Introduction

It was 30th September, 2022

I woke up at 5:30AM to practice for my last periodic (unit) exam, it was Sanskrit I barely knew anything about it, but before I start, I lit my pink candle and my rose incense stick and put a photo of the woman I love in front of the candle, I focused on the candle and visualized all the happy times I can have with her while listening to some of my favorite songs like Love Me Like You Do,Earned it,For You,etc cause I thought if I believe these songs can work as subliminals, I visualized for 10 minutes, then I flew the candle off, I then prepared for the exam and surprisingly I remembered some,

Before I left home I asked spirits to get everything fixed between her and me. I reached School, I entered the gate and my imaginary Christian and Anastesia Grey popped up in my mind. I asked them if everything will get fixed between her and me, Christian said that no matter what happens today, do not lose hope and get going! I entered my classroom, sat on my seat, her seat was just in front of mine, she hadn't came by the time I arrived.

so I sat down again praying angels and deities to fix everything, I had believe that everything will be fixed as I saw my Virgo Horoscope for Today and every website said that today was auspicious for love, now when I was thinking this, she came in, she put her blue bag and began to talk to her friends, My head began to play Rang Em Mai O Ben in my mind as I gazed at her secretively

"Gian nan vẫn chờ, nên anh đừng hững hờ

Bên em những giờ đã là mộng mơ

Dẫu có khó khăn, nhưng anh hãy nhớ rằng em...

rằng em... mãi ở bên."

The bell rang it was prayer time we went out and did the prayer except me, I was doing a compilation of Fifty Shades' kissing scenes in my head, prayer ended the principal wished us best of luck for the final unit exam, who even wants her blessings?

We entered the classroom, we were put to meditation before we begin our exam, I again prayed angels and deities to fix everything, examination started, I tried to fill in the questions but I barely knew anything as the things I read were nowhere seen in this paper, I tried to write all the questions and write sentences in one word questions so that the teacher would just give me marks,

I completed my paper in 1 hour, the time was 1hr 30 minutes, the rest 30 minutes I just gazed at her, I began singing in low voice my favorite songs, 1st one ended, lunch started, I thought of approaching her in this lunch break but dropped the idea as there were too many people around, the break was 30 minutes, I sat quietly in the classroom while everybody were going from class to class for I don't know whatever reason.

But then the 2nd exam started it was drawing, I thought of drawing Lucifer, Aphrodite, Ishtar and Angel Chalamuel no matter what ever the topic of drawing would be, it was given that we had to draw konark chakra, it's a wheel of a sun temple if I had to say it in a nutshell, so I began drawing I was mid way finishing the wheel when she asked her friend who was behind me to give a black marker/pen, her friend told me to give it to her so I did, after drawing that wheel, I moved on to the idea that I could draw it as the Wheel of Fortune Tarot card!

So I drew Lucifer,Aphrodite,Ishtar and Chalamuel as if they were spinning the wheel, I drew a Bible accurate angel in the side and wrote that the Bible accurate angel asked them to spin the wheel to write destiny, I was writing that synopsis since not everybody gets creativity and subtleness in India, just as I was writing she again turned around and asked her friend to lend a brown color, but the teacher said not to ask someone so far, the teacher asked her to ask me, I heard it beforehand and gave my brown color crayon as soon as possible, it got me butterflies in my stomach,when I gave her the pen, A Smile Is Very Alluring by Yang Yang played in my head

"Yù jiàn nǐ wǒ cái zhī dào

nǐ duì wǒ duō zhòng yào

Méi yǒu rén néng gǎn jué

dào nǐ zuì tián měi de xiào

Wǒ zài bù yòng bǎ bié ren xún zhǎo

Yīn wèi wǒ yǐ jīng zhǎo dào

Wǒ men de yuán fèn gāng

hǎo bù xǔ bié ren dǎ rǎo

Dā pèi ài qíng de měi miào

zhǐ yǒu wǒ men zhī dào

Jǐn jǐn wéi rào nǐ měi fēn měi miǎo

Nǐ duì wǒ duō me zhòng yào

Jǐn jǐn wéi rào nǐ měi fēn měi miǎo

Nǐ duì wǒ duō me zhòng yào

Nǐ duì wǒ duō me zhòng yào"

