetic crouch, a large grin on his face… A grin that had not been on the real Chat Noir for a few days now.

Against his better judgment, he climbed on top of his inert twin, so that he was level with her image. He reached up with a hand, stroking her cold cheek longingly. He never really thought about it, but he found he really admired Théo's work. He had done a marvelous job at getting her likeness on point. It looked like she could spring alive at any moment, swinging away on her yo-yo with a smirk on her lips...

God, how he missed that smile.

"Um, excuse me, what do you think you are doing?"

Chat jumped, nearly slipping off the statue. He turned around to find Chloé Bourgeois staring at him disapprovingly, a large wax candle with a red and black polka dotted bow clasped in her hands.

"Do you have any idea how long it took to get it polished? You're going to get it all dirty, get off," She said, and although she had her trademark scowl on her face, the usual scorn was gone from her voice. She sounded tired. She wasn't even wearing her usual attire, having switched for something more respectful in tones of black and red, but no less fashionable.

"Sorry," Chat apologized, jumping down from the statue.

Chloé scoffed, "You may have been her partner, but that doesn't mean you can suddenly do as you please." She said, walking to the statue and brushing some stray dust aside. After she was done cleaning (dramatically exaggerating the motion), she placed the candle at the base, just below Stone Chat's face, and lit it with a lighter.

Chat Noir watched as Chloé fell silent, looking up forlornly at Ladybug's face. He was not sure he had ever seen his childhood friend look so genuinely sad and distant. She truly had admired Ladybug.

"Do you miss her?"

The question had been whispered in such a low voice he wasn't completely sure Chloé had spoken the words at all.

"Every minute of every day…" he said softly.

Chloé turned to him, and he could see tears in her bright blue eyes. "You know, I hated you for the longest time…"

Chat Noir frowned. He knew Chloé was a huge fan of Ladybug and didn't particularly care much about him, but he didn't know she actually hated him. "Why?"

"I blamed you for her dying." Chloé said straightforwardly. "I almost asked daddy to have you banned from the event."

Chat's cat ears flattened against his head in indignation. Ban him? Ladybug's partner? Was she insane? Before he could retort however, Chloé held up a hand.

"But I didn't…" She said, crossing her arms against the cold night breeze and looking down, "I figured that if anyone was… hurting about her, it was you. You couldn't have possibly wanted this, could you?" She looked back up at him. "If you had been able, you would've saved her, right?"

Chat Noir couldn't speak. A lump had formed in his throat. From anger, or sadness, or both, he didn't know. How could he have possibly wanted this? How could anyone, except Hawk Moth, have wanted this? How could he have wanted to go back to being alone, miserable, and unloved? Saved her? If only! His inability to do it still haunted him. If the Grim Reaper had had a physical manifestation, he would've bargained for her life without a moment's doubt, trading his soul for hers gladly.

He felt a stray tear slide down his cheek.

"She was my life." He said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Not a day has passed when I don't wish it had been me."

Chloé looked sternly at him. They stared each other down in silence. Her, deliberating the honesty of his answer, and him, fighting to regain control of his emotions. He couldn't unravel right now, not when the event hadn't even started, and he had vowed to keep himself strong.

Chloé walked to him, and from her scrunched up face he had half expected her to slap him, but much to his surprise, she untangled her arms and wrapped them around him.

He gaped, unsure of how to react to the foreign action, his arms lingering at her sides. He was used to her overbearingness as Adrien, but not as Chat. It was unexpected; Chloé was really not known for her compassion...

But it didn't matter. As soon as it had happened it was over. Before he could reciprocate the embrace, Chloé had pulled away, subtly brushing at her eye so he wouldn't notice she had teared up.

"Your speech better be good. She deserves it." She said as she started walking past him, avoiding his gaze. "I chose you for this so you better not make me regret it."

"Chloé!" Chat called after her. She stopped, but didn't turn, her back to him.

