The Wallet

God! He's still stuck in my head and I hate it. I'm still mad about yesterday and even worse he still clouds my mind! Ugh fuck.

I sit in the back of class with my head down just thinking and pandering about him i mean, okay sure he's ht and hs voice sounds like hot honey but he took my cig, one's that i've paid for, and threw it out actually even worse, stomped it out and ruined my whole chill mood. Like c'mon that's just a dick move, he could've seen me smoking and just not have done anything and just not care because at the end of the day there's no possible way i would ever be friends with him. He's too hot and we're already on different social standings so what's even the point?

I stop thinking for a bit because honestly, my thoughts can be suffocating and too much. So instead I plug my headphones in and listen to some music. In the stillness of my world I feel a disruption on the table my head is laying on, I look up and to my eyes there I see Cleo ram the asshole who ruined my mood yesterday.

"You were missing it right?" I looked at his hand to see what he was talking about and under it was my wallet.

"Where was it?" i say with the most monotone voice ever.

"It fell out from your bag yesterday"

I didnt wanna be rude because he's cute so instead of a snarky reply i say "well thanks"

He looks at me up and down, winks at me and then walks off to some other guy's and girls. I shiver thinking about the look he just gave me and then proceed to get my wallet. I open it to make sure he didn't take any money out of it and a piece of paper falls out onto the table. I pick it up, it's his….number? Talk about old school. Where does this man get his confidence?

I slip the number into my bag 'i'm probably not gonna call him'

No one sat next to me in art class, I'm fine with that.

I got attacked again at the back of the school while eating lunch.

I then proceed to have a panic attack in the bathroom like a loser.

Today was shit, absolute shit.

The one good thing about today is that I got my wallet back. I walk towards the park, too bad I'm not hungry though I would love to spend that 20 mom gave me this morning.

On my walk there I see that beautiful skin and curly hair and a little girl in a pink dress. 'This asshole' I think to myself as I approach him.

"You really have to ruin my fun?" I feel the carton of Marlboro sitting in my pocket, the tingling and addiction settle in.

"Of course I had to, I had a feeling you would come here" cleo looks at me with a smile and my heart melts once again.

"Why didn't you text me? I wrote my number on that paper just for you ya know"

"Because you annoy me. Why would i text someone who annoys me"

He looks at me "awww my feelings jamie" he puts on a fake pouty face.

I look at him and then back at the little girl who is now on the swings "so is that your kid?" I am trying to change the topic.

"What? No. please jamie do i look like a guy that would be that irresponsible"

"Please i bet some girl out there would want a kid that is a as good looking as you"

"Gracias, but please just because im good looking doesnt mean ive been with alot of girls"

"Really-"

"¡Hermano quiere ir a la casa!" the little lady yells from across the park.

"Más tarde maria!" cleo yells back at her

"Translation please" I try to say kindly.

"Maria wants to go home, that's all, nothing too important" he laughs it off.

"And here i thought you guys were talking shit about me" i also try to laugh it off.

"Please like I would ever."

It was quiet for a bit before Maria ran over to him.

"Cleo I wanna go home and see sissy" his face looks gloomy, a look that doesn't suit him.

"Okay" he replies, his voice dark and far away.

"So if you speak spanish where are you from then?" his face brightens up a bit as i ask this.

"Are you really asking that to someone who annoys you?"

"Shut up" I say kinda playfully. I think I'm kinda starting to warm up to him.

"My moms from venezuela and my dad's greek"

My interest has sparked now "can you say something in greek then?"

"Not too much, i've only picked it up recently." he stops to think about what he wants to say "Νομίζω πως είσαι χαριτωμένος" his face reddends a little.

"What did you say?"

"Hm? Nothing too interesting."

"Hermano i wanna go homeeee" Maria pipes in again.

"María espera" he says a little more stern this time"

She huffs a little at his response.

"Get out your phone. I'm gonna type my phone number in this time"

"What?" he's definitely waiting for me to get my phone out. "God where do you get your confidence" I pull it out, it's cracked screen glistening in the sun.

He happily types his number in my phone and then proceeds to call himself, so now not only do I have his number he has mine, fantastic.

"I don't wanna make maria wait so im gonna head out now"

"Okay, i'll see you around at school then" i pause "by maria"

"Adios" she replies as she grabs cleos hand and walks away.

Not feeling in the mood to smoke anymore I just headed home.

A little later into the evening mom returned with fried chicken.

"Sorry baby, i'm too tired to make food today.'' You can tell mom is tired, her eye bags are horrible maybe a little darker than mine and her voice sounds drained as ever.

"It's fine mom" I pick the smallest piece out of the bunch and eat it. I'm still not too hungry but I don't want her to think I'm purposely starving myself, I just can't seem to stomach much food lately.

"How was work?" I ask , trying to make the room less quiet.

"Tiresome as always. I was working in the ER today so i had a lot of rude customers."

"Well that sounds fun"

She laughs at my snarky remark "it's as fun as algebra homework kid" mom takes another piece of the chicken and starts going to town on it.

I stare at my plate, I'm picking at the tiny wing barely even eating it and even then, I'm only eating the skin and tiny crumbs.

I look up and my mom is staring at me, concern plastered on her face. In a moment of panic and distress i take bite after bite, barely even chewing the meat; barely even tasting it. I dont stop after that, i get a big piece this time taking huge bites, the pressure is really looming over my head now. Mom paid for this, she bought this for me and her. Why should I waste this? Why should I pick at it and not eat it? She spent her hard earned money on it.

After I finish that one I reach for another but I stop, I can feel my stomach disagreeing with me, I can feel my stomach rejecting all the fried chicken I just ate. In a desperate need to keep this food down I walk over to the fridge, get a huge glass of water and start chugging.

It doesn't work. Infact, it makes it worse and in an instant I rush to the bathroom down the hall, lean over the toilet and let it all out.

I feel the warmth rise up and burn my mouth and the disappointment, anger and frustration wash over me.

I'm such an asshole, I can't even eat the food my mom bought me.

I lean down next to the toilet, everything is quiet except for my erratic heartbeat and the silent sobs of my mother outside the door.

When I leave this bathroom, I know what's gonna happen. Mom is gonna try to act normal for "my sake" i'm gonna go with the flow and also act normal, i will thank her for dinner and then head upstairs into my room where i will proceed to self loath and probably most likely indulge in my bad habits.

So to avoid that all, i fall asleep in the bathroom, right next to the toilet and the smell of vomit in the air. My poor mother is going to have to deal with this;My poor mother has to deal with me.