〈 Episode 9 〉 Yandere Youngae 9

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"Tir♡"

Noelle snuggles into me, her face slowly around my neck as she breathes, and I think I can smell the scent of flowers, and as she draws closer, I pull back, aware of the door at my back.

"What's wrong?"

Noelle asks. Like a terrified character in a horror movie, I stared at her, trembling. She swoops into my arms and wraps them around my waist, watching me tremble like I'm in strong chains that I can't escape.

"Yes, yes?"

"Because you're shaking, I'm worried. Are you sick?"

She doesn't seem to understand why I'm feeling afraid, which makes it all the more frightening. A two-meter cliff is nothing to a tiger. But to an animal that's so small compared to a tiger... an animal that's not even a target for a tiger... three meters is like a steep cliff. She literally didn't feel what I was afraid of right now, she was some kind of top predator with a different life than me.

"No, it's not...it's just that you're beautiful..."

"Your mouth."

"What?"

She looks up at me and says it. I say it again, in a slow whisper.

"Mouth."

I need to interpret her intentions as quickly as possible. So I don't get angry, so she doesn't bite her lip again.

"No way.

Slowly, I swallowed and lowered my head.

"Tub!

She grabbed my face from around the waist, and her small lips met mine.

"Hah..."

I hear her breath and feel her soft object against my lips.

"Tongue, tongue?

Should I open my mouth? When I looked at her with fearful eyes, she had already closed them. She grabs my head and slowly invades my tongue.

"Open.

I interpreted her intentions: if I didn't open my mouth, she would question me, and I would have to think of an excuse.

Gradually, she pushed her tongue in harder and harder. I opened my mouth and felt my tongue mingle with hers. A strange, fuzzy sensation washed over me, and my heart was pounding so fast my legs felt like they were going to give out.

"Tastes like biscuits."

Before I came up here, I had eaten biscuits, joking with the butler.

"..."

"Sweet."

I didn't know when I'd be kissing her, so I wondered if I should eat something she'd like every time.

"Do you want to do it again?"

Her face flushed with excitement. A tiny blush blooms on her cold, glassy face. To me, she looked...like a red flower on a field of pure white snow, the kind of look I'd call seductive.

"Noelle, it will soon be dinner time...the..."

Slowly, she grabs my wrist.

"How much longer do you need to know me?"

Noelle asks.

"This means...

I try again to interpret her intentions deeply. Yesterday I said I wanted to get to know her. When I got to know her well enough, we made a pact to be together. So she took me to the count's house, where her family lives. Now she asks.

"How many questions do I have?

I roll my eyes. I wonder if it's appropriate, but I answer anyway.

"I'm curious about...how you grew up, Noel."

"My?"

"Yes, yes. How you've lived your life, what memories you have, what you like to do..."

I racked my brain, making up stories.

"What you don't like, and...what your hobbies and talents are."

Her expression was one of frustration. But I've made a deal, and she's going to keep me off limits.

"Okay."

Slowly, she steps back. She wore a white dress, her silver hair cascading down her back. She looked like a mythical angel, but I realized that her wish was not of the angelic variety.

"Like...a demon...

She abhors the idea of me speaking to another woman. It wants to possess me, which is why it finds it natural to break my wrists, snap my fingers, and sever my arms. She can snuff out the lives of others with the flick of her fingers like a fruit fly, and I am her...

"Prey.

And the moment she loses interest, my throat could be as good as a Bastard's in the dirt.

"I like you."

"What?"

"What I like. I want to love you, and touch you, and cherish you, and care for you, for a long time to come, and the next life, and the next, and the next, and the next..."

She smiles shyly, and I feel my heart flutter and nearly drop to my stomach. Her words remove my assumption that she dies when she loses interest.

"Thank goodness.

I felt like I was making things worse. I learned that sometimes eternity can be a harsh word.

"Shi, what do you hate?"

"Tyr, I hate all the women who come near you...I hate talking to them, making eye contact with them, smiling at them...just turn to me and show me your beautiful eyes and smile."

This beautiful beast seemed ready to have me. If she was a knight, she was already in full armor, lance in hand, driving her horse to stab me in the throat; if she was a witch, I was already shackled and handcuffed, a sacrifice before her.

"No, Noel?"

"Why?"

I tried to match her mood, to think of a way out of this...escape? What if I escape this time? What next? What then...should I run away? Then a feeling flashed through my mind.

'The white people here...'

The strange feeling he had felt when he first came to this castle. I remember the soldiers craning their necks to see if they knew me and asking where I was going, and the butlers and servants following me one by one as I moved to do my work. Except when I was alone in the baths and when I slept...

'I was never...ever...alone.'

It was like a captive situation. They were watching me. And.

"This castle...

A castle built on an island on a huge lake. Literally the only way to escape...

"Outside that bridge...

A wide bridge connects the manor to the ground, visible from the window. There is no escape. This is a vacation home, a place of the unknown.

"Ah..."

A word of admiration and despair. The butler's words twist and turn in my head.

[If you suppress everything and be coercive, you might make a pretty good general in wartime, but you'd be a bad fool in peace. It's important to tolerate and cover up what you will tolerate.］

I am reminded of the butler's words. That means...in a way, it's like what you're saying to me.

"Forgive me?

In the butler's mind, my tardiness, my lack of proper manners, my thoughts of getting away from Noel, were all excused captivity.

