Chapter 12: I LOVE HIM

I was feeling down for the entire week and can't even focus on the class or the stream. It was because of what happened with Onii-san. I- I never knew that Onii-san would get a girlfriend quickly like that.

"Well, he is a womanizer after all."

With a sigh, I went to my desk and turned on my computer. I wonder if Onii-san still watches my stream or not since we didn't talk anymore. B- But, why does my heart ache every time I remember him. I just,

"I miss him so much,"

Suddenly there was a notification from my phone. Is that Onii-san? I hurry to pick up the phone,

"Lamy-chan,"

"Ah, it's you Mikocchi."

"Huh? What with that reaction? Is it that disappointing that I call you all of sudden?"

"W- Wait, no-no. It is just, I thought it was somebody else."

"Who did you expect then? Onii-chan?"

"W- what? I- I..."

"Well, I will be coming to your house, Lamy-chan. There is something I want to talk about."

Eh? Why did Mikocchi sound so serious? Is that important? And what is it about? Onii-san? Ah, I can't be like this, I am always overthinking it.

"Alright, then."

Since Mikocchi's house is not that far away, he would be here maybe in a few minutes. Maybe I have to clean my room first while waiting for Mikocchi and prepare for the snack.

After preparing all of that, Mikocchi was already here in front of my house while pressing my bell. "I am coming~"

We then directly went toward my room as soon as Mikocchi entered my house. "Pardon the intrusion~"

Mikocchi sat down on the floor and looked at me, "There is good news and bad news for you."

"Eh? What with this all of sudden?"

"It is about Onii-chan."

Her face looked so serious that I am afraid that something happened between us. "W- What is it?"

"The good news is, It was all misunderstanding."

"What is?"

"That day, when you wanted to talk with Onii-chan and suddenly there was a voice came out from Onii-chan's Laptop, it is his friend, Kubo-senpai and he is a boy."

"A- A boy? B- But his voice,"

"Well, yeah. He looked and sounds feminine which is why I thought he was a "she", too."

"B- But, it looked like he was dating him,"

"That is why I wanted to tell you, no. Onii-chan is not taken yet, that is the good news for you."

"I- I see," W- Why am I feeling relieved? "A-And what is the bad news, then?"

"So, in summarize Lamy-chan, i already know that you and Onii-chan were in love with each other."

"W- Wait, i- it..."

"Be honest, Lamy-chan. This is for your sake. Lying about your feelings is not a good choice. I knew you are so shy around people and maybe you didn't mean to hate someone because of your behavior, but... Sometimes people could misinterpret your intention, Lamy-chan. They could think from a different perspective from you,"

I- I see. Is that why Onii-san looked so distant from me nowadays? D- Did he misinterpret something from me?

"So, Lamy-chan tell me honestly about your feelings. Because it is for you and Onii-chan. And it is depending on your answers, it could be bad news or not-so-important news for you."

I then remembered everything I did with Onii-san. Everything I did with him was so fun, I also remember that when I am with him, I always ended up smiling. He also helped me and encouraged me so I can become confident at streaming. That was fun, indeed. And ever since I am getting closer to Onii-san, at the end of the day, I always went to bed feeling so happy and thinking that... I want to meet him tomorrow as soon as possible.

But I hate myself. I can't be honest and never will be. If things stay like this, I could imagine that Onii-san would become further and further away from me, and in the future, I think I would regret everything. Just thinking about that, my heart felt sting. I don't want that. That is why from now on,

"YEAH! I LOVE HIM! I HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM! AND... AND... I- I... I WANT TO BE WITH HIM!! "

Yeah, this is my true feelings. I shouldn't lie about it anymore. Because if you think about it again, I felt down since the day Onii-san distanced himself from me.

"I see," Mikocchi smiled. "That is Lamy-chan I knew" Mikocchi then got up and went toward my desk and touched my PC, "So. The bad news is, Onii-chan was trying to move on from you because he was thinking that you are not in love with him and impossible for him to be with you."

"T- Then, what should i do"

"Well, if you were talking about Onii-chan, he is a naive person indeed, that is why there is something I want to try, Pardon my intrusion, Lamy-chan." said, Mikocchi while fiddling with my PC. "So, now..." She then picks her phone and called someone, is it Onii-san?

