08>< Their standards of beauty have been severely distorted.

SIMONE

The next morning was fairly the same as usual. Peachy really. I even got to work on time. That glowy halo on me didn't last long unfortunately. I did my first job then headed over to my second one. I met my supervisor and her face had a harsh frown on it. I wasn't all that worried though, I was one of their best employees.

"Unfortunately, Ms." My supervisor said when she sat me down in her office, "we're going through some issues right now and we have to let a few employees go." she slid an envelope over to me and all the blood drained from my face.

"You're firing me?" I gasped, slouching in my seat, "but, I'm one of the best workers you have. I never call in sick and I come here on time always, I even work overtime and.... and...." she cut me off, looking irritated at my presence.

"Look here," she snapped. "we don't need you anymore okay? I don't care what you do or don't do, we found someone else more suited to this position so you're out."

I looked at the woman a little longer a mixture of emotions on my face ........ mostly of horror and shock. She got up and straightened her jacket.

"She's white by the way, and pretty. She doesn't look like an old hag that scratches around in the market. What did you think honestly? We would let a street vendor work here and mess up the place? Black people are even crazier than I thought. You have ten minutes to get your stuff and leave." with that, she left. She was clearly racist then.

I was glued to my seat, I couldn't believe it. That job was a good 65% of my total income. Without it, there wasn't much I could do. It also had my hospital insurance. What the woman said also hurt.

I was numb all the way home, looking at everything and nothing at the same time. I was fired because I wasn't pretty and I was extremely poor. That was a sucker punch to my gut and I had to hold my tears back. How would I tell my sisters that I had to cut down on more things?

Finding another job was going to be nearly impossible, finding the previous one took almost three months, I couldn't make my sisters live that way again for another three months. Levi too. I could already see the debts piling up. Rent, water, electricity, school fees.

What did I do to deserve all this? These thoughts formed an angry migraine in my head. I couldn't do this to my sisters. I just couldn't. I was hyperventilating by the time I got home.

"Home early again?" Levi called through the house as he came over to the kitchen.

He paused and stared at me for a while. I had to try and put my panic at bay, I couldn't let Levi see me this way, I would figure it out somehow. I had to. I would figure it out. I opened my mouth to speak but was stopped by a restriction to my lungs, I began to gasp for air, my hyperventilation causing me to stop breathing properly, everything was so badly out of focus and my world was spinning.

"Shit, are you okay?" He asked, immediately getting to my side to hold me up when my knees buckled. "what happened?" He kept on saying more things but I couldn't make them out.

Everything just spiraled out of control. I felt Levi pick me up and put me to sit on something. Probably the kitchen counter, I concluded. He took off my shoes and wristwatch, undoing the first few buttons on my shirt to help me breathe better.

He held me close as he continued saying things I couldn't hear. I felt like I was going to pass out as the constriction around my chest tightened. I rested my head on Levi's shoulder and my hands grabbed his shirt in an attempt to breathe.

".........calm down Simone." I finally heard him say as i started coming down to earth, "relax and breathe, slow down. It's ok. I'm here. You're safe and I'm not going anywhere." my breathing began to slow. "that's it," he encouraged, placing a hand in my hair and gently rubbing and tugging, the way he'd seen Coco do it. The feel of his large hands in my hair helped calm me down. "relax and breathe with me. I've got you." I slowed my breathing as I tried to match the gentle and calm rise and fall of his chest.

We remained that way for a while. Levi's one hand in my hair and his other hand around my waist, rubbing softly on my back. My hands fisting his shirt and my head lying on his shoulder, breathing down his neck with him standing between my legs. I eventually calmed down and my breathing got back to normal, following the rise and fall of Levi's hard chest under my hands.

"Sorry." I mumbled suddenly, pulling away from his shoulder and letting go of his shirt after realising what I was doing, literally all up in this mans' personal space. I pushed him away and slid off to the counter to stand on the floor.

"Are you sure you can stand?" He asked but was cut off when I stumbled and he had to pull me back into his warm embrace, setting me on the counter again, standing close to keep me from tipping backward but not so close as to have my face burning.

"You had a panic attack." he explained, "what happened?"

I looked at him for a short while and waited for my mind to settle. I would just have to work extra hours at my current jobs until I found another one. That would have to do. It would be alright in the end.