I then drew as usual, some called my drawing a work of moron but they themselves didn't know what it symbolized, anyway the exam ended and I finally got up the courage to um talk to her, I first of all complemented her drawing! Then apologized for not gifting her brother a gift to which she replied,

{Caution: Lines by characters are spoke in Hindi, See the brackets for Translations}

"tum kyu doge whala? (why would you even need to give?)"

I then awkwardly put my hand in my pocket and brought out the chocolate I kept for her brother and offered her saying it's for her brother,

she said "woh yeh sab nahi khata (he doesn't eat these)",

"me kya karugi iska? (what'd I'll do with this?")

I then insisted a little

she said in an annoyed or irritated way , "me yeh lene wali nahi hu (I'm not gonna take this)"

she walked away, I whispered to myself slowly "Swayam… (her name)", She never talked to me like that.. she didn't even left like this ever, however she had refused to take chocolates whenever I tried to give her directly but she never refused to take it when I gave it through her friends and that confused me.

The scene turned from a romantic climax kinda thingy to a sadden unexpected cliff hanger, this reminded me of "Fifty Shades of Grey" where in the last scene as Christian goes to stop Ana from leaving, Ana says Stop, Christian doesn't, then Ana yells No! and Christian stops, Ana then leaves by going in the elevator, Christian said "Ana" and Ana said "Christian"

You can see how similar these two incidents are and you'll know how similar this story is to Fifty Shades when I'll get into the past stuff, anyways it reminded me of that exact scene that moment, my head started playing Earned It by Weeknd in my mind not for a lovely moment but for this tragic thing that happened just now,

"You make it look like it's magic

I see nobody, nobody but you, you, you"

the above lyrics played as I saw her leaving

"I'm never confused

Hey, hey

I'm so used to being used"

as I started to walk downstairs

"You know our love would be tragic (Oh, yeah)

So you don't pay it, don't pay it no mind

We live with no lies

Hey, hey

You're my favorite kind of night"

this above one played as I was going to the exit of the school where my mom was waiting for me and mid way I realized that she was going to exit just right in front of me, so this lyrics made a even more deadly impact in me

"On that lonely night (Lonely night)

You said it wouldn't be love

But we felt the rush

It made us believe it there was only us (Only us)"

as I opened the door to my home

"Convinced we were broken inside, yeah, inside, yeah"

the above lyrics played as I sat in my room feeling lost like how Christian was sitting feeling lost when Ana left him, I looked upon to the Gift I made for her brother's birthday, Tears begun to come from my eyes, anything but that ignorance had struck me in a big way

I cried for like 3 hours slowly and said I'm tired of this to myself and if everything's gonna get right then it will automatically and now I ain't doing anything, 11th October's my birthday and if things don't get fixed by that then I would never celebrate my birthday ever again

just as I said that, a hindi sad song came into my mind and was being played (I rarely listen to Hindi despite me being an Indian) it was Roke na Ruke Naina

"Tu jo nazron ke saamne kal hoga nahi (when you wont be there tomorrow in front of my eyes)

Tujhko dekhe bin main marna jaun kahi (I may die if I don't get to see you)

Tujhko bhool jaun kaise (how can I forge you?)

Maane na manaun kaise (tried to convince but you wont)

Tu bata.. (tell me then how can I convince you)

Roke na ruke naina (tried to stop, wont stop… my eyes)

Teri aor hai inhe toh rehna (they wanna stay right front of you)

Roke na ruke naina.." (tried to stop, wont stop… my eyes)

So, How did we come to this? Why was I praying angels and deities to fix everything? Why is she ignoring me? What do I even feel about her? Why did I prepare a gift for her brother?

Ponder these questions as I take you in the chapter to the history of how She became my Glory.. my Treasure… My Fifty Shades…