"Thank you." He said softly. "For… For all of this. I know she would've appreciated it."

Chloé's frame shook slightly with what he suspected had been a well concealed sob. She seemed to compose herself, and looked at him over her shoulder.

"Did you expect any less from her number one fan?" She managed a smile and walked away from him, her head held high.

Police vehicles lined up on every entrance, controlling the flow of people starting to trickle in to find their place around the cordon from all four directions. A podium had been set up a few steps in front and to the right of the statue and Chloé was going around fixing up some last minute snags.

Chat had climbed back up to wait in a shadowy corner of the Tower, away from prying eyes. People filing in down below would stare at him with pity and sympathy, and although he appreciated the sentiment, it only worsened his anxiety, so he chose to hide away until the time came.

He felt butterflies in his stomach, and he tapped his foot nervously on the metal beam as he read and reread the speech he had written in an attempt to memorize it, but he was too distracted, realizing he had read the same line over and over in the span of 5 minutes.

It felt odd to him to be reading an eulogy for a person that wasn't really dead. It was like attending a funeral with an empty casket. He knew he had to go through with it to further protect Marinette's identity from Hawk Moth, but he couldn't help but feel like he was doing a disservice to Marinette. She was stronger than that, she deserved so much more than that.

Ten minutes later, Chloé started calling him down. He leapt off and landed at her side, and she started explaining the whole program to him. Times, positions, fanfares, the lot. Most of the ceremony would be conducted by the Mayor, and Chat was only meant to stand at his side until it was time for him to speak. That actually relaxed him a bit, letting someone else handle the bulk of the show, and to just be told when to step in.

At Chloé's signal, Chat Noir walked to the Mayor's side as the man climbed the podium and arranged a stack of papers in preparation for his speech. Chat stood diligently and quietly beside the podium, though he was pretty sure he was sweating underneath the suit. Curious eyes followed his every move, and he had to gulp several times to keep his throat from tightening.

Suddenly, he jumped when he felt something pull on his tail.

"Manon, no! Come back here!"

Chat looked down at the little girl that suddenly stood beside him, having pulled his tail to get his attention. A woman, whom he quickly recognized as Nadja Chamack, the news reporter that often interviewed him and Ladybug, swiftly approached him to apologize.

"I really sorry, Chat Noir! My daughter is just really excited. Let's go, Manon!" Nadja said as she grabbed Manon's hand to pull her away.

"Wait! I need to tell him something, mama!" Manon struggled against her mother's grasp, and Chat noticed she held something tight against her chest with her other hand.

"Now it's not the time! Chat Noir isn't to be bothered!"

"Madame, it's alright." Chat said softly with a smile as he kneeled to be on Manon's level. Even though she wore all black now, he remembered the little girl and her twin ponytails clearly. She had posed with him at a photoshoot while Marinette babysat her once, and had even been akumatized, turning into the fearsome Puppeteer. "What did you need to tell me, Manon?"

Manon looked at her feet shyly, then pulled her arms out, showing him what she had been holding.

"I wanted to give you this, because I think you need it more." the little girl said.

On her hands was a handmade Ladybug doll. The same one Marinette had made.

His heart plummeted to his stomach as Manon laid the doll in Chat Noir's open hands. He grabbed it hesitantly, a clawed thumb passing over the sewn smile on the soft felted face. His eyes glazed over as he was suddenly overcome with emotion.

"Don't be sad, Chat Noir!" Manon said. She rose on her tiptoes then, and kissed his cheek.

"I'll try," he chuckled with a quivering smile, pulling Manon into a hug, "I'll treasure this. Thank you, Manon. Thank you..."

The girl then quickly bid him goodbye as the lights dimmed, and a spotlight was shone on the Mayor.

He gathered strength from the soft plushie in his hand and straightened up.

Time to get this done.

It was torture. The whole thing was torture for him.

