BEYOND THE HORIZON

Title: Finding Ella

Journal Entry: January 1st, 2025

A new year, a fresh chapter, and I find myself feeling something I hadn't in a long time—excitement. Excitement for where I'm headed and who I'm becoming. Over the past year, I've come to realize that self-discovery isn't a destination to reach; it's an ongoing journey. Along the way, I've learned to embrace my flaws because they're what make me me. I've learned the importance of boundaries, of setting goals, and of walking away when necessary.

While I'm still scared of being alone, I've come to understand that I can't truly love someone else until I learn to love myself. I've also realized that I can't control other people's reactions—and that's okay. Letting go of that need for control has been liberating. My journey has been deeply personal and, at times, painful, but every step has shaped me into a better version of myself. I still don't have all the answers, but I've made peace with the questions.

It's no secret that I've changed. The naive, little, innocent Ella is no more. In her place is someone stronger, someone who's faced love, pain, struggle, and perseverance. I've endured more than I thought possible, and while I haven't completely broken free from the patterns of my past, I'm getting there. And I'm proud of the woman I'm becoming. Yes, I still glance back sometimes. I miss them...dont judge me, I'm only human (we listen, we don't judge, remember?)—but I no longer dwell on what was. Life moves forward, and so do I.

At almost 21, I'm still confused as hell, still unsure of the path ahead. But when I strain my eyes, I can see a glimmer of light at the end of this dark tunnel. I don't know what life has in store for me in this third phase of my life, but I do know one thing: I'm no longer the weak girl who crumbled under pressure, clinging to others for comfort. I've grown into someone who faces challenges head-on.

I've learned that things might get better or worse, but I'm more prepared to handle them now than I was four years ago. I've come to believe that God doesn't put obstacles in our path that we can't overcome. Even through the pain, I hold no regrets about the people I've met along the way. Each of them—good or bad—taught me something valuable, and if given the chance, I wouldn't change a thing.

Pain, I've realized, is a part of my story, but it doesn't define me. I spent years running, hiding, and seeking validation from others, thinking they could fix me. But I was never broken. I was always enough; I just didn't know it.

It's okay to feel lost. At 20, I thought I should have it all figured out, but life isn't about having all the answers. It's about exploring, growing, and finding joy in the uncertainty. You don't have to be perfect. What matters is evolving and becoming someone you're proud of.

Love is a beautiful thing, but it should never come at the expense of your self-worth. Don't lose yourself trying to keep someone who doesn't want to stay. The right person will love you for who you are. Until then, invest in your dreams, your happiness, and your growth.

Life is unpredictable, and while I can't control everything, I can control how I respond. I still have setbacks, but I'm not the same girl who started this journey. I'm better, stronger, and more hopeful.

If you're reading this, I hope my story has taught you something And I'll see you at the finish line.

Remember: YOU ARE WHAT YOU VIEW YOURSELF

Peace.