She set it to the loudspeaker, "Onii-chhaan~"

"Mikocchi, what happened?"

U- Ugh, I missed his voice so much. It has been a while since we talked with each other so I kind of miss it.

"So, i don't know what happened with Lamy-chan's PC. Something wrong with this,"

"I already teach you how to fix it right, Mikocchi?"

"You were the one who built this PC, I knew nothing of this"

"Eh- B- But,"

"If you don't come here as soon as possible, I would hate you for the rest of my life." said, Mikocchi. After that without hesitation hung up the phone, "So. Onii-chan will be here soon"

"You are something, Mikocchi."

With fear in my heart, I was preparing myself to talk with Onii-san, so our relationship wouldn't get any worse.

"Pardon the intrusion," said, Onii-san.

Wow, Mikocchi was not lying when he would be here soon. But, I am so nervous around him that this is baaad. Calm down, as Mikocchi said, I have to calm down so my nerve wouldn't interrupt my thoughts.

"L- Long time no see, Onii-san."

He smiled at me, "Long time no see, Lamy-chan." B- But his smile was different from before, I can feel it. It looked like he forced himself to smile just because my mother was here.

"So, L- Let's go to my room."

After that, Onii-san came to my room alongside Mikocchi. On the way there, we didn't even talk at all and it feels so awkward.

"Sigh," I sighed without knowing that it was heard by Onii-san and Lamy-chan. I then took a look at them and became embarrassed, "I- It is not what you mean, Onii-san!"

"Fufu, that is alright Lamy-chan. Your PC will be alright."

"A-Ah, alright" I see. Onii-san thinks I was sad because of my PC. Well, that is better than him misunderstanding something from me.

Onii-san then tried to fix my PC and just like before I helped him a little bit. "Well, I need to go to the bathroom~," said, Mikocchi.

"Alright," I said.

Well, if you want to go to the bathroom, you don't have to say it to me t- W- WAAAAIT! I just realized that we are alone in this room. T- This is bad. My head was spinning, I am so nervous.

"Lamy-chan, I think there is nothing wrong with your PC. It is just a little bit bug on the software but I think that wasn't a big deal" said, Onii-san. He looked so serious and... just so cool.

"I- I see. So, I can stream again, right? I wonder if this would affect my stream performance"

"Ahaha, I don't think so. I watched you just did well for the entire week though."

"Eh? D- Did Onii-san watch my stream?"

Suddenly his face became red and looked away from me, "I- I... It is just I want to see how far have you come now, so... d- don't misunderstand it, Lamy-chan. I am sorry."

Eh? What did he apologize for? I- It is... "Why did you apologize in the first place. Fufu. Because for me, Onii-san watching my stream made me so happy. S- So, Onii-san. After you fixed this PC, d- do you want to have lunch with me? J- J- Just the two of us" I- I said it! I have to be brave if I want to be closer to Onii-san!

But when I looked at his face and suddenly he looked away from me, "You are so nice, huh Lamy-chan?"

"Eh?"

"But you don't have to be considerate of me Lamy-chan. It's alright. I did this because Mikocchi asked me to, so you don't have to be considerate of me"

"B- But, I wanted to..."

"Aaand... Done~" said, Onii-san. "See, your PC was already a little bit light right? Everything is alright now, Lamy-chan."

He then got up from my chair and picked up his jacket, "I think I should take my leave then, Lamy-chan. Mikocchi must hate it if I am too long with both of you," and smiled at me.

After that, he went outside the room and excuse himself. As expected, he avoided me. Ugh, it hurts... I just wanted to be closer to him, but what can I do if he avoids me...

"Onii-san, please don't leave" "Ah, Lamy-chan, my Smartphone... Ah,"

Onii-san looked at me with a red face. W- Why did he enter my room all of sudden??? D- Did he hear that?

"I- I am sorry, my smartphone... Is on your desk."

"O- Onii-san... D- Did you hear that?"

He then took his smartphone without looking at me at all and went outside my room as soon as possible.

"HE DEFINITELY HEARD ITTTTT!!!"

*TO BE CONTINUED*