I breathed deeply, suddenly embarrassed that Levi had to see me almost unravel at something as small as losing my job. He probably never had such problems so it wouldn't make sense to him at all. I felt my face and ears burn, why wasn't my skin darker?

"You okay?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at my reaction, he probably thought I was reacting to how close he was ........ well I was partially but that wasn't it. That just made me turn redder. Then I noticed that a few of buttons on my shirt had come undone and more flesh than I was used to had started showing. That was it, I was probably redder than a tomato at that point.

"Simone?" He repeated, his eyes firmly trained on my face, "are you going to say something? You need water? Food? What??? Talk to me woman."

I opened my mouth but had no idea where to start, my face threatened to go off the deep end with this blushing idea.

"I'm sorry." I said in the end, my voice hoarse and scratchy, "I don't know what happened, I just ......... ummm." he smirked, understanding my flustered state.

"Its okay." he said, "I get it. What spooked you?"

"Nothing really." I said. Levi raised an eyebrow at me, "listen, it's stupid." I said, sliding off the counter again in an attempt to stand. That brought me closer to Levi and I had to look up at him to meet his gaze.

"No it's not," he said. "tell me what it is."

"I'm having a bad headache." I said, and it was true, my brain was splitting in my skull and my cranium had a Jack hammer on it.

Levi stared at me some more, not moving out of the way when I attempted at pushing him back so I could walk away. I sighed as I gave in.

"I also lost my job today. Promise you wont tell my sisters, they cant know about this." I pleaded, looking up at him, desperate to grab his shirt again to prove my point. I found him looking down at me looking concerned.

"Crap I'm sorry about your job Simone," he said, running a hand through his hair. "what happened?"

"They didn't like that I work at the market to make ends meet," I said, blinking my stinging eyes rapidly. "they also said I don't look pretty enough, and my being black contributes to that effect. I mean, they aren't wrong, I don't sleep and eat enough, I don't look perfect."

I sniffed at myself agreeing with her comments about my looks.

"Screw them," Levi said, placing his hands on either side of my shoulders, making me look at him. "Clearly their standards of beauty have been severely distorted."

"You don't have to say that to make me feel better," I said, turning away from him.

"And you don't need to work for them to feel pretty." he said in turn, without missing a beat. I looked up at him again and we shared a small smile.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like that over a stupid job." I said frowning, "I get that you think it's stupid to act that way ....... like its just a job right?"

"I don't think it is. I understand how much it means to you to be there for your sisters through everything so I understand your reaction completely. I'll help hold things up around here for a while anyway, I have been living here for a month rent free you know."

"You don't have to do that." I said, getting horrified, "why would you feel pressured to do that? I don't need payments from you or anything, its not your fault you got shot."

Levi unexpectedly burst out laughing.

"Actually it is my fault. I had literally just killed those guys leaders less than an hour before, so I did deserve it."

"That's not even the point here," I said. "thanks for thinking about it but it's fine." I began walking to my room, "I have to call my other workplaces to ask for more shifts. Do you kind helping with supper for the others?"

"I basically do that all the time." he said, rolling his eyes. "I also got more groceries earlier so don't worry about it."

I got a hold of the restaurant and they agreed to let me work more shifts and that pay eased off 30% from the original burden. I would start the new schedule in two days.

My sisters came home later in the day and found Levi and I making supper. I then got dressed and headed out for my usual shift, leaving Levi with my sisters as usual and feeling a new steel in my spine, determined to make a better life for all of us. I had to do it. I would do it.

And all the way to work, I couldn't wipe the stupid small smile off my face as one sentence kept on playing in my head on repeat.

"Clearly, their standards of beauty have been distorted."

I was at work as usual but it was fairly busy that night. I was bone tired by the time I got home. It was also super cold and I couldn't wait to get warm under my blankets. I checked on my sisters who were sleeping soundly then I went to my room to get to bed.

I noticed Levi was awake and watching me as usual. I hated to wake him when I got home. I don't remember much of what we said but it was mostly small talk and such. My coat was part of it for some reason. I vaguely remember him saying something about the weekend and clothes then I slipped into the darkness.

I ended up regretting that decision because the nightmares came and they came hard, harder than they had ever come before.