[You're like a lady's property, I'm just the earl's chamberlain, and if a lady's property with a wounded arm is overworked and makes the wound worse, that's my responsibility, and you'd better be a patient and get some help around you.]

The deacon's words as we entered the church. Private property, and responsibility. Would a chamberlain normally act responsibly for a servant? Normally, it would be impossible.

'I am...'

He was trapped here.

"What's wrong?"

The window was open, letting in a breeze. Noel's hair rustles and flows. A silver-haired angel in a white robe. His skin had such purity that everything was white, and his violet eyes were like stars shining in the night on the snow.

"Ah..."

I can't quite get the words out. I felt like...I was nothing more than a wild animal trapped in her gigantic snowy mountain, one of the many doubts I'd had about her lifted.

"Huh!"

I gasped, and then I gasped again.

"You're sick again, what's wrong?"

I couldn't believe I'd been such a good little servant all this time. I should have run away while I could.

"There's still...there's still a chance.

They know where I live, and wherever I go, the people of this manor follow me like shadows, so what if...?

I must play the fool.

I must pretend, as I have been doing, that I know nothing, that I am a foolish servant, wary only of Noel. That way, they'll feel safe enough to let me go for a while. I had many dangerous moments as a pickpocket, and I remember being locked up. I remember running away with all my might. This current quandary felt more like a prison in Chilong Castle than anything else.

"No, Noel, it's just...I suddenly felt dizzy..."

"Do you want to lie down?"

She looked genuinely concerned for me. Yes, she was my ally and the person who would become my worst enemy, so...

"Uh, Noel-sama. I'm sorry, but do you mind if I sit down for a minute?"

Noelle took my arm and gently guided me to a chair.

'Should I feign illness, hoping for a moment of sympathy so I can get away with it? No...the only way I'm going to get out of this mansion naturally is if I'm sick.

Pretending to be sick would be nothing more than a useless act. Going to church would be impossible now that Noel had sent someone from the church.

"Fuck, I'm almost out of cards.

When I went to church, I realized it was a stroke of genius. I curse my stupid ignorance and do another calculation.

"Mr. Noel."

"Huh?"

"I've heard that Mr. Noel fights duels with men who come to him for marriage."

"Hmm."

I hesitate, then look her in the eye and ask.

"How strong is Noel-sama?"

I asked. I knew I would be met with suspicion, but I also calculated a good excuse to tell her.

"Why do you want to know that?"

Her eyes grow sheepish.

"I told you, I want to know everything about you, Noelle."

As much as she's fallen for me, I have to pretend to fall for her. Like a performer in a traveling troupe, or an actor in a high-class live performance I've been secretly spying on. I have to look and act like I'm insanely curious about her.

"Right, I'm..."

She pauses. As if she's at a loss for how to explain. It was as if she'd gone from being a lecherous courtesan, a young lady in love, to a shy, shame-stricken young lady.

"Ah, Tir."

"What?"

"You said a strong female swordswoman was your ideal, didn't you?"

I remembered that when I had broken up with Sophia before... I had made an embarrassing comment like, 'I like strong female prosecutors, so I'll support you.

"Wait. When and how did you see that?

Sophia's red cheeks, 'I don't know!' and the day she stormed off. She remembered the story of the only ideal I'd ever told her. The pieces don't fit together. My head was pounding again, but I had to answer first.

"Yes. I like strong female prosecutors."

"I see, then I'll show you tomorrow."

He swept my hair out of my face and stroked my chin and lips with a careful hand, like a seamstress working with expensive, repaid silk. What was he going to show me?

"Ah, it's almost dinnertime, I'll go downstairs and bring you dinner."

Any more probing would raise suspicion. I had to present myself as the foolish, frightened, and troubled servant I had always been. I moved cautiously, like a tightrope walker who must never relax.

"Wait."

I found my heart straining at the mere sound of her words.

"What?"

"A goodbye hug."

Noelle opened her arms as if to embrace me. I hesitantly hugged her back, knowing I was only going downstairs for a short time.

"We have to get back soon."

I force myself to answer.

"I'll be...with you...always."

"Haaah...Tir♡"

Slowly, she rubs her head against my chest. She seems genuinely sorry to part, even to the point of tears. She has a great fear of me being gone, and I have a fear of seeing her like that.

"Goodbye."

I hastily pull away from her and go downstairs.

.

"Here is your dinner."

The butler comes downstairs and hands me a tray with grilled salmon and white wine.

"Ah, thank you. But in the future, I'll take it myself."

"No, it's the lady's dinner, and I can't let the food go cold. It's my duty as a butler."

"Well, then, I'll see you later."

"Oh, wait."

Smiling wryly at the butler's words, I looked at him, doing my best to pretend that I was flattered by his consideration.

"What's wrong?"

"Did something happen inside?"

"What?"

"You seemed cheerful, like."

Slowly, he walks over and grabs my disheveled collar to straighten it.

"Like you were putting on an act."

That's when I see his true eyes. It's different from Noel's...from what I remember.

"Fear.

It resembled the eyes of a werewolf on the streets at night, stalking its prey.

"Ha, since you're a servant, you should always be blushing, so Noel will like you, right?"

"Hmm, I see, in that case, good luck."

"Yes!"

I bowed even more exaggeratedly and went upstairs. I felt an unrecognizable gaze on my back, but I tried to ignore it.

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