39- The History

As a young adult, not more than 20 years old, what is the scariest moment in your life?

Failing university entrance exam?

Car crash?

Breaking up with your partners?

Losing yourself?

***

He shut his eyes tight. Leaving only his hearing activated at the moment. People walked in and out, he didn't even recognize any faces that walked past him.

A cup of tea was served to him. He took it slowly. A man took a chair and sat in front of him.

"Feeling better?"

He nodded. Though obviously, his hands were still shaking.

"You know them?"

"I know them. But, they are not my friends..."

"But, you do know what they were doing?"

He nodded, again.

"You told me, you got involved because of your friends, am I right?"

He put the cup on the table and sighed.

"I know, once we leave our home, we need to survive on our own. Which means, some of us might be taking things a bit far from the coast. I know all about it, but I know my limits as well, Officer," he replied to the man calmly.

The officer sighed. There were some files on the desk. All in black. He flipped them one by one.

"Battery, gang fight, drug abuse, gang fight again, assault... And, you told me, you know your limits?"

"At least I'm not selling it! And that drug abuse, I only took it several times. Then, I quit," he defended himself.

The officer closed his file. He looked at the boy who sat in front of him. Broken, shaken, scary, worried... Everything potrayed behind the strong feature that he owned.

"You've been gone for too long now, Zee. It's been almost 3 years. I think, it's time to go home now, kiddo," said the officer.

Zee's head got low. He stared at his shoes and frowned.

"I have no home..."

"Are you sure? What about this?" the officer pointed out an address, written on the paper.

"It's not my home,"

"It stated in your ID. Your address. It's your home, then!" the officer spiked up his voice.

"Home is where the people that love you are waiting for you. This might be my address. But, this is not my home, officer..."

Zee stared at the man with glassy eyes. The officer halted for a moment. Looking at Zee reminded him of his own son, probably only a year younger than him. The boy enrolled in college last month. He has a bright future.

But, what about Zee?

"I've been handling The Lost Boys cases throughout my career as a police officer. This juvenile unit has been my home ever since I joined the force. I met a lot of kids like you. And, to be honest, I'm worried about them, as much as I'm worried about my own son," the officer explained.

"You might think no one loves you. You're wrong. There must be someone who really loves you, but not that obvious. Perhaps the person is showing it in a different way," the man continued.

Zee kept his thoughts for himself. He sipped the tea slowly, while staring at the officer. When he's done, he put the cup on the table.

"There is no love in that house. It used to, but not anymore. I felt somehow estranged. It's been 3 years. But, I think, nothing is change, officer. Everything remained the same," Zee voiced out his feelings after a long pause.

"Go home, Zee. Before it's too late. If you hate someone in that house, think about someone else who loves you," the officer tried to persuade him.

After some time, the man left Zee alone, probably giving him some time to think. Or, maybe reflect himself at the moment. However, he couldn't think about anything anymore. So, he decided to stand up from the chair and watched the forensic team processing the document for the autopsy of both Tan and Tong.

"Hia!"

Zee frowned. Freeze up at his spot. The voice. He recognized the voice so well. He slowly turned away and brace up himself to face the person.

As soon as he turned, the person ran towards him and threw herself at him with a loud wail. Zee hugged her tight, rubbing the short dark hair a few times to calm her down.

"Hia, I've been looking for you! Where have you been! Why are you doing this to me?! To Ma?!" Ylang smacked his chest, relayed her frustrating emotion.

"I'm sorry..."

"Ever since you left, Ma... She's getting worst! I don't know what to do! Pa... He-"

"How's Ma?" Zee quickly asking for his mother, tried to ignore anything about his father.

"Ma... She's at the hospital..."

***

"After a year... Ma left us for good. She has been fighting cancer for so long. She even kept it from us. Her suffering. I feel guilty for leaving her too long. Even until now, I can't even forgive myself..." Zee suppresses his sadness. Pan watches him, but she can only do little for him.

"I thought things will change after Ma passed away. But, it's getting worse from there..." Zee sighs while his eyes enjoy the view of the sky.

"You mean, your relationship with Pa?" Pandora asked.

Zee nods. He pouts a bit.

"We're getting distance even more further. I thought, when I'm home, I can enjoy my time with the remaining members of my family; Ylang and Pa..." Zee says.

"But, Pa puts a lot of pressure on me. Because of my juvenile record, I have to go for therapy and also sentence to do some social work. But, Pa... He didn't even care about it. He enrolled me in college without even care to discuss about it with me. And, I have to work at the company every Sunday. And, I didn't even enjoy it, not at all..." Zee continues.

"Some things never changed, even after we left, right?" Zee nods his head softly when Pan utters those words.

"It's not like I hate to further my study. But, at least, he should discuss about it with me. He never cares to ask," Zee sigh. "Actually, he never cares about me at all," he continues.

"Let yourself be loved by the person who truly loves you. Don't wait for someone who never treasure you. You'll save yourself from a major heartbreak," Pan gives her philosophy to Zee.

The man finally smiles, taking a deep breath while still enjoys the view.

"It's nice over here, isn't it?"

"Rooftop ia the best when it comes to deep thoughts spot..."

"To be honest, I feel so much better after we talk..." Zee takes a glance at Pan. "I can open up to you, maybe because I feel comfortable around you?" he asks.

"We've been together for a quite amount of time, Zee. And, we used to have a harsh life together, even before we met each other. So, we understand each other so much. Only, my life was worse than yours,"Pan replies.

"But, now, things are getting better for you. You have Shu who can share some love to you. And the best friends that always support you. And, in 3 years, you'll graduate, your dream will come true..."

"Zee, my life is not always a rainbow in the sky. I think, your life is getting better as well. You'll graduate as a valedictorian, you'll have a company, a guarantee in life. So, you're not lack as well," Pan smiles at Zee.

"If you can hear me well, Pan..."

"Why? You're not happy?" Pan asks.

Zee stares at her. He stares too deep, until Pan can feel his sights is piercing her skull.

"I feel lonely. With all that money, I can't buy happiness. You're lucky to have people around you, especially Shu. Me, on the other hand..."

"Hey, how could you say that! You have Ta and Bear. And the rest of your student's council team. You have Ylang, too! And..."

"And?"

Pan grins widely. She blinks her eyes at Zee and finally, she gives up.

"Okay... You have me. And, you have Shu as well. She's a great supporter when you need one. You can always visit her and spend your time with her. I'm being generous because I can't bear it when you said you're lonely," Pan pats Zee's shoulder a few times, like a bro style.

"Really?"

"What?"

"When you said, I have you... You mean..."

"I'm always be with you. So, don't worry about being lonely. You have me..."

Zee pulls Pan in his embrace. He plants his nose onto her crook and shut his eyes, praying for grateful gift from God.

"Zee!"

"Let's... Stay like this for a while..."

Pan stuns. The man hugs her even more tight. Pan can hear his heartbeat. It's so loud and lively.

Slowly, she draws a smile across her face. She softly lifts her arms and reach Zee's back before stroke it a bit to calm him down.

Both of them share the warmth of themselves. Just the two of them. Relay those feelings that had kept away, deep into their feelings.

And unconsciously, falling in love, once again.