Every garden, bridge, and road around the Eiffel Tower was packed with people. It looked like the whole city was there, to the point it seemed like the Tower was surrounded by a sea of black, pin pricked by tiny balls of light from the candles held by many of the members of the audience.

Adults, teenagers, babies, kids… they were all there, and those who weren't were surely watching the footage streamed from the many cameras set up both on the ground and on the air on choppers.

This is how much people loved you, Marinette, Chat Noir thought wistfully.

The ceremony opened with Mayor Bourgois thanking people's assistance and explaining the motive of the event. As he spoke, large projectors on the ground displayed a slideshow of images of Ladybug on the surface of the Eiffel Tower. Chat Noir tried to aver his gaze, knowing that if he looked at the images, the wavering hold he had on his emotions would crumble.

"-Chat Noir here, Ladybug's partner and confidante, will share a few words."

Chat Noir snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of his name on the microphone and he turned to see the Mayor looking at him expectantly, stepping back to give him space on the podium.

Sucking in a breath, Chat stepped onto the wooden platform and into the light, the piece of paper with his speech clutched tightly in one nervous fist, and the Ladybug doll clutched in the other.

He breathed heavily, looking around at the crowd. Every eye was on him, and as he scanned the audience, he noticed that Alya had managed to drag Nino and Marinette's parents to the very first row, her hands, unsurprisingly, holding up her cellphone as she recorded the whole thing.

He felt his throat constrict as he unfurled the wrinkled paper in his fist.

"I...I…" He started, his voice, amplified by the microphone, echoing across the silent courtyard. His voice hitched, and he felt his own heart rate spike, heart thumping loudly in his ears. Fear enveloped him suddenly and nausea threatened to make him throw up.

He was suddenly not sure he could do this. He was used to the spotlight as Adrien, but this… this was a whole 'nother monster. This was not a photoshoot, this was a funeral for his closest, dearest friend, with the eyes of hundreds of Parisians on him, waiting expectantly for his words.

His eyes fell on the Dupain-Chengs again. They looked at him sympathetically, and he could've sworn he saw Tom nod his head at him in encouragement, and Sabine cross her arms in front of her in a sign of support. He looked down at the speech clutched in his trembling hands but the words blurred together. His eyes were misting over.

Swallowing hard, he crumpled the piece of paper and dropped it on the ground. He briefly looked over his shoulder at the statue, at Ladybug's smiling face. Breathing deeply, he turned back to the expectant audience, bringing the doll close to his chest.

"Thank you everyone for coming out here," Chat Noir started, his voice quivering, "Being here for me is… it's a great honor, because Ladybug was more than just a hero. She was a passionate, empathetic, and beautiful girl who gave so much to others without even once thinking about herself. Her heart knew no bounds in its all-enveloping love, and her compassion was as endless as an open sea. But this… this is something everyone knows. Many of you experienced it yourselves. Either as a former akuma victim, or simply as a bystander, Ladybug was there in some way."

He saw Alya and a few other citizens, people he recognized as former akuma victims, look at each other nod in acknowledgement, smiling.

"Paris lost a protector, a guardian angel… but I lost more than that…"

Chat paused, taking a few steadying breaths.

"I lost my world. Ladybug was more than just my partner, my friend…" He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to keep the tears at bay, "...although she kept our relationship strictly professional, she was much more than that to me… We were a team, but she was my better half… and to this day I still regret not telling her that. I regret not telling her how much she meant to me, how much light she brought to my world, how much I loved her…"

Some gasps of surprise and whispering rippled through the crowd, but he didn't care.

"I miss her…" his voice broke, and he choked back a sob, "I miss her more than I can express. Every day, everything reminds me of her, and it's hard. It's hard fighting alone. It's hard not having that red blur at my side. It's hard not having someone to listen, to joke with, to… to groan at my bad jokes," he pulled a shaky grin, tears building up in his eyes, "It's hard realizing that I will never hear her voice again. That I will never hear "good job" at the end of a mission again…"

His sensitive ears picked up sniffling, but his eyes were so laden by moisture that everything was a blur in front of him.

