Chapter 22

"You know Kenny won't think less of you if you want to leave early. He's pretty busy with the other kids," Cindy's voice pulls Emma out of her thoughts. They're in the yard, a little further away from the other parents and kids. 

"Why would I want to leave?" Emma asks, trying to hide the fact that her mind was elsewhere. But how could it not be when she knew that Jay's dad's funeral had just taken place? 

"Come on Emma, do you think I don't know that look? You are thinking about him" she tells her 

"Him? Who?" she pretends she doesn't understand, and Cindy raises an eyebrow. Why did she know her so well? 

"Yeah. His brother just sent me. He said he didn't look so well. He asked me if I could go there," she admits. 

"Then you have to go. I know being at a party full of eight-year-old kids is quite fun, but I think they need you somewhere else more," Cindy tells her, pointing to the kids running around the yard. 

"Emma, you're getting close with him, so if he needs you, then go be with him," she continues, smiling sweetly. 

"Cindy, I'm on the verge of crossing the line" 

"If that means you're going to smile more like you do when you think of him, then do it," she presses her shoulder. 

"Come on, I'll call you a cab"

When she arrived at the address Will had sent her, she quietly entered the backyard of a house without anyone paying attention to her. At one end of the space is a table with photos of Pat Halstead, along with various objects and flowers. On the other side, two men sing over the piano and all the guests listen to them. Everybody keeps plastic cups full of alcohol. Everyone, except Jay who holds a bottle full of beer. He stands almost in the center, and even though next to him is Will with his fiancée Natalie, hugging, he looks alone. His eyes are still red and swollen, and he seems to make an effort to stay calm. Her heart aches when she sees him like this. 

She goes and stands next to him without saying anything and grabs his hand inside hers. Jay turns around feeling a sudden touch but relaxes as soon as he realizes it's just his partner. 

"Emma what..." 

"Shh, we'll talk about it later," she tells him, and rubs his hands with her thumb, as she looks at Will, who smiles at her, thanking her. Jay doesn't look alone anymore.

He squeezes her small hand and now manages to take deeper breaths. The pain he feels inside him is not as big as it was a while ago. Her presence calms him down. They look in front of them, the men who sing and his heart beats fast. Her hand is warm and her movements soft on his skin. He turns to Will and sees a stupid smile forming on his face. 

 "Thank you," he says without making a sound, and Will winks, both of them understanding the effect Emma has on him.

"Thanks for coming, Emma," Will tells her as soon as they are ready to leave. 

"Are you going to be okay?" he then whispers to Jay, while Emma talks to Natalie. Jay quickly looks at his partner and then returns his gaze to his brother. 

"Yeah, I will be," he replies, and after they hug, they get in different cars. 

"Don't even think about it Halstead," Emma tells him in a stern tone when she sees him heading towards the driver seat. 

"You've been drinking and the last thing I want is to get stuck in a traffic sign," she tells him, trying to make him smile, but fails. Jay just gives her the keys and sits in the passenger seat. 

"Emma where are we going?" he asks her as soon as he realizes that the woman turns on a different street from their homes. It's the first time he's spoken since they got in the car, and his voice sounds hoarse, making Emma shudder. 

"You'll see," she says only without further explanation.

Twenty minutes later they parked Jay's track on a little above the main Illinois Beach State Park, about 6 miles of Lake Michigan shoreline. Jay looks at her strangely as she gets out of the car with a smile on her face. He couldn't even remember when he had been at any kind of beach. It was beautiful, with the stars visible in the sky and the waves, which were not real ocean waves but were still beautiful. But not as beautiful as Emma, Jay thinks as he looks at his partner who is smiling at him. 

"Come on," Emma yells at him, grabbing his hand, and starts running. Just like earlier, her hand sends electricity all over his body and makes his heart beat faster. There aren't many people around and it is really quiet. Emma sits down and Jay eventually sits next to her.

"Herrmann used to bring me here. It was our place to calm down," she confesses, and Jay raises his eyebrows in surprise. If it was her place, then why did she bring him here? 

"It's beautiful," he tells her, looking mostly at her despite the view. 

"Thank you," he tells her after a long time of silence, and she smiles at him. 

"Are you cold?" he asks her when he sees her rubbing her hands. But he doesn't wait for an answer, and he quickly takes off his tuxedo jacket, resting it on her shoulders. 

"Thanks," she says, looking him in the eyes. Their faces are very close once again, and she's sure that even in the middle of the night she can see her cheeks blushing.

She's the first to move away and lies on the ground. 

"Look how beautiful it is," she says, pointing to the constellations in the sky. The night sky has always been one of her favorite things. Jay copies her and lies on the sand next to her, putting his hands behind his neck. He looks at the clear sky and sighs. 

"Yeah, it's really beautiful," he agrees with her and Emma smiles. 

"Do you know any constellations? Christopher's been trying to teach me about them for years. I've never been able to find out more than three," she reveals, laughing. 

"Well, I think I know some. Mouse and I had competitions while we were in Afghanistan about who could find the most. You know whenever things were quiet," he smiles sadly as he remembers his friend who is still overseas. 

"Who is Mouse?" Emma asks quietly as soon as she understands the change in his voice. 

"My best friend. His name is Greg. I met him in the army, we were on the same unit," he tells her, and straight away her thoughts go to the photo she had seen at Jay's house and Kim's office. 

"Was he working at the Intelligence?" 

"Yeah, he was my CI, and then he got the tech job,"

"Where is he now?" she asks him again, and Jay sighs. 

"He went back there," he just tells her, and Emma doesn't push him with any more questions. Instead, she holds his hand. 

"So, what constellations do you know?" she asks him, changing the subject again as she tries to distract him. Something that seems to work after Jay starts showing her the stars, with their hands always together.