"Paris lost something special. I lost everything. But she wouldn't have wanted me, or anyone, to live mourning her. She was that selfless. I remember that day with Stoneheart. The day we were chosen. The day both of us accepted becoming Paris' protectors. She thought she was not made for it, she doubted herself, but still fought, and she proved everyone wrong. She proved that she had the strength and the courage to give her life for others, and even though people had doubted her that day, she made a promise to you all… to protect you from anyone that may seek to harm you."

More nodding from the crowd. He even caught Chloé smiling from the corner of his eye, no doubt recalling how Ladybug had saved her on that fateful day.

"I will uphold that promise!" Chat said loudly, "I will keep fighting for her, to the end of my days. To defend the ideals she believed in, to defend the city she loved so much, and protect the people she cherished to her very last breath.

"What happened was nothing short of a tragedy. Not only did Paris lose an outstanding citizen, but a family lost their beautiful girl. A girl who had no fault, a girl who had been chosen because of her big heart and sense of justice, a girl who had just begun to live and was so ready to give everything to the world. But her life was ripped away by a despicable monster…"

He shuddered suddenly, his fists clenching over the doll in his hands. His teeth gritted as he held back a growl and sadness quickly bubbled into rage in his chest. He struggled to hold himself back, his whole body trembling.

"That's why… H-Hawk Moth, if you are listening," his voice broke, something taking a hold of him; something fierce, wild… "I'm going to hunt you down and make you pay!"

Silence reigned as Chat's voice rose with his impassioned threat.

"You hear me?! I'm STILL HERE HAWK MOTH!" He yelled, eyes narrowing as his voice rose to a dark growl "Paris may not have the whole team, but I am still standing, and I will find you! This city will not be threatened by you, not while I am still here!"

The crowd cheered and whooped, fueling the flame of his emotion.

"Ladybug may have left us physically, but her spirit lives on! We are still here, and we are not afraid of you! She lives in all of us, and will continue to live in the memories of everyone she touched! You haven't, and will never, win this!" Chat declared, punching a fist into the air, "Long live Ladybug!"

The audience exploded into raucous applause and chants of "long live Ladybug!", cheering on with him, flooding the courtyard in acclaim and noise.

As the cheering mounted, he looked down at the doll in his hands, and he leaned down, placing a kiss on its head.

You'll live on, m'lady...

The ceremony carried on, charged with emotion. Chloé had even gotten Jagged Stone to play a tribute song he made for Ladybug, while videos of her played on the Eiffel Tower and on large plasma screens along the courtyard. Everyone looked at the videos from the eyes of a camera, but Chat? He was looking at them from his own eyes, recalling the banter, the shameless flirting, the sass, and the laughter in every mission shown. He pulled up a smile at the memories, even when Jagged's heartfelt number had reduced half the audience to a blubbering mess.

As the show winded down, the cordon was opened up. People came forward, laying their tribute at the foot of the statue. Flowers, candles, pictures, action figures, posters, and other treats flooded the base; people leaving little pieces of themselves there for Ladybug, to express their gratitude and respect. Chat stood diligently to a side of the statue, nodding his head gratefully at people paying their condolences to him, and shaking their hands as they came forth with words of encouragement for him.

He surprised himself by staying composed. His face was flushed, and his voice was soft due to the tightening of his throat, but so far, he had successfully kept the tears at bay, mostly by reminding himself that Ladybug was not gone, and she was only a few buildings away, sleeping soundly on a bed awaiting the day to wake, not unlike Sleeping Beauty. If only a kiss was enough to wake her...

He noticed idly that Alya, Nino, Tom, and Sabine had not approached him yet, standing to the side waiting for the flood of people to diminish. They had all left their respective gifts (Tom had even left a tray of cookies shaped like ladybugs decorated with red fondant) but instead of leaving, they had moved to the edge of the hubbub to wait.

Chat looked curiously at them and thought of approaching them, but was forced to wait until he had greeted most of the attendants, receiving awkward hugs and handshakes every now and then.

At long last, the flow of people slowed to a trickle as everyone headed home. As he shook a last couple of hands, he finally saw Alya and company approach him.

"Hey." She said awkwardly.

"Hey," he said,. "Thank you for hanging around."

"What a speech, man!" Nino piped in, pulling an arm around Alya's shoulders, "Gave me shivers, dude! That Hawkman doesn't know what he's getting into! Must be trembling in his pants!"

Chat chuckled halfheartedly, "Thank you. Let us hope. Can't say I'm a big fan of butterflies lately."

Nino laughed but Alya frowned in worry, laying a hand on his shoulder, "You okay, Chat Noir?"

Chat smiled tiredly, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm managing. Your blog has been useful, thank you for looking out for me."

"Anytime. If you need anything else, you know you can let me know, right?" She laid a hand on his cheek, "We've got your back on this. Nino and I, and everyone at school… Yeah, even Chloé." She added with a playful roll of the eyes and a smirk. "I think Ivan said he'd gladly punch things for you, if you ask him to."

He couldn't help a quivering smile after imagining his classmates rooting for him. Don't cry. Don't cry. "Of course. Thank you, Alya. Thank everyone for me. The support means the world to me."

"You got it!"

"Chat Noir." came a low voice.

He straightened, looking at Tom and Sabine, who had lingered in the back to let the teens speak. They gazed at him sympathetically, soft smiles on their faces.

"We wanted to thank you." Tom said.

"For what?" Chat asked, cocking his head.

"You brought our little girl back home," Tom said, "And she is doing better, all thanks to you."

Oh. "It's my pleasure to help, monsieur." Chat said softly, bowing his head. "It makes me really happy to hear your daughter is doing better."

Sabine looked at him meaningfully, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. She walked up to him and cupped his face with her hands.

"She is alive because of you," she said softly, brushing his hair out of his eyes. "No words in the world can express how grateful we are to you. Nothing in the world will be enough to repay you." Tears trickled down Sabine's eyes as she regarded him with earnest. "We are so sorry for your loss…"

Chat swallowed hard, leaning appreciatively against Sabine's hand.

"Madame-"

He was cut off as Sabine suddenly pulled him into an embrace, stroking the back of his hair gently.

"Please know that you are always welcome at our home." She said, "Whatever you may need, we will provide. There will always be a place for you at our table."

Chat gulped, unsure of how to respond. His body was trembling from the effort of keeping himself in check, but it was too much. It was entirely too much. He needed this. After days of loneliness and crippling exhaustion, his body craved this; the warmth, the comfort, the support, the feeling that he wasn't alone in this world, the feeling that he was loved…

The dam broke. His hold shattered.

"Thank you…Thank you…" Chat choked as tears started streaming down his cheeks. He clung to her for dear life, arms going around her lithe frame. He hid his face in the crook of her neck, all decorum be damned, and sobbed into her shirt, soaking it. 

Sabine didn't seem to mind, and held him tighter, lowering herself to the ground as Chat's knees gave out from under him and he fell to the floor in a trembling mess of whimpers. Everything he had been holding back during the ceremony came straight out, unhindered.

"You are so brave," Sabine whispered soothingly, rubbing circles on his back, "You are strong and kind. Things will look up, I promise…"

Chat only cried harder, holding her tight against him as his body was wracked by his heart-shattering sobs. A minute after, he felt warmer, as if a large quilt was being laid on him. He then realized it was Tom embracing both him and Sabine in his huge arms. Soon, Alya and Nino joined in, hugging Chat from all directions, shielding him from the cold and the loneliness. They hurt with him, cried with him…

And for the first time after days of sadness and despair, a genuine smile full of warmth and gratitude made its